Hello

My Ma (Stage 4 or is it IV now - diaognosed 10Aug) NSCLC has been hospitalised for over 2 months now but is going home tomorrow!!! which is great.

Although not dying, she has been staying in a hospice for over a month until
she felt stronger. She has just completed her 2nd course of chemo - a CT scan is scheduled for Nov. She had one horrible week on the chemo and caught an infection (they had to skip the chemo,) and went through a couple of bad days of envying a room mate who died!, but this feeling passed. (I was a bit shocked when she told me this)

Conan - haven't seen you post lately - just wondering how your wife Patsy is doing. I think she is about a month ahead of my Ma treatment wise. Hope things are ok.

Jan and Jan Marie - thinking of you both, read all your posts.

Take Care All

Lesley


ps. A Hospice
My Ma staying in a hospice has completely changed my perception of what a hospice is like. I thought it would be a horrible scary place. It was lovely, surrounded by beautiful trees and squirrels, wonderful food and marvellous staff. No air of misery whatsoever. I personally think it's nicer to share a room, rather than be alone - then you can look out for each other.
Now that my Ma has been there once, although I'd be devastated if/when she has to go back - I'd be ok with it. She's been told she can go back if she has problems with pain or breathing.

hi Lesley-

I am so glad to hear the good news. I can't imagine 2 months in the hospital -for either of you. We had previously spent about 3 weeks (3 different visits) and enjoyed about 8 weeks or so infection and hospital free, but we are back at the moment. Patsy is getting some blood and platelettes for some anemia that developed and she has some bloody sputum. Tommorow we getting a bronc for the sputum, but I don't think it is a problem. Hopefully she can go home friday (our youngest turns 2 on Sat).

Sorry I haven't checked in -but I have followed the board. I will pray for you and your mom tonight.

JanMarie -I hope you are doing well. I know you are a strong and courageous woman and I hope you can find time to rest. I will be praying for you and your mom as well.

conan

Hi

I am brand new on here and saw your post. My mom was diagnosed Oct.3-Stage 4.She has had a rough time with the 1st round of chemo and today she found out that it has gone onto her liver. We are devastated. Don't know what to do. Feelings of hopelessness & helplessness. How do you cope?
God bless you and your family.

rusty-

Many here have experienced and do experience what your going through. When we first discover that someone we love is in this condition, the emotional and physchological reactions are difficult to manage. And I believe we go through stages -partly due to the "ups and downs" we experience. One day you here some good, the next day something devastates you. What I am trying to say is that there is no "magical cures" to dealing this and I believe others here who know better than myself might agree.

My wife is only 42 and we have 3 young children, 2 teens and 2 adult age children. So we have alot to manage and cope with. Here are some things that I found to be most helpful.

1. We appraoch each day thankful for that day and live that day for what it is worth, maximizing the good days and minimizing the bad ones.

2. We avoid "poor me" parties (somestimes very difficult to do). There is nothing I can gain by feeling sorry for myself or by wallowing in my grief. All I have to do is walk down the hall here to the children's hospital and find famalies far more devastated than we are.

3. Talk with others who are going through the same thing. I think this is a wonderful community for doing just that. I find the people here are compassionate and very knowledgable. Also, be sure to allow your church and/or community assist you as well.

4. I think counseling is a good idea -although I haven't felt the need for professional counseling. I think men are wire in such a way that we are able to manage our emotions/fears as long as he have a job to. However, if I were to loose my wife at some time - I wouldn't hesitate to get counseling. I think it is a personal call.

5. When I was 30 I gave my life to Christ and have been radically changed. I understand that Christians are not immune to problems and difficulties, but what we do have is a promise. Christ promises not to never leave us nor forsake us -and that promise continues to hold true. We are going through a terrible storm called caner and during the worst parts I have heard HIm say "Peace be still" and even tho the winds and rain rage -we have had a peace that is undescibable.

I hope something I have shared has helped. If there is anything I can share or offer -please let me know.

Grace and peace be multiplied,

conan

Lesley,

I am glad that your mom is finally able to come home. Back in the beginning my mom only spent 3 days in the hospital and all she could think about was going home. On the last day they gave her chemo then we had a couple hours wait for the bone scan they had scheduled and she kept saying " Can't they do it sooner, I want to go home". She did not enjoy being in the hospital at all. She did have to spend 2 nights a few weeks later but that has been it, thank God. When she got a pneumonia back in Nov-Dec. 2004 though it was a total white out of her right lung and she also had a urinary tract infection and looked terrible they decided to just treat it with oral antibiotics which surprized me but made mom very happy as she did not have to go back in the hospital.

Working in a hospital for 25 yrs now, I know what it must have been like for your mom and for you spending 2 months there. I don't think I could do it and yes I would be envying the room mate that died too especially if I was feeling awful. I have had long term patients tell me that exact same thing.

I am glad your mom is doing better and will pray that she stays healthy and out of the hospital and has some good days to look foreward too.

My mom is getting in home hospice care. She would not be happy having to go anyplace as she wants to be home where my dad and the animals ( 2 dogs and her cat) are. She went to bed at 8:30 last night and there was her cat all curled up next to her.

Conan, I hope Patsy's bronch goes well and that she goes home today. I am glad that you have found faith in your religion. My heart just breaks for Patsy and your children as it must be so hard to be a mom of young kids and have lung cancer as you have such a need to be there and protect them. It hurts just to think about that.You, Patsy and your kids are all in my prayers and I hope that things go well and they can get the anemia under control. Chemo can be so hard on some people. When my mom quit her chemo she told the doctor if she continued the chemo would kill her before the cancer did.

RustyNPatsy, I think at first coping is very difficult as the news a loved one has lung cancer just consumes you and blows yor world apart as all those tomorrows you took for granted are chased away. Your emotions jump all over the place. Time allows you more control of them.

When we first found out and my mom was having such a hard time from the recurrent pleural effusions, and the oncologist painted such a grimm picture the day we met him. I remember sitting in her room thinking we would never even have lunch out, or see a movie together again and all the lasts that happened without my knowing passed in my mind, it drove me crazy. Then months later came the Tarceva and it changed things and my mom felt and looked great and life was back to normal for well over a year.

Now with the starting of hospice my emotions are running wild. It is not easy watching someone you love die.. At the same time your heart is saying please do not die it is also screaming that they not suffer and linger in pain,That God takes them quick.Then the guilt of having those thoughts kicks in. It is a true tug of war with your heart.

How do you cope? I don't know except you just do, You find faith in the fact that this human life is not the end of things but just a quick stop in our spiritual journey. You come to places like this board as people here understand and when I see what others are going through I think it could be worse. We all cope in different ways and Conan has some great suggestions for you.

Last you say the cancer has gone to your mom's liver. My mom had a small spot in her liver in her first CT back in July 2004 and she has made it this long so hang in there. Had the Tarceva worked longer then it did or had the doctor been willing to use avastin those liver mets may have gone away like the actual lung tumor did ( from Tarceva) .


You need to have faith as there are new drugs getting approved that may be the answer. You might also want to look into Cyberknife or even RFA if there is only one or two mets to the liver.Cyberknife is pretty noninvasive radiation that is so focused on its target that it does not destroy healthy tissue but can destroy a tumor. We checked it out for my mom but by then she had too many mets in her liver so they could not do it. Only a few places do it so do an internet search .Alot of them will review records for free and tell you if you are a candidate . We sent a copy of my mom's CT to Stanford and they were all so nice and thoughtful that despite it not being possible for her it was still a postive experience.

Yes the news of it being in the liver is devestating but look how long my mom made it despite the mets to the liver! I will send prayers your way. Keep us posted on how your mom does and feel free to ask any qustions as there are no dumb questions, this is all foreign ground to many.

Take care and remember you are never alone.

Lesley and Conan thanks so much for asking how my mom and I are doing , it means alot during this difficult time. My prayers are with you both during your struggles. JanMarie