This is the second part that I have been promising. I'm sorry it took so long. If you are reading this it probably means you are bulimic or want to become bulimic. Please read this to the very end.
Bulimia, in some ways that word, bulimia, used to be music to my ears. It meant I could eat, eat, and eat some more and not gain weight because I could rid myself of the food in a number of ways. If I did gain weight than I could just restrict for a few days and things would be okay, or so I thought.
Bulimia, now that one word is a nightmare for me. I can recount many days that I spent a majority of the time in the bathroom either purging through vomiting or laxatives. When I was out of the bathroom I was eating. At first I went on binges that were full of fat, than, as time went on, I thought I could lose even more weight if I went on binges with more healthy foods, that way, if I didn't get it all up in the purges, I wouldn't be as likely to gain weight. I was open with my family and friends about my eating disorders. There were many times I would run to the bathroom after meals, even in public places, to purge. At first I was scared of people hearing me in public places, than I got to the point I didn't care. The most important thing was getting the enemy, the food, out of me. I got to the point I was purging blood after almost every purge. I was starting to purge without wanting to. At first this made it a lot easier, but than it got to the point I couldn't even keep down water half the time. My throat constantly hurt. My friends didn't like going places with me for I insisted we stop at places so I could purge and if they didn't stop I would throw a fit. I started also not wanting to go out, it but a cramp in my style. I started sneaking food into my room so my parents wouldn't know I was binging. I got to the point that I was scared I would never be able to stop. I was isolated from everyone and didn't realize it until it was almost too late. I pushed everyone away. My family was worried, but had no clue what to do for me. When they would try to confront me I would just get angry and not listen to them. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of and won't go into it. Now, like I did for the anorexia post, will go into things that can happen to people that are bulimic:
-death(one out of 3 people will die from an eating disorder)
-kidney dysfunction
-urinary tract infections: damage to the colon
dehydration: constipation or diarrhea
seizures, muscle spasms or cramps (resulting from chemical imbalances)
chronic indigestion
loss of menstruation or irregular periods for females
strain on most of the body's organs
erosion to dental enamel from vomiting practices
swollen salivary glands
the possibility of a ruptured stomach
chronic sore throat and gullet


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As long as there is life, there is hope

Thanks Faith. I was actually in the process for trying to purge when I read your post. I'm soo soo sorry for everything you've been through. It sort of makes me realize the concequences of it all ya know. I myself suffered mild heart problems (along with MANY other complications from my anorexia), and at age 15...I could have a heart attack or stroke. But...to be honest...it still doesn't really hit me like that. I mean, my parents are all worried. My Daddy keeps talking with my Mom about life insurance and funeral costs. He crys now...an emotion he hasn't let show in about ten years. Yet, I still don't think I could die. I mean, I feel FINE. Maybe I'm in denial but I dunno. I just don't see how I could be sick if I don't feel that bad. I mean sure I feel bad, but not bad enough to DIE. I guess I still feel like I'm immune to it all. But I will do something...I'm not going to try to purge anymore tonight. (I tryed because I ate a little bit of pizza, cinnasticks, and coke but just gagged) I guess its best that I didn't get anything up. I guess my body needs the food so its clinging to it and not letting me upchuck it. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I seriously hate my ED. I went eat breakfast with my Mom this morning and we were talking about that. About the 'underlying cause'. And I straight out told her I didn't know what the deal was. I didn't know why I am so terrified of gaining weight and what started it all. I told her that I feel fatter now (34 pounds less) than I did at 115. I mean it's nuts! And boy do I ever feel nuts!!! Anyways...why did I share all that??? I always do that huh?! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Well I'll shut my big mouth up now. Except one more thing...thanks, Faith. I'm not going to try to purge anymore tonight...just for you. You're such a sweetie.

-Carlie

Hello Carlie,
I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to see this. I haven't been online for a few days. First, I know all to well what you mean when you say you don't feel like you could die. I felt the same way and I don't know how to help you get past that feeling. One thing about being young is you tend to feel invincible and death doesn't seem real in a lot of ways; I have had friends die from accidents and that still didn't make death sink in. I always was able to convince myself that I would never die, or by the time I do I would be ready for it--I know it's not true I will never die, but it's something I don't like to think about either.
You also said I don't know how I can be so sick when I dont' feel that bad-well kiddo, feelings are decieving a lot of the time and your body is doing everything to keep itself alive and I bet you don't feel top notch either and I bet a lot of your uncomfortable feelings you are able to say things like, well, it's from...and make up some excuse that has nothing to do with your disorder-at least I know I used to do this and it took a lot of retraining my brain to see the reality of what I was doing and why my body felt as it did and to listen to what my body was telling me.
I'm honored that you were going to go the evening w/o purging for me-that really is sweet of you hon. I can only pray one day you will be able to do it for you.
Take Care and tons of love.

