Im curious. I had my HSG done on the 20th. I was expecting my results then, but instead, my ob/gyn told me to make an appt with him. Its for Nov. 27th, is that a bad sign?
The HSG was my last test before starting Clomid, so naturally, I'm now very worried.

Did your OBGYN do the HSG, or a radiologist? If your ob did it, I don't understand why he wouldn't tell you right then. I knew the results before I left. But if the radiologist did it, your doc will have to get the report first, but even so I don't see why your appt is so far away. Is the office really that busy? Here's hoping everything is fine!

believe

Thanks for the reply. His office is actually pretty hectic. Hes one of the best ob/gyns in town, and there isnt that many of them in this town of about 100,000 people. Yes, my ob/gyn did it, which like you, confused me.
I cant help but think somethings wrong. Before the HSG, I had talked to him about the pains I keep getting and how my ovaries keep going numb and tingling. He said hes almost positive my left tube is blocked by the sounds of the pain etc. I was expecting that. The HSG nearly had me in tears it hurt so bad. I think if both were blocked, he could be waiting to tell me because he didnt want me to break down. I was telling my mom before it that I need some time after the HSG to prepare for the worst. But yes, his office is busy, and it seems most of the women here are pregnant. I guess it always seems that way when you cant get pregnant.

Do you know what happens if my tubes are blocked? Or know of any good sites I could look at about it?

Hi Alicia :wave: ,

Try to think positively. I had an HSG done by my OBGYN which was inconclusive and also extremely painful. Thankfully it ended quickly. When I was first referred to my RE, and he saw the results of the HSG, he had to order a new one because the technicians had not labeled which side was which :mad: . So, I went for the second one - which was just as painful as the first, if not worse because I actually DID end up in tears. Anyway, the results showed that my tube is blocked, and, as I said, I was in tears from the pain. Well I still found out that day before I left the hospital. Maybe it is just your dr's protocol to schedule a separate appt to go over any/all test results? Or maybe your dr needs to see you in order to go over the Clomid details? Anything is possible.

As far as what comes next if your tubes are blocked, you DO have options. I am scheduled to have a laparoscopy performed. This is a surgery where they make a small incision in your belly button/abdominal area. While they are in there, they are going to attempt to run a guide wire through my tube to open it back up. Barring any complications, I will be home the same day :) . Another option my RE told me about is treating it with medication. He said this would only work though if the blockage is caused by endometriosis. Not to mention another HSG :eek: would have to be performed to determine if the medication had unblocked the tubes or not. The third option he gave me is to say "Forget the tubes" and go straight to IVF. Since we cannot afford this, and it's not covered by insurance, this isn't really an option for us. Those were just the options he gave me - your RE may have more options for you. There is always hope!!

Okay, this post is getting really long now. I hope I have helped some. Feel free to ask any additional questions you have, and I will try to answer them based on my experiences.

You will be in my thoughts tomorrow as you get your results. What time is your appt? Baby Dust!

Holly~

Holly,

Thank you so much for your reply and all the information. I was scared there for a minute! You poor girl, had to go through it twice. Im sorry you had to go through that! ((hugs)) Did you take any pain killers before you went for either of your HSGs? Im a pretty opinionated person, the tech would definitely get a peice of my mind if he/she didnt label it.
I hope you're right. Im so nervous both my tubes are blocked. I hope it's just to get some information and a prescription for Clomid. Like you, there's no way we could afford IVF, especially now that we just got a mortgage.

I have actually had a laparoscopy. On October 15th 2004, I had a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, partial d&c to clean out my uterus and a uterus biopsy. The biopsy showed a severe infection which was cleared up by January. I have multiple ovarian cysts, a couple where drained due to their size. As for Endo, I only had a small amount, about the size of a penny, nothing to worry about my ob/gyn said. This was to be my last test.
Personally, Id much rather have another laparoscopy then another HSG. I had some mild cramping, the worst was the pain in my shoulders. Nothing horrible though, which surprised me considering I had those four things done. I think the worst part, for me, was waking up after it was done. They had to give me something, twice, because i was hysterical. I was crying like crazy and screaming that I was nervous.

I hope the laparoscopy goes well for you. Is it just one tube thats blocked or is it both? Wow, another HSG? TTC is sure getting physically painful. Did your RE tell you about how much an IVF would cost? Im sure its different here in Canada, but its an idea. I hate the fact that our insurance doesnt cover any type of fertility drugs, IVF, etc. It did cover my lap etc though, thankfully. If the laparoscopy doesnt help, ((knock on wood)) did your RE say what options you would have next or is it only what you've already mentioned? Mind if I ask how long you've been TTC for?

I do have a TMI question for you about the HSG. I had been waiting since January to get it done, 10 months. I seen my ob/gyn who told me to start Alesse birth control pills so I could have it done any time through my cycle instead of the first 10 days. I did and that same cycle I had it done. I got my HSG on the 20th and ran out of BCP a few days after. This is the third or fourth day off them. My question is this. After the HSG, is AF different? I started leaking this disgusting light brown stuff. It didnt look like old blood or anything, it was just gross. Then I thought AF was coming as it started to look red and be heavier, but its still this disgusting brown and still light. Is that normal? I also dont have any experience with BCP either.

Oh, sorry to confuse you. I dont get my results until November 27th. Long wait in my opinion, at least it gives me time to prepare myself for the worst, I guess. Although theres a reason I wanted this done and figured out this year at least. Long story though.
No worries about the length of the post. As you can see, I can get carried away too!

Good luck to you, when is your lap booked for?
Alicia

ETA - Scratch the price question, it's $4,500 without the meds. I cant afford that at all right now. :(

Alicia :wave: ,

I'm glad my post gave you some piece of mind :) . I was hoping it would. I did take advil (3 instead of just 2) before both of my HSGs. During the 2nd HSG that was done by my RE, the pain was so bad he actually stopped to inject me w/ a muscle relaxer. It helped a little. He is so wonderful though, he apologized fervently for making me go through the test again. After both of my HSGs, I did leak that brown fluid, but I thought it was just the excess dye coming out. It only lasted a day or so. How long did yours last? My AF was fairly normal.

