I'm tired of holding myself back from throwing up when I mess up and binge on some sugar or eat a little too much at a meal. I'm tired of fighting with myself over it. I'm better to the point where I'm not purging, but all I do after is sit around and cry and feel ashamed at the full, bloated feeling in my belly. I feel like I can't win either way. Have any of you dealt with this feeling successfully?

u r not at all alone- dont ever think that and more importtantly, the hardest thing for me to do is to not beat myself up after a bige. try not to cry- its not yours or anyones fault its a disorder and its ugly but it is not forever!!! i have bulimia and compulsive binge disorder so i understand the pain!!! hang in there. please feel free to email because i can always use support too!!

[Delwa - the posting of e-mail addresses is not permitted here at HealthBoards for safety reasons. Thank you ~ Roxy]

[This message has been edited by *Roxy* (edited 01-03-2003).]

OH WOW!! I completely know how you feel. I was to the point a couple weeks ago where I was not purging at all...but I just couldn't handle it anymore. It felt like I liked myself better when I was really sick, and purging all the time. I would eat something "a normal" sized meal, and I just couldn't dea with it. I would just sit in the bathroom and cry because I wanted to get the food out of me.

I'm still working on feeling better about eating, but remember all the good it's doing your body. You're saving yourself, you're going to live a long happy healthy life because you're not purging. That's a good thing. And remember, for everything one negative thought or thing you say to yourself, you should counter it with 4 positives!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif You deserve this. You deserve to be happy...and with not purging, one day you're going to be happy!!!! You'll get past these bad feelings, they're all part of the ED. They're the mind-games that are so hard to get rid of.

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~