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As long as there is life, there is hope

I'm bumping this for I think it's important.
Take Care.
Faith

Faith,
You're right, this is very important, and I'm so sorry for everything you have had to go through. For anyone out there who is even thinking about becoming bulimic please reconsider. I started purging over a year ago and ever since then my life has gone downhill. It started out great, I could eat a candy bar, throw it up, and not have to deal with gaining weight. It wasn't long though before I was in way over my head. My life now revolves around eating, purging, exercising, and diet pills. Bulimia is a scary thing, you might be able to lose weight or whatever, but you will be way to busy hurting or hiding all your pain to enjoy it. So please, if you aren't bulimic already do not even try it. It is definitly not worth it.
~Jen~

I am kinda new 2 this msge board. You've hard a hard time darlin! But u've made me c a little sense 2moro I am gonna make an appt wiv my doctor. I cant go on purging no matter how fat I feel. I fainted 2day after chuckin my dinner up an dat scared me. Id gone dizzy b4 but neva fainted. I hope I can tell my doc, I will b so scared! I hav tried to stop but I cant. Iv fink Iv let it go on to long

Thanx 4 ur help. Wiv hugs from Buttercup Syrup xxx

Thanks for your post. I, too, have had physical problems from years of EDs- purging through laxatives was my method of feeling empty... I haven't purged for nearly 7 years, but my body doesn't function without daily PeriColace...that's 7 years of meds to take care of what my body should be doing on its own if it weren't for the years of abuse i dumped on it. I've also got permanent damage to my autonomic nervous system (blood pressure/pulse/breathing/skin color/ temperature/ involuntary muscles) from my ED. So, I have to take more pills to manage that.... It is SO not worth the toll it takes on the body to get caught up in eating disorders. I'm diabetic- from years of being overweight, have the above mentioned physical issues, have fibromyalgia, that didn't come on until my last (and worst) relapse in 1996. During that time I was starving and purging (no bingeing that time),lost 100 pounds over a year (last 4 months was the worst- down 50 pounds), and nearly died. I was sent to a horrible treatment center (nobody planned on the horrible part- just worked out that way!). All for the sake of losing weight.... a co-worker/friend used to ask me "so, are you trying to look 'good' for your funeral? Losing weight for your casket?" It used to make me mad when she'd say that, but she was right.... I was dying. If you think that bulimia is something you can 'try', you're wrong (maybe dead wrong). It gets a hold of you like a powerfully addictive drug, and fights to keep you a hostage to the delusion that weight/eating are worth the damage they cause. Please read these posts, and really understand that the vast majority of people here want to get OUT of an ED- not develop one. We've been there, and know that it's not the way to go.

I want to move this one and the other one to the top for all the new comers.

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As long as there is life, there is hope

help,

I have been bulimic for two years. My family just recently found out, I can;t get away from them to purge they wil follow me to the bathroom. I have started to vomit blood I am so scared i need some help I feel so alone and there isnt anyone that i can talk to that knows how i feel please please help me,

melissa

(((((((Mellisa)))))))

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As long as there is life, there is hope

Melissa, i am in exactly your position. I was hesitant to read or post anything on this board, but I am scared and need to know how others are overcoming bulimia. I am 22 and have been bulimic for almost 4 years now - I can't believe it. I did it off and on for a long time, and just maintained my weight, but never lost much. It just meant that I could eat all the junk I wanted and then throw it up. Because I was going to throw it up, I would eat a bunch more stuff as too - might as well enjoy myself. Anyways, I am a very headstrong person and have always been able to handle all my emotional problems and habits very well, so I didn't think bulimia could control me. But now, I am scared. I have chest pains and I lie in bed every night and say tomorrow I will be finished with bulimia. But the next day comes and I do it again. My dad made a comment to me because I bought an excersize bike last weekend, "are you getting an eating disorder?" I just laughed and said "funny." It's killing me because I can't tell anyone - this feels good writing this post. For the first time in my life something has taken control of me and I don't know how to fight it. I know that when I am just sitting around is when I want to eat for no reason. The problem is, I am a student who get straight A's and I spend many hours a day studying, so a nice break is one where I can eat. When I am studying all I can think about is food. If anyone can give me some ideas on what to do I would appreciate it. Oh, and Melissa, you are not alone. We could try to get over this together?