It sounds like you have already been through a lot too! I have to agree w/ you - I'd take another lap any day over another HSG. Funny, isn't it? That we'd prefer surgery over a simple test?! It's not such a simple test though...and we get to sleep through the lap, so who cares what they do as long as we wake up in one piece, right? ;)

As for my tubes, I actually only have one. I had a tubal pregnancy from a previous relationship and had to have one of my tubes removed years ago. That was done via lap and D&C, and I awoke out of that one the same as you - screaming and crying...I'm getting better at it though. Can you believe I didn't even know one of my tubes was missing until my recent lap in July? Didn't cry after that one, though ;). You're right about the physical pain involved in IF. Men really have it easy compared to us :rolleyes: . But, I guess we all have to deal with the mental pain, so...

If the lap doesn't work for me, unfortunately, our only option left would be IVF. The good news is, we are fairly young (both 27), so we would have time to save up for at least one try. But, if that doesn't work, who knows? We've been TTC for 3 1/2 years now, but we just started seeking help earlier this year. I wish we had asked questions a LONG time ago...We wasted so much time with no working tubes...At least now we know what the problem is. Oh yeah, he has low count and low motility too.

November 27th IS a long time to wait for results! They must be a very busy office. You're being very patient, good for you. My lap is scheduled for 11/8, so it's coming up really fast. I'm actually dreading the bowel prep beforehand more than I'm dreading the surgery :jester: . I just hope and pray he tells me my tube was able to be unblocked :angel: .

Even though you said never mind about the cost of IVF, I thought I'd share this with you anyway. At my RE's office, IVF is about $9,000, and the meds are an additional $5,000. And that's just one cycle - what if it doesn't work?? I'm right there with you about not being able to afford it :rolleyes: .

Okay, I think I answered all your questions, if I missed any, feel free to ask again. Try not to be too nervous about your results (I know, easier said than done). Just remember, even if both of your tubes are blocked (not saying they are), you still have options. They say the success rates of unblocking tubes are pretty high - higher than the success rates of IVFs and IUIs, so we do have some hope! Take care of yourself and please let me know your results when you get them. I will post the results of my lap when the time comes (YIKES!).

Holly~

Hi Holly,

I'm so happy to be talking to you! Ive talked to people about it before, but never someone as far along as I am, or you are. Its nice, thank you.
Unfortunately, I didnt take anything before I went in. I before I found out about my uterus infection, I was talking 4 Advil every hour or so just to dull the pain enough so I could walk. It was horrible. My AF cramps have started getting worse again and Ive been having to up the dose of Advil again. I thought the HSG couldnt hurt more then those cramps. It didnt, but it did hurt like the worst cramps Ive had. I'll prepare myself next time, thats for sure.

I have been through a lot, many blood tests too. I remember the first blood test, they took 12 tubes of blood, I couldnt even sit up! It is, isnt it? Id rather go through anything Ive gone through for fertility then the HSG. Im glad I wasnt nervous about the procedure though, I think that wouldve made it worse. Im not very fond of anisthetic at all. When I was young, Id wake up and vomit right away, now Im just hysterical. :rolleyes: Wow, you're strong! I wouldve so angry that my dr didnt tell me I only had one tube. But then again, Im pretty opinionated. I agree, men are so lucky. I keep telling my hubby hes going to be female in his next life. lol
I actually havent gotten AF yet. Yesterday I was leaking that brown stuff, and today its still the same, but a little heavier. No AF yet though, I think it could be from the Alesse birth control pills though.

You're right 27 is still young, still a great age to TTC. I hope you wont have to go through that though. I hope everything with your lap will go as planned. 3.5 years is a long time. I guess even after 3 months TTC can seem like an eternity though. My DH and I have been TTC for 6 years come January. Hard to believe. We started very early though, probably before we shouldve, but we were mature enough and were working etc. We started TTC when I was 15, I'm 21 now. Even though we shouldnt have started that young, Im glad we did, glad we found out about the problems early.
At first, I had no problem getting pregnant, my problem was keeping the baby. Ive had a number of miscarriages. The last one actually caused some mental issues. Ive had 6 or 7 confirmed miscarriages, that doesnt include the faint positive HPTs Ive had at home, which is 3 or 4. However for those, I was told when cysts leak, it can cause faint positive tests, so Im not sure about that, I have had my cysts rupture.

Bowel prep? I didnt have that done, what is it? Im sure everything will go perfectly for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. :) November 8th, that is coming pretty fast. I'll be watching for an update from you.

$14,000? :eek: I personally find it ridiculous how they can charge so much. Especially for people with infertility. I could understand charging that for someone who hasnt been trying and just wants it done, but after all the stress of infertility and all the tests that go along with it, they then add financial stress. It upsets me.

Oh really? I didnt know that. That gives me a little more hope, thank you. Yes, do post your results. Praying for perfect results for you! I will definitely update at the end of November. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all of this and give me some info on it. You've definitely given me some hope. Take care of yourself!

Alicia

Hi again Alicia!

I've enjoyed talking with you too :D . It's like you're an old friend already. It is so comforting to have people to relate to, isn't it? Sometimes I feel so alone cuz all of my friends have already started their families (and all without trying!).

It sounds like you HAVE been through a lot - and you're only 21 :eek: . You are handling it so well - 6 years is such a LONG time. And then the losses you had to go through - I am so sorry to hear that. I only had one loss (my tubal) and that wasn't planned, and I was still devastated. I couldn't be anywhere near babies for a while. I agree, you are lucky to find out about the difficulties so early. It will give you plenty of good years to reach your goal - a healthy baby :angel: . I'm sure you will get there. I hope we both do.

I think my dr might have told me about my tube, but I was still under the anestesia, and I was so young, the pregnancy was unplanned, it probably just went in one ear and out the other...Like I said, I never dreamed I would have difficulty getting pregnant again.

If I remember correctly, your HSG was over a week ago, right? And you're still spotting that brown stuff? That sucks. Have you asked your dr about that? I don't want to worry you - I'm sure it is nothing - but I haven't heard of that before. It probably is related to the BCP you're on.

A bowel prep isn't actually a procedure...It's something you do at home to prepare for surgery - emptying your intestines. You have to drink some really nasty stuff (essentially, a super strong laxative) and stay home and wait for it to start working. I won't go into the details (TMI) let's just say it is like peeing out of your butt (So gross). But, it makes the surgery safer by making your intestines smaller and keeping them out of the way.

I wouldn't be so mad about the cost of IVF if the insurance companies would help us pay for it. That is what I find unfair. They will pay for a woman to carry and deliver a baby (even if it is not what she wanted), but they will not help a woman get pregnant with a baby even if it is what she wants more than anything in the world. Kind of dumb if you ask me.

