hi everyone, i'm new here. unlike many of you trying to get help to stop your eating disorder....i want help continuing mine. actually, i don't really know if i truly have one....but i wish i did. i'll tell you about myself. i'm 5'3" and 105 pounds. i would like to be 100 pounds max. i've tried to be bulemic. i was quite successful for about three weeks, but i got tired of the sore throats. i also hate eating food....i do it all the time, no doubt about that, but i feel so guilty after and promise myself to never eat that stuff again....but it doesn't work. i want to be anorexic. i'm jealous of all girls who are skinnier than me! my problem is that i can't stop craving food!!! please please please, i'm begging you, give me some tips for becoming anorexic. and please don't tell me otherwise because it will only make me more determined. thanks..



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~cleo~

Oh, cleo...trust me when I say YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ANOREXIC. It might seem all high and mighty, a 'quick fix' for weight loss, even something cool and appealing, but the bottom line is it will kill you. Maybe you'll be lucky and it won't kill you physically but it will kill you emotionally. I'm anorexic and it has ruined my life. I've been anorexic for over a year now. I was hospitalized once only 2 months after I first started. Then again 10 months later at a very low weight. My body was literally eating off of itself. Did you know that you don't actually lose fat first? Oh no...muscele is the first to go. That includes your brain and heart. My heart shrunk and as a result my blood pressure dropped, my circulation was horrible, and you couldn't even feel my pulse anywhere my heart was so weak. At age 14...I could have had a heart attack. I was lucky and got to walk out of the hospital but most people aren't. Many people die. Actually...1 in 10 people that develope anorexia will die from it. In the beginning you feel wonderful, you lose weight, and feel in control. Well it doesn't last. Oh, no. You continue to lose weight because it's never enough. You begin to no longer be in control because you can't stop losing weight. You can't even eat a whole apple because nothing is 'safe' anymore. Water is even evil at this point. You're emaciated yet you see yourself like a huge blimp. "5 more pounds and I'll be able to eat". You drop 5 more pounds...it's still not enough. You're weak. Dizzy. You can't sleep. Your beautiful hair is falling out. Your heart races. You're always cold. You haven't had your period in over 6 months. You're always hungry. And then...this is the point where some people get help. It's right before their bodies die. Right before their minds lose their sanity. Anorexia...pretty? Oh no...it's nothing of the sort. Anorexia is a disease. It's a cancer of the mind. It distroys your life. Every relationship you ever had. It Ruins your future. And becomes your past.
i want to be anorexic. i'm jealous of all girls who are skinnier than me!
You DON'T want to be anorexic. I'm telling you this because I'm here. I'm anorexic. 'Ana'. And it sucks. You may get skinny. You may get a 'high' from not eating. But it doesn't last. No. Risking your life. Skrewing up your metabolism. Never being able to have kids because you got so malnourished you no longer got your period. Kidney damage. You brain shrinking. Liver failing. THAT lasts.

-Carlie

hiya, please please please please try not to get an ED. By all means loose weight if you feel you want/need to but please do it the healthy way. Just take a little while to read through the posts here, and see what a nightmare ED's are, and once you have one its hard to recover. Ed's are a death senstence and you have to fight darned hard not to die. There are so many people who have DIED from this, is being thin really worth that? What use is thiness when your dead? And i am not being melodramtic. Please please i beg you to loose the weight the healthy way, maybe even see a deitician, and come up with a plan on how to loose the right amount of weight for you

try reading these topics,
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/Forum47/HTML/001394.html
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/Forum47/HTML/001391.html

thank you 5321 I am honored that you directed her to my posts. I pray what we all have said will help her to change her mind.

