hjjasnell
11-02-2006, 11:30 AM
I would have never even thought I had OCD until my Psychologist suggested it last night. I just started seeing a psychologist again after 6+ years.I was formally diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar 2. My current doc thinks that it's not bipolar but moreso GAD, clinical depression, and OCD. I COMPLETELY believe the GAD as I am constantly stressed out and anxious over everything. I get panic attacks (hyperventilating, heart palps, cold sweats, blackouts, the works) on a regular occurence (daily) over the slightest of things. Like I'll hear a sound while I'm driving and think that my van is going to break down, a tire is going to blow, or the van is on fire (this is a big fear for me). Or I'll drop my kids off at daycare, know that I did but halfway through the workday I'll freak out thinking I left them in the van.
But last night my doc was asking me some things that I do and to explain them. I make lists for everything. I'll go over my grocery list at least 4-5 times before I go shopping. I make a meal list out. I go over my budget (which is set for 6 months in advance) at least once a day.
I'm obsessive over people and thigns to the point I have to find out everything about them/it and it consumes all my time and energy for weeks on end. For instance, I'll hear a song on the radio and everytime I'm driving I'll constantly scan the radio just to hear that song. I'll buy the cd and listen to that one song for hours on end, over and over again. Crazy things like that.
I have to check the windows and doors to ensure they're locked several times a night because I'm afraid of the dark (or moreso what's in the dark...which is a huge anxiety factor for me). I have to have at least one light on in the house and doors to unused rooms closed when it's dark. Every little sound at night wakes me and I lay there starting to have a panic attack, worrying that someone is in the house (I've never had anything bad happen in the dark, never been robbed, nothing). I can't look at a window when it's dark and th eblinds and curtains have to be closed, for fear that someone is looking in.
I always have this sense of impending doom. I always have a heavy weight on my chest like something bad is going to happen. I feel like I have to brace for it and it becomes this obsessive thought to figure out what it could be that will happen. And I'm a hypochondriac to no end. I didn't think I was until last night. I started listing all the things I thought was wrong with me to the doctor and then looked at my list. Boy if I had all the things wrong with me I thought I did, there's no way I'd be a functioning person in society!
Sorry this got so long but I really just wanted to see if y'all thought this was OCD (as people having been there done that) or if I'm just a kooky person (hoping I'm just kooky :jester: ). I mean, I believe my dr when he says that but don't you think I would have known I had this long before now. I'm almost 28 years old and I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Thanks for any advice and to just let me know I'm not alone!
But last night my doc was asking me some things that I do and to explain them. I make lists for everything. I'll go over my grocery list at least 4-5 times before I go shopping. I make a meal list out. I go over my budget (which is set for 6 months in advance) at least once a day.
I'm obsessive over people and thigns to the point I have to find out everything about them/it and it consumes all my time and energy for weeks on end. For instance, I'll hear a song on the radio and everytime I'm driving I'll constantly scan the radio just to hear that song. I'll buy the cd and listen to that one song for hours on end, over and over again. Crazy things like that.
I have to check the windows and doors to ensure they're locked several times a night because I'm afraid of the dark (or moreso what's in the dark...which is a huge anxiety factor for me). I have to have at least one light on in the house and doors to unused rooms closed when it's dark. Every little sound at night wakes me and I lay there starting to have a panic attack, worrying that someone is in the house (I've never had anything bad happen in the dark, never been robbed, nothing). I can't look at a window when it's dark and th eblinds and curtains have to be closed, for fear that someone is looking in.
I always have this sense of impending doom. I always have a heavy weight on my chest like something bad is going to happen. I feel like I have to brace for it and it becomes this obsessive thought to figure out what it could be that will happen. And I'm a hypochondriac to no end. I didn't think I was until last night. I started listing all the things I thought was wrong with me to the doctor and then looked at my list. Boy if I had all the things wrong with me I thought I did, there's no way I'd be a functioning person in society!
Sorry this got so long but I really just wanted to see if y'all thought this was OCD (as people having been there done that) or if I'm just a kooky person (hoping I'm just kooky :jester: ). I mean, I believe my dr when he says that but don't you think I would have known I had this long before now. I'm almost 28 years old and I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Thanks for any advice and to just let me know I'm not alone!
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ms_mod
11-02-2006, 01:35 PM
Hi,
Please note that your thread has been moved from the board it was originally posted on here to the OCD board.
Ms_Mod
Please note that your thread has been moved from the board it was originally posted on here to the OCD board.
Ms_Mod
brook65
11-02-2006, 02:01 PM
Hi NO you are defenitely not alone.
Are you me??? only joking, but I could of written the above myself.
But having said that, you probably won't be pleased for me to say that, as I have OCD and have had it probably most of my life.
Everything you say and describe is classic OCD. You say you also suffer from Anxiety, well until I came on these boards a few months back I thought my anxiety was a separate issue.
I had never been able to understand why I worried so much, and why like you got really stressed out to the point of palpitations, sweaty hands etc etc . It was only when I came here that I realised that severe anxiety was part of this disorder, and releived in a funny sort of way that I could put all my problems under ONE heading OCD.
There are loads of people here who can relate to you, and you are not alone with this.
Take care
Are you me??? only joking, but I could of written the above myself.
But having said that, you probably won't be pleased for me to say that, as I have OCD and have had it probably most of my life.
Everything you say and describe is classic OCD. You say you also suffer from Anxiety, well until I came on these boards a few months back I thought my anxiety was a separate issue.
I had never been able to understand why I worried so much, and why like you got really stressed out to the point of palpitations, sweaty hands etc etc . It was only when I came here that I realised that severe anxiety was part of this disorder, and releived in a funny sort of way that I could put all my problems under ONE heading OCD.
There are loads of people here who can relate to you, and you are not alone with this.
Take care
hjjasnell
11-02-2006, 05:50 PM
Thank you so much for your reply!!! It helps me so much to know that I'm not some freak. What's really tough is that I've always been the type to stay "Happy" for everyone around me, so most people (including my family and even my husband) don't know of the obssessive compulsive behaviors that I have (my husband knows a little bit about some of it but not to the extent it really is). Mostly, I don't tell them because I don't think they would understand. No one else I know has anything "wrong" with them, if you know what I mean. So it's great to talk to others that understand what I'm going through and that I can finally put a name to it and not just think I'm weird or crazy. :wave:
brook65
11-02-2006, 09:04 PM
Thank you so much for your reply!!! It helps me so much to know that I'm not some freak. What's really tough is that I've always been the type to stay "Happy" for everyone around me, so most people (including my family and even my husband) don't know of the obssessive compulsive behaviors that I have (my husband knows a little bit about some of it but not to the extent it really is). Mostly, I don't tell them because I don't think they would understand. No one else I know has anything "wrong" with them, if you know what I mean. So it's great to talk to others that understand what I'm going through and that I can finally put a name to it and not just think I'm weird or crazy. :wave:
Hi I am glad I was able to make you feel a bit better, and if your a freak, then I am to! lol
You say that no one else you know has anything wrong with them. But how do you know that? maybe they are like you and hide it, and also don't like to talk about it.
I can also relate to the putting on the happy act around people, the funny thing is people probably think that we are the strong ones, and never have problems, cause if you are like me, we are very proud people.
Are you also a perfectionist, and always prefer to do jobs around the house etc yourself?
Hi I am glad I was able to make you feel a bit better, and if your a freak, then I am to! lol
You say that no one else you know has anything wrong with them. But how do you know that? maybe they are like you and hide it, and also don't like to talk about it.
I can also relate to the putting on the happy act around people, the funny thing is people probably think that we are the strong ones, and never have problems, cause if you are like me, we are very proud people.
Are you also a perfectionist, and always prefer to do jobs around the house etc yourself?
ocdengineer
11-03-2006, 12:32 AM
I agree. It is definitely OCD. I have Pure OCD which is more about repetitive thoughts and images as opposed to physical compulsions, but understand that the depression and anxiety are both part of the OCD experience. LOL. I know it is not funny, but OCD usually does cause you to go through cycles. You work really hard to not stress about your OCD tendencies that you start getting more and more anxious until finally you crash into a depression. I go through that cycle all the time. You have no mania though, and I am surprised your doctor never saw that the first time. Bipolar is much more serious than OCD, so this should come as a relief. You "just" have an anxiety dissorder. Again, bad joke. Anyway, there are many treatment options out there, but I read a post by someone tonight that really put it in perspective. Healthy body healthy mind. Take care of yourself physically and that will help a lot, but usually some sort of medication is required in tandem. I wish you all the luck in the world and take solice in the fact that you are one of the few people out there who finally got correctly diagnosed!
Take care.
Take care.
brook65
11-03-2006, 08:50 AM
Yeah I agree, you don't have Bipolar, like OCDEngineer said depression and anxiety etc are all part of the OCD itself.
Nice to know that OCD is not as serious as Bipolar, I didn't know that.
I also heard something nice the other day that OCD people have high intelligence.
That is nice to know, so there is some good to be had from it.:)
Nice to know that OCD is not as serious as Bipolar, I didn't know that.
I also heard something nice the other day that OCD people have high intelligence.
That is nice to know, so there is some good to be had from it.:)
hjjasnell
11-03-2006, 10:12 AM
Well I don't really know that the rest of my family members aren't hiding their "true feelings" as I do, but I'm just assuming (then again you know what they say when you assume something LOL).
I am a perfectionist and get quite anxious, frustrated, irritated (whatever you want to call it) when something doesn't go right and I'll do it a hundred times if I have to until it's perfect.
I never thought the Bipolar diagnosis was correct but went along with it because the doctor said that's what was wrong with me. I took my meds (I was on Celexa/Citalopram, Eskalith/Lithium, and Ambien daily) and they helped to an extent but not enough. I only recently decided to go back because I couldn't take all the anxiety any more and just all the other stuff. I do have cycles, as y'all said. I will have moments where I try so hard to be "normal" that it about drives me bonkers...boy gotta love that OCD experience (as you put it ocdengineer ;) ). I'm sure I'll need meds to help because on a daily basis I have anxiety attacks and have trouble breathing, heart palps, the works!
Oh and glad to know that OCD isn't as bad as Bipolar. I would have guessed that it wasn't as bad as BPD but when I'm feeling all crazy-like it certainly seems bad :dizzy: .
Thanks so much for y'alls comments. It really does help to talk to others who understand.
I am a perfectionist and get quite anxious, frustrated, irritated (whatever you want to call it) when something doesn't go right and I'll do it a hundred times if I have to until it's perfect.
I never thought the Bipolar diagnosis was correct but went along with it because the doctor said that's what was wrong with me. I took my meds (I was on Celexa/Citalopram, Eskalith/Lithium, and Ambien daily) and they helped to an extent but not enough. I only recently decided to go back because I couldn't take all the anxiety any more and just all the other stuff. I do have cycles, as y'all said. I will have moments where I try so hard to be "normal" that it about drives me bonkers...boy gotta love that OCD experience (as you put it ocdengineer ;) ). I'm sure I'll need meds to help because on a daily basis I have anxiety attacks and have trouble breathing, heart palps, the works!
Oh and glad to know that OCD isn't as bad as Bipolar. I would have guessed that it wasn't as bad as BPD but when I'm feeling all crazy-like it certainly seems bad :dizzy: .
Thanks so much for y'alls comments. It really does help to talk to others who understand.