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My name is Meagen and I suddenly lost my Dad on August 14th of this year. My question to someone out there with my experience than me............. is that doe it every become okay?? Am I going to wake up everyday for the rest of my life and lie to the world telling everyone that I'm okay??? Will I wake up each day hating myself for not knowing that he would die that day?? Will this ever get easier??? I was the last person that my Dad tried to call, and I wasn't there to answer the phone......... I feel like I let him down. I don't ever want to believe that he is dead and gone, I just can't do that. Can anyone give me any advice???

It will never be okay Meagan, but it will get easier to cope with time. My dad passed away almost 4 years ago and my brother 10 years ago. It was so, so difficult when they died and believe me, I still have days when the pain comes back and the hurt just tears away at my heart. But, time as they say, does help bear the pain. For me, I needed to start focusing on happy memories, good times. When my brother died, it was very sudden. I was away at the time and came home to find out. It tore away at me for the longest time thinking about what I should have said, could have did....all the things you think that some how you could have did to have changed what ultimately happened, but you realize later it was not in your hands. I am so sorry you too are going through this. I hope you have family or friends near by to help you through this time. It will get better and you will start to feel "normal" again, day by day. That is the way your dad would want it, right?

Take care and warm gentle hugs, Annie

Meagan,
I'm sorry that you lost your Dad. It's hard. Does it become okay? It became okay on August 14th. It became ok to feel guilt. It became ok to feel sad. It became ok to wish and be hopeful he would still be there. It became ok to let everyone know how you feel! It's ok to say to your friends "I'm ok" when your not. The fact that they ask you should warm your heart. It's ok to cry...a lot. It's ok to look back. You will do that a lot. It's even ok to be angry or disappointed at yourself. These are all normal feelings.
You will go through what seems like a life's worth of feelings in a very short time.
There will be a long time you won't be able to see him in the "past". He will always seem right there and now. That's good. That's love. Try to become comforted in the fact that your Dad loved you. That's why he probably tried to call you. He knew you'd be upset and would need comfort.
It will take a long time, just to get to normal. I think. They say it's 1 year of grieving for every five years of knowing someone. I feel, that grieving never ends. It eventualy becomes rememberance.

I lost my wife. It's hard to move through life sometimes, escpecially when it becomes unfair. But, you can get through it. The loss will never go away but the pain will. Eventually, probably years away, your tears will be replaced with laughter and good memories.
Don't try to hurry those. It's ok to feel the pain and loss now. Accept it but at the same time, try to see the love in it as well.

Don't try to rush through your grieving. It takes time. I'm at one year and still cry.

MaC

Megan I'm sorry for your loss I lost my father last year and I think what if I would of took him that night to the hospital instead of in the morning when he said he would go if he wasnt better.I have some days that are better than others and then some days it's not a good day for me.I like you wouldnt for the longest say he was dead or gone.It's ok you deal with how it's best for you.Letting go is not easy and it does take time.My prayes are with you.
DeeAnn

I wanted to take the time to tell you all thank you and how very much I appreciate what you have all written. My Dad was an over the road driver that was found dead and robbed in his truck on 8-14. This is something that I don't think that I will ever get over. I have so many questions............ but yet no answers. My heartbreaks a million times over the course of a day. I can't seem to think about anything but the sorrow that has now filled my life. There are days that I think that I'm better........... that I won't break down and cry today or that I can concentrate on one thing besides his death........ but mostly it never happens. I am filled with guilt, hurt, and sadness. I don't think that I will ever be able to think of him as dead.......... he will always be out on the road to me. I have gotten to the point where sleep is a distant memory along with an appitite. I am actually really tired of having to put on the strong face and tell everyone that I'm okay, when I'm not. My mom has never lost a parent and she keeps telling me, "come on.... it's time to move on or just deal with it meagen" I haven't been able to find a way to just deal with it.......... and I don't think that it's time to move on. Anyways~ Thanks for listening

Megan, my thoughts are with you at this time.
I lost my sweet mother/best friend almost 5 years ago while I was at a christmas party. It becomes ok when YOU say its ok. Don't listen to anyone else. I still grieve like the day she died. Go at your own pace and don't listen to anyone, just follow your heart.
I bid you peace.

Megan, You know when my father died almost 17 years ago it was hard for me-and my mom told me the same thing. If your mom is anything like my mom-it was hard for her to cry in front of people-but she did in private. She knew she now had to be the pillar of strength for the family-which she always was...and we lost her this year on July 11th. Her passing is harder for me-she was my best friend-I could go to her for everything. She was always over protective of me compared to my sisters and brother-don't know why-but she was. After 4 months it's gotten easier-but I still have bad days-if you have to cry-shead a tear-everyone is different-you learn to accept the fact that their gone-but remember all the good times-the fun you had-look over family photos-talk about him-with friends and family members. It has helped all of us in my family alot! On thanksgiving on of my nieces asked me if I could make something for our Xmas Progressive Party that mom always made-a bannana shake. I told her it'd be my pleasure. This party will be on the 16th of Dec.-that will be when all the grandkids get their gifts from aunts and uncles. Makes Christmas a little less hectic. My best to you, Cher ((hug))

Well it's only been 3 months, so yes you will feel pain for a while yet. It's definitely okay to cry and to be angry hun, it's human nature. Will you get over this? Maybe, maybe not. Your dad is NOT dead. Try and understand that our souls need a body to function on earth, his body died but his soul went up a level, into the next world. He can see you, hear you, talk to you. You're just not aware, most people aren't. God didn't make man for no purpose. Try this little lesson I learned a while back Meagen, it'll make you feel better. When you're relaxed with no disturbance (at night perhaps), think of your dad (happy times, his smile..etc) and try and feel his energy within you as if you're both together. I was taught that when you do this, you actually bring his spirit closer to yours. It's a wonderful and comfortable feeling. And just know that whatever happened was meant to happen but life still goes on. He wants to see you happy, not sad. This will take time I know but once you understand then life gets much easier. Believe me. My thoughts are with you!!!

My mother passed away when I was 10 years old and my father at 20. There is not a day that goes by that I wonder what who they would both be these days. I think of them every single day of my life, and I have to say that the pain never really does go away. The worst days are the anniversarys of their deaths. I sit alone and cry the whole day, trying to figure out why they had to leave me at such early ages. The thought of them not being here anymore, pretty much kills me inside and I don't really know if this is normal or not either. If anyone misses someone as much as I do, I feel their pain too. They never saw me get married and never saw my children. I know in my heart that they are with me , but the pain is so deep it is hard to let them go. I actually know that they will never be forgotten in my eyes, to others maybe but not to me. Thanks for listening.

My mom died in 1996, Mother's Day weekend. I miss her every day. I will never get "over" it.

But yes, I am definitely OK.

When I was in college my friends and I were sitting in a group. We started talking about "what is the worst thing that could ever happen to you?". That was easy, that my mom would die.

Forward 10 years.. Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 1998, fought hard for 5 1/2 years and died in May of 1996.

The worst thing happened.

But as I look back. Not only am I OK, I am a stronger, better person, not just in spite of her death, but because of it.

Don't worry about "getting over it", you won't. You will always miss him.

But you will be OK, and even better than OK. The grief won't be right in your face like it is now.

Take the time to take care of yourself. See a counselor.

I can only imagine the type of grief you are dealing with. To loose your father in such a way. That is probably going to make it even more difficult to come to terms with. Have you considered grief counciling. Sometimes we need extra help when we feel like we are drowning in the grief and guilt.
We all here genuinely have hope for you and are very sorrowful for what you are going through.

Hi, my Father died in May 1999. Suddenly. I have reflected on it mauny times.
When I visit his Grave, I still cry like heck.
It was so trajic. I think that is the hardest part to deal with. I was the last one to talk with him at length, & I do the same, should I have known?? He was talking so strange. HE said he loved me, that should have caught my attention. He had never said that. He said he was proud of all his kids. He is so obvious now. And that it what makes it so hard. I begged God for one more chance to talk to him. I loved that man so much, and I feel like I let him down.
But you know what, it will, the pain will subside in time. But it will take quite awhile. The important things are knowing it was not your fault, and having someone to talk to. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.
And remember this forum is here. It is a wonderful thing to have.