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As long as there is life, there is hope

hi,

pleeeeeeeeeease listen to everything Carlie and the others have said. They spoke very well, and tried to give you a glimpse into the life of someone with an ED. I was in your shoes once...and even on the road to recovery (where I am now) I have times where I have longed for the days when I was incredibly sick. I was never anorexic...I couldn't resist the food. I was a hardcore bulimic for a long long long time. I'm just not recovering and it's horrible. I've permanently damaged my body. There's no telling whether or not I will be able to have children. I'm still ALWAYS cold, and I'm STILL fighting to let myself eat. My body was, at one point, eating itself. I look at pictures from last summer, I was very sick then. I was purging an average of 9Xs every day. I lost a lot of weight, but when I look at these pictures I look absolutly disgusting. You can see most of the bones in my body...my skin was a paleish/yellowish color...and my eyes. My poor eyes that tried so hard to hide the broken body and soul within...they didn't do such a good job. My eyes were like black pits...the strain on my face from purging left deep black circles around my eyes that even make up couldn't cover. My eyes were sunken back in my head and I was so weak that I just didn't care about anything. I've lost friends along the way that were amazing to me...friends I will never get back, because at the time they became less important than purging. Less important than food.

You don't want an ED, i know it is glorified, but I promise you that if you successfully find yourself caught in the grips of an ED you will think back onto these message boards and the things other people have told you...and you will realize, later down the road, that ED's never end. It's not a quick fix...it's not a way to lose five pounds...it's a way to kill yourself. I'm very worried about you, please get help for yourself. Just by talking about these things, by having a desire to develop an ED you already have some of the emotional warning signs that lead to ED's. Good luck, hon, please take into consideration some of the things we have said. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Hi there cleo. First off I want you to know that I'm not criticizing you or telling you what to do or not to do. All of us here are just giving you advice of something we know well from experience. You see I've been anorexic for two years, the last six months i've been trying to recover, i'm not fully there, i still have a long way to go. But you know what, I was once in exactly the same place you find yourself, I wanted this ed, and now i'm just looking for a wat out. You have no idea how something can so totally take over your life and make everything fall out of it's place. An ed is no fun at all, and you know what's worse, you're killing yourself to be thin and so that everyone will admire that(atleast in my case) and people find no beauty in anorexics, I am constantly told I look terrible, that it looks like if death is on my door, that I look tired and wasted, that my look is not at all appealing, and that I was so much prettier when I was normal. And still I am constantly battling against myself not to eat, and I wish there was a way that I could be normal again. I truely don't think you want any of this, believe me you are so lucky that you are on time to getting back on track and thinking straight and smartly. An ed is nothing but a slow, long road to death. And all you feel when you have it is unhappiness, unfulfillment, you push people away, physically you are always cold, hair grows all over your body, you have palpitations, your hair falls out in clumps, your nails are always breaking, and you miss out on some of what could have been the best times of your life. So please think it through and don't say you want an ed, cause you are wishing the worst upon your ownself.
God bless and take care.

Originally posted by cleo_84:
i would like to be 100 pounds max. i've tried to be bulemic. i was quite successful for about three weeks, but i got tired of the sore throats. i also hate eating food....i do it all the time, no doubt about that, but i feel so guilty after and promise myself to never eat that stuff again....but it doesn't work. i want to be anorexic. i'm jealous of all girls who are skinnier than me!



what do you think being skinny means? Do you think it will make you happier? It won't. Do you think it will make you popluar? It won't. Do you think it will make things go better in your life? It won't do that either. You said you tried bulimia, but you didn't like the sore throat. Well, are you going to like being dizzy all the time, hungry all the time, not able to sleep because your body is straving, not being able to concentrate because your mind doesn't have the food it needs to think? It doesn't make anything better, in fact, it makes things a lot worst. I used to think that it would make all my problems go away, it didn't-it just intensified them. I'm sorry to rant, but I feel I have to be honest.

: *** (

please dont try to get an ED
you lose weight at first...but then you lose your mind

hugs ~ angel

You are in denial. I've been anorexic and bulimic for 30 years and it's almost killed me. I've also longed to maintain my 100 pound slim frame, but at what price. I've injured my teeth, throat, skin, hair, digestive system; etc. I can't have children. If you want these things, then go ahead and be bulimic and anorexic. I know it's a compulsion, but there is no way that you can have an ED and not cause lasting damage to your body.