I will be away from my computer for most of the weekend, but I'll try to pop back in and say hi. Take care!

Holly~

Holly,

How are you today? Isnt that weird? I feel the same. Maybe its because we're both going through the same thing at almost the same stages. Either way, you've been a big life saver to me! :D Im with you on that. Right now, theres at least 6 people close to me who are having babies, a few who already have a child or children and all but one are older then I am.

Honestly, I havent handles it as well as you think. After my last loss, I did some completely unforgivable. I actually needed mental help to help me get back to reality. But thats a whole different story Id rather not tell in public these days. One loss or 10 losses, it still hurts. Even if you werent TTC, its still hard for most people. Its completely understandable that you wouldve been devostated. Im very sorry for your loss, no one deserves it. I hope so too. Maybe around the same time! :D

I dont think anyone expects to have a problem with fertility. I shouldve known better though. My mom was told shed never have children, but then again, theres three of us! She did have to get a hysterectomy after my sister ((the youngest)) was born as she ended up with cervical cancer...which unfortunately does run in our family pretty thick. ((Cancer in general)) I understand, my ob/gyn left me a note explaning my results in 2004 knowing Id be too out of it to understand anything.

Yes, my HSG was on the 20th, now almost the 29th. The spotting was really really light after the HSG, barely showing up on toilet paper, but did eventually go away. It only lasted a couple days. On the 26th, it came back, the brown stuff. That was 2 days after I stopped the birth control pills. It got a bit heavier through out the day, then was gone on the 27th, but came back that night. Today its been like spotting still, like a heavy spotting or very very light bleeding. Brown and red. Im sure I shouldnt be using tampons, but I have been. I only need one for the whole day, of course I wont leave one in there that long. But putting the two together, ((every 8 hours)) it doesnt even fill up the entire tampon or make it expand. I dont understand it at all. Its been almost 9 days since the HSG and almost 7 days since I stopped the birth control. Oh, sorry to confuse you, I was only on the birth control for the cycle, when I ran out of the 21 day pack, I didnt start them again. I want to keep TTC because that way, it at least feels like Im still trying my best and I was waiting to get AF. I actually had to go look through my diary to get the info, I forget easily. :rolleyes:

Yuck, that doesnt sound like fun. I had to have something like that done in the ER when I was really young. It hurt like, well really bad and everything was liquid that came out. Whatever needs to be done though, and thats still better then another HSG!

I completely agree with you. This is actually a very touchy subject for me. I have a 17 year old sister who has a son who'll be 3 in January and is about 18 weeks pregnant right now. She did drugs in the begining of her pregnancy with my nephew, and the ministry paid for all her tests, etc, just as they're doing this time around, and she doesnt even have her son. She was called an "unfit mother" in court and was told to take all these different parenting courses and drug and alcohol counseling before getting him back. She never did. Ugh, sorry to vent like that. It just makes me angry. :mad:

No problem. It seems like weekends are the only time we get to do anything around here. Hope you have a great weekend Holly! Stay well!

Alicia

Hi Alicia,

Hope your weekend was fun! Now it's Monday, and we are back to the grind...I'm sorry to hear you went through such a tough time with your losses. We all deal with things differently, and the important thing is that, no matter what you did, you came out of it and you are okay today. I am very sorry you had to go through that though.

I'm really confused about the spotting you're having. It sounds like AF wants to start, but she's not there full force. Maybe it is the BCP messing with your system. Who knows? Isn't it great being a woman? :rolleyes: ;)

I know exactly what you mean about needing to feel like you are doing something. Even though I know my tube is blocked, and I can't get pregnant the good old fashioned way yet, I still feel like there is something I can do. I quit smoking years ago when we decided to try, but I never stopped drinking until recently. I guess I figure now that we are seeing doctors and scheduling surgeries, it's time to get really serious about it. I haven't been able to get my BF (not married) to quit smoking yet, but I am nagging :jester: him about it every day. Sooner or later...At least he takes his vitamins.

That is such a tough situation with your sister and nephew. I hope everything works out okay with this pregnancy and that her children are loved and taken care of. It's such a mystery to me why things work out the way they do. I completely understand your anger at that.

It's so weird to me...I have a very hard time being around pregnant women - I just feel SO jealous. And I don't want them to know it, so I just try to stay away. But then, when delivery time comes, and there is an actual BABY, all that jealousy goes away, and I am just in awe. My best friend has two small boys (neither were planned). She was actually pregnant three times, but she decided not to have one of them. Seeing her pregnant was one of toughest parts of our friendship (especially after she gave one of them up). But I LOVE going over to her house and seeing her kids. They are so precious, and they are blessings, and I just keep thinking - My time will come. It has to.

Okay, now I'm rambling. Take care - talk to ya soon.

Holly~

Hi Holly,

Thanks, actually my weekend was kind of a mess. It started snowing like crazy on Saturday, the day we were supposed to go out and get fire wood for the wood stove. That being said, our friend with the truck bailed on us. We might have enough to last until this weekend, we'll figure it out though. If need be, we can buy a truck load. How was your weekend? Thank you, it was extremely hard for me to come out about it, I hurt a lot of people. But I felt so much guilt after realizing what I did, that I couldnt just sit there and not at least apologize.

The spotting comes and goes. Like right now, no spotting at all. Last night after BDing there was spotting. Before that, just a couple dots on the TP. Im going to call my family drs office today, talk to Shannon the receptionist. My family and her have grown very close over the past few months, she went out on limbs for me with certain drs etc.

Exactly. Even if you know its not going to work, its about staying positive I guess. Theres always a small chance. Here, Im not sure its smoking thats an issue rather then the pulp mills. Thats all you can smell and theres some days driving is out of the question because the air is so foggy and smelly from them. Its better out here in the country, but its still pretty bad. Good for you for quitting, that takes a lot! I hope your BF decides to and it isnt too hard for him. Im glad you quit drinking too.

Oh yeah, my mom has custidy over my nephew. Though my mom isnt getting any younger and its getting hard for her to take care of children. Especially now while shes taking care of my grandpa who currently has less then 8 months to live due to cancer. Its been hard on all of us. My grandparents raised me, I never had a relationship with my mom until I was about 13 and my dad, well we wont get into that. My grandma passed away this June, exactly a month later, my grandpa was given 44 weeks to a year to live. Looking at him now, you can tell 44 weeks is really pushing it. It feels like Im losing my parents, you know? Ugh, sorry. Anyway, I think thats partly why my mom took my nephew. This baby though, shes told me if my sister gets it taken away again, shes not stepping in. My sister needs to grow up etc. Not to mention, my sister has also had 2 abortions.

I can understand that to a point. They are amazing tiny little people arent they? :D For me, I just cant handle it. At first it was hard to look at children ((we lived across the street from a school)) knowing my children should be that age. It still is. My best friend is actually 29 weeks today with a little boy. I seen her last in June, but Im going to visit her today, as hard as it will be, its her birthday. My nephew, hes my world. Its amazing the way even at 2.5 years old, the things he says can completely just make your day better. You're right, your time will come, both of ours will. I hope we can keep in touch until then too, I feel like I've known you for years!

:wave: Hi Alicia,

Snow already :eek: ! And I thought Northeast Pennsylvania was bad!! I am such a summer person...I'm sorry to hear your weekend didn't go as planned, and I hope you get some wood for your stove soon. Things could get chilly.

Was it your family dr that prescribed the BCPs and did the HSG? Or are you seeing an OBGYN or RE (reproductive endocrinologist)? I can understand wanting to talk to your family dr since you have a bond with the receptionist, but it might be a better idea to talk to the dr that you are working with to TTC. Just my opinion though...Whatever you decide, I hope they can figure out why you're still spotting. November 27th is such a long time to wait.

I'm glad I quit drinking too - I feel so good about it :D . We are just social drinkers anyway, but I already feel healthier after not putting any alcohol in my system for a while. I wish he would quit smoking. I'm going to buy him the patch. He has tried, but he always goes back to them. I know how hard it can be...I just hope he can do it.

That's great that your mom was able to keep your nephew. I actually have a friend in a similar situation (her sister lost her child & the grandmother now has custody). It is so tough for everybody involved. I wish there was something we could do to help people make the right choices, but there just is not. At least your nephew has a great aunt to share lots of love with. :angel:

Our time WILL come :D

Holly~

Happy Halloween!

Hope your days going well. Yeah, snow. I was hoping it wouldnt stay, Im a summer person too. But it looks like its going to. Its been really cold too, I think around 24F. Its 27F right now, which is -3C here in Canada. So needless to say, things are already chilly.

No, Im seeing an ob/gyn, have been since 2003. He prescribed the BCPs only for the HSG cycle so I could have it done. This town is so slow when it comes to infertility testing etc, besides blood work. The x-ray place at the hospital was always booked when Id get AF so I couldnt get in in those first 10 days of my cycle. And of course, my AF is irregular, so I couldnt go by every certain amount of days. I've been thinking of stopping by my ob/gyns office to talk to him and get DHs SA form again, we misplaced it. My ob/gyns receptionist is a liar, she was actually fired from my family drs office for destroying files and lying. Needless to say, Id rather not talk to her. The spotting is actually gone now. It stopped yesterday. Im thinking that it was just a very light and strange AF...with no cramps, which I really dont mind at all! It is a long time to wait, but its all worth the wait in the end!

You should feel great about it, thats a big step in my opinion, even if you didnt drink very often. I dont drink, though I had my days when I was younger. DH stopped drinking too, but only because he starting getting sick if he had more then 3 beer. lol Honestly, I was happy it was making him sick, I didnt like it when hed get drunk and fall asleep on the bathroom floor.
Along with the patch, try getting him some gum or candies or something that will keep his mouth busy. If he smokes strong smokes, get him to get a lighter brand and keep going down from there. Also when he feels the urge to smoke, get him to drink a glass of water and wait at least 10 minutes before lighting one. The longer hes able to wait, the better.

Its so sad, isnt it? My sister was 15 when she gave birth to my nephew, just a couple weeks after her birthday actually. The father denied him being his, so my brother ((19)) is his father figure, so to speak. My half sisters mom, she recently started dating a child molester. Her children ((10 and 11 months)) are living with the grandparents. The stupid girl wont leave him. Can you imagine putting your children in danger like that? It disgusts me.

I agree, one of these days it has to be our turn!

Alicia

Hey Alicia :wave: ,

Hope you had a nice Halloween! We handed out candy to all the little muchkins...SO cute. It has been unseasonably warm this week, and it was actually in the 50's yesterday evening :) . I guess I can see why you wouldn't want to talk to the receptionist at your OBGYN's office. Is there anyway you can switch offices altogether? Or go to see an RE? I think that's the best move...an RE. They are so much more knowlegable about everything, and they won't waste any of your time. Their goal is the same as yours - a pregnancy that ends with a healthy baby. I'm glad the spotting stopped though. That's got to be a relief.

Thanks for the ideas on getting him to quit smoking. I'm willing to try anything at this point. I try not to nag him too much, but I just think he should try a little harder. I know it's hard to do - I've been there - but this is SO important! I think I'll talk to him about it again today.

My friend's sister did that too - picked her abusive boyfriend over her children. I just can't imagine. I feel so badly for the kids in those situations.

So, my surgery is coming up in exaclty one week, and I'm starting to get nervous :dizzy: . I'm really not that worried about complications (okay, maybe a little). I have a lot of faith in my dr. I think I'm more scared that it won't work & he will tell me the only option we have left is IVF. Please send me some good vibes.

Holly~

Holly,

Send me some of that warm weather! It's about 23F ((-8C)) here right now. Of course its only about 7 AM. It hasnt been above 0 for a while now. Halloween actually bothered me this year. Partly because my grandma wasnt here and partly because we didnt get any trick or treaters! Thats my favorite part, seeing all the little costumes. Maybe next year I guess.
I live in a town of about 100,000 people. To be honest with you, Ive never heard of an RE here, which is probably why my ob/gyns office is so busy, hes one of the best in town. I want to keep my ob/gyn, I just wish hed get a new receptionist! My ob/gyn takes really good care of me actually. He aims to help me acheive my goals...pregnancy with a happy ending. It was slower at first because I was getting pregnant, the cause of my miscarriages was never firgured out. Everything was normal except that uterus infection.

It was a relief to stop spotting, but then again, I was happy all I got for AF was spotting. AF is usually horrible for me, a lot of pain and big clots most of the time. Im actually still cramping. It feels like AF is coming sometimes, its weird. I called my family drs office, I talked to Shannon and asked about the results of my HSG. She said she had the results of my hormone levels, not the HSG results. How can that be? An x-ray is so much faster then blood work, she told me I needed to talk to my ob/gyn about it, so Im assuming bad news. My hormone levels are all good except my prolactin level, which is slightly elevated. Thats a pretty regular thing with me. If we dont BD for a couple days, it goes back to around normal.

Its completely different in a mans mind. I mean, yes, they want to have a baby, but they dont really understand when it comes to actually trying to get pregnant and being healthy. Its isnt even just for that, its for him, he'll be healthier in the long run. I hope he tries a bit harder, good luck talking to him! If you do a google search for "quit smoking" you'll find a lot of helpful sites that might help a little too.

It is. I dont understand how someone can put their children in that type of situation at all. This guy was even fallowing my half sister to school and sending her letters. If someone hurts her, well they'll be getting a reality check to say the least.

Try not to get nervous, it doesnt help at all. There will be no complications, it'll go as planned. I hope it works for you. Try to stay positive. And make sure you post your results! I cant wait to see you come back and say you're clear! Positive vibes coming your way! You know, if your tube does clear, Ive heard the first 3 months up to a year after a lap, your fertility increases. Not sure if its true, but its definitely worth thinking it is!

Good luck!
Alicia

Hey Alicia, sorry to hear Halloween was a disappointment for you this year. I'll try to send you some warm weather to make up for it :jester: .

My town is not that big either (although it is def bigger than 100,000), and we also don't have a local RE. But, my RE (who's main office is about 1.5 hours away) has a second location only 30 minutes from my house. I'm not trying to push the issue on you - if you are happy with your dr, that's wonderful - it's important to be comfortable with your dr. I just want you to know there may be an RE close by that you aren't aware of...Then again, there may not be - I have read posts from other women who had to travel hours to see theirs...Just wanted to share that with you.

That is so weird that they don't have the results of your HSG. I wonder what is up? Try to stay positive though - like you said to me, getting nervous only makes matters worse. Believe that your tubes are open until you have evidence to think otherwise. Your painful periods sound like you might have a case of endo. Have you ever been checked for that? Sorry if you already told me, I can't remember. That can definitely be a cause of IF. It could also block your tubes, but I think it is the easiest blockage to overcome...Like I said, I think - not 100% sure about that one. It might actually be a good thing though, because if they do take care of it, not only will it increase your chances of getting pregnant, but it should also make your pain stop during AF. Wouldn't that be awesome?! :blob_fire I hope I'm not giving you false hope - you should definitely look into it though, if you haven't already.

I've heard that about laps increasing your chances of getting pregnant as well. I HOPE IT WORKS!!!! Thank you for the + vibes - I need them :) . Don't worry, I will definitely post my results. I have come to depend on this board and all the support everybody has shown me. I don't know what I would do without everybody...It is so comforting to have people to share my worries with - people that can actually understand - I can't even explain how much it means to me...

So what are you doing to pass the time waiting for your HSG results? The 27th seems so far away :rolleyes: .

Take care,

Holly~ :wave:

Hey Holly,

Sorry its taken me so long to reply. Warm weather would be wonderful! Theres so much snow and ice on the roads, its horrible. They had the highway heading south completely blocked off due to all the accidents the other day. Theres reason I wont drive, winter being one of them.

Wow, 1.5 hours is pretty far to travel. Im glad you only have to travel half an hour. I think the closest RE would be probably in Vancouver, which is about 8 hours south, down by the US//Canadian boarder. The only cities upto 3 hours away from here smaller then here. Most of them come here to see a doctor of any kind. I love my on/gyn, but an RE would be better in my opinion, that is what they specialize in after all. But I cant travel 8 hours to see one, unfortunately.

I wonder whats up too! I hate the waiting, I think thats the worst part! I know, I have a problem taking my own advice. :rolleyes: Yes, they get extremely painful. Lol, no problem, I have a pretty forgetful memory myself. I had a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, partial d&c and a uterus biopsy on October 15th, 2004. The biopsy should a severe infection which is what we thought was the cause of my losses, it was gone by the following January. The laparoscopy and hysteroscopy were pretty normal. I had a small amount of endometriosis, about the size of a quarter, which surprised me. Endo runs in my family pretty bad. My ob/gyn that thats what I had at first, but only that little bit was there. I also have ovarian cysts, large ones were drained during that surgery. Some have ruptured since then, but there havent been any more big ones since then that I know of anyway.

Your proceedure is sure getting close! I hope you're not too nervous. It'll be nice to know what your next step will be, and it'll be nice to get to BDing, hopefully what we've heard is true! I con completely understand that. I have an online diary I could never live without. And of course, this board has grown on me in my short time here.

Actually, my grandpa whos currently dying of cancer has been getting a lot worse. If I havent mentioned already, my grandparents raised me from 3 weeks old. My grandma passed away at 62 years old ((would be 63 on the 20th of this month)) on June 10th, on July 10th my grandpa ((who'll be 65 on the 18th of this month)) was given 44 weeks to a year to live due to thing lung cancer ((hereditary)) we didnt even know he had. He cant carry on a conversation, hes having a lot of trouble walking and just cant seem to stay awake. This are getting worse and I fear he wont make it to see next year. To me, its like losing my parents. So, I had quite a bit to keep my mind off the waiting. I just wish it wasnt things so sad I was stuck thinking of.

Sorry for the mini vent, Im sure you understand when it comes to getting things out.
I hope you're doing well!

((hugs))
Alicia

Hi Alicia :wave: ,

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather. That must be extremely difficult. I do remember you mentioning his cancer before, but I did not realize his health was failing so fast. I will be thinking of you and praying that he can at least be comfortable while he is still here. My father died when I was only 2, so I don't remember him at all, and my mom is still here with us - I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose her...I feel I would be so lost. My heart goes out to you.

You are right, my surgery is coming up fast - I can't believe how excited I am ;) . I have been praying and praying & asking everybody under the sun to pray for me as well. I'm going to go into it positive and hope that my prayers will be answered. I have to admit that I'm also looking forward to a short work week ;) . I cannot WAIT to just lie on the couch and relax and let my BF take care of me. I just hope that we can relish in our good news and not cry over lost options...

Your appt is coming up too :blob_fire . A little slower, but it's still coming. I'm praying for good results for you too :D . I hope we can both greet the holidays with good news and fresh hope :angel: .

Wow, I sound really sappy all of a sudden...I guess it's all the BIG news that will be coming soon...I hope we're ready for it :p .

Take care and keep in touch,
Holly~

Hi Holly,

Sorry I havent replied until now. Around the 10th of every month, I get a little upset.

Thank you. Well we did get some good results regarding his cancer. All of his tumors shrunk! Thry're half the size they originally were. However its obvious because its stage 4 cancer and because of how much it had spread and how fast it grew, that it wont completely go away. But, instead of maybe a month left, he has a few months! Any extend in his time is just a blessing. Im sorry about your dad. I know what I mean. I was selfish in thinking shed always be there, maybe because Im still 21 and most people dont lose their parents until they're in their 40s or so. I keep forgetting though that they were both already in their 60s. Like you said about being lost, thats where Ive been. To be honest with you, Im still stuck back in June. Its weird watching the world change and everyone around you change and you feel like you're standing still.

Anyway, yes, its slowly coming. 18 more days. Ugh. But theres enough birthdays this month to keep me busy. On the 11th, my grandpa and my husband are sharing a birthday party as my hubby will be 24 on the 13th, and my grandpa will be 65 on the 18th. The cake is going to have a cat and mouse and say "Happy Birthday Tom & Gerry!" Lol, I thought that was cute.
Im going for a hair cut on the 11th also. Im getting about 2 feet of my hair cut off as a present to my grandpa. I'll be donating those 2 feet of hair to the people who make wigs for cancer patients. Im nervous about it, I havent had short hair since I was, well not even 10 years old!

Oh Holly, I just read your results. Im so so sorry! ((big hugs)) A chance of getting pregnant is still much better then no chance at all, we'll just pray its not another tubal. I can to a point understand how upset you must be. There was nothing the dr could do to straight to tube or anything? Maybe brace it so it would stay straight? I wish there was something I could do for you! I understand your boyfried wanting to skip everything and get the IVF done, but when it comes to being financially set, I understand that you arent...just as Im not. I wish I could give you the name of some great states, but Im in Canada. Im no help up here.
Holly, dont think that way! You WILL be a mother one day! I have a good feeling. May it be through natural TTC, IVF or even surogacy, you will have your little one to love and cherish for the rest of your life. I know how hopeless it might seem, but thats just it, you cant lose hope. If you lose your hope for that dream, what do you have left? Never give up on your dream, dont lose hope.

Big hugs to you and your BF,
Alicia

Hi Alicia,

Forgive me if this post isn't as positive as my previous ones. I'm really struggling with all of this. I'm sorry to hear that you too were struggling this week. This battle is just so hard sometimes. At least you got the good news about your grandfather. That's truly amazing.

I hardly got to talk to my dr yesterday (still upset about that), but from what I understand, there's not really anything he can do about my tube. Not only is it curved, but it's also small. So even though a few lucky sperm can get through, I have to wonder if a fertilized egg would be able to get back through and into my uterus or if it would get stuck. If I ever do get pg, I will be terrified of another tubal instead of being able to enjoy myself. You're right though. I need to find a way to be positive. Hopefully I can do this after the shock wears off and once I talk to my dr about my actual chances.

It turns out I also had several polyps and some kind of infection which he cleared out. So everything in there looks better than it has in a while, but with the tube, still not great. I'm so confused how I had all those polyps and an infection when I just had a lap done in July and my other dr didn't say anything about either of those things. It's so confusing.

Once again, I'm sorry I'm not feeling so positive today. I'm glad you have a lot to keep you busy while you wait for your appt, and I pray you get good news. Thank you for your words of encouragement. They mean so much.

Holly

Holly,

Dont worry, you have every right to feel negative right now. Thats fine to do, but no matter what the odds are of getting pregnant, though they do sound better now, you cant lose your hope on this. You cant give up. Its hard yes, but women are strong, you can do this. And I'll be here chearing you on! You've come so far already, look behind you at everything you've overcome to get to where you are, all the stumps in the road, all the rain. In the end, you'll be walking out of that rain with a baby in your arms.

"If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."

Let me know when you talk to your dr. When is your appt? That is weird about the polyps and infection. Do polyps grow that fast? If not, Id definitely file a complaint about the other dr, thats rediculous. I hate it when they dont do their jobs. Im glad thats all cleared up though. Im sure that increased your chances.

The small tube could cause some problems, but, you cant think of it that way. Think to yourself that yes, you DO still have a chance to get pregnant, not a tubal, and have a baby in your arms months later. Think to yourself that you will not give up because thats the same as giving up on your dream, and neither of us can do that, not this dream. Dont lose your hope. Scream, break things, run down the street screaming and crying if it helps, but dont lose your hope.

In moments like this I wish I were rich, Id be more then happy and more then willing to send you all the money you need. Unfortunately, Im not and I cant. But, I can be a friend and offer my support through this. And thats all I can offer. Do you like poetry? I have a poem here thats got me through a lot of hard times. I want to share it with you.

Hope

When roses lose their loveliness
When rivers cease to flow;
When sunlight fails to warm the air,
When stars no longer glow.

When birds cannot take to flight,
When a ruby's luster fades;
When leaves refuse to fall from boughs,
When trees cannot give shade.

When fields of flowers wither,
When clouds cease making rain;
When mountain ranges cast no shadows,
When prairies cannot grow grain.

When these natural wonders end,
When there's no dusk or dawn;
When all life's miracles cease to be....
...Only then will my hope be gone.

Keep your head up hun, the light will eventually shine through those dark clouds.

Big hugs,
Alicia

Thanks Alicia, your post really helped me put things into perspective. I've been so down since my surgery, and I still am. But I can't lose hope. Today has been a rough day so I don't have too much to say - but I just had to say thank you. I hope you know how much your words meant to me. And the poem was beautiful. I'm going to print it out and put it on my fridge. My f/u appt is for the 29th...2 days after your appt. It will be a big week for us. I'm prayng for good news for you.

Holly

Holly,

I completely understand not having much to say. Its hard to say much of anything when you feel so lost and confused. Dont worry about it at all. Im sorry yesterday was so hard for you. How are you doing now? Im glad you know enough not to give up. I was kind of worried about that. Theres so many times I just wanted to give up too, but I cant, my heart wont let me.
You take as long as you need before posting again. Im praying for good results for both of us. I really hope you get some great news at your follow up appt. I really do, no one deserves that pain. And you're welcome, Im glad it meant something to you. Poetry has helped me so much with everything. Im here whenever you need me.

