Hi everyone..

I lost my father March of 05.So last year around the holidays was not your typical holiday thing,I skipped it pretty much.No one got together like we had before.But today I get a call from my husband his mother asked that if I would cook this year she had a stroke and really cant do it.He told her I'm sure she will but I think she is going to work some that day.That was one of my "ways" of getting thru the day.My father loved Thanksgiving and Christmas and always had me cook.I enjoyed it so much.

I really want to do this I love my MIL and she wouldn't ask if she could do it.
So by the end of the day my sister comes to see me at work with that "look" saying so your cooking this year.I didnt know what to say, I told her yea I will do it.We talked we know we need to sit up new ways for the holidays.

I feel sad because before I only did it because my dad asked me to do and his last Thanksgiving and Christmas we had evey family member and friend over.It was a way for daddy to boost about his little girl.I miss that.

I feel torn.I want to do this but when I sat down tonight to make a list my stomach went into a knot.So I came here.

I know it's time to make changes and move on for the kids sake.

But how do you do it?? Any tips.

Thanks
Dee

I would like to no that answer as well.......
I know exactly how you feel.....When i took my daughter out for halloween yesterday, i felt so sadden at the fact that this is my first year without my father. He loved seeing my kids all dressed up :( Now i am dreading thanksgiving. I always have it at my house and i still want to hold that tradition. The thing that bothers me the most is he was the one that carved the turkey and although i have another half......it wont feel the same.
Chirstmas will be another thing that i am almost hating to think about.
I love christmas its my fav. holiday and i am trying to figure out what i shall do giving the fact like you i have children and want to keep everything as normal for them. Its so hard that everyday is something new. Dealing with a holiday seems scary in the sense that though i am 29 my father was with me and my family for everyone of them.......
So if you find any comfort in a way that seems right for you....pass it on cause i would like to know so maybe it will help me also deal.
My prayers and thoughts are with you, Rebecca :angel:

Thanks Rebecca29..If I find an answer I will tell you.I feel so bad I didn't take the boys out last night I made them gift baskets instead which in my favor it rained here to it worked out on my part.My dad would check all their candy and I could see that my youngest was thinking who would check his candy this year.And I was right he told me today he wondered if Papa wanted him to go since he couldn't be here to check his candy.I busted into tears and my little one hugged me and said it's ok mamma you did good you just forgots Papa's Milkdudes in my basket and I laughed.My dad would always take his.

My dad always carved the Turkey too.Like you I love Christmas my dadd did too.This year I am putting up the tree and the whole nine yards.I missed it last year but couldn't bring myself to do it all.Because I used it all with his last christmas with us.My husband told me go buy everything new if that would help.I told him it's just not that.It's hard to explain to people.

But as my sister said it's time to start new traditions.I know my dad would want that but still...

My prayers are with you and everyone else going thru this.

Thanks

DEE, I don't know why I came here tonight, but your post has brought alot of memories to mind for me.
I recently lost the last real connection I had to my Mother that passed away 36 yrs ago when I was very young and I lost contact with this person (her name was Dee) right after her funeral and only found her this pass summer and we had planned on getting togather soon and catching up, she is the last one that could have answered so many questions I have about my mother, I have taken Dee's death much harder then I have let on to my family.
In answer to your question I can only tell you how I have gotten through the yrs myself and tell you that it was never easy but with each passing year it became easier, though the loss and the memories are always there, you see I lost my Mother at a very young age when I really needed her and then I lost my father a few yrs ago, both after very long illnesses.
I got by knowing that I wanted my children to have the best memories possible of the holidays I want them and now my grandchildren to have the best memories of the holidays to carry with them through out their lives and to pass on to their children and loved ones.
I believe it is normal to feel torn about doing the things we did with our oved ones without them , however the one thing I believe fully that is that our loved ones would want us to go on and build new memories for their grandchildren and our loved ones. I believe it would sadden them to know that by their passing that we no longer went on with the traditions that they loved so much, that is what traditions are all about, it doesn't mean it has to be the exact same every year but that it will go on every year.
I'm older now and know I may not have many yrs left, the one thing I do know is I want my children and grandchildren to build on the traditions that we started togather and pass on to their families.
Think of as in the terms that if it was your children grieving for you, wouldn't you want them to go on with the traditions your building with them now?
I sincerly hope that you and Rebecca are able to move on and have a wonderful holiday and cherish the good memories of the ones pass..
Linda

Dee,
((big hugs)) Im so sorry about your dad. I can relate to your feelings right now. This will be my first Christmas with out my grandma and possibly with out my grandpa as well. They raised me from 3 weeks old...they were my parents. My grandma passed away this June and my grandpa is quickly losing his battle with lung cancer that has spread to his brain.

