Hi All,:wave:
First let me say hope you are all a little less pain free today than the last time i posted.......:) .
I went back to the neurosurgeon today after having an MRI from the neck down to check for anything else that can be causing all this increasing pain (other than the failed fusion at L4/L5, Arthritis, Nerve damage and so on) and all he said to me was that the MRI was as good as can be expected and that there is absolutely nothing else that can be done for me now:mad: except finding the right medication to ake me comfortable..................
Im sick and tired of whinging and bithching BUT im only 31 and the thought of having things deteriorate over time and be medicated for the rest of my life has me so down and sooooooooooooooo mad. Im also so sick of beins isolated and having all my EX WORKMATES looking at me as if nothing is wrong or AVOIDING me like i have the plauge.
On the up side:) I still have a great hubby and 3 wonderfull healthy kids so maybe i should just smile and be thankful for what i have.
talk again soon Rachel

Rachel, your life sounds just like me. I know people and co-workers are tired of my daily aches and pain, but I can't help it. And if I had stayed with my last pain management doctor he would have kept me drugged the rest of my life too! I don't want to live that way either.
I am now playing the waiting game until my ortho can write a script for a discogram for my new pain clinic doctor. He told me the other day that by looking at my old MRI from last yr. that I have degenrative disc disease at L4 and that is what's causing me all my chronic pain.
He also thinks that I should have another fusion. All I know is that I can't live this way much longer! So, don't feel lonely-their are other people out there that are some what better and somewhat worse off that us!
Have a good week-when all else fails, look up-God is always watching and listening!

wascna02nowregclerk05

Rachel , my NS told me the same thing. I had a broken screw / nonunion and he told me that I was the best I was gonna be that the screw was ok broke and there wasn't anything surgical that he could do to help me.

That was the last time I seen him again..After what seemed like forever I found a surgeon who would see me. He's a orthopedic spine specialist with a fellowship. This Dr. is cool , he jumps from airplanes ,plays paintball and you can actually talk and joke with this guy..AND he's not affriad to try new things if you don't mind.

Just go find another doctor , your's seem's like he doesn't care about you or what people think ..Good luck

Well Rachel, it looks like maybe it is time to get another opinion about your status and if it is true that not much can be done for you surgically, it's time to find a really good pain management physician. Look for one who has credentials in pain management and who doesn't depend on injections alone. You want to find someone who will be treating you with medication, injections, and procedures such as radiofrequency in order to keep your pain at a manageable level.

You are so young to have to deal with this and I am so very sorry. But there are therapies that can help including the spinal cord stimulator so don't give up. I wish you all the luck possible and hope you will let us know what the next step is for you.

Carol

Hi Carol, I was curious ,do you have the spinalcord stim ? In December I am getting it. The trial stim first. Just wonder how it helps you ?

Thanks

Hi Rachel, I completely understand, I feel the same way. Sick of it all. Feel Isolated. Tired of not being able to work or do ordinary things. Feel like a burden financially to. I can say one good thing today, it is so good to find this place where someone understands what I am feeling.

yvette

Hi All:wave: ,
Thanks for the kind words, advice and just for being here.
I have been to a lot of other Dr's and have had the same thing said time and time again so i guess all that is left is to find a god pain Dr.
I'm going back to my normal Dr tomorrow and i think i need to ask for a decent sleeping tab as well as an anti depressant im starting to feel like im falling back into that deep hole where it is so hard to climb out.
Today im having a serious " I HATE ME" day where i think (even though its not true) everything is my fault from being a lousy wife and mother to not having enough money (cos i cant work).
Im waiting for my Total Permanant Disabilaty to be approved by my superanuation fund to be approved and after being told 5 weeks ago that it was only 2 days away from being decided to 1 to 2 weeks away, so i waited untill today after not hearing anything to ring them only to be told they need ANOTHER DR"S report. I think this is half the reason im feeling sooooooooo low and angry:mad: as im relying on this money to get in front a bit and give my kids a decent christmas.
I feel better already for putting all this down knowing that people who are going through the same thing will read it and understand how i feel instead of just nodding and pretending to.
It's just a pity my 3 wonderful kids are in bed asleep and i cant go to each of them and tell them that i love them and that they are definatly not the reason i have been so angry and upset all afternoon, I guess a hug, kiss and apology will have to wait till morning. Although one thing i am grateful for is no matter how mad we are with each other before bedtime there is always a kiss and an i love you , so i spose at least they do know i love them and the apology can come in the morning.
sorry for rambling but it is so easy to let emotions run away with you when in here.
Thanks again Rachel

