Hi guys. I need advice and opinions, and I thought there was no better place to go than this board. I think I might possibly be DEVELOPING an eating disorder. Now, I do try to eat a maximum of 1,100 calories a day, with like 24 or less grams of total fat. I feel guilty if I eat too much, if I eat one lil' snack like a candycar. I binge and then become depressed about it and hate myself for losing control. I'll punish myself by "fasting" the next day. Food is basically on my mind all day. What I want to eat, what TIME to eat, I plan out my meal for the entire day the night before and try to follow it. I exercise 4-5 times a week, both weight training and cardio. But I'm upset right now cuz I weigh 90.5 lbs today and I was 87.5 about a week ago. I'm obsessed with the scale, like I weigh myself in the morning when I get up, and before I go to bed. If the scale goes up even one pound, I freak. My BMI is underweight, but I still see myself as "chubby in the middle". You can wrap your hand around my wrist and be able to touch your thumb and pinky, although I have a small bone frame structure to begin with. What's wrong with me and why can't I be happy with my weight? My best friend's grandma makes a few comments like, "Ohh, she's put on some weight", and that sticks with me more than getting told at work that I "kinda" look anorexic. My boss tells me I need to gain. I eat healthy foods for lunch and I'm asked, "Are you on a diet?" Ashamed, I answer with, "No, I'm just eating healthier." I know they will say I don't need a diet, so why do I feel that I do? How do these eating problems even START?? :confused:

Thanks in advance for reading and any replies you may have!

Hey hon, congrats for coming here and posting. I'm not an expert (obviously), but in my opinion, yes, I would say it sounds like you have an eating disorder. And note that I said "have" not "are developing." It really sounds like you're in the thick of it right now. What do you think about that? The obsession with food, weight, dieting, exercise, body image, the scale, etc. basically add up to the definition of anorexia.

The good thing (heck, great thing!!) is that you're recognizing it as a problem and actively reaching out to try to understand it more. This is a huge step and I want you to realize that many of us (myself included) took a LONG time to do what you've just done. How long have these behaviors been going on approximately? I would suggest getting help immediately (especially because your weight is dangerously low, regardless of how tall you are). The best option is a therapist that specializes in eating disorders along with a nutritionist. You'll need to visit your MD also to make sure everything's working okay (a low weight like that can wreak havoc on your heart and other organs). But don't worry, you can and WILL get better! You'll just need to address *why* these behaviors have started and how you can better deal with the "real" issues causing your ED. Anyway, good luck and let me know what you think!

Thanks for the reply, Joni! To answer your questions, I guess I've been dieting on and off for about 2 years, maybe a little more. There was a time when I wouldn't allow myself more than 500 calories everyday, and I was tired and moody all the time. I've wised up since then, making sure I eat no more than 1,100, cuz I don't want my body to go into starvation mode and slow down the metabolism. But I still feel constantly tired and unmotivated to exercise, though I force myself, but part of the tiredness is because I'm anemic.

I've always been underweight. Actually, when I was younger the doctor put me on a high calorie diet. Nothing ever became of that, it's not like I had to keep going back and examined to make sure my growth was going good.

I can't afford seeing a nutritionist, I don't even have a doctor right now. lol And even if I did my family would be like "Ohh, you don't need that, you're fine."

Like the day after Halloween, my best friend spent the night, and we woke up in the afternoon. She was going to go to Wendy's for lunch cuz she was starving, I chose to stay home and let her go out. While she was gone I snuck eating a yogurt and banana before she got back, and that's all I had the entire day until evening. I had a lean cuisine mac & cheese meal, and then I binged on my candy. I could never ever be bulemic cuz just even the idea of throwing up when u have the flu irks me. lol So I sit there feeding my face, feeling guilty for eating the junk after going the entire day resisting. I guess in my mind I feel like I failed, and even though after awhile I didn't even crave the snacks anymore I kept eating it like "Whatever.. I already ruined myself for the day.." :confused: The most difficult part of it all is staying AWAY from that scale and breaking the binging habit I've developed lately. And it always happens in the evening.

I thought anorexia was more like the problem in which someone doesn't eat a whole lot.. if at all? Along with the other factors you mentioned, the obsession with food, exercise, weighing yourself, etc.. I know there are a ton of different disorders, it's so confusing. lol

hey em, i don't have much time but I just want to clarify something. EDs are NOT all "textbook." in other words, it's extremely common for anorexics to binge or purge, it's common for bulimics to starve themselves or overexercise, etc. so just because you binge from starvation DOES NOT mean you aren't anorexic.

