Hi you guys! I was just wondering how everybody was doing today. I know the holidays make it crazy, but when you guys get a chance to come back to the boards and read these messages, know that I've been thinking about you and I've been sending happy thoughts your way. Everyone---Carlie, Ashlee, Katie, Vik, 9volt, Caroline, Faith, Blue, Kathrin, and everyone else, how is everybody doing????? How were your holidays???? Hope all is well, I will talk to you guys soon!!!

Sending warm thoughts and happy wishes... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Hi Sarah,

Well, today I woke up and took three diet pills. But I put them up. I decided to put them out of my sight so maybe that would help. The holidays were somewhat depressing for me. Husband was gone (still) and Christmas w/out him was hard.

I went to the store and bought a lot of low carb food. And have decided to start exercising and getting my mind and body in sync.

I am determined to get better.

Love
Sinnrah

Hello Sarah,
What a wonderful thoughtful post you have started. My holidays were fine. How about yours hon?

Sinnrah-I truely pray that recovery works for you hon. Please, be careful with taking all those diet pills. It can be dangerous, especially for a person with an eating disorder.

Take Care all.

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As long as there is life, there is hope

Bless you Sarah! I can't tell you how faaantastic it is to see my name in your post!
I actually had quite a successful xmas break. b/p was down to an all-time low, and my mood was calm yet upbeat and 'festive'!
I'm sorry to say that January is proving not so good, and i think i've lost about 10lbs already. As you yourself know, its up and down, round and round, behaviour - and although i'm feeling in control of things at the moment, people are starting to worry about me again. Ho hum.

I'm here and i'm fighting... struggling but fighting.

What about you sweet thang? I hope yor on top of the world rather than the world being on top of you.

Smiles, sunshine and fluffy things to you.
9volt.x

thank you so much sarah for asking how we all were thing are pretty bad right now and i feel so out of controll but im still trying to see the positive side of things so its not all doom and gloom.

how are you sarah? how was the holiday period for you mine was good but i find it hard to get back into the swing of things once its all over but i guess thats the same for a lot of people
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

hugs to you all



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love and bubbles blue

Good Morning,

Well, today will be the first day w/out my diet pills. So far I feel pretty good about it. I woke up and I had a healthy breakfast. Well, two pieces of bread(sugar free) and coffee.

I will not eat again until this afternoon. But babysteps. And if I mess up then I will just get back up and try again.

Blue Cloud-I hope you are going to be alright. Just keep trying to be positive. ~hugs~

Love
Sinnrah

hey.. i just wanted to say good luck to all of you.. i recovered, went through treatment, from anorexia 4 years ago, and it wasn't until 6 months ago that i really think i let it go.. i always wanted to go back to that secret lifestyle, there was some comfort in it.. the secrets and the hope that someone will take care of me...
but girls, and boys, try your hardest, life is so much better.. i can eat what i want, i never get that bingey feeling anymore because i let myself enjoy chocolates and etc without even thinking... i don't restrict because well i guess because i am hungry!.. so try your hardest.. reach back to those who reach out.. i remember one of the things i was most pissed about was that my eating disorder took away the 'double latte in zero degree temps'.. i know enjoy that and life.. and rarely do i think of food..
it is hard though.. the last 6 mo.. i have cried for myself many times.. the horrible things i did and said to myself that i wouldn't put on another human.. they were inhumane things! horrible..
i hope all of you find what you need to recover, because for how illusive, secretive, comforting, and fun it is... life is better

i didn't girls and boys as in a young age or mind.. i just said it.. i should say people, men, women, girls, boys, whatever you classify yourselves as.. i hope no one is offended.. i didn't mean young people only have eating disorders as in my treatment, i was one of the youngest at 20.. ok.. no offense please!
hang in there.

Hi guys!!

Faith--glad your holidays were great!! that's wonderful to hear!!!!

9Volt--How could I forget about you? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif So glad to hear your holidays were wonderful! Congrats on the all time low!!!!! That's amazing!!! Go you!! I'm sorry you've been struggling a lot recently, though. It's always hard with the ups and downs...we all know about that. But that just means you're about to have an UP time again, right? hehe, we all hope so!!

