Hello,

I am glad I found this forum. I have been reading through some of the messages here, and am learning a lot.

I have not been diagnosed with MS, but have suspected it for many years. I started tripping over my own feet, stubbing my feet on things, and dropping things when I was in my early thirties. I would go through bouts of clumsiness that would last a few weeks to a few months, and then would be fine for years. Then it would happen again.

I am now forty-five, and the bouts of clumsiness appear to be a permanent thing. I cannot grasp things with my hands anymore. I use my palms more than my fingers. I have no feeling in one of my toes. My legs feel like jello sometimes, especially when I get tired or over heated, like after a hot bath. I have fallen down the stairs three times in four months. I don't seem to be able to steer my arms very well. Like if I have an itch on my nose, it takes me three tries to hit it! lol I also choke a lot, especially on fluids, like soup broth.

I noticed people mentioning seeing spots. I have seen what I called "fire flies" since I was in my twenties.

Mostly, I feel fatigued, depressed, and achey all over. I have no pain, really, just a general aching feeling, sort of like when you have the flu and your muscles ache. I do get some twitching sometimes, and often when I lie down at night, my torso starts to contract rapidly. It is hard to describe, it isn't painful, it is almost like doing really fast "crunches." My stomach just seems to contract and relax really fast.

I used to practice some Yoga, and had not been doing it for a long time. I wanted to get back into it, so I started practicing again a few weeks ago, when something odd happened. When I tried to place my hands together in front of me (palms together, like when praying), my hands suddenly did a nose dive into my chest and started jerking back and forth, hitting my chest over and over. The more I tried to hold them still, the worse it got.

My GP has never run tests. She says MS is hard to diagnose and often they just have to watch the progression of the symptoms over time. But it has been going on twelve to fifteen years now. I have not been able to work full time since 1998, am the only income coming into my household, and am trying to live on the $500-$600 per month I can muster up cleaning houses (which is killing me). I have not been successful getting disability because my doc hasn't come up with a name for whatever is ailing me yet.

I am at my wits end and do not know where to go from here. I am so tired of being tired...and clumsy, and foggy, and depressed.

I think talking about it will help.

Sorry for being so long winded.

DD