You and I actually have that in common. I'm in recovery and thus not binging and eating much more normally NOW, but before recovery, i had the same "binge at night" problem you do. and honey, PLEASE get help before it gets worse. because it WILL get worse and it can happen very quickly. you think you have difficulty maintaining the "control" of your "diet," right? and that's why you binge? well, that's going to get 1 million times worse if you don't get help. i went from a couple years of classic anorexic restriction to binging 3000+ calories almost DAILY in a matter of maybe a month. and then continued to binge at night/starve during the day for almost 9 months because i was too stubborn to get help and i thought i could regain that "ED control" by myself. clearly, i couldn't and resisting therapy for so long was one of the stupidest things i've ever done.

there's no guarantee that you'll have the same experience, but i just wanted to give you a heads up of what *can* happen if you don't seek professional help. this is NOT about food ... it's a control mechanism, a coping mechanism, an emotional pattern that only therapy can help you sort out. so please think about it and good luck!

Hey Em, just to let you know that reading what youve put was like reading my own thoughts. I completely relate to the fact you feel guilty for staying away from food all day and then binging in the evening. Right now Im sitting here and thinking about the tub of ben and jerrys downstairs. Today ive eaten half an apple for breakfast, no lunch and noodles and rice for dinner. But i know that if i go downstairs and even have one spoonful it will lead to the entire tub- the only difference being with me is that i would probably have to purge it. Its disgusting and i really hate the fact that ive done that. But yeah, just keep going and try to distract yourself from thoughts of food whenever you can, dont feel guilty about eating 'bad' things, remember it takes 1500 extra calories a day to even put on a pound. take care x

OHHH Ben and Jerry's! I can INHALE the one called "Phish Food". MmMmMM!! I definitely know what you mean about a taste leading to more. I've done that SOOO many times. I say, "I'll have ONE spoonful.." and before I know it half the tub is gone. I just get TIRED of bananas and yogurt. Healthy food is boring to me, unless I'm like trying something new that I've never tasted, only then will I get excited about it. But I'm here right now slapping my head cuz I just inhaled 2 fun sized packs of M&M's from Halloween, even though I'm not hungry. And within the last couple of days I gained 2 more pounds, putting me to 92 pounds and I wanna break my scale cuz I've been trying to stay at the MOST 89. ARGHHHHHHHH :dizzy:

hey em, i don't have much time but I just want to clarify something. EDs are NOT all "textbook." in other words, it's extremely common for anorexics to binge or purge, it's common for bulimics to starve themselves or overexercise, etc. so just because you binge from starvation DOES NOT mean you aren't anorexic.

You and I actually have that in common. I'm in recovery and thus not binging and eating much more normally NOW, but before recovery, i had the same "binge at night" problem you do. and honey, PLEASE get help before it gets worse. because it WILL get worse and it can happen very quickly. you think you have difficulty maintaining the "control" of your "diet," right? and that's why you binge? well, that's going to get 1 million times worse if you don't get help. i went from a couple years of classic anorexic restriction to binging 3000+ calories almost DAILY in a matter of maybe a month. and then continued to binge at night/starve during the day for almost 9 months because i was too stubborn to get help and i thought i could regain that "ED control" by myself. clearly, i couldn't and resisting therapy for so long was one of the stupidest things i've ever done.

there's no guarantee that you'll have the same experience, but i just wanted to give you a heads up of what *can* happen if you don't seek professional help. this is NOT about food ... it's a control mechanism, a coping mechanism, an emotional pattern that only therapy can help you sort out. so please think about it and good luck!

Well, I know I don't binge 3,000 calories when I do. My total calories of the day probably equal close to that amount though. But like, say I have 3,000 on a Sunday. I'll add up how many over I am from my usual 1,100 and deduct those from my intake over the next whatever days it takes to make them up so I stay within my WEEKLY total. Although lately I've been in a "screw it" mood and I'm just not counting anymore... which leads to the binging cuz I know I won't hafta write it down. I've promised myself when I come back from my Canada trip that I will go back to counting and trying my hardest to resist the "evil" foods. But then Thanksgiving is coming up... I just keep getting screwed over and I have no will power. AHHHHHH :(

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