Rachelmc , Sorry Dear but I have to cut in on this one ..
What is depression ? Does anger ! Self Pitty, sick of your life have anything to do with it ? I swore I would never allow myself to feel that way again. But someday's I find myself wanting to cry, but to embarrest to do it.
Oh when I'm alone I cry . It's degrading to see a full grown man laying in tears , but I find myself doing it . I can't help it , Expecially when someone act's like this is all a front to get money or just not work . I'm not that kind of person . I'm a shamed of myself ???? Why did I have to get hurt?

I'm sorry". I promised myself I wouldn't come on here looking for pitty.
But like Rachel said ," I feel better because people here know what were going through" Sorry Rachel for posting to your thread , but should I ask for treatment for depression ? I have been a totally different person , my wife even think's I got mean. I told her it's just the constent pain I'm in that makes me miserable..

Dan, you've got nothing to be ashamed of! And if you don't want to be seen crying, then yep, do what you're doing: wait until no one's around and then go ahead and let it come out. A good cry can be very healing!

Long term pain like yours is so wearing. Depression is very common with chronic pain. I hope you will call your doctor and tell him how you're feeling, how your wife says you've become mean, etc. There's no shame in taking a little medication to get you through a hard time. You, your wife, and your kids might all be better off for it. I'm not a big fan of depression medications, but they definitely have their time and place.

I wish we could all get together and just talk and share hugs. We could all use it sometimes! I hope the spine stimulator works for you and you get some relief. You've really been through the mill!

I hope you, Yvette, Rachel, and Carol have some bright spots in your day today and that you find something that makes you laugh. Rachel, I'm sure your kids know how much you love them. I'm glad you can apoligize to them. That goes a long way! I hope your doctor listens to you and gives you something to help you sleep and to stay out of the hole!

Sending you all good cybervibes,
Emily

Emily , thanks for understanding.. I'm sure your going through your share as well. I'm going for a steroid injection on Nov.9th..even though I object to them. If I don't do it , I'm affraid worker's comp will try to stop my checks. Plus my Pain Management Dr. said he don't want me on pain pills forever.

Seem's like when they finally found somthing to take the edge off my pain they want to stop it..I know there not good for my body, but they help me cope with the pain.

shawley and emily hi,

First shawley let me say "GO AND ASK FOR THEM DAMN PILL"S" as from experience your spouse is THE ONLY one you can really count on. It is only 8.06 am here and already i have been in my room (hiding from the kids) bawling my eyes out as soon as i opened my eyes that pit was there. And shawley DONT:mad: apologise for "cutting in" this is why i come to this board to get input as well as hearing from others who are going through the same and understand what we are going through although i hate the thought of other people feeling like i do in a sick way its comforting. (does that make sense???).
And also shawley dont do anything you dont want to do just to make workers comp happy..................... I know its hard and they are asses but hold your ground.
And finally emily i agree with you it would be so nice to be able to meet up and just be near people who really do understand.
So much more to say but kids to get ready for school i will be back after Drs appt.
Thanks again Rachel

Dan, no I don't have the scs but I do have the morphine pump. In answer to your later post about depression....please see your doctor. There is absolutley no shame in being depressed. My gosh, the way we all have to live, just the pain alone, is enough to depress anyone. When you add into that all the emotional pain from not being able to do the things we used to do, the frustration, the endless rounds of doctors, needles....well, you would have to be superman to not end up depressed. There are some good meds out there that can help and you don't have to stay on them forever. Once you get your scs and it's all adjusted and you start feeling better, then maybe you won't need that extra pill.

Take care.

