Hello! New chick here!
I will tell ya'll that I am here but I am not quite sure if I am ready to fight the "good fight".

Here is my problem:
I had reflux bad--which made me such an awesome bulimic! I could puke at will. Well--the surgery I had (stomach wrap) doesn't allow me to purge.I then took up "spitting" instead since I couldn't purge. Plus I figured it was better for my body.

So then I became a compulsive exerciser. I've cut down a lot but I still feel guilty when I don't work out. But I am not sure how to fix that.

I quit diet pills and laxatives--it was too hard on my body--messed with my thyroid too much and my doctor noticed.

So now...hmmm.... now I am trying to find a balance. I want to be happy with where I am weight wise--I'm on target--yet I am so terrified of getting any bigger. I am afraid that if I stop thinking of it 24-7 that I will wake up and be a big ole gal! You'll see me looking like the Klumps--Hercules Hercules http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

So I am almost eating 1500 calories a day--but it's sooooo hard to. I wish I could see me and not think "if you lose 10 more pounds you'll be so much better". People call me thin and I just wish I could see it. It feels like I'm in a funhouse and looking into those crazy mirrors when I see me. All I see is the fat that is hanging on.

Well, that is my deal! I want to heal and become more confident. I am also scared that I'm passing this on--my 6 year old son told me today that he needs to drop 10 pounds. He is not fat at all.

But how do you move on when part of you loves and hates this problem? Ugghhhhhhh! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

thanks for letting me vent!

HI,
I have been 'spitting' so much lately. I have been anorexic for some time and now spit almost everything i eat. I have now started buying special 'spit' foods, that i wouldn't ordinarily eat and I spend hours just chewing and spitting my 'forbidden foods'. I would like to know what you did to stop this. I can't seem to stop and I wonder how many calories i am taking in doing this.
Please let me know if you have any advice for me. i would really appreciate it!
thanks

Hi HeatherBee http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

First of all, congrats on posting. And I must say that what you have said makes total sense. Eating disorders do not go away overnight, but you have to be ready to "fight the good fight" as you so tenderly put it, in order to get better. There has to be a will inside of you that drives you, and keeps picking yourself back up even after you slip and fall.

YOu've had a numerous different types of eating disorders, or rather, your eating disorder has manifested itself in many ways. I'm so sorry to hear that, I know, personally, how very difficult it is.

I think most of us look in the mirror and think "if you lose another 10 pounds you'll be so much better." That's how eating disorders keep working. There's ALWAYS weight to lose. I once told someone that being sick was easier than being in recovery, because when you're sick, you believe that one day it will end. It will end when "i love 3 more pounds" and then when you lose that 3 pounds, it will end when "I lose 5 more pounds" and then when you lose that 5 pounds it will end.....and it goes on and on and on. But then when you're in recovery, you know it may never end, and that's a scary place to be.

Passing on eating habits and attitudes about food to your child(ren) is a very scary thought. Good luck with that.

I can completely relate to your last sentence in yoru post. I have often called my eating disorders, my best friend and my worst enemy. But listen to the worst enemy part. Eating disorders will kill you, and you have a little boy to look after. You have family and friends that love you. You have people in your life that need and want you around. Eating disorders take that away from you and from them. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Hello again!
Well Brooke, I'd love to tell you that I've totally quit the spitting thing--for the most part I have. But every now and then I find myself doing it. I'm not sure about the calorie intake. I do still eat on a regular basis. It sounds like you are eating very little--to this I have no good advice because I know no matter what I tell you that it won't change how you feel---been there done that http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif but I will be praying for you.

Thanks Sarah! Yep, it is such a long road but I'm trying to do better. But from the posts I've read of yours, you know how it all goes. I am really going to try to watch myself a lot closer with what I say in front of my son. I don't want him to go through the same thing. We are so much alike that I can see him trying to emulate me and I want him to see me as a strong kick ass mom and not some disordered weak person. Well, have a great day!