Big Hugs,
Alicia

How funny it is that when this thread was started, you were the one who needed support & I offered it, and now we have switched roles and you're the one supporting me...Thank God for this forum. I don't know how I would cope if I did not have anybody to talk to about all this. My family and friends don't count because as much as they care, they just don't understand what it is like to actually go through all the ups & downs.

I certainly haven't given up...although sometimes it seems like it would be easier to do...I did some research on my insurance options and have determined that it really sucks to live in Pennsylvania ;) None of the plans offered through my employer will cover IVF. For now we are just going to focus on the fact that my tube is open and hope we get pg naturally...then if we do, we are going to pray our hearts out that it isn't tubal and we will be able to enjoy our miracle. It's just scary because if I do have another tubal pg, I will probably lose that tube too...Guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Well, I'm back at work today and taking it easy. I'm pretty sore and drained, but my job is an office job, so I get to sit most of the day. How are you holding up?? You must be going crazy waiting for your results, but you seem so calm...Two more weeks and you will know...I hope you are told everything is okay and you get your prescription for clomid and start moving forward...

Good luck to you! And thank you for encouraging me - I needed it so much!

Holly

Hi Holly, :wave:

Im sorry I havent replied until now. Its been rough, my grandpas worse. His cancer spread into his spinal cord giving him maybe a month left. Now, hes in a wheelchair. He had his 65th birthday on the 18th and my grandma would be turning 63 today. Its been hard.

Lol, thats what friends are for. I love the internet for that reason, whatever you're going through, you can always find one person at least who does truly understand. I have some bad news. My appointment to get my HSG results had to be rescheduled today. My ob/gyn is out of town, so now my appt isnt until December 18th. Can you believe that? I was so mad when I heard that. I called my family drs office and got the receptionist to check if she had gotten my results. No, but she said if she doesnt call by Wednesday, I need to call her. Shes pulling some strings and shes going to get me my results. I love that office. :D

My insurance doesnt cover anything like that either. Right now, with all this car and house trouble its hard to do much of anything with out a little help. Our sewer leaked into our basement last night...fun. :rolleyes: The car just cost a good $1,000 to be fixed too. Some of our siding flew off our house in the wind storm yesterday, there were winds of 100km/h. Not sure what that is in miles though.
I understand what you mean, but think of it like this. There is a chance it'll be a normal pregnancy. You have to try right? At least you're doing all you can to get pregnant. If by chance it is another tubal, hopefully you wont lose your tube, but if you do, at least you know what will be going on. Do you know what I mean?

Thats the kind of job I want, a desk job, but its impossible to find one here. Im doing okay I guess. I was so excited about getting my results in a week, ugh. Oh well, things happen for a reason. This cycle has been so screwed up though. I chart, yet I have no idea for sure when exactly I ovulated. To top it off, its been I think 32 days since I stopped the BCP and all Ive had is that spotting in the begining and today, my temp dropped way down, past my normal pre-O temps, and if I Od when I think I did, then Im about 10DPO. I took a HPT, theres extremely faint faint lines, Im not trusting it at all though. I just have no idea whats going on.

Anyway, how are you doing?

Hugs,
Alicia

Hi Alicia,

I'm so sorry to hear your grandpa is doing so much worse. It must be extremely difficult to watch him suffer like that. Don't worry about taking a while to respond, you certainly have bigger things to worry about.

I can't believe your appt was rescheduled. :mad: That is so frustrating! Thank God for the receptionist at your other dr's office. Sounds like she will be a life saver in this situation. I hope you find out soon...I'm praying for good results for you. I just can't believe they don't have the results yet. What is taking so long??

We have been having some money issues lately too. It seems like all the expensive stuff happens right around the holidays...Figures, right? I didn't know you guys had windstorms like that. Maybe Pennsylvania isn't quite so bad after all (LOL).

I know what you're saying about how I have a chance at a normal pregnancy. We feel the same way...We have to hope. That's why we're trying. I figure if I am able to get pg, and it turns tubal, and my tube has to be removed, then it isn't going to do me any good anyway, right? BUT on the other hand, if we get pg & doesn't turn out tubal, and if everything works out, then we will have our BABY!!! We have to try...We just can't give up.

My cycle is all messed up too, I'm guessing from my surgery. My period was due last Monday, but it didn't come. I had some light spotting for a few days, and that was it. So I don't know what's up or when we can start trying naturally yet. I have plenty of OPK's though, so hopefully we won't miss Ovulation day ;) .

SO...a test with faint lines!! I don't want to get your hopes up, but that sounds promising...When are you going to test again? Oh, I hope you get a ++++ that is so dark there's no question about it. Wouldn't that just take the cake? Then you wouldn't have to worry about the HSG results at all. If you are right about your O day, then there's a really good chance...

I've got my fingers crossed for ya, please let me know when you find out...

Holly

Hi Holly,

Just a tip, dont use FRERs! They leave false positives! I hate when that happens. Im on CD2 now. About your cycle, your lap was done before you ovulated right? If so, just to make sure, Id take a pregnancy test. Dont get your hopes up just incase, but being a week late with just a little spotting, thats pretty common in pregnancy, I speak from personal experience. That and the lap was to try to clear your tube, and you know they say you're more fertile after a lap. Theres still an opening in your tube, its very possible. But like the spotting AF I had after the HSG, it could be just that too, but you never know, miracles definitely happen! Just a thought though. :)

Thank you. Well, my grandpas really sick now. He cant keep anything down. But a nurse from the Hospice house, actually the same nurse who took care of my grandma in June, she came in and put in the two IVs in his stomach for the anti-nausea meds and pain killers. Hes has a few weeks left if he can take the pill for the swelling in his brain. If he cant, he has about a week left. :(

I know, I was actually really offended when she rescheduled. For a test that you're supposed to have the results for right after its done, this is sure taking a while. Over 2 months. Its rediculous in my opinion. Todays Wednesday, so I'll be calling later. Im going to give her a little time before I call, just in case. But I'll definitely let you know what the results are. I have some pretty bad pain in my left tube again. Its effecting my hip and my lower back on the left side this time. I think that tube might be the problem.