Blue--You're such a positive person...always trying to look at the bright side of things! That's an amazing quality and I hope you realize how amazing you are because of this! Go You!! I'm sure things will begin to look up soon, I know it's hard, but keep fighting girly, you have the power!!

Sinnrah--GO YOU!! first day without diet pills!! How'd it go? And that's an amazing way to think "if something doesn't work out, you'll just get up and try it again!! Yes you will!!!! Cuz you can beat this, go you!! Your positive attitude is contageous I think http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

Kits--congrats on recovery, it's people like you that give us the hope to get through another day!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif


And girls, as for me, I'm hangin' in there. Trying to remember all the good things in life. I'm back in a b/p habit that's getting harder and harder to break...but I have wonderful people surroudnign me day in and day out, that remind me how lucky I am just to be alive. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif I can beat this, we all can!!! GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!

NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!
~sarah~

hey youneak! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I have returned. Life is pretty hectic and chaotic, so who knows how long it shall last(my visit). Was wondering if Ashley still posts around here? Just curious.
Hope everything is going well! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Hopefully this new year will be better for us all!
I'll see about returning more often and contributing to the boards. Until then, take care everyone!

Hi Sarah,

Well, honestly I was doing alright. I even ate healthy until I had my popcorn. But I am suffering from an itchy throat my mom gave me over the weekend and popcorn was scratching it very well for me. LOL

But, the urge to go and take a laxative is overwhelming right now. I think this is going to be harder than I thought. I am having to program my mind to understand that food is a vital part of life and you can be thin w/out diet pills or laxatives.

This urge I am feeling did not hit me until tonight after I consumed a whole bag of popcorn. Full of carbohydrates but it is fat free. But my mind is telling me...Holy Crap...you ate the whole bag. And the other half of my brain is like...Chill Out, whatever you ate today will not make you gain the whole 65lbs back you lost.

So this, for the most part, is going to be an uphill battle. But I will overcome. If I can quit smoking, drinking, and doing drugs cold turkey, then, I know for a fact I quit this too.

Thanks for asking about me.

Love
Sinnrah

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This is only my Opinion

i love you guys http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif you are all so really nice supportive and you are all fighters you should all be so proud of yourselves.

sinnrah-keep it up hunny you are doing so well answering back to the negative side of yourself it was fat free pop corn,we all need carbs and from one bag of pop corn the weight wont just suddenly appear again you keep positive and the negative will slowly get smaller http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

sarah-im sorry to hear that things are tough and i can completely relate to where you are at the moment it is so easy to get stuck in the b/p circle and so hard to find a way out again. hold on to the fact you havnt given up you still have the will,hope and reality that things will get better keep up the fight http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

kites-thank you for your thoughts and kind wishes and keep up the good work http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/cool.gif

danaj-hope to see you around again it would be good to get to know ya http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif


[This message has been edited by blue cloud (edited 01-10-2003).]

Welcome back Dana!!!!! Yea, Ashlee still posts when she's got the time!! I'm sure she'll be around to greet ya again soon http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Sinnrah--congrats on telling yourself that eating is good. I knwo exactly how you feel. I lost a lot of weight the "right" way and I'm always so scared that I'm going to gain it back. It's very very frightening...which is a big factor in keeping me in the b/p cycle at certain points in my ED. It is important to remember that you lost the weight the healthy way, and that starving yourself wasn't how you did it! Good luck hon! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Blue-- bless your heart!!! Good luck hon, we're all sending you warm wishes!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Good Afternoon,

Bluecloud-thanks for the support. I made it through the night. And I felt really good when I woke up and got on the scales. It still said 102. So that is helping my brain reprogram itself.

Sarah-thank you also for your support. I am one Day TWO. And the urge passed. I am not wanting to take the diet pills. But I think I have realized something about me taking them. Last night I got really stressed out and wanted to go and take them. So I am thinking it is stress related. On top of being paranoid about gaining.

But, my mom is being so supportive. I called her last night and told her about the urge I was feeling. She normally preaches to me. But this time, she was actually my friend. She told me,"One hour at a time." I am so blessed to have this place to come to and to have a mother like that who is being the best friend I could ever imagine.

Funny how people, like us, dont even know what each other looks like, but we are all there for one another. Being able to come here and just type out my frustration, fears, and hopes, is the best.