Id love to give you some amazing ways to cope during the holidays, but Im stuck on this myself. What I can do, is give you some ideas to cope that I had gotten after my miscarriages.

Plant a tree. I know that might be a little hard with the frozen ground, but perhaps you could buy a plant or flower in his memory.
A tape or CD of songs that remind you of him.
Poetry. Poetry is an amazing way of letting things out.
Something Ive done is Christmas ornaments. I have little angels for each of my miscarried babies, an angel for my grandma and even one for my dog.
A necklace or bracelet. I have a gold locket with my grandmas name and her dates on it. It definitely helps.
A memory box of little things your dad gave you. Something you can open up and look at whenever you're feeling down.

Im sorry its all about holidays, but its all that I know.
Keep your chin up.

I would also like to say so sorry to hear about losing your dad! I am looking for answers too as my dad died in August of 2004. After a very tragic heart attack in the yard. We were all so devastated and then on November 13th of 2005 my mom died after a short illness. I had her move in with me for the last 3 and a half weeks so I could take care of her. She then spent 5 days in the hospital before passing. I have only 4 brothers and no sisters so am looking just to talk it out. I am looking for so many answers as her death nears its first anniversary! I found this site and am looking for some way to get my emotions to calm down . Its all so real to me yet! If anyone has anything that can help ways to deal with the stress and to just get through every day with sanity and feel normal again. I would love to hear from you. It seems that I think of her often and was wondering if maybe talking or typing it out would make me feel better.

Marcia

I am sorry you are having a tough time. I will share something with you and hope itwill help you figure out something to make the Holidays still special, but carry on the seasons for the sake of your kids. My father-in-law passed away in Sept. 2001 and our youngest was only 5 years old and our oldest was 12. Their grandfather loved Christmas and made the holidays very special. I had a hard time wanting to celebrate, but my husband and I both agreed we could not keep Christmas out of our house knowing my father-in-law would be so disappointed. So for some reason I walked by a fake beautiful 3 foot tree in a beautiful pot (never seen one like it since) and had an idea...let me let the kids decorate the tree every year and oddly enough I found an ornament that is a frame for a picture with crosses on it and put my FIL picture in it. The boys look forward every year to put up their grandfather's tree. (we still put up a big live tree too) We walk by it all the time and remember my FIL with smiles knowing we did the right thing. My dad died in Feb of this year and not sure what special memory I will carry on for the boys, but will come up with something special to my dad.
My husband is fighting for his life and not sure how much time he has and believe me the thought has crossed my mind...how do I go on? But...I must since I have my boys to think of and give them a chance to smile and enjoy life.
Hang in there,
Kim

Marcia...had to write when I saw your post. My father died in Aug '04 also of prostate cancer...was awful. My Mom was sick with breast cancer at the same time and died on Nov 3, '05. I just passed the one year anniversary of her death. I'm having a horrible time with all this...I was both of their caretakers and I've relived their deaths a million times. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. Can't even remember the holidays last year and I would like to just cancel them this year. Not likely with 3 kids though...just have to get through it like everything else. I feel like such a fake these days...have to smile and make nice, act like I'm fine when I'm dying inside. I guess time will help...
Kristen

This will be my first holiday without my/our mom. She passed away July 11th of this year. Thanksgiving has been at one of my sisters homes for the past years-and everyone has to bring a dish to pass-I was asked to bring the sweet potatoes-the dish my Mom always brought. I know this will be a tough-one for all of us in my family...She was the one to always make the gravy from scratch. Let's hope I do ok on the sweet potatoes!!! It will probably be tough for alot of us-but we'll get through it-probably with some tears and laughs over things of the past... Cher

I just found this board and think its great. I lost my beloved mother and best friend in dec of 2001. Mom was a great cook and we enjoyed cooking together and collecting cookbooks. Although its just my brother and I, I still cook for the holidays making all moms recipes the way she taught me. As was the tradition I will use her mother's platter for the turkey. Although nothing tastes as good as when she made it.
This year I may even polish the silver candle sticks and use her good china.
Somehow using her pots and pans and making her recipes brings us together again. What I would'nt give to hear her say that I've peeled to many potatoes. I just know she is in heaven making God her famous apple pie.

CtRich-It's amazing how when the holidays come around and all these thoughts come up!! A sister of mine was talking of doing the same thing! Thsi will be our first holiday w/o our mom. Besides a dish to pass I'm to also bring a couple of re-pack boxes of old photos we found...we thought we'd spend some time looking them over-and chatting about them...Cher

My mom passed in August this year, so it will also be our first holidays without her. We always celecbrated all holidays at my parents, but now with just my Dad, it will be much different.

My brother offered to have Thanksgiving at his house - I'm not sure about Christmas yet - I may do it, or maybe my sister. I think it will be too difficult -especially on my Dad, to have the holidays at his house.

We have a birthday party tonight for my nephew, and I know that will be difficult also - my Mom was always the 'in charge' person of the family, and we are all kind of lost (in our own ways) , without her.

Mary

Cher,
I saw on one of your previous posts that you are bringing sweet potatos for thanksgiving. I have a GREAT recipe for them that would make your mom proud. If you want I'll post it here.
Hugz

My daddy just pasted away on 11/10/06 he had been sick for while with CHF and i just always thought he would be okay....I miss him so much, i feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on...my mom is realy taking it hard, i wish i could ease her pain, but i can't . I told her i don't even want to have thanksgiving this year...it's to soon am i crazy????i am trying to type over my tears, this is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life...my sweet sweet daddy is gone!!! I was blessed to have him for 35 years...But he was my rock always there no matter what....if i didnt see him everyday i would talk to him on the phone....i talked to him 30 minutes before he died and he said honey i feel better today than i have in a long time and he said he slept good the night before...so i said i love you daddy and i will see you this afternoon he said ok honey i love you too that was the last time i spoke to him !!! My mom called me 45 minutes later and said he was gone!!!Does this ever get and easier???

CtRich-Sorry I wasn't able to get this to you sooner-Thanks for the offer-I also got a call from my sister asking me to bring something different!! Her BIL called and said his wife would bring the sweet potatoes!! Now I have 5 HUGE sweet potatoes to cook-up over the next few weeks!! Now I'm bringing pop and the biscuits...(the kind this sis and I like). You know if you have any good receipes on what to do with them -let me know!! Happy Thanksgiving! Cher

Cher here's the recipe, its really easy and GOOD!

6 medium size sweet potatos mashed.
(I boil them in their skins, then peel and mash)
8 oz softened cream cheese
1/3 cup brown sugar
4 tbls butter
1 tbl vanilla extract
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/3 cup chopped walnuts

In a large bowl combine cream cheese, brown sugar, butter and vanilla,
salt and pepper. Add mashed sweet potatos. Mix well and fold in walnuts.
Pour into a baking dish and bake at 350* for 15-20 minutes.

Enjoy!

P.S. I also have my mom's "artery clogging" rice pudding recipe if you want.

CtRich, The recipe sounds great! I'll let you know how I do! So how did everything go for your Thanksgiving? It was good here-quiet-11-13 family members were out of state for the holidays. The rest of us went to a sister's-dinner was great-it was quiet-not as many kids at this one! But we have another party to plan for in a few weeks -our X-mas progressive-party(this was something our mom started years ago) it begins about 9-10am and we travel from house to house for a few hours...then we will go to a Sat. mass for our mom and then continue our party. It's fun and that's when we give all the kids in the famlies their gifts..the kids are loud!! Take care, Cher

Hi Cher,
I'm glad you like the recipe. Let me know when you make it.
Thanksgiving here was quiet-just my brother and I.
I did a full dinner and for the first time used mom's good china.
I lost it when my brother said "everything was delicious, mom would be proud". Oh how I miss the 2 of us in the kitchen cooking together.
Those are the moments I cherish.

CtRich, It's amazing what causes somone to shed a tear. I posted something a friend sent me-I put it on the cancer headboard-it's titled A SIMPLE FRIEND-read it-print it-pass it on to a friend...it's really good-so true-I don't know where she found it. It makes you smile. Maybe I'll post it here. And as far as the SP I'm gonna make them this week. Will let you know. Cher