Good Morning,
I was concerned when I got up and saw no posting from you Jan. I know Bud is struggling so much and based on what you have been writing the time sounds so near.
I am thinking and praying for you and give you some hugs,
Kim

Jan, I too am sending tons of prayers and thoughts your way. You are not alone in this as we are all there with you in spirit. As I watch my mom make this downhill turn I keep thinking of you and Bud and of Renea and her hubby.I shed tears for us all off and on during the day.May peace and comfort be the norm of today. ((((Hugs)))) JanMarie

Dear friends, this week has been long and hard on our family. Bud had a stroke Monday night between midnight and 4 AM Tuesday. I called the hospice people and family right away since I thought initially he had an "episode". He became combative and I thought he would hit me with his cane, but worst of all was his total confusion and idea that I was trying to poison him with the Ativon ...and wanted to call 911 on me. Luckily, as I finally directed him to the bedroom from the livingroom where he had fallen asleep, he sat for a bit while I was on the phone. I went back in knowing or hoping that after a few minutes lapsed, he would not remember what had taken place, and that turned out to be true. I walked in there, and said "soo...there you are! I wondered where you had gone to...can't turn my back on you for a minute...did you get here by yourself?" to which he said proudly...yes. LOL....I thought he was low on O2 and that was that. Turned out he had a stroke. His speech is slurred now, his left eye, nostril and lip frozen, his left arm unable to grasp.
As the week progressed with such a large number of family members.... (remind me to talk about that later)...it became evident that his time was progressing. We were given 24 hrs on Tue, and here is Fri and Bud is still with us, but barely. He is severly jaundiced, his O2 concentration is at 64 with 6 liters pumping, his abilily to respond very impaired or lacking....
Yes, time is near, but his body (despite what his mind and spirit are wanting) is in survival mode...must be the Marine in him. Now, we are told...who knows could be hours, could be days. But not weeks. So, I started my bedside vigil on Tue and it continues. This treadmill is for the birds. Poor Bud is now reduced to wearing diapers for adults and he drools. He cannot even drink much less eat. As I wait for the angels to come and take him home, I have to wonder where the "mercy" part of our Lord comes into play. But, after chasing everyone off tonight, including the out of town guests, we have been alone and I tried to have as normal an evening as possible, but...

To all of you that have people newly diagnosed with this monster, love them, make memories, be strong, and try to find consolation in the fact that others have walked your path before. We are here for you. I will write again in the next few days, and as I fear, it will probably be after his passing.

God love us and help us all. Love, healing, peace, prayers and lots of peace...

Jan

Jan,
I knew something went wrong and have been sending extra prayers your way, but darn...poor Bud now having a stroke! What a fighter he is and won't let go. What a terrible experience you went thru! I wonder if when he was acting like that a week or two ago if those were mini strokes, makes you wonder. I understand you are beginning to questoin the "mercy" and given all you and Bud have gone thru I cannot blame you. Nice to hear everyone has cleared out so you can have your time alone with Bud. I am sure your nights are probably sleepless sitting next to the love of your life. May God Look over you and give you strength to get thru this. I know Bud needs to leave you behind and he just does not want to, no wonder you love and adore him so much! Amazing Jan how I can be sad and you are going thru worse times and you can make me smile...you are an amazing lady. I thank you for giving me strength.
Need to head to bed, but know you are in my thoughts. I have never met you or Bud, but feel such a strong connection since you have gotten me thru some tough times. (as many others have too)
Hugs for you my dear friend,
Kim

Jan, my heart and prayers are with you also. Be strong for Bud a while longer and may God bless and keep you. Love from Ky., Pat :angel:

Jan,

Lots of prayers and hugs to you and your hubby. So sorry to hear about the sudden change of his condition.

God Bless You and Bud.

Renea

Jan, You have been foremost in my thoughts and prayers all week and will be tonight to as I work. I am so sorry that Bud has had to suffer so much and I can understand your questioning God's Mercy with all he has put you and Bud through.I pray what time Bud has left will be peaceful. My heart is with you.((((((Hugs ))))) JanMarie

Jan, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Bud. I have tears in my eyes for you. I have been through a situation similar to yours with my grandma. Treasure each moment.

My dad has been newly diagnosed with SCLC and I will take your advice and make memories of our times together.