mole_hair
11-11-2006, 07:15 PM
I am looking for some sdvice regarding my BP wife.
We have been together for 5 years now, and she has been diagnosed for almost 1 year. She is a wonderfull woman that has had mood problems since before we met. She was being treated for the first 3 years we were together for depression.
She got off meds almost 2 years ago due to insurance issues. Soon after we started fighting and she started to become distant. She started going out more, and drinking quite a bit more. She began flirting with other people, when prior to this she never even looked at anyone but me. Our sexual relationship was greatly diminished during this time.
We both knew that we were having problems and started to work on things. We saw a therapist for a while and that is when she was diagnosed as Bipolar. Things started to get more back to normal. We were not fighting, our sex life was great again, and we were just generaly happy again.
Out of the blue this summer she told me that she was not happy and wanted to try a seperation. We talked about this for a while and decided to try it. She said that she was not sure if she was in love with me anymore, but she definitley loved me. That confused me quite a bit. She also said that she had a crush on a female friend of ours. She had never had feelings towards a woman before, so this was confusing to both of us.
We have been seperated for 5 months now, and she has been dating someone else for a little while. She says that she does not want a divorce and that she is trying to figure out what she wants. We have stayed in close contact during the entire separation, but when I found out she was dating I got upset and we both said that we wanted a divorce. This was puerly out of anger though. She is always saying that I am her best friend and she loves me, but she is confused. There are lots of things that she does that make me think she is still in love with me.
I almost forgot to mention that she has been on meds again for almost 2 weeks now. She finally decided that she needed treatment after I asked for a divorce. (I have since admitted that I only said that out of anger.)
I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is still a great friend, but I do not know how long I can go on like this. I want her back as my wife, and being a friend to her is very hard right now.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what to do at this point. Has anyone else been in a similiar situation? Is it common for bipolar people to be this confused about their feelings for someone?
-Kyle
We have been together for 5 years now, and she has been diagnosed for almost 1 year. She is a wonderfull woman that has had mood problems since before we met. She was being treated for the first 3 years we were together for depression.
She got off meds almost 2 years ago due to insurance issues. Soon after we started fighting and she started to become distant. She started going out more, and drinking quite a bit more. She began flirting with other people, when prior to this she never even looked at anyone but me. Our sexual relationship was greatly diminished during this time.
We both knew that we were having problems and started to work on things. We saw a therapist for a while and that is when she was diagnosed as Bipolar. Things started to get more back to normal. We were not fighting, our sex life was great again, and we were just generaly happy again.
Out of the blue this summer she told me that she was not happy and wanted to try a seperation. We talked about this for a while and decided to try it. She said that she was not sure if she was in love with me anymore, but she definitley loved me. That confused me quite a bit. She also said that she had a crush on a female friend of ours. She had never had feelings towards a woman before, so this was confusing to both of us.
We have been seperated for 5 months now, and she has been dating someone else for a little while. She says that she does not want a divorce and that she is trying to figure out what she wants. We have stayed in close contact during the entire separation, but when I found out she was dating I got upset and we both said that we wanted a divorce. This was puerly out of anger though. She is always saying that I am her best friend and she loves me, but she is confused. There are lots of things that she does that make me think she is still in love with me.
I almost forgot to mention that she has been on meds again for almost 2 weeks now. She finally decided that she needed treatment after I asked for a divorce. (I have since admitted that I only said that out of anger.)
I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is still a great friend, but I do not know how long I can go on like this. I want her back as my wife, and being a friend to her is very hard right now.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what to do at this point. Has anyone else been in a similiar situation? Is it common for bipolar people to be this confused about their feelings for someone?
-Kyle
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marshmallow
11-11-2006, 09:16 PM
Kyle, sorry to hear your having such a hard time. I have read many posts here that sound almost exactly like yours. I am sure you will get some response from someone. The people here are very nice and supportive.
mole_hair
11-12-2006, 12:01 PM
Thanks for the reply. It is nice to know someone is listening.
I am not really having too hard of a time right now, but depression has certainly taken its toll on me already. I am at the point where I am simply waitng for her to take some action or give me a positive sign, or at least some hope.
I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is such a wonderful person, but the things she has done over the course of this illness has really caused some problems for both of us. I am trying to be there for her and be supportive, but seeing all of this happenning to the person I love has really drained me. I just don't know what I can do at this point but wait.
-Kyle
I am not really having too hard of a time right now, but depression has certainly taken its toll on me already. I am at the point where I am simply waitng for her to take some action or give me a positive sign, or at least some hope.
I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is such a wonderful person, but the things she has done over the course of this illness has really caused some problems for both of us. I am trying to be there for her and be supportive, but seeing all of this happenning to the person I love has really drained me. I just don't know what I can do at this point but wait.
-Kyle
marshmallow
11-12-2006, 01:19 PM
I certainty know what you mean by being drained because I feel the exact way. My husband is not medicated and we are separated at this time due to his behavior. And he does change his mind often but has remained "in love" with me however, I hear so many on the board say that their mate has cheated or stopped loving them and then change their minds again. To me it has been such a challenge but not one I succeeded at. My husband was to full of rage for me to feel safe with him. I think things are unraveling fast here. Wish I had words of encouragement that is why I didnt say much the first time I replied to your post.
twoways
11-12-2006, 01:23 PM
Hi Kyle!
I'm visiting this site to get answers for a totally different problem but now that I saw your post I had to reply. Kyle, I could be her. It has happened to me too. It's not easy to explain what takes over me when I get manic. One nurse once said to me "When men get manic they start a business, when women do, they fall in love". And it's so true. Once I had to reduce my medication for other reasons and it got me again, right away. And it didn't take long for me to find the target for all that energy that bursted out of me. It's madness, its a huge estrogen flow, it's not sleeping, it's loosing weight when all I can think of is that target of all the passion. It's obsession. And then suddenly it's gone and you fall in to a deep depression. Afterwards you don't even know what you saw in that particular person you were "in love with". It has happened to me so many times that I am wise enough to hold on to my boyfriend and just hope the madness goes away. I will tell him to tie me up if he has to but not let me go! But what if somebody doesn't know this side of me and starts hitting on me? I dont know...If I take my medication I propably am going to be just fine. But I want you to know that your wife really needs you. My boyfriend is there for me to make sure I got all the support I need and very stable peacefull everyday life. I hope that the big "hunger for life" never strikes me again. But I know it does. And I may burn everything.
I'm visiting this site to get answers for a totally different problem but now that I saw your post I had to reply. Kyle, I could be her. It has happened to me too. It's not easy to explain what takes over me when I get manic. One nurse once said to me "When men get manic they start a business, when women do, they fall in love". And it's so true. Once I had to reduce my medication for other reasons and it got me again, right away. And it didn't take long for me to find the target for all that energy that bursted out of me. It's madness, its a huge estrogen flow, it's not sleeping, it's loosing weight when all I can think of is that target of all the passion. It's obsession. And then suddenly it's gone and you fall in to a deep depression. Afterwards you don't even know what you saw in that particular person you were "in love with". It has happened to me so many times that I am wise enough to hold on to my boyfriend and just hope the madness goes away. I will tell him to tie me up if he has to but not let me go! But what if somebody doesn't know this side of me and starts hitting on me? I dont know...If I take my medication I propably am going to be just fine. But I want you to know that your wife really needs you. My boyfriend is there for me to make sure I got all the support I need and very stable peacefull everyday life. I hope that the big "hunger for life" never strikes me again. But I know it does. And I may burn everything.
marshmallow
11-12-2006, 01:33 PM
Kyle, I agree you have to support your partner but not if its detrimental to your health and well being. You can't sacrifrice your life for others.
mole_hair
11-12-2006, 02:18 PM
That is why is I am at the point I am now. I cannot sacrifice my life for her, especially if she is not really capable of being there for me right now. I am trying to take care of myself first. I am not contacting her at all, but if she needs me she knows I am here. The support I am giving now is not detrimental too me anymore. Things have changed a lot, but at times the support was hard on me.
She knows I am always here for her when she really needs me. It is the friendship thing that is soo hard right now. She wants to hang out and be buddies, but I am just too much in love with her to be able to handle that at this point.
It is certainly during her depressions that she feels she can't love me anymore. What hurts so much is that she turned to someone else for a relationship instead of coming back to me. I know it is just a fling and she is trying to figure out if she can be happy with anyone, much less me. That doesn't make it any easier though.
It is nice to hear from the other side of things, and to get some insight on the whole situation.
For those of you that are BP- Is this a normal thing? To be so confused about you feelings that is. Do other people really flop back and forth over an emotion as powerful as love?
Thanks for the support,
-Kyle
She knows I am always here for her when she really needs me. It is the friendship thing that is soo hard right now. She wants to hang out and be buddies, but I am just too much in love with her to be able to handle that at this point.
It is certainly during her depressions that she feels she can't love me anymore. What hurts so much is that she turned to someone else for a relationship instead of coming back to me. I know it is just a fling and she is trying to figure out if she can be happy with anyone, much less me. That doesn't make it any easier though.
It is nice to hear from the other side of things, and to get some insight on the whole situation.
For those of you that are BP- Is this a normal thing? To be so confused about you feelings that is. Do other people really flop back and forth over an emotion as powerful as love?
Thanks for the support,
-Kyle
twoways
11-12-2006, 02:47 PM
Forgot to mention...
I have noticed that some depressed people use falling in love as a medication for depression. It sort of makes you forget the gray and meaningless everyday life for a while. That can be another reason. That I have seen too.
But of course if somebody is very depressed and trying to solve depression by changing a boyfriend that will never end. No boyfriend will cure BP.
But you come first and your well being comes first. You are the one you are responsible for. Not her.
I have noticed that some depressed people use falling in love as a medication for depression. It sort of makes you forget the gray and meaningless everyday life for a while. That can be another reason. That I have seen too.
But of course if somebody is very depressed and trying to solve depression by changing a boyfriend that will never end. No boyfriend will cure BP.
But you come first and your well being comes first. You are the one you are responsible for. Not her.
mole_hair
11-12-2006, 03:13 PM
I know that I come first, that is why I am taking care of myself right now and staying away from her for a while. I know that I cannot cure her, but I can be there to provide some emotional support.
I guess what I am really looking for is an answer to where our relationship is going. I mean is our marriage over? Is there any way that she could come back?
I know no one can really answer that but us. I am just looking for some hope. I would like to hear that other people have been throught this and they worked through it together. That a seperation does not have to be the end. That BP people really do get this confused over their emotions.
twoways- thanks for letting me hear things from your point of view. It does help to hear. One question though. It wasn't totally clear from your post, but have you left your boyfriend thinking you didn't love him anymore, and then come back to him?
-Kyle
I guess what I am really looking for is an answer to where our relationship is going. I mean is our marriage over? Is there any way that she could come back?
I know no one can really answer that but us. I am just looking for some hope. I would like to hear that other people have been throught this and they worked through it together. That a seperation does not have to be the end. That BP people really do get this confused over their emotions.
twoways- thanks for letting me hear things from your point of view. It does help to hear. One question though. It wasn't totally clear from your post, but have you left your boyfriend thinking you didn't love him anymore, and then come back to him?
-Kyle
twoways
11-12-2006, 03:55 PM
Well...It was actually in a former relationship when the biggest crash happened. I'm afraid I said such horrible things and wanted to burn down all the bridges between us. I think I told him I have found someone so much better than he was. Well, at that point I didn't know that the spark didn't come from the new man but from my own brain system...I made it clear it was over but my boyfriend said that he still loved me and tried to save what was to be saved.
When I got depressed and my new love was miles away he helped me get my life back in balance, we talked things through and went on living like we used to. Great guy. We spent many happy years together but are no longer are together. We decided to go separate ways for other reasons.
But it takes a certain kind of man to be able to do this. It takes a man who really wants to take care of the one he loves and yes, nurse her if he has to.
My boyfriend at that time told me it made him happy to look after me. It was what he wanted to do.
We separated years after my runaway. And still are friends.
My future husband knows my history, has made it very clear that he will not be that understanding. He will not tolerate any runaways. But if I am honest and tell him if I am "in trouble" he will support me and he has studied a great deal of material about BP and gently keeps a eye on me. He knows very well where he stands..
...but you didn't, did you? You didn't have a chance to choose whether you married a BP?
When I got depressed and my new love was miles away he helped me get my life back in balance, we talked things through and went on living like we used to. Great guy. We spent many happy years together but are no longer are together. We decided to go separate ways for other reasons.
But it takes a certain kind of man to be able to do this. It takes a man who really wants to take care of the one he loves and yes, nurse her if he has to.
My boyfriend at that time told me it made him happy to look after me. It was what he wanted to do.
We separated years after my runaway. And still are friends.
My future husband knows my history, has made it very clear that he will not be that understanding. He will not tolerate any runaways. But if I am honest and tell him if I am "in trouble" he will support me and he has studied a great deal of material about BP and gently keeps a eye on me. He knows very well where he stands..
...but you didn't, did you? You didn't have a chance to choose whether you married a BP?
mole_hair
11-12-2006, 04:14 PM
Choose to marry a BP? Well not exactly.
I knew early on when we were dating that something was odd with her mood swings and whatnot. I actually joked about her being bipolar. We did not get a profetional diagnosis for another 4 1/2 years, but I certainly knew something was different about her. I chose to marry her because I love her. I love her because of who she is and bipolar is a part of who she is. I love that part too. The disorder being diagnosed certainly does not change anything about how I feel. The diagnosis just gave us a place to start with getting help.
So yes, I chose to marry a BP. We just didn't have a diagnosis yet.
-Kyle
I knew early on when we were dating that something was odd with her mood swings and whatnot. I actually joked about her being bipolar. We did not get a profetional diagnosis for another 4 1/2 years, but I certainly knew something was different about her. I chose to marry her because I love her. I love her because of who she is and bipolar is a part of who she is. I love that part too. The disorder being diagnosed certainly does not change anything about how I feel. The diagnosis just gave us a place to start with getting help.
So yes, I chose to marry a BP. We just didn't have a diagnosis yet.
-Kyle
Neleah
11-12-2006, 06:07 PM
Kyle, I really feel for you and I hope things will look up soon. My ex has been manic for almost 4 months now and has an online/phone relationship. He says he is not really attached to her, but she gives him deeper insights and deeper feelings. I don't know, but it hurts like mad...she is so different from me. I hope he will come back - it all happened so suddenly...He wants to be friends, too, but I just can't. I told him also that I am here for him, but that I can't be a casual friend. Every time he mentions her, I fall apart. And he does not realize how hard this is for me. I am doing the same thing: keep some distance, but be a support. It is the one thing I can handle right now although most people think I should just walk away...:(
What really helped me was posting a lot and a support group as well as counseling. All the best to you!!
twoways, THANK YOU for sharing your experience. It gives me hope and reassurance that the sudden switch away from me towards her (when the mania started, within two days...) is a result of his bp. I think I am still in shock because he loved me very much. :angel:
What really helped me was posting a lot and a support group as well as counseling. All the best to you!!
twoways, THANK YOU for sharing your experience. It gives me hope and reassurance that the sudden switch away from me towards her (when the mania started, within two days...) is a result of his bp. I think I am still in shock because he loved me very much. :angel:
sadflash
11-12-2006, 08:26 PM
Kyle,
I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain... however I have only been in it for a few months... My wife and i have been married for almost 10 years, and we have 3 beautiful kids. We were extremely happy, and I could really feel how much she loved me.
She went through a lot of crap with her family, and the death of her grandmother around June of this year, and that's when things changed suddenly and drastically... she was extremely irritable, and simply cold to me. She had at least one affair, and tried desperately to figure out if she could love someone else. An awful lot of your story rings true to me as well.
She was diagnosed about 2.5 weeks ago, and has yet to be prescribed any meds. The guilt over what she had done to me, and the stress of trying to keep it together until her psychiatrist appt was too much for her. She packed up and left last Wednesday to go stay in a hotel, and I haven't heard from her in 3 days.
You are doing the best you can for her and yourself right now. She does love you because you are her rock, she will always love you for that. When she says she is not "IN" love with you, it is probably because she is chasing a feeling that she thinks she has lost. That would be where the new guy comes in.
I am afraid I cant offer much in the realm of hope... I am desperately looking for hope in my own situation... I can however offer commiseration. And if I ever do have shirts printed with "Hold on Loosely" printed on them, I will send you one.
Please note that I do not have the experience to justify claiming that I know anything about your situation... so take it for what it is worth, and know that there is at least one more person in your situation out there.
no matter how misery feels about company, sometimes it needs company.
I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain... however I have only been in it for a few months... My wife and i have been married for almost 10 years, and we have 3 beautiful kids. We were extremely happy, and I could really feel how much she loved me.
She went through a lot of crap with her family, and the death of her grandmother around June of this year, and that's when things changed suddenly and drastically... she was extremely irritable, and simply cold to me. She had at least one affair, and tried desperately to figure out if she could love someone else. An awful lot of your story rings true to me as well.
She was diagnosed about 2.5 weeks ago, and has yet to be prescribed any meds. The guilt over what she had done to me, and the stress of trying to keep it together until her psychiatrist appt was too much for her. She packed up and left last Wednesday to go stay in a hotel, and I haven't heard from her in 3 days.
You are doing the best you can for her and yourself right now. She does love you because you are her rock, she will always love you for that. When she says she is not "IN" love with you, it is probably because she is chasing a feeling that she thinks she has lost. That would be where the new guy comes in.
I am afraid I cant offer much in the realm