McGloogan
10-31-2006, 09:55 PM
First I was convinced that I was going to die and I couldn't stop thinking about my health. Then I was scared that I was going to go insane. Then I started thinking I was going to turn into a psychotic killer. Then I was scared that I would start to hear voices in my head talking to me. During all of this, I strangely fell in love with this girl. Now- I'm scared that I'm going to turn homosexual. Does this sound like a shoe-in for OCD? Alot of people on this site have said it probably is, my psychologist said I have traits of it, and my friend with OCD said it sounds all too familiar.
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steveo23
11-01-2006, 01:30 AM
Traits?? Unfortunately it sounds like the whole deal.
Only an obsessive compulsive could worry in succession like that about dying, going crazy, becoming schizophrenic, a killer, or a homosexual. These notions alone are very common symptoms, and to be honest, ones that I have experienced personally in my time with this disorder. In retrospect you laugh, but at the time it's terrifying.
I'd tend to agree with your OCD friend. How long has this been going on with you?
Steve
Only an obsessive compulsive could worry in succession like that about dying, going crazy, becoming schizophrenic, a killer, or a homosexual. These notions alone are very common symptoms, and to be honest, ones that I have experienced personally in my time with this disorder. In retrospect you laugh, but at the time it's terrifying.
I'd tend to agree with your OCD friend. How long has this been going on with you?
Steve
McGloogan
11-01-2006, 09:36 AM
Traits?? Unfortunately it sounds like the whole deal.
Only an obsessive compulsive could worry in succession like that about dying, going crazy, becoming schizophrenic, a killer, or a homosexual. These notions alone are very common symptoms, and to be honest, ones that I have experienced personally in my time with this disorder. In retrospect you laugh, but at the time it's terrifying.
I'd tend to agree with your OCD friend. How long has this been going on with you?
Steve
Well, it has been seriously affecting me for about the past 3 months. I was convinced that I was going to die for about a month and half from early August to mid September. Then for a little while after that I just felt like anything could happen and kind of didn't care. Then a few weeks ago, I was sitting in school and started to think I'd go insane because I was thinking about God/the universe/creation, etc. and I couldn't stop thinking about it. THIS was the first time I was actually conscious that I was having weird thought processes. Then the next day a counselor said to me "Well everything you say here is confidential unless your planning on killing yourself or someone else"... So of course that train of "what-if?"'s came next. Then I was ready a story about a guy who heard voices in his head and thought that would happen. Then I was thinking about the girl I like and I saw a gay couple on TV and started to get scared that I could turn homosexual.
I agree with you- once its all over, I'm sure I'll crack up at all of this (I mean, I feel like I want to right now), but now- its just too scary.
Only an obsessive compulsive could worry in succession like that about dying, going crazy, becoming schizophrenic, a killer, or a homosexual. These notions alone are very common symptoms, and to be honest, ones that I have experienced personally in my time with this disorder. In retrospect you laugh, but at the time it's terrifying.
I'd tend to agree with your OCD friend. How long has this been going on with you?
Steve
Well, it has been seriously affecting me for about the past 3 months. I was convinced that I was going to die for about a month and half from early August to mid September. Then for a little while after that I just felt like anything could happen and kind of didn't care. Then a few weeks ago, I was sitting in school and started to think I'd go insane because I was thinking about God/the universe/creation, etc. and I couldn't stop thinking about it. THIS was the first time I was actually conscious that I was having weird thought processes. Then the next day a counselor said to me "Well everything you say here is confidential unless your planning on killing yourself or someone else"... So of course that train of "what-if?"'s came next. Then I was ready a story about a guy who heard voices in his head and thought that would happen. Then I was thinking about the girl I like and I saw a gay couple on TV and started to get scared that I could turn homosexual.
I agree with you- once its all over, I'm sure I'll crack up at all of this (I mean, I feel like I want to right now), but now- its just too scary.
McGloogan
11-01-2006, 09:36 AM
Traits?? Unfortunately it sounds like the whole deal.
Only an obsessive compulsive could worry in succession like that about dying, going crazy, becoming schizophrenic, a killer, or a homosexual. These notions alone are very common symptoms, and to be honest, ones that I have experienced personally in my time with this disorder. In retrospect you laugh, but at the time it's terrifying.
I'd tend to agree with your OCD friend. How long has this been going on with you?
Steve
Well, it has been seriously affecting me for about the past 3 months. I was convinced that I was going to die for about a month and half from early August to mid September. Then for a little while after that I just felt like anything could happen and kind of didn't care. Then a few weeks ago, I was sitting in school and started to think I'd go insane because I was thinking about God/the universe/creation, etc. and I couldn't stop thinking about it. THIS was the first time I was actually conscious that I was having weird thought processes. Then the next day a counselor said to me "Well everything you say here is confidential unless your planning on killing yourself or someone else"... So of course that train of "what-if?"'s came next. Then I was ready a story about a guy who heard voices in his head and thought that would happen. Then I was thinking about the girl I like and I saw a gay couple on TV and started to get scared that I could turn homosexual.
I agree with you- once its all over, I'm sure I'll crack up at all of this (I mean, I feel like I want to right now), but now- its just too scary.
Only an obsessive compulsive could worry in succession like that about dying, going crazy, becoming schizophrenic, a killer, or a homosexual. These notions alone are very common symptoms, and to be honest, ones that I have experienced personally in my time with this disorder. In retrospect you laugh, but at the time it's terrifying.
I'd tend to agree with your OCD friend. How long has this been going on with you?
Steve
Well, it has been seriously affecting me for about the past 3 months. I was convinced that I was going to die for about a month and half from early August to mid September. Then for a little while after that I just felt like anything could happen and kind of didn't care. Then a few weeks ago, I was sitting in school and started to think I'd go insane because I was thinking about God/the universe/creation, etc. and I couldn't stop thinking about it. THIS was the first time I was actually conscious that I was having weird thought processes. Then the next day a counselor said to me "Well everything you say here is confidential unless your planning on killing yourself or someone else"... So of course that train of "what-if?"'s came next. Then I was ready a story about a guy who heard voices in his head and thought that would happen. Then I was thinking about the girl I like and I saw a gay couple on TV and started to get scared that I could turn homosexual.
I agree with you- once its all over, I'm sure I'll crack up at all of this (I mean, I feel like I want to right now), but now- its just too scary.
steveo23
11-02-2006, 03:07 AM
Hey McGloogan
Yeah, thats typical of OCD patterns, and they are damn scary. I always had OCD tendencies right from a little kid, but they began to take on more sinister proportions at high school and later college, so I can understand how you feel.
For someone who seems to be suffering from OCD, that was not the best thing for that counselor to say to you. I think I would freak if my doctor or whoever said that to me. Sometimes, they do not realize they are doing more harm than good, and can be forgiven because not many are experienced with OCD. "What if" is the hallmark of the disorder. Just remember though, all these fears are the product of an anxiety disorder and have no basis in reality. Rest assured, you are not "turning" gay right now, even if it seems real (being gay in reality is a whole lot different, and no one ever "turns" into anything).
Has your psychologist diagnosed you OCD? Maybe it would be a good idea to discuss these various obsessions with him/her.
Steve
Yeah, thats typical of OCD patterns, and they are damn scary. I always had OCD tendencies right from a little kid, but they began to take on more sinister proportions at high school and later college, so I can understand how you feel.
For someone who seems to be suffering from OCD, that was not the best thing for that counselor to say to you. I think I would freak if my doctor or whoever said that to me. Sometimes, they do not realize they are doing more harm than good, and can be forgiven because not many are experienced with OCD. "What if" is the hallmark of the disorder. Just remember though, all these fears are the product of an anxiety disorder and have no basis in reality. Rest assured, you are not "turning" gay right now, even if it seems real (being gay in reality is a whole lot different, and no one ever "turns" into anything).
Has your psychologist diagnosed you OCD? Maybe it would be a good idea to discuss these various obsessions with him/her.
Steve
brook65
11-02-2006, 01:52 PM
Hi
Yeah I agree with everything Steve has been saying to you.
I would say that you do have OCD and not just tendacies.
Just remember that the things you worry about happening, or you may carry out, as a rule don't happen.
For instance I worry about leaving my cooker on, and the house burning down. So I check and check and recheck in the hope that won't happen. So although I worry about ME leaving the cooker on, the fact that I am overly worried about that happening, I am unlikely to leave it on am I ?
Your worries are classic OCD, especially the worry of madness. OCD can make us obsess about going mad, but the truth is we know our thoughts are not normal, it is just that we can't seem to get a grip of them.
Mad people think they are normal and that their symptoms are normal.
Is there anyone in your family with OCD?
Yeah I agree with everything Steve has been saying to you.
I would say that you do have OCD and not just tendacies.
Just remember that the things you worry about happening, or you may carry out, as a rule don't happen.
For instance I worry about leaving my cooker on, and the house burning down. So I check and check and recheck in the hope that won't happen. So although I worry about ME leaving the cooker on, the fact that I am overly worried about that happening, I am unlikely to leave it on am I ?
Your worries are classic OCD, especially the worry of madness. OCD can make us obsess about going mad, but the truth is we know our thoughts are not normal, it is just that we can't seem to get a grip of them.
Mad people think they are normal and that their symptoms are normal.
Is there anyone in your family with OCD?
McGloogan
11-02-2006, 04:42 PM
Is there anyone in your family with OCD?
Yes, my sister is but she's also autistic.
I know these thoughts are false but it really is painful. I mean, even though I realize now how silly those past thoughts were (obsessing with dying, becoming a killer, losing my mind, becoming schizophrenic, etc.), this new thought of being homosexual scares me just as much. Its like I keep having to ask myself "What if I start to get aroused by another dude?" etc. and then its like I have to look around and make sure I don't. And then that leads you to believe its real so its very puzzling :dizzy:
So basically Steve what your saying was- if someone in reality was gay, they would've known or at least suspected it before an anxiety related issue like this, right? Because I mean I've been attracted to women for my whole life and I recently fell in love, and now this thought is just confusing me and freaking me out. And put it this way- if I would have ever questioned myself being a homosexual before any of this anxiety started, I would've laughed about it.
Yes, my sister is but she's also autistic.
I know these thoughts are false but it really is painful. I mean, even though I realize now how silly those past thoughts were (obsessing with dying, becoming a killer, losing my mind, becoming schizophrenic, etc.), this new thought of being homosexual scares me just as much. Its like I keep having to ask myself "What if I start to get aroused by another dude?" etc. and then its like I have to look around and make sure I don't. And then that leads you to believe its real so its very puzzling :dizzy:
So basically Steve what your saying was- if someone in reality was gay, they would've known or at least suspected it before an anxiety related issue like this, right? Because I mean I've been attracted to women for my whole life and I recently fell in love, and now this thought is just confusing me and freaking me out. And put it this way- if I would have ever questioned myself being a homosexual before any of this anxiety started, I would've laughed about it.
steveo23
11-03-2006, 05:17 AM
Hey McGloogan
Autism and OCD are closely linked, and these kind of things tend to run infamilies, so it's not surprising.
Once OCD is done with one obsession it moves onto another. As soon as these sexuality fears have resolved themselves, a new obsession will likely crop up, so it's always wise to get treatment for this disorder.
As brook was saying, this sexuality obsession you have at the moment is no different to worrying about leaving the cooker on. Yes, if you were gay you would have known or at least suspected a long time ago. What a lot of people dont realize is that being gay comes as naturally as being straight, nobody has to tell you what to be, it is always there... even if a lot of gay people feel they have to deny or hide it because of the unfortunate prejudice they face in society. Gay folks dont have to check or question. I think a lot of straight people (if not all) occasionally question if they could be gay or bi, but then these people dont have OCD so they dont worry about it for long! Your behaviour, and "checking" whether you are attracted to the same sex, is very typical of OCD.
It's an obsession that I experienced personally, and you have almost echoed what I said in the past when I was going through it. The lifelong attraction to the opposite sex highlights the irrationality of this obsession. To put it in context, it is not unknown for truly gay people with OCD to suffer from an obsession that they are straight. You have nothing worry about, no matter how real it seems.