I think I understand where you're coming from. I consider myself not skinny enough, i look at other people at I get jealous when they are skinnier than me, BUT...you don't want this! You don't want what we all go through everyday! It's painful! I started out anorexic, but that was way too hard for me to hide. Then I became bulimic [with some anorexic behaviors from time to time] but you don't want this! Like Sarah said you get huge black lines around your face and bags under your eyes! I also get sharp pains in my chest and stomach. I have constant sore throats! It's not the kind of pain that you want to deal with! I'm at the point right now where if I put anything in my mouth i feel sick and it has to be purged. I purge about 10X in one day! If I could easily get out of this then i would, but I'm not at an emotional point right now that I can! please don't let yourself develop ANY kind of ED! At least TRY HARD!

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--katie--

To be really honest, everyone....u all give brill advice..but u can tell her how bad it is until you are blue in the facce and wont get anywhere. U cant protect her...noone could disuade me from visitin pro-anorexic sites...it just wont happen.
Cleo- we do not encourage eating disorders here....people share experiences and feelings here. If u are looking for tips on how to hurt yourself...then you have co;e to the wrong place, sorry.

You're so right. Nobody believes that it will happen to them...it is all so glorified in the media...and even when we tell our stories, nobody can really relate unless they've been there...or are incredibly empathetic. Someone who is already in the mind set of an ED can't even begin to grasp the pain. We just wish we could make her realize that she's causing herself much more pain that she needs. Much more pain than ANYBODY needs. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

I visit the pro-ED sites and some of them are really bad. Some of them give dangerous tips, but a majority of them also tell you why not to purge, why it's dangerous, and gives you warning on diet pills and so on. Sometimes I don't feel I belong here for I don't know if I want recovery and feel out of place. At least at the other sites I feel most of the time I belong. I don't agree with some of the sites though.
Emewhisper is right though, we can tell her the things that could happen, but probaly won't sink in. In fact, I have a strong feeling she isn't even reading our posts anymore.

The people that post on this board are here to ask for advice and get support on overcoming eating disorders or to help family members or friends to overcome an eating disorder. If you think being anorexic is a good thing, then why would all of these people write posts for help, advice and support on overcoming an eating disorder? That alone should tell you that there is something wrong with being anorexic.

cleo, what your talking about is people that are pro ED, and i'm pretty sure this site doesnt allow that kind of stuff. your better off somewhere else, the moderators dont let us give pro ED advice.

1vm6, the moderators won't let anyone post pro ed advice just like they won't let anyone post hateful messages because they know its wrong. The moderators obviously don't wan't anyone being encouraged to listen to advice that can be detrimental to their health. Eating disorders are exactly what they are, an disorder. Disorders should not be encouraged. Eating disorders are known to cause serious health problems and can affect someones health permanently. Eating disorders can also affect someones metal health also. There have been cases where some people have died because of their eating disorder. Encouraging an eating disorder is wrong. Thats why the moderators band pro eating disorder advice. Ask any doctor about an eating disorder and they will tell you the same thing.

Cleo,

HI, I want to tell you that I used to have an ED too. I am 5'3" and at my worst I weighed in at 90 lbs. I gratuated from high school a few weeks after starting to get help for my problem. The beautiful red gown I had bought earlier which had been a perfect fit, now just hung like a rag. I was devistated at the way I looked. What was suposed to be a wonderful day simply was not. I looked aweful and I felt even worse.

And if all that wasnt bad enough I also have developed irritated bowels, which may have been caused from not eating properly. This means that I get diarrehea all the time. I might be at the movies with my daughter and suddenely BANG im in the bathroom for the next couple hours with stomach pains, gas, and severe diarrehea.

Ask yourself if this is really what you want. Look in the mirror today and know that no matter what people say or how skinny other women are you are perfect the way you are. You are a great person and you deserve to be loved and to be happy. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

Hope this helps!

lil red chevy