I am new to this message board and I sure am glad I found it! I have so many questions and concerns I am not quite sure where to start! I am 31 years old and since I was about 19 I have struggled with my weight. I am only 5'2" and I weigh now 175 pounds. I think I look horific, however, my wonderful husband tells me everyday that I am beautiful and he thinks I should stay the way I am. That may be o.k. but I am gaining as I type this to you guys now! What he does not see is when I am alone, like when he goes to work( and he works more than he is home) I pig out on anything and everythin I can find. I am not really hungry, I just eat. I mean, I eat until I feel sick to my stomcah. Now I have not went to extreme of making myself throw up and at this point do not think I would. But I never thought I would eat the way I am now either. My family when I try to discuss it with them does not seem to see the problem. That is, as of yet. I do however. It is causing me to gain so much weight in my mid section that I can not fit into my clothing the way I should. Also, I feel sluggish and feel like I can not breath as well as I use to just last week. I struggle from the disorder bi-polar so I get depressed a lot and I eat then too. Which as you can imagine just makes it worse. I have good intentions to get up and take control and exercise and then I procrastinate it and it nevers get done.. I feel so helpless and feel like I have no will power. Now that summer is just around the corner and I am eating so mcuha nd gaining gaining gaining the swim suit at the moment is out of the question! I am not so concerned about what others see me as and pleasing them, I want to feel good about me and I am afraid I am going to becaome unhealthy! I guess when I climb my steps at home and gasp for air at the top that is being on the raod to becoming unhealty! LOL! If you guys have nay advice, information, or simply some kind words of supprot I would sure appreciate it! Thank you all for being here and making this support message board happen! May God Bless you all and may you have the courage to conquer these horrible disorders!:anger:

Hi cntglover http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif and welcome to the boards!!

First of all, let me be the first (or one of the first) to congratulate you on your courage to post. I remember my first post, it was horrible. I was scared out of my mind. I felt so weird and strange and scared! I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. That was almost a year ago, and I know, no matter what else, I can come here and talk about my eating disorder openly, and not be judged or pushed away because of it.

I'm sorry you've struggled with your weight for so long. Have your binges just started recently? Or is this something that has gone on for a while? I'm so glad you say that you don't have the desire to purge! That's such a good thing, I know somedays it may not feel like it, but OMG it just is! The first purge is like taking the first steps towards hell, and then you're sucked it. And you struggle everyday for years and years to come back from it.

The good news is that you realize that your relationship with food is not "normal." That's a big big step. It really is!! Has your husband just recently started working a lot? or is this something that has gone on for a while. It's easy to feel ignored or unimportant with a significant other who spends more time at work than they do with you. I have a boyfriend who works all the time, sometimes I feel guilty talking ot him, or being with him, because I know he has SO much to do all the time. But it's wonderful that he tells you how beautiful you are. Try to listen to those words. maybe even look at yoursel fin the mirror and say them to yourself! Youa re beautiful. Beauty is not in numbers on a scale, or a dress size, beauty is in a smile, and the way you look at the world. Beauty is in your life...not your jeans and shirts.

Good luck, hon. Let us know how you're doing, ok? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Thank you so mcuh, sarah, for your encouraging and thoughtful words! To answer a couple of questions you had, I have binged for a few months. ANd my husband has worked long hours and a lot of days for so long I couldn't tell you how long! LOL I can talk to him and feel no guilt because he does encourage me to talk about my problems. He is amazing! Most men want the remote and couch and pretend to be listening, when he really does. I mean I have a good life for the most part. My parents are very sick and I take care of them, however, that has been going on for some time. I have tried to pinpoint a reason or some kind of big change in my life that would cause me to react in such a manic manor but have no clue. But as I said before it is noce to have you guys here to help! Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it!