eurokelly
10-31-2006, 04:26 PM
I am feeling very low about the whole thing.....got AF today and feel depressed. 1/2 of me is scared to be pregnant in case I lose it again but the other 1/2 of me is desperate that i will never even have the chance. How long do we go through this, counting the days out in AF, O, 2WW and AF due without going crazy? I just want a family of my own so much. I know there are not any actual answers to these questions, I just don't know what to do next. I am so used to being in control of my life, and yet this one thing, the thing I want most in the world, is out of my control. I have so much else, a great relationship, a job I love, an amazing family and I am truly grateful for all that....and yet....I just don't feel complete. So, how do I do this again next month????
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ksf74
10-31-2006, 04:40 PM
Oh EuroKelly... my heart goes out to you... I read your post and I completely feel the same way. I have not posted lately since getting my BFN/AF last week. I was really down in a slump but my DH kept saying "babe, it's not our month" and "It will happen when God wants it to happen". I keep saying to myself that I have to believe him but it does not take away the feelings of hopelessness. I too have to always be in control and it is not a great feeling when you aren't. I always wanted 2 kids by the time I was 30 and I am not 32 and have not had any success in conceiving one.
Let's both try to stay positive and focus on next month. At least we are both alive and have great husbands and are healthy enough to keep trying....
I will keep you in my prayers...
-Kelly (USA Kelly!) :)
Let's both try to stay positive and focus on next month. At least we are both alive and have great husbands and are healthy enough to keep trying....
I will keep you in my prayers...
-Kelly (USA Kelly!) :)
alamaz
10-31-2006, 04:52 PM
i totally know where you are coming from. some days are a lot harder than others. and i don't know if it's me or what but after AF showed up Sunday morning the whole rest of the day everytime i turned around everything was about babies and ttc (on tv, in the newspaper, at the grocery store). it seems i get so senstive right after AF shows up. the feelings of not being able to control the process and desperately wanting something for the past 15 or so odd years i've shunned are overwhelming.
as kelly said the only thing you can really do is focus on what you DO have and appreciate those things for being in your life and for making you happy.
so far i've tried to keep myself busy with new things. i've offered to volunteer at a local animal shelter just to keep me busy on those days when all that seems to consume my mind is ttc. sometimes mixing things up a bit are just what a girl needs to feel better.
prayers and lotsa supa sticky baby dust :angel:
as kelly said the only thing you can really do is focus on what you DO have and appreciate those things for being in your life and for making you happy.
so far i've tried to keep myself busy with new things. i've offered to volunteer at a local animal shelter just to keep me busy on those days when all that seems to consume my mind is ttc. sometimes mixing things up a bit are just what a girl needs to feel better.
prayers and lotsa supa sticky baby dust :angel:
cat1317
10-31-2006, 05:08 PM
Hi eurokelly,
I know exactly how you feel. AF arrived this morning (right on time). I feel so down, that I really don't know what to do next. DH and I have been ttc for a while and this time around for some reason has really got me down. I'm so sad that at this point I am clueless what else I can do. Sorry to vent so much, I'm just having a very down day!
I know exactly how you feel. AF arrived this morning (right on time). I feel so down, that I really don't know what to do next. DH and I have been ttc for a while and this time around for some reason has really got me down. I'm so sad that at this point I am clueless what else I can do. Sorry to vent so much, I'm just having a very down day!
megss
10-31-2006, 05:23 PM
I too, know how you feel. It is so emotionally exhausting. Especially when everyone around you is turning up pregnant by accident or your best friend gets it on her first try. And what makes it frusterating is that not many people truely understand how you feel, even DH's! It truly does consume your life...because you have to act as if you are pregnant all the time: no drinking, no medicine, exc..... And the worst is every single month when you experience a new symptom(s) and just swear you are pregnant, only to recieve AF later. Its heart breaking! And confusing! Suddenly you realize you know nothing about your body, and understand exactly how jealous of a person you can be!
Sorry I vented a little, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings!!!!
I did take a break for a few months from ttc, and I do feel better after that, but I am terrified to test this time because I don't want another BFN. I will feel awful if that happens. I guess I keep going because I want it so badly. I pray every night to be blessed with a child, and I guess I really believe that it will eventually happen, even if its with medical assistance!
Just don't give up hope! Christmas time is right around the corner! That should take your mind off things for awhile!
Best Wishes
Megan
Sorry I vented a little, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings!!!!
I did take a break for a few months from ttc, and I do feel better after that, but I am terrified to test this time because I don't want another BFN. I will feel awful if that happens. I guess I keep going because I want it so badly. I pray every night to be blessed with a child, and I guess I really believe that it will eventually happen, even if its with medical assistance!
Just don't give up hope! Christmas time is right around the corner! That should take your mind off things for awhile!
Best Wishes
Megan
hickscourtney
10-31-2006, 05:24 PM
I know exactly how you feel! I feel teh same wya and I asked my DH last night..."what do we do different next time??" It is so frusterating. It seems like everything around me is baby, baby, baby...its so hard. Well I wish you the best of luck and just know you are not alone. Stay positive.
onemoretry808
10-31-2006, 06:28 PM
Im sooo sorry to hear how your feeling.. I too feel the same.. I started spotting yesterday, and my first thought was "spotting? I never get that...maybe implantation!" but AF arrived full force today. So now, on to another month of tryin (4th cycle)...Im definitley going to do things to keep my mind off this. I will continue to try and concieve, but Ill definitely be more laidback about it. I cant imagine how Id feel if I was to go at it full force, and then see another BFN or have AF arrive. Good luck, we're definitley here for you!:angel:
babywish
10-31-2006, 08:01 PM
I know how you feel eurokelly.
I have been married for 7 years and trying for a kid for 3 years. Months after months, I go through a rollercoaster ride - looking forward to "o" to 2ww and finally BFN at the end of the ride. I was hoping that iui may work for me but my hope was short-lived after I had a m/c at 7wks from my 2nd iui. After the m/c, I took a 3 cycles break and had another 2 failed iui. Depression, frustration, broken heart ... all the negative feelings you name it, I've had it.
Now, I'm taking a 2 cycles break from iui and at the same time shopping for another RE. Will start my 5th iui on 20 Nov.
Be strong eurokelly. You are not the only one that is going through a rough ride. There are many in this board where you can share information and feelings.
I have been married for 7 years and trying for a kid for 3 years. Months after months, I go through a rollercoaster ride - looking forward to "o" to 2ww and finally BFN at the end of the ride. I was hoping that iui may work for me but my hope was short-lived after I had a m/c at 7wks from my 2nd iui. After the m/c, I took a 3 cycles break and had another 2 failed iui. Depression, frustration, broken heart ... all the negative feelings you name it, I've had it.
Now, I'm taking a 2 cycles break from iui and at the same time shopping for another RE. Will start my 5th iui on 20 Nov.
Be strong eurokelly. You are not the only one that is going through a rough ride. There are many in this board where you can share information and feelings.
eurokelly
11-01-2006, 05:35 AM
what amazing women you all are - thanks for reminding me that I am not alone in this. I still feel quite low today, and only usually 'allow' myself 1 day of it, but I am just rolling with it this month. Of course we carry on, because we want it so much, but I really don't think I help myself by being super-optimistic all the time, just feels like I fall harder on each AF. So this cycle I will just take it a little easier, lower my expectations and accept that if this is another failed cycle I will go back to the doctor and put another plan in motion. Thanks again all of you, i mean it, you make the world of difference xxxx
cat1317
11-01-2006, 09:34 PM
Hi eurokelly,
I couldn't agree with you more. AF came yesterday. I'm going to do the same thing this cycle. I'm basically going to go with the flow (LOL). I'll be thinking of you this month and hoping everything goes well during our 2ww.
-Cat
I couldn't agree with you more. AF came yesterday. I'm going to do the same thing this cycle. I'm basically going to go with the flow (LOL). I'll be thinking of you this month and hoping everything goes well during our 2ww.
-Cat
dizzygirl
11-02-2006, 10:35 AM
Kelly, you posted what we are all feeling every month. It is so hard, especially that 2ww, when you think that you "got" it this month, only to find out you didn't. Thank goodness we all have each other, because I know I can't talk about this stuff with anyone else(because they would just tell me to hold tight blah blah blah...) and dh just tells me to relax, but you CAN'T! I agree with megss that taking a break can help. I know that when I had a chemical pregnancy in March, I needed to break from this for a while, and this time around I do have a little(and I do mean little) bit of a better attitude, but that darn period every month just makes you feel so small, that you have absolutely NO control.
Just know that we are here for you, and everyone else that feels like this........:angel:
Just know that we are here for you, and everyone else that feels like this........:angel:
principessa
11-02-2006, 03:11 PM
Hi girls, I'm in the same boat - just fed up with it all! It just seems to get worse as time goes on. I thought I'd never get Pg after almost a year of trying and then out of the blue BFP!! But alas I then went on to have a missed m/c and ERPC which I forced myself to get over by convincing myself I'd get a BFP by the end of the year. Then I had two chemical Pgs in a row, AF, AF, chemical Pg and NOW (as you know from my other thread) to put the icing on the cake my AF is a week overdue and I am NOT BFP :eek: !! I am now worrying about whether or not my cycle will return to normal. It's soooo hard to stay positive but as we have seen in these boards lady luck is out there and it might be our chance for a visit next!!
Love and luck to us all xxx
Love and luck to us all xxx