Take it easy
Steve
Autism and OCD are closely linked, and these kind of things tend to run infamilies, so it's not surprising.
Once OCD is done with one obsession it moves onto another. As soon as these sexuality fears have resolved themselves, a new obsession will likely crop up, so it's always wise to get treatment for this disorder.
As brook was saying, this sexuality obsession you have at the moment is no different to worrying about leaving the cooker on. Yes, if you were gay you would have known or at least suspected a long time ago. What a lot of people dont realize is that being gay comes as naturally as being straight, nobody has to tell you what to be, it is always there... even if a lot of gay people feel they have to deny or hide it because of the unfortunate prejudice they face in society. Gay folks dont have to check or question. I think a lot of straight people (if not all) occasionally question if they could be gay or bi, but then these people dont have OCD so they dont worry about it for long! Your behaviour, and "checking" whether you are attracted to the same sex, is very typical of OCD.
It's an obsession that I experienced personally, and you have almost echoed what I said in the past when I was going through it. The lifelong attraction to the opposite sex highlights the irrationality of this obsession. To put it in context, it is not unknown for truly gay people with OCD to suffer from an obsession that they are straight. You have nothing worry about, no matter how real it seems.
Take it easy
Steve
brook65
11-03-2006, 08:44 AM
Hey McGloogan - another point is:-
You are straight, cause if you weren't you wouldn't find the prospect of being gay so scarey and worrying, it would just feel natural.
Also like Steve said, you would of known about being gay BEFORE this new obsession took hold.
Take care Brook
You are straight, cause if you weren't you wouldn't find the prospect of being gay so scarey and worrying, it would just feel natural.
Also like Steve said, you would of known about being gay BEFORE this new obsession took hold.
Take care Brook
McGloogan
11-03-2006, 03:36 PM
Hey McGloogan - another point is:-
You are straight, cause if you weren't you wouldn't find the prospect of being gay so scarey and worrying, it would just feel natural.
Also like Steve said, you would of known about being gay BEFORE this new obsession took hold.
Take care Brook
Thanks. I know deep down this is true, but its just so hard right now. Its like my brain keeps finding every little negative question it can think of. "Well what if you WERE gay or bi but just didn't realize it till now"? When in reality- someone would definetly know if they were. And I agree- if I was gay I wouldn't find these thoughts so wrong and uncomfortable.
Sorry I keep bumping the thread, but reading stuff like this just makes me feel good, but hey I guess thats what this site is for right? To get opinions from other people who've gone through what you have and to give your opinions to other people who are going through what you've had. So thanks again.
You are straight, cause if you weren't you wouldn't find the prospect of being gay so scarey and worrying, it would just feel natural.
Also like Steve said, you would of known about being gay BEFORE this new obsession took hold.
Take care Brook
Thanks. I know deep down this is true, but its just so hard right now. Its like my brain keeps finding every little negative question it can think of. "Well what if you WERE gay or bi but just didn't realize it till now"? When in reality- someone would definetly know if they were. And I agree- if I was gay I wouldn't find these thoughts so wrong and uncomfortable.
Sorry I keep bumping the thread, but reading stuff like this just makes me feel good, but hey I guess thats what this site is for right? To get opinions from other people who've gone through what you have and to give your opinions to other people who are going through what you've had. So thanks again.
steveo23
11-04-2006, 10:53 AM
McGloogan
No worries. Obsessions, whatever they focus on, can be extremely scary.
The clearest indication you have of OCD is this "self argument" that is going on with you. We all do it. We know it's irrational... yet we cannot seem to accept that and move on like anybody else would. This is OCD.
A word of advice on this sexuality obsession... your head (well, your OCD) WILL actively lie to you and make you doubt everything you have ever experienced. But just remember, as long as you view this as OCD and nothing else you will be fine. Distance the thoughts away from a "sexuality concern" (because this is what your OCD would like you to believe it is), and relabel them as what they are... OCD thoughts. Do this, and you will find it's much easier to cope with. The more you wrestle with the thoughts, the more they will come. Dont fight them and dont argue with them, because eventually, all obsessions die from not being paid attention to. And then you will be free to pursue an obvious hobby of chasing women without worrying. :)
Steve
No worries. Obsessions, whatever they focus on, can be extremely scary.
The clearest indication you have of OCD is this "self argument" that is going on with you. We all do it. We know it's irrational... yet we cannot seem to accept that and move on like anybody else would. This is OCD.
A word of advice on this sexuality obsession... your head (well, your OCD) WILL actively lie to you and make you doubt everything you have ever experienced. But just remember, as long as you view this as OCD and nothing else you will be fine. Distance the thoughts away from a "sexuality concern" (because this is what your OCD would like you to believe it is), and relabel them as what they are... OCD thoughts. Do this, and you will find it's much easier to cope with. The more you wrestle with the thoughts, the more they will come. Dont fight them and dont argue with them, because eventually, all obsessions die from not being paid attention to. And then you will be free to pursue an obvious hobby of chasing women without worrying. :)
Steve
McGloogan
11-04-2006, 11:39 AM
McGloogan
No worries. Obsessions, whatever they focus on, can be extremely scary.
The clearest indication you have of OCD is this "self argument" that is going on with you. We all do it. We know it's irrational... yet we cannot seem to accept that and move on like anybody else would. This is OCD.
A word of advice on this sexuality obsession... your head (well, your OCD) WILL actively lie to you and make you doubt everything you have ever experienced. But just remember, as long as you view this as OCD and nothing else you will be fine. Distance the thoughts away from a "sexuality concern" (because this is what your OCD would like you to believe it is), and relabel them as what they are... OCD thoughts. Do this, and you will find it's much easier to cope with. The more you wrestle with the thoughts, the more they will come. Dont fight them and dont argue with them, because eventually, all obsessions die from not being paid attention to. And then you will be free to pursue an obvious hobby of chasing women without worrying. :)
Steve
Again, thank you so much. So OCD really can mess with your head this much then... damn. Its unbelievable. What you say about "OCD will make you doubt everything you ever experienced" is also 100% true, thats what I've been having the most trouble with. For some reason the OCD keeps telling me "You've probably been gay your whole life" and it keeps bringing these stupid thoughts, yet I know for a fact that I've been visually stimulated by women since the beginning of puberty and even before that to a degree, and I've been sensitive and shy around women for my whole life. And if a question of sexuality ever arose in the past, I'd laugh about it and forget it in like 5 seconds because I was 100% certain I was straight.
No worries. Obsessions, whatever they focus on, can be extremely scary.
The clearest indication you have of OCD is this "self argument" that is going on with you. We all do it. We know it's irrational... yet we cannot seem to accept that and move on like anybody else would. This is OCD.
A word of advice on this sexuality obsession... your head (well, your OCD) WILL actively lie to you and make you doubt everything you have ever experienced. But just remember, as long as you view this as OCD and nothing else you will be fine. Distance the thoughts away from a "sexuality concern" (because this is what your OCD would like you to believe it is), and relabel them as what they are... OCD thoughts. Do this, and you will find it's much easier to cope with. The more you wrestle with the thoughts, the more they will come. Dont fight them and dont argue with them, because eventually, all obsessions die from not being paid attention to. And then you will be free to pursue an obvious hobby of chasing women without worrying. :)
Steve
Again, thank you so much. So OCD really can mess with your head this much then... damn. Its unbelievable. What you say about "OCD will make you doubt everything you ever experienced" is also 100% true, thats what I've been having the most trouble with. For some reason the OCD keeps telling me "You've probably been gay your whole life" and it keeps bringing these stupid thoughts, yet I know for a fact that I've been visually stimulated by women since the beginning of puberty and even before that to a degree, and I've been sensitive and shy around women for my whole life. And if a question of sexuality ever arose in the past, I'd laugh about it and forget it in like 5 seconds because I was 100% certain I was straight.
steveo23
11-04-2006, 07:26 PM
Hey dd12
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time.... but yeah I DO perfectly understand you. All your self questioning is very OCD. It's doubt thats gone beyond all logic. Unfortunately the disorder can get so confusing and mind numbing that we dont know what is what anymore, including ourselves. We can end up even "questioning" the questions like only an OCD sufferer could. A lot of people struggle with guilt and feel like a horrible person because of OCD (I know I have), and sometimes it's hard to imagine that it's all down to a tiny biochemical glitch in the brain. But it is. It's like cutting a brake wire on a car... it does'nt seem like a big thing, but it can have drastic consequences. People were always meant to question by nature... but only to a certain extent. OCD pushes the boundaries of that and creates absolute chaos and the illusion of an identity crisis. But believe me, you are who you always were.
It's all about possibilities with OCD... which are far different from reality. You ask yourself whether you actually do enjoy these thoughts? No, and you never will. The whole process of questioning and panic and feeling low is testament to that. People only get depressed, panic or worry when we experience something uncomfortable that goes against our sense of security or ethics... if your OCD let you take a break and step outside of your worry, you'd see that, but it doesnt. It's just the same as McGloogan falsely worrying that he could be gay (as it was with me once)... it's never gonna happen, but he'll worry all the same, just like you do, and just like I did.
It's obvious you're going through a tough time right now, and it's hard when you have intrusive thoughts about loved ones as I have now and then (especially your kids, I can only imagine), but sit out the storm. OCD has a weird way of lifting suddenly. Even the worst episodes end.
But no, you wont ever act on these thoughts, nor do you secretly enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever. :)
Steve
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time.... but yeah I DO perfectly understand you. All your self questioning is very OCD. It's doubt thats gone beyond all logic. Unfortunately the disorder can get so confusing and mind numbing that we dont know what is what anymore, including ourselves. We can end up even "questioning" the questions like only an OCD sufferer could. A lot of people struggle with guilt and feel like a horrible person because of OCD (I know I have), and sometimes it's hard to imagine that it's all down to a tiny biochemical glitch in the brain. But it is. It's like cutting a brake wire on a car... it does'nt seem like a big thing, but it can have drastic consequences. People were always meant to question by nature... but only to a certain extent. OCD pushes the boundaries of that and creates absolute chaos and the illusion of an identity crisis. But believe me, you are who you always were.
It's all about possibilities with OCD... which are far different from reality. You ask yourself whether you actually do enjoy these thoughts? No, and you never will. The whole process of questioning and panic and feeling low is testament to that. People only get depressed, panic or worry when we experience something uncomfortable that goes against our sense of security or ethics... if your OCD let you take a break and step outside of your worry, you'd see that, but it doesnt. It's just the same as McGloogan falsely worrying that he could be gay (as it was with me once)... it's never gonna happen, but he'll worry all the same, just like you do, and just like I did.
It's obvious you're going through a tough time right now, and it's hard when you have intrusive thoughts about loved ones as I have now and then (especially your kids, I can only imagine), but sit out the storm. OCD has a weird way of lifting suddenly. Even the worst episodes end.
But no, you wont ever act on these thoughts, nor do you secretly enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever. :)
Steve
FSUgirl
11-05-2006, 09:12 AM
I totally understand too. i used to have horrible thoughts, images, urges, to hurt my son and then the thoughts started with doing those things to myself. since all of that started, i'm doing much better but still do the questioning everyday of "what if i want to be dead?", "what if i enjoy the thoughts", etc...it's so annoying since nothing i tell myself can make the questions go away. since finding message boards i've been able to feel a bit more confident that it truly is ocd and that lets me allow the thoughts to be there without ALWAYS questioning. but i feel your pain. i have an amazing life and have no reason to hurt myself, but i question it everyday. ocd has a mind of its own !!!! i have found that by keeping busy and allowing the thoughts to be there and not analyzing them that i'm able to have a few hours a day that are starting to feel "normal". then i'm able to see the thoughts for what they are...just ocd thoughts.
anyways, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that is does get better....slowly but it does. hang in there !!!!
anyways, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that is does get better....slowly but it does. hang in there !!!!