so i went to the docs today. i was so anxious i felt id explode.she is so nice but just all the feelings surface when i have to confront everything i feel. i told her about the anxiousness, the pacing, the suicidal thoughts and the wanting to self harm. she was very worried, i was crapping myself thinking she would contact others cos i was a risk and the dudes in white coats would come for me.

im not suicidal, i have the thoughts and yes, sometimes it seems nice to just be able to go to sleep and that be it, but i just want peace not exactly death.

i mentioned earlier in posts how i did self harm alot on my thighs this week, even when down i had something to get out ad i did it, it looks messy. i was unsure wether to tell her cos i didnt know what wud happen so i asked her'hypothetically'-what happens if i do. she said they call in a specialist, a psychiatrist and others!!!! thats a scary word! she even mentioned if i overrdosed itd be hopsital.she said itd take the illness to a whole new level! well, as you can guess i shook my head and lied through my teeth, but i have a feeling she knows im lying, i looked away like i always do and then i muddled the tense of 'i have' and 'i havnt' up and then stuttered. she didnt look covinced. i feel so stupid. now i feel like a mental case, im cornered, if i tell her i cut, ill be evaluated, which yes in all honesty i think, i know is what is needed, but i cant, its so big. what if she wants to check, do they do that, can they check, i thought id pass out cos i was convinced she was going to look at my 'old scars' from when i cut ages ago that ive told her about, and then she'd see the mess that is my leg!!!!,if i go to a psychoatrist for self harm-it means i have no fall back, i cant do it and how can i then cope?!

im just glad i never mentioned other thoughts of self harm, not eating and throwing up, punching and head banging, or the fact that i bought new razor blade packs. instead, cos of the thoughts ive bin having, maybe i might be doing cognitive therapy. whats this like?? im a bit terrified? do you guys think its worth telling her i did actually cut, im scared tho. xox

I have done this in the past, doctor asks about self harm and I say no yet my arm is covered with marks. Then I realized it was not serving anyone any good if I kept inside. My doctor knows my self harm has nothing to do with suicide it is just a way for me to regain a hold on reality for a while. In my opinion it is very helpful to be 100% honest with your health team for you to get the most out of it

trg247

you should probably tell her the truth cause your not doing yourself any good by going to a therapist and lieing to her. It just wont get you anywhere fast. They are there to help. Even if the guys in the white suits come. Some people need that. Esp if you cut yourself and want to harm yourself. It might be in your best interest to let her know..

Pucca chick - if you want real true help to get better, then you have to be totally honest.

You are decieving yourself more here than the therapist.