Sorry for the mushy stuff. LOL ~hugs~

But, if ya think about it. W/out forums and boards like this...there may not be any hope for some people out there. Like I said...I am grateful for you all who have responded to my post and are going through the similar things I am going through.

God Bless
Love
Sinnrah

YAY SINNRAH!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

I'm so glad! Go you!! You deserve a pat on the back, that's a huge accomplishment!!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Sarah,

thanks. I have only had one meal today. But no diet pills. I am thinking of having some popcorn if my throat can handle it. I am just so tired from this illness I have.

I may just go straight to bed.

Love
Sinnrah

sinnrah i thin i can agree with you that this is such a tireing possition to be in http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

well done for not taking the diet pills you are doing so well keep up the good work and have some pop corn if you feel like it you deserve it i know the voice in your head will be telling you otherwise but i am the new voice in your head http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif 'you keep going, you dont need the pills' the people on this board will be your pill and we hopefully can make you feel as safe as it does taking that pill.

someone once said to me that if an hour at a time is still too much take it 30mins at a time http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif



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love and bubbles blue

Sinnrah! GO YOU! Seriously...you're doing wonderful. We're very proud of you...and blue is right...if an hour at a time is too much to handle, make it 30 minutes. You can do this, hon, you can! we all can! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Hi,

Well, this is day three. And I feel pretty positive. I had a healthy dinner. Mind you, it was only one meal. But the important thing for me right now is no laxatives or diet pills. So a little at a time.

My hubby is proud and told me the better I do the more presents I get when he gets home from deployment. LOL I am spoiled enough already. LOL But I will take presents as motivation. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif What woman wouldnt?

How is everyone else doing? Hope you all have a great weekend.

Love
Sinnrah

LOL---awww, cute hubby! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Hi Everyone,

Well, today I kind of did bad. No diet pills or laxatives. But, I had three hamburger patties(baked) and green beans. Then got hungry for french fries so I put them in the oven and ate some. So that is not very healthy but they were yummy. But that is all I have had today. This head cold is still kicking my butt.

But, Day four and still going. I just cant wait to get my presents from hubby. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Sinnrah

Hi, everyone! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Thanks, Sarah... for asking about us all. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif How are you by the way? Let us know, won't ya!

Dana, HOWDY! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Yup, I'm still around, and really happy to hear from you after such a long time! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif How are you doing lately? Hows the duck? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/tongue.gif Lol! I hope you DO decide to visit more often 'cause I've missed you around here! As Sarah said, I post when I can, but it's not always that I don't have the time, but also sometimes I'm just so tired at the end of the day that all I want to do is sleep! Sorry about that - I will try to post a little more again. I remember a time when I couldn't stay away from these boards! Lol!

Faith, it's good to hear from you also, 'cause I'm afraid you've just been too quiet lately. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/tongue.gif Okay, so so have I! Anyway, I'm' glad your holidays went okay - mine were fine too... I can't say they were the same miserable sort of holidays that the last few have been, so that's a bonus! Probably 'cause I only got two days holiday this year as I've just started working, but if that's what keeps my mind off it, then so be it!

9Volt... lol, your post was so cute! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/tongue.gif I'm glad to hear you also had an enjoyable holiday. Please try to stay possitive, I know it's difficult, but you can see now that it IS possible to have a good time because you just did over the Christmas Season... so even if things aren't looking so bright for you today, there's always another day tomorrow.

Blue, it saddens me to read how unhappy you really are right now. Please just remember to never give up. Make a deal with yourself that giving up is just NOT an option... you will struggle, I realise that; that's all part of recovery... but you must never give up. I have learn't in my life now that no matter how difficult things can possibly get, they WILL always get better. I honestly felt like you do now SOOOOO many times in the past. I just wanted to die - I suppose you may not really be able to tell that from my posts anymore but that's partly because I'm not posting as much, and partly because I'm doing better. Things DO get better, Blue... every day is a day closer to recovery, just remember that. Because even if you have what you consider to be one of the worst days of your life, it's still another day gone by, and another day closer to the moment when you will finally be happy.

Kites, I just wanted to give you a BIG congratulations on your revovery from your eating disorder. You're right, life IS better this way... and I can't ever imagine getting as sick as I once was again and I'm sure it's the same for you. Well done, Kites - you bring many people here hope with your success.

Sinnrah, I know I don't really know you and you don't really know me, so I thought I'd just say hello and that I like your attitude! You seem to stay so possitive about everything and that is a real bonus. No matter how difficult things get, you just need to keep up that optimism and REFUSE to let the eating disorder affect you any further, because you've already come so far. I mean it, it sounds as though you've already come a long, LONG way and even a slip up wouldn't mean that you were back to square one! That's what Sarah and many of the others here told be a month or two ago when I though I was finally in recovery, and then I slipped up (not just once either!). I found it difficult to see back then, but now I know it's true... so I would say listen to the others; they're wiser than I am!

Also, about the diet pills. Well, I've only taken them a few times and that was about two years ago, so I don't really know too much about them. But I have, however, dealt with the purging side of an eating disorder, and one thing my therapist taught me to do was to first acknowledge the fact that I felt out of control enough that I felt I needed to purge, and then try to distract myself as best I could to avoid purging for as long sa possible. She helped me come up with a list of activities that I enjoyed that I could easily do to try to divert my attention from wanting to purge to something else. I was *supposed* to keep that list with me at all times so that I could get to eat quickly and easily if I needed to. Every time I needed to try to increase the time between thinking about wanting to purge and actually doing so.

I started off at about 2 minutes, and after a long time managed to get it up to about halr an hour... of course I still had slip ups! At the moment I have broken my record and I am up to about 2 months! LOL! Hehe... I guess you could say I was doing pretty well!

Sarah, why have things not been going so well for you lately? Please tell me, I want to know. I feel sad for you but I'm also have confidence in you because the two of us are on the road to recovery together, right? Now we need to try our best to stay together... which means trying our absolute best 100% of the time and helping each other out in times of need. So please let me know so I can be there for you as you have for me.

Take care everyone. I wish you all the BEST of luck!

Lots of love,
Ashlee

sinrah http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif you are doing so well and im glad your hubby is getting you presents beacuse you so so so deserve them http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
keep it up and let us know how you are getting along.

ashlee http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif thank you so much for your kind words it is nice to have people to talk to who actually understand what im going through.
i try so hard not to give up and to stay positive but sometimes i just get so pysically and mentally run down i cant even remember what i am doing and find myself somewhere i dont even remember going to!
but i am laughing a lot more now days i think there is always something you can find in the day to make you laugh i find this so important http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

sarah http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif how you doing sweet pea i hope you are well and that things are running relativly smoothly for you

when life's a drag wear a dress

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love and bubbles blue

[This message has been edited by blue cloud (edited 01-13-2003).]

Hi,

Ashlee-hi, nice to meet you. LOl thanks for the advice. All the people here are very supportive. I mean I have been on the other boards here but never got the understanding and support like on this one. Today is DAY FIVE. And I am finally getting over my head cold. I did take a laxative last night. But not for purging reasons. I have to give progress reports to my mom and husband. And I have been constipated for five days. So, I took a laxative. Which I feel much better. I went last night and got this fudge brownie earthquake ice cream from Diary Queen. It was too die for. The best thing about eating it was....I DIDNT FEEL GUILTY.

Blue Cloud-thanks sweetie. He asked me last night what i wanted and I name off a whole lot of stuff. LOl And he was like...well, there goes my limit on the credit card. LOL

Hope you all have a good day.

Love
Sinnrah

well done your doing so well! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/grad.gif

im so glad that you are feeling better about eating now aswell that really is great progress and five days thrown into the package aswell i think you deserve
hugs
claps
singing
dancing
and loads and loads of presents from hubby http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

im glad you have the support of your mum and your man that must be a huge help to you
keep it up http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif



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love and bubbles blue

Hey youneak!! Thanks for that...it made me http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif. Life isn't brill at the moment..it is just OK. How r u doing?? Sorry cant stay n post longer ...er...posts http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif...see u all soon...

loads of love

CarolineXXX

Hello,

How is everyone today. Hope all is well w/ everyone. I am doing alright. I am feeling better than I was w/ this cold. but now I am feeling a little crappy again. Excuse the language. But, I am on Day 6. Feel great. and fixing to go and fix myself something to eat. Probably eggs and sausage. YUMMY!!!!!!!!!

Talk to you all soon.

Sinnrah
P.S.
My neice is being born friday. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif