hey everyone, none of my friends at college seem to understand how difficult living with an eating disorder is..they think that you just don't eat, or maybe eat too much and then vomit. but it's horrible, and on my mind ALL the time, i never stop thinking about food, or how i look, or how much weight i need to lose. i've been in 'recovery' for bulimia for about a year now, and although i am a bit better, it's got worse again, and i've been referred back to the hospital for therapy. i find it really daunting and eating disorder units are just depressing places.....
does anyone else feel that this so-called 'recovery' process is dragging on and on, and getting fed up of feeling like a failure when u can't make changes..it's horrible and really upsetting me at the moment. think i'm just in a bit of a moaning mood cos had to have blood tests this morning and it took ages for the nurse to find a vein..got a horrible bruise now
aarghh! i want my life back from ed
xx lilly xx

Wow, do I hear ya! I'm in the same position, except I'm recovering from Anorexia tendencies. I'm also in University, and e.d. has completely taken over. I can't study or focus on anything except food and my weight. I started eating again, and for SOME reason, I binge A LOT, so I've gained weight. And it's killing me. Everyone thinks that if they see you eat, you must be OK. I'm the furthest thing from being 'ok' at the moment. I want to go back to my lowest weight, but I know how unhealthy it was. I haven't gotten my period for 3 months, and I'm horribly bloated. Ahh.. the life of an eating disorder, right? Hope you stay strong and realize you're *not* alone;) Take care, God bless!

hey lily
i hear you as well, i have had both anorexia and bulimia for about 11 years now...i guess the advice i have is that if you really want to recover to find somewhere where you feel supported and comfortable with the team of professionals. im studying to become a social worker and trust me - we are here to help - i hope you can find someone you can really open up to and be honest with. im lucky to have found someone - but its worth hunting around until you find someone appropriate.
as for the bulimia - have you got a nutiritionist?
someone who can help you with some structure?
[removed] post any questions - this board is great'
take care lily
chookie

hey sincerity and chookie :wave:
it's so cliched, but realising that there are others out there in the same position as you is so comforting, thankx *hugs* so understand what u mean about not being able to concentrate, as all your thoughts are on food and weight, i'm exactly the same. but the thing is, i don't wanna leave college cos i really want this degree, but on the other hand, living here is really tough..i have an ensuite bathroom and u can imagine the nightmare it is cos there's no need to even be secretive about throwing up, cos no one can hear me, or even notice i'm in the bathroom..the temptation is awful, and although i do keep some of my food down, i make sure i don't eat more than about 800 calories a day.
you're so right in that people think you're ok if they see u eat. i sometimes eat with people, then leave quickly to purge, but it's just that they'll think i'm fine, as long as i'm eating and not starving myself...they just don't realise the hell i go through in eating EACH and EVERY mouthful.
i do have a nutritionist, and am on fluoxetine prescribed by my dr which i think is sort of helping, in that i don't binge so much now. i'm starting therapy again later this month..but until then, just got to continue living this ed nightmare :o(
i'm trying to stay positive, i hope you guys are too
keep on fighting
x lil x