I didnt know where to post this so it is going here, OK????? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me. Last night..my bf went home..and anyway...that night I felt ****...lethargic...light-headed..extremely tearful and felt unbelievably depressed. I couldn't stop crying and felt as if I was going off the rails as I had the urge to harm myself as well. My appetite had gone..I tried to eat a small tuna and watercress salad..but couldn't finish coz it was too much. What the hell is going on with me??

??

Hiya, Caroline. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Nice to hear from you again. How was your Christmas break with your Dad?

Well, it really does sound as though you are seriously depressed, Caroline. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif Sorry to say it but it's what it looks like...

I know you don't believe you have an eating disorder, but even you have just admitted how depressed you are. Isn't that a worthwhile reason to go and see a professional? Please, Caroline?

Depression isn't just something that "goes away". I've suffered from depression for more than half my life... since I was eight infact. I tell the honest truth that there is just no gettin better until you're WILLING to get better. Even when I was put on anti depressants earlier this year I did not feel better - not in the least. My eating disorder continued to get worse just as your issues with food will. I'm not trying to upset you, but you need to understand what's going to happen to you if you continue to refuse that you a problem...

Please seek profesional help because there is only so much we can do for one another here over the boards...

Take care and best of luck!
Ashlee

Hey Ashlee! Thanks for your reply. The weird thing is...the other night...my bf stayed up until 8am the next day...it was still dark and we were lying in bed..he was saying about my dieting thing and all of a sudden I just burst into tears. I do have a hard shell in the sense that I never show feelings..but I feel that it is OK for me to be upset in front of him. I just dont know what it is...as soon as he is out the door..my heart hits the floor and I cant cope with myself. Today I was so upset that I was nearly sick. I had never felt so s*** in my entire life.

I do appreciate u helping me..but I dont want help. I am scared and I just dont want anyone like doctors etc interferring with me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

PS thanks for those e-mails that u sent me (the ones with the cats!). They made me go 'AWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' in a very high-pitched sound!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

hi hon,

I know how hard it is when your bf leaves. My boyfriend (and best friend) lives 100+ miles from my home. I only get to see him about once every other week, and that is so intensely difficult sometimes that I don't know how to deal with it.

However, I think Ashlee's right. It does sound like you are really depressed. I know about not wanting to go to the doctors, and that's respectable...but they may just be able to help you...

How has your ED been over the holidays? Stress from the holidays and everything can also make you feel so upset about so many things. I'm so sorry that you've been feeling so many horrible things recently...I hope things are looking up for you...good luck, let us know how you're feeling, ok?? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Hey! Thanks u for your replies. I dont deserve them..but thanx. Not too well right now. God know why. Feeling very very run down and hat everything right now. Cant concentrate and just want my bf to hold me in his arms forever. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif