I need help but am too embarrassed to ask. I want to stop but can't and don't know how. I think I've had every mentionable eating disorder beginning with anorexia in my teen years. I am now at 37 and now struggle with bulemia and over eating. I'm so disgusted with myself and can't believe how I've allowed myself to get so deep inside this black endless hole. I'm lonely, stressed out and FAT. I've gone from a size 8 to a size 14 in two years. The bigger I get, the more depressed I get and the more I eat for comfort. All I do is lay around on the couch and watch tv with my dog. I don't have the energy to do anything with my 9 year old and fear that I am now getting suicidal. I feel like I've totally lost control.

Hi AprylFool http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Welcome to HealthBoards! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

All I can say is that you DO need to get help for your eating disorder... and not in a few weeks or a few months... you should do it now.

Has waiting ever made things better for your struggle with ED's before? Probably not. Please get some professional help before you do some serious damage to your body. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

Please don't feel disgusted with yourself. Eating disorders are illnesses that are increadibly hard to control. Without professional help things WON'T just get easier and I know that you don't want to live with this forever.

If you feel that you are getting suicidal you need to call someone. A health professional, go and see your doctor! Even call one of those suicide hotlines (I think that's what they call them) or if it's really bad just drive straight to a hospital emergency room. From there you will be able to be refered on for specialist help.

You do sound extremely depressed about all that is going on and I am so sorry you have had to go through this for so long.

Please do this to help yourself and also for the sake of your nine-year-old and he or she must be in agony to see you so sad. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I know what it's like to have a family member go through a serious depression just as I know what it's like to go through it myself... all I can say is things aren't going to get easier until you MAKE them get easier by doing something to help yourself...

Take care, AprylFool. Good luck to you! Please let us know how you are going. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Ashlee