Carol

Hi Everyone,:wave:
Well did I find the rite thread today!!!! I had my almost one yhear checkup today, was pretty told the same thing. Now don't get me wrong, I saw it coming months ago. FAILED BACK SYNDROME, I never wanted to hear those words and my doc didn't want to say them either. I think he felt worse than I did at the end of our visit. He wanted to refer me to the CLeveland CLinic, they have a failed back clinic that treats your pain control, emotional needs and physical needs, like pt and so on. I am calling my brother in law tomorrow who works for the other major hospital system in cleveland, he can get me in touch with the best in the country if need be.

I to am way to young to give up, 45 is not what I thought would be my retirement age. I know I will never be pain free but I sure would like better than I am.

We went over all my doc felt he could do from 3 hours away, changing meds to stronger ones was not an option I wanted, I can't stand what I'm on now. It does help but at my best i'm at a maybe 3 or 4 out of 10, at my worst an 8, thats with meds. I can't imagine being med free and being able to function at all. I knwo I have major emotinal problems, like shawley said, I hide it from others, well at least the crying part. I stay up all night and sleep when the world is passing me by. I truely hate my life today!!!

There was talk of the spinal cord stimulator, and some other things that may help but not fix me. I really can't stand the thought of not being able to be fixed. Like I said I knew it was coming, but now that it's here I'm not so sure I can handle this.

I have always gotten such great support on here, and to find the same problems on here tonight with in minutes of signing in, well they do say God works in mysterious ways.

I'm so sorry to see that you shawley and rachel are in the same boat with me, as well as others. I must say at least i'm in good company. I wish I could offer some comforting words tonight for you all, but I do know how you feel. My hubby and kids have been very supportive also, but I KNOW you guys feel my pain only too well. I too have many many things to be grateful forthey are just real hard to see now.

I'm sorry for this being so long, boy did this hit home big time. I will be praying for all of us tonight and in the future.

Good Luck & God Bless

Carol

Carol , sorry to here your not fused again . Are you planning on trying to fuse it again ? Have you tried the Bone stimulator yet ? That sounds scary..You had 4 surgeries already right ? I hate surgeries , but I would want my bone to fuse. So far I have no idea if I'm fusing or not , just got my xrays back but I have no clue what they mean ,. It looks to me my right side has some more bone growth than the left , but not sure how much..

Let me know what you plan on next , I seen pain manegement but thats just to help with your pain...You need that bone to fuse..

Carol632, Thank you..I go to a blood Dr today , my wife thinks it's because of my blood or somthing , I think I feel like crap because of being deppressed..Or maybe somthing is making me feel ill ???
Thanks for your thoughts

Well hello my dear friends-it is nice to see all your names but I am so sorry that it is here on the health boards. I too, did not fuse and have been dealing with a lot of what you are all talking about. I have started with Pain Mngmt. a couple of weeks ago and am having as SI joint block tomorrow. Any ideas about the pain level of one of those? Is it a bad as an epedural?

Shawlee-I want you to know that I started getting into a bad downward spiral and I asked my OS if he would give me a referal to see a psychologist. He said he recommends them often with spine patients. As it turned out, I found one that specializes in chronic pain patients. She has turned my life back around to an upward spiral:). I still have bad days, but there is something about talking with someone who understands what you are going through. (It's just like these boards...just in person). If you have a hard time finding one who specializes in pain, many pain clinics have their own psycologist.

Mamakitkat-I am sorry for your news. If you have any specific things you want me to pray about, please don't hesitate to ask. You are a very strong person and I know you will be able to overcome. You are in my thoughts!

Rachelmc-I know you have been through the ringer over and over again. I am sorry that things haven't gotten better for you, yet. I am still holding out hope for you;)

Carol-I don't know how you are doing, but it is nice to talk with you. I have missed talking with everyone these past couple of months. It's been rough sitting and even focusing w/the pain or just plain out of it with medications. I will have to go back and read your latest updates.

Hugs and prayers to all of you,
Lorie:angel:

HI,
Shawley, if you check out my thread on dr. update it will bringyou up to speed on me without me taking up space on this thread. Thanks so much for your concern.

Carol