[This message has been edited by Zesty (edited 03-01-2003).]

soho, I too know how you feel when you spoke about not being able to tell anyone and it killing you to have to keep it inside. I was anorexic 5 years until my parents somewhat found out, they still don't really know to what extent, they just know I'm getting help for a small eating issue. and it hurts to not be able to talk to them. soho, your parents adore you and want to help you in every way possible. I know this sounds like everything anyone has told you probably, but your parents want to help you and just letting them know will get a load off your shoulders. think abot it-no more sneaking around, and having a safety net to catch you when you fall. I know it's a hard thought and you prob won't listen- don't worry, I didn't either http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif but just think about it.
also, you asked for any suggestions and my strongest one is this-GET HELP!! read faith's post and realize that you will die if you continue down this ed's path. call a dr. ask a teacher or a friend. or a parent. people love you and want to help you. please get help, for your sake and for everyone who loves you's sake.
luv and luck, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Rachel

Soho-
I know what you are saying about being a "good" student. People think that I've got the perfect life. I went to a great college, I'm doing well in my job, I'm not ugly, and I'm engaged to Prince Charming. But this only stresses me because I'm so afraid of losing it all. I'm afraid of becoming fat, of losing my job, of screwing up this relationship like I did my last one of 4 years. My work is starting to suffer because all I can think about is eating and then getting rid of it. And yes, eating is my "break." It started in college when I'd study all night, and now it is my release when I'm faced with hours of paperwork. I don't know what to say or how to help - I need serious help, too. I can say that when I'm around friends, I don't want them to know, so I am able to hold off. It also helps a lot when I work out; the only problem is half the time I'm too tired to work out. Maybe the only thing we can do is talk about it, help each other out, and fight the daily fight. Good luck!!

Okay,
I really don't see the big deal with girls wanting to be thin! I myself have delt with gaining and losing weight. I am 16 years old and as of last year weighed 160 punds at only 5'6, now I can say that i weigh 120. And you know what I am happy.My parents have a huge problem with it because they think that I am taking it too far becauseI won't eat cheese or milk that is not fat free. I constantly check the back of everything to make sure that it is not to fatting. I honestly came here maybe to find ways of becomeing bulimic. I really don't that I am anorexic. I just got done with eating a ton of fattening foods and tried to throw up my food but it didn't work and I was hoping some one could show me a trick. Ithink that it is fine for girls not to eat or even take laxatives to lose weight. I do and I am fine. I personally think that people blow this out of perportion.I feel for those who are obese and overweight because there are many things that they can not do in life because they are over weight. I on the other hand and those in my same position can enjoy life . Just becuase we don't eat or what we do eat is very low in calaories and fat doesn't mean we are living un-happy.

luckycharm772,

I was quite taken aback by your post here. It saddened me because as much as you may believe that you are “invincible”, the truth is you are not. One day you will see the effects that this “dieting” has had on you body and then you’ll think back to now and not understand where you were coming from when you said all this.

You say that you are happy but at the same time you state that you wish to become bulimic? I don’t understand that. If you are happy why are you trying to change yourself? Why can you not accept the way you are RIGHT NOW? You are thin – you don’t need to become any thinner or you will put yourself in serious danger. I’ve been there. And I can honestly say I was NOT happy – I’m still not happy. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif My life’s a mess and after the past three and a half years of strict dieting/diet pills/over-exercising/throwing up and anything else I may have done – I finally realize that life won’t GET any better until I accept the way I look. At 5’8” I have weighed as little as 95 pounds – do you seriously not find anything WRONG with that?! Even I do, and I’m not exactly happy with the way that I am now despite still being considered ‘underweight’.

Oh, another thing. I know you say that there are many things that an overweight person cannot do... well, it’s no different for the extremely underweight population either. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif Being seriously underweight means having no energy to do anything. It means depression. It means missing out on all the activities you used to enjoy because you just don’t have the power to get out there and do it anymore. Being anorexic OR bulimic OR a compulsive overeater is pure hell – and I don’t understand what inspired you to say what you did.

I’m sorry but people in you position DON’T enjoy life. Yes, they may not be so miserable as they will be once the develop a full-blown eating disorder (in fact, there are many that feel like they are quite “high-on-life” while they are in the early stages of an eating disorder – thinking that it will solve all their problems), but deep down they (we) are trying to escape or lessen the pain deep-down that is making them do this to themselves. The pain/hatred/shame/anger that they have within themselves that they just can’t seem to deal with any other way...

Last but not least it is NOT fine for people to starve their bodies from the food they need to survive, OR take laxatives in an attempt to lose weight. Without that food your body will eventually cease to function properly and if you take it too far (as some of the eating disordered have done in the past) you WILL die. Yes, eating disorders will kill you eventually unless you stand back and think to yourself, ‘Why am I REALLY doing this?’

I apologize for going on so long but I just have to ask you not to ask people here again for ‘tips’ on how to become a ‘better’ bulimic. From past experiences I know it’s not the easiest thing to come here to find support on OVERCOMING an eating disorder, and unexpectedly coming across a post such as the above where someone in clearly supporting having an eating disorder. Please think about it. I’m not writing this for nothing – NO ONE deserves an eating disorder. Not you, not me, not anyone.

Ashlee

bumping for Lillian and others that may not have seen this.

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As long as there is life, there is hope

so many new people and such an important message-not sure if i'll be around much, but thought this was important to bump