ive been battling bulima for close to three years, I am experiencing all of the physical problems(that everyone thiks cant happen to them) I have blind spots in my eyes from the uncontrolable amounts of sugar, I am my body has troubles controling my sugar and insulin from so many binge/purges a day but worse of all since my family and friends have found out my life has turned to pure hell. As funny as it may sound my bulimia is the only thing that i feel like i can trust.

guys i dont know what to do anymore. I feel so alone i sit and think all the time, i have come to the conclusion that there isnt any way of getting out of this hell. But the thing is i put myself here. I feel so unbelievably alone. I dont have a soul that i can actually sit down and just cry with, the person who is suppost to be my best friend yells at me. If i am not the perfect melissa that pleases everyone than im not worth the time of day. so many times i just need someone to sit and listen to me hug me and not say a word. its such a horrible feeling to be crying so hard that you cant breath and wanting to talk to someone and not having anyone to talk to. thats where this board has become a blessing. It seems like just when things seem like they might get a little better, my world just crashes down on me.

i know that there is an angle out there to save me somewhere i just dont know what to do in the mean time. i;m not so sure that i am going to make it. i feel like i am so screwed up that there isnt anyone that is going to love me, guys i really need some help. im in counsling it just doesnt seem to help at all.

((((((((( http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif MELISSA http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif ))))))))))

AWWWW! Sweetie! I'm so so sorry that you feel so alone. Bulimia is such an isolating disorder, both mentally and physically, that somedays it's hard to remember that there ARE people to support you, and there are peolpe who are going through the same thing as you. I promise you are not as alone as you feel, and one day you'll realize this.

Please don't giv eup hope that one day you'll be over this. THERE IS A WAY http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif And you'll find it! Have you tried nutritionist, or maybe a different counseler. Counseling isn't for all people (I tried, and it just made things worse...but the important thing is that I tried...and so did you) You will find something.

Have your friends and family just recently found out about your ED. I know when mine first found out they were in such shock that the first few months were a living hell. They didn't understand and it was frustrating to all of us. But eventually we all got around the frustration and akwardness and now they're a huge part of my support and recovery team.

Trust me, Melissa, you can do this. I have so much faith in you. You really do, on so many levels, want to get better. Read your post again, you are trying to dig yourself out of this humungous hole, just remember you don't have to do it alone!

Also---don't beat yourself up too much about "being the one that put yourself there." Eating disorders are a mental condition. Nobody starts off by starving or purging by saying "hmmm, I think I want to kill myself slowly by eroding my insides and throw myself into this eternal pit of eating disorder hell." They're appealing on some levels, and then you get trapped in the cycle. Try not to beat yourself up over this. You can do it!!!!!

Take care of yoruself, girly, we're all behind you 110%

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

(sticks shoulder way way out)
You can lean on me. Ive been through many of the same things. I know how sucky it is.