I wanna cry or hurt myself or do SOMETHING to feel better!

I took my food to work today, I had it all planned out what to eat and healthy choices and what not. I had yogurt, grapes, quaker rice cake things, a banana, cream of wheat, and a lean cuisine meal. I get a break every 2 hours, so I eat then and rarely do I ever feel hungry inbetween. I didn't end up eating all of it, and near the end of the work day I bought a chocolate pie pudding thing, a milkyway bar, and then once I got home I pigged out on the rest of my leftover candy. I was sitting there watching tv, just stuffing my face full of chocolate, and my STOMACH was telling me I was full, I couldn't really eat another bite, but for some reason I kept on until I ate all of what I put infront of me. (I grabbed a handlful, got up twice for 2 more loads) As I was snacking I already felt guilty, but it was like a force that just made me keep eating the junk, and now I feel AWFUL..both guilt AND tummy-ache.

How do I stop the binging cycle?? And how do I learn to not hate myself for it? I did SO good during the day until the very end! GRRRRRRRRRRr :dizzy:

I'm sorry you are having a rough time with your ED. It sounds very typical to me the binging from what you have described.

I take medication to help with the bulimia. It is montiored though because it causes significant weightloss in some people, and did cause me to lose a lot of weight when I first began taking it (I could stand to lose weight when I first started it due to infertility weight gain)- but my pdoc monitors my weight regularly along with the ED.

The drug is called Topamax. There are also many other medications out there with less side effects that help bulimia and other ED's. If you feel very out of control, please seek out attention of a pdoc, not an MD, medical prescription advice. They are more knowledgeable in prescriptive drugs for ED's and would be able to help you find one that could suite the best interest of your needs to help you get to feeling better. Really.

Also, therapy works as well. They both go hand in hand together.

Take care of yourself. Hang in there. I know what you are going through is very rough. :angel:

Coffeegirl

Thanks for your support Coffeegirl! I am TOTALLLYYYY itching for another binge of something, ANYTHING chocolate right now. And I snacked a lot through the day, eating my grapes and cream of wheat, yogurt, bagel, I had a hot dog that they were giving away for free. I'm TRYING to resist, but its hard, instead I'm chewing gum to keep my mouth occupied and in a minute I'm gonna go walking or something to get my mind off it. I dunno what else to do in the mean time if afterwards I'm still craving.

I do the SAME thing... I get a bunch of stuff...don't plan on eating it but even though I KNOW Im full...I eat it...and sometimes more! For me what helps is getting just a little bit of something like maybe 2 cookies instead of bringing the whole box with you...or just a handfull of M&M's...stuff like that. that way (for me at least) I don't see food in front of me and (plus im too lazy to get up for some more snacks) I won't eat anymore...does that make sense??:dizzy:
TTG

I do the same thing :( I think the previous poster is right, therapy and meds may help. I finally saw a therapist for the first time this morning and she suggested lots of therapy, group therapy and meds.I have an appointment with a doctor in a few weeks, hopefully it will help.