Yes it does figure. :rolleyes: I can honestly say that I hate money. lol Christmas is coming so quickly and we barely have any presents for anyone. Then again, Christmas hasnt been our main concern right now either. But you're right, its always around the holidays, it never fails. And to top it off, my aunts birthdays on the 26th, my sisters is on the 22nd of December and my nephew turns 3 on January 7th. I hope a "Happy birthday" and "Merry Christmas" will be good enough. As long as I can get things for the kids, it'll be fine. Its the kids that need the presents. My hubby is going to dress up as Santa again this year hopefully. If hes feeling up to it.
I hope your financial situation improves fast. I dont know about you, but I hate not being able to get everyone at least something small. Christmas is my favorite holiday.

Im with you, I wont give up either. Its too hard to give up on something so precious. Know what I mean? Can I ask you a question about having a blocked tube? Im not sure if you know, but would it case pain in your ovary too, not only the tube? For years, my left ovary has gone numb, it tingles. When AF gets here, my tube and ovary hurt really bad. I get it once in a while in my right side, but never a cycle with out the left side pain.

Well, I hope you're doing okay, both health wise and financially. Keep your chin up girl!

Alicia

Hi Alicia :wave:

I hope Thanksgiving was good to you! His family just moved back into the area (after living 1500 miles away for 2 1/2 years), so we had a great time doing all the visiting and eating :D . It's over way too soon though, and now we're back to work.

That stinks that you got a false positive. This whole TTC process is one roller coaster ride after another. I was hoping you got lucky and didn't need to worry about your appt anymore. I don't think that I'm pregnant...not sure if the lap was done before or after ovulation, but I know I was too sore to do anything for several days. The spotting came way too soon after BDing to mean anything. It would be great though. I think if I ever do get pregnant, I won't even know how to feel. It would be such a shock...a welcome one, but still a shock.

Still no AF for me either. My f/u appt with my RE is this Wednesday morning, so I wonder if he will be able to shed some light on that for me. This is definitely a first. My cycles are always so regular.

I wish I could answer your question, but I never had any kind of pain like that. The only pains I experienced were caused by cysts or endometriosis. I've never heard of a blocked tube causing pain in the ovaries, but that certainly doesn't mean it isn't possible. Have you gotten the pain since they cleared up your infection? I would think that could cause it, but not if you're still getting the pain. That's a tough one. Did you ask your dr about it? Why are our bodies so confusing?!

I hope you get some answers soon so you can get closer to your goal. :angel: My thoughts will be with you and your grandpa. I'm sorry to hear he is suffering so much.

Holly

Hi All-
I read through your postings and have a similar complication. DH and I have been trying for 2 years and I finally went in to my OB to discuss.
I am 31, he is 33 (today actually). Well, as a great bday gift, I had my furst HSG today. It was awful. The radiologist told me I should go home and go at it with my hubby, but I am too crampy to even try.
Needless to say, the results showed my left side is blocked. Are the only next steps a lap? What is the average cost? How much does IVF run? This is so frustrating. I feel like such a disappointment.:eek:

Holly,

How did your appt go? I did finally get my results on Friday via my family dr. All clear, which is completely confusing. Yes, I have been getting pain since they cleared my infection, it increases a lot when Im under stress too. I hope you're doing okay!

Im sorry Im not up to much talking today, and Im sorry I havent replied until now. My grandpa passed away at 11:53 PM on Friday the 24th. His viewing was yesterday and his cremation was today. It was hard but he went so peacefully, I guess thats all we can ask for. Its amazing though, it was only 5.5 months since my grandmas passing. They just werent meant to be apart. As with my grandma, I had my hand on my grandpas heart as he took his final breaths and as his heart stopped. I never imagined Id be there with my "parents" as they passed away, and in all honesty, never thought it wouldve been so soon between each death. My family is doing okay I guess. Its been extremely hard, but we're still holding on.

Let me know how you're doing though, and please take care of yourself.

Alicia

Sorry I cant answer your questions writemrsc, do a google search for some prices. As for me, my tubes are clear, so I start Clomid soon.

Hi Alicia,

I am so sorry to hear your grandpa passed away. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing he is probably with your grandma again and no longer suffering. I will definitely be thinking of you. :angel:

Thank God you got good news from the HSG results - that's fabulous! :blob_fire :blob_fire When do you start the clomid?

You were right, my f/u appt was today, and unfortunately there wasn't any good news. My dr said my situation is really complex...first there's the very abnormal tube that will probably allow sperm through but will not be so kind to an implanted egg (which is obviously much larger than sperm). He said it is going to be very difficult to become pg, and if I do, the chances are very high it will be tubal. Aside from that, I apparantly also don't ovulate as strongly as he would like to see. Since we can't consider IVF due to the price, we are going to concentrate on trying to improve my ovulation (using oral meds starting in January) and just hope for the best. We are not very hopeful though. Other options would include moving to New Jersey where coverage is mandatory or borrowing the money for IVF...neither is very appealing, but we will do what we have to.

Again, I'm very sorry to hear your grandpa passed, and I hope to hear from you again when you feel up to it. Take care of yourself and rejoice in the fact that you got an all CLEAR - that is WONDERFUL.

Holly

Writemrsc, welcome to the boards :wave:

Happy Birthday to your DH - try not to think about all this stuff (so hard to do) and enjoy the day with him. Hopefully I can ease your mind a little.

I can totally understand not wanting to BD after the HSG - it was horrible! But you should have a few days before you ovulate (assuming your cycle is normal), so you can probably still try tomorrow or the next day and still have a good shot.

If you read the previous posts, I mentioned a couple options my dr gave me to unblock my tube (but I only have one tube). I would think you'd be okay with one tube open (but then again, I don't know for sure as this is not the situation I'm in). The options are...laparoscopy, which is a fairly minor surgery and the best possible chance of opening the tube. I don't know how much it costs though because my insurance covered it. Another option would be to treat with medication, but this only works if the blockage is caused by ENDO, it takes months, and you can only tell if it worked by going through another HSG (no thanks). The final option my dr gave me was to say forget the tubes and go straight to IVF (which is what he wants us to do). Problem is, this costs $15,000 at my RE's office, and the success rate is only 35% so this is not really an option for us at this time.

If I were you, I'd talk to my dr and see if you need both tubes open or not. You may have many more options.

I DEFINITELY know how you feel - I feel like a disappointment too. I mean, this is the reason we have reproductive organs - they should work! :mad: I just keep reminding myself that this ISN'T my fault and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. It just happened. It helps a little to deal with it. If you need to talk, I am here and I do understand what you are feeling. Best of luck to you - please let me know what you decide and what you find out.

Baby Dust

Holly