Hey all! It has been a while since I wrote a post becasue I am in my last week of school, so I am pretty busy with finals and all! I wish that I could say that I have been doing to with my Bulimia...but I haven't! I had probably the worst day ever with my bulimia on Saturday, and I have been bulimic for two years! I used laxatives for the first time...I was soooooooo ill! I decided then and there that I was commiting myself if it happened again, and then the next day I had problems with it!!! Why do I keep doing this? I start back to my counsling as soon as I am done with school and go back home...I havn't had problems today, but I just seem to be getting worse and worse! I am so scared! I was so sick on Sunday, but I still binged! I NEED HELP! Any suggestions? Love Katie

Hi Katie,

Sorry it took me so many days to reply. I've been taking finals too.

It is good to hear that you will be starting back to counseling when you go home! That should be a good thing!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Also, have you continued to use laxatives? Maybe if you throw them away, and keep them out of your reach, the urge will be easier to control. I've tried that before. Where I've done something to eliminate the opportunity to purge (in one way or another) and whereas it doesn't take away the desire completely, and it's incredibly hard for the first few days, it does get easier with time.

I hope all is well, and possibly, you've been having so many bad bad days because of the stress level. Final weeks of school can be chaotic.

Good luck hon, hope you're feeling better!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

Thanks for the advice!! I have been doing better...but I went out for ice cream with my friends tonight to get away from school, and I threw up some...I really couldn't get much alone time!! This worries me becuase I use to be able to eat without the "need to purge", I mean I hadn't bienged I had just ate a food that wasn't "safe"! I use to hate being bulimic, but lately it seems like I feel in control, which is completly crazy! I hope that getting done with school will help! I just always have that little voice that says Eat Eat Eat, and then throw it up! my parents are real worried about me, but I tell them I am doing better...cuz I am somedays! Anyways..Thanks, and I need to realize this is a long hard battle, but that I can beat it!!

Love Katie

[This message has been edited by KatJ (edited 05-14-2003).]

Hi Katie,
I was just reading your post and your reply to Sarah's response. I just wanted to tell you that your attitude really encouraged me. Yesterday I had such a great day. I had a great perspective on my disorder and felt strong and in control...and I was really happy with myself for not eating when I wasn't hungry. I felt like I was cured! I started today with the same attitude but it quickly went downhill. At lunch time I binged and didn't have time to purge 'cause I forgot I had to work early today. I was really disappointed but decided it wasn't that big of a deal. But then tonight I didn't even have the urge to binge but I did anyway...I think because I was bored and feeling a little emotional. But I practically made myself start the binge when I didn't even feel like it. I don't know why I do this. Most of the time I'm fighting the urge to binge, but then other times it's like I just don't care and I enjoy pigging out on delicious things. I was feeling terrible, especially since yesterday I felt I was so in control. But after reading your perspective that recovery takes time and that someday I will beat this, I feel like a slip now and then is normal right now while I'm in the early stages of dealing with getting better. Tomorrow will be a better day. It will just take time before there are a lot of good days in a row. So thanks a lot. I feel much better now. Be strong and stay positive...we're gonna beat this! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

Michell,

Hey I am glad that my post reached out to you! It really helps me to think positively, but then when I have a bad day I just seem to think negatively!! I have been struggling with EDs since I was a Sophmore in Highschool...I am a Sophmore in college now! I have went for months without trouble and then bam...a bad day!! So I have really tried to think about the good days and not vocus on the bad ones!! It can be really hard, but taking eachday at a time is all we can do!!! Good luck and I hope that the good days come more and more, but just remember EDs are not cured over a one day period!!

Love Katie

Hi there,

Sounds like you are having a pretty tough time. A lot of people don't understand what a struggle anorexia or bulimia is. People always seem to pour out advice and it always seems to be the same. We already know how hard it is but how do we get better. I have lived with bot Anorexia and Bulimia for 12 years and just now am I understanding that I am much stronger than I had ever though. Your crying out for help whether you believe it or not. And that is the fist and sometimes the hardest thing to do. I coulden't tell you how many time I said ok this is it, goodbye nasty disease I am taking control. And just about that many times I would fall right back where I was. We are like compulsive robots, once we begin the cycle of purging or starving we take full charge at it and soon it becomes so repetative that we don't know how to stop or even begin. Some of us eventually run out of fuel and the disease has won, and our families are left with one less loved one. It is so hard to think of it like that, like it will never happen to us. It took having a baby to make me realize what living really meant. Should I let this control my life and leave a child without a mother?
Deep down inside you there is a little voice saying, you are worth more that what you are doing to yourself, no matter what has happened or will happen in the future you are someone worth being proud of. I know for myself that the eating disorder really had nothing to do with my eating, It was something to focus on becuase I though it was the only thing I could control. My obbsession with food or losing weight was overlooking the fact that I had some serious self worth issues. But once you realize that you are special becuase you are unique and not perfect then you have won the biggest battle of all. Nothing in your life will be a bigger test then the test of faith in yourself, and nothing will be more rewarding.

PS: Good luck, and Bless your heart
Angela

Angela...Thank you sooooooooooo much for what you said. I have been back to counseling now and was doing better but then started purging again. I was so happy on the days that I did good! I have done good today, and I plan on trying to keep it up! Your kind words will make it easier. I really can't explain why I keep purging...Habit? It has taken over my every thought though, and you are right that I have to stop and realize that I am not going to be around if I keep doing this to myself! Thank you so much...your post really touched me and I am going to hang it on my bedroom door and read it each time I get the "urge"

Love Katie

Just something I suddenly thought of. It might work, but it probably won't because I know how hard it is to battle an ED (been doing it for 6 years now). Have you ever considered preparing all of your food for the day in advance and then dividing it up into five or six mini-meals you can eat periodically throughout the day? I personally know it can help, too, to eat a meal and then leave the house for awhile until I know it is safe to eat a meal again (5 or 6 hours). I usually go over to my mom's house (she's kinda poor and can't really afford to let me eat her food), or you could go to a movie or something with a friend (I'm usually too embarrassed to eat too much in public or in front of friends, but I'm more anorexic than bulimic). Just some food for thought (Ha ha, really lame joke, right?). http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif