Hi everyone, o.k well i doubt anyone will want to respond to me because i know my last post sounded really pathetic but i think i do have a problem now..i still don't have much regard for my health and part of me keeps saying i don't care what happens to me but the truth is 'being afraid to eat' and feeling like i don't deserve to eat feels so horrible..i never go out so i'm never around people when i eat or when they're eating so i haven't realized how jelous i am or exactly how hard it is but right now i'm at my parents house cause it's my b-day so they're all getting macdonalds except me..i'm so grumpy and upset about it because i really love macdonalds but this huge part inside me just won't let me have it..i just can't...maybe i'm just a pathetic loser and nothing like you guys and maybe i sound really stupid but this is so depressing, i wish everything was different i wish i was different well sorry for venting but i needed to get it out and i can't talk to anyone else i feel like nobody understands me i feel so different from everyone else.Ahhh o.k i'll stop bothering you guys now. BYE

(((fallen)))
hey there sounds kind of rough for you right now. so let me get this straight (sorry kind of new here)-you're anorexic, right? i'm a binge eater/bulemic, so i can't quite relate, but my heart goes out to you. i went through a long period of time where i was very isolated, too. i did it to myself, because i'd had some pretty awful experiences so i didn't want to be around people. isolation isn't good for you. it's ok to vent. also, not only do you deserve to eat, you actually owe it to yourself to eat. it sounds like you're really struggling right now--don't be hard on yourself.

Hey paperdoll, thanks for responding, my psychiatrist says i have an eating disorder i didn't really believe him until now..or maybe i'm still kinda in denial or maybe just confused http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif i don't know..but because of how hard this is and how frustrating this all is i guess i do believe him now but i still have a hard time saying the words anorexic or bulemic hmmm i'm really confused but i guess well the only way i can really answer your quesion is by saying i eat very little on a daily basis but sometimes..(and sometimes it's several times a week) i eat and then throw it up but only when i'm at home. I would never do it out in public or at someone else's house so that's why it's extremely hard tonight (because i'm at my parents house)so i have to look at the food and yet deny myself of it well anyways..thanks for your kind words they mean a lot, i have trouble believing them but it was really nice of you..well i'm gonna go now..i'm pretty tired. Bye 4 now!

fallen,

you will have to excuse my ignornce, but when you say you deny yourself food, do you also deny yourself drink?

Duh, I mean you must drink something, you have to drink to live.

I mean what do you drink, and when?

I would like to be anorexic, but I cant, sounds pretty F'ed up I know.

I too isolated myself from the world.
I am 34 years old, 300 pounds, living in constant excrutiating pain from a rare nerve disorder, I also have a disease called sarcoidosis which is attacking my lungs, skin and eyes, and just this week I found out is causing scihrosis of my liver and I may need a transplant, will know by xmas. I was divorced this spring from the only true love of my life,( I found out she never really loved me, jsut my money which is all gone now) I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter who I rarely get to see because my X is so vindictive. I have a bachelor's degree but am stuck in a dead end job in a dead end town making less than $25,000 a year soI can be near my daughter when I am allowed to see her, I have recently filed bankruptcy and have 4 creditors seeking judgements and wage garnishments from me. I have been diagnosed with manic depression and severe anxiety dissorder and suffer bouts of sleep paralysis and siezures. Oh yeah, did I mention that I am in CONSTANT PAIN?

I used to think I am worthless, I used to put myslef down. I thought of and tried suicide, I used to feel sorry for myself, but now, I am beyond all that. I dont even do that anymore. Whats the point? I may as well keep living to see how much worse things can get.

Take heart dear, you will snap out of the funk you are in, you have your whole life ahead of you, and as long as you dont make the same mistakes I have, you should do just fine. I have hope for you, and know your life will turn around for the better when the time is right. We only get so many opportunites to grab onto and take happiness in our lifetime, I hope for yoursake that you will not throw those opportunities away when they do come your way, and that you will be able to recognize them when they appear. I have never been able to do so.

So, I sit in front of my computer, night after night, popping pain pills, muscle relaxers, anti depressants and sedatives, sleeping next to never, reaching out to someone who may be able to help me. I go to work during the day, I keep to myself(thank god I do not have a job dealing with the public)and come home and do the same thing over again and again.

I just wanted to give you a different perspective on things from a stranger in hopes that you see that your life can change for the better, and that you are deserving of being happy, and things could always be worse.

take care

peace

terry

savysac, actually to be honest i don't really drink a lot either but i don't think it's really intentional i just don't feel like it i guess, i usually only have a couple glasses of water a day and that's it..i'm really sorry about your situation i hope you are doing o.k...but i can't just snap out of it i don't even know how i'm supposed to feel or what to do..i'm really confused w/ life and everything and i don't want to get into my past experiences because well..i'm too tired and just can't talk about it all..i know so many people have it worse believe me my dad used to mention that a lot growing up..but just because someone else has it worse doesn't mean i can just all of a sudden be happy and fine, i hope this doesn't sound bad i'm just trying to explain myself..sort of..i don't know if i'm doing a very good job but anyways..thanks again for the kind words..i'm gonna head out now cause i'm probobly just confusing everyone anyways.

I know this sounds weird, but it's been so helpfull to hear that other people have these problems as well as me. I'm a recovering anorexic, but can feel myself going back in that direction again. I'm probably all of a size 4, yet when I look in the mirror, I see every wrinkle, every dimple, and every bit of flab as if it was magnified a 100x. I even took the mirror out of my room so I wouldn't have to see myself. As strange as this sounds I was happier at 50lbs. I felt in control of things and not so scared of my own appearance. I wish this would just go away, or better yet never have started. I'm miserable
Tweety

Sorry your feeling down now. Please know that getting your feelings out in the open and venting is often a first step in the positive direction. Amy



[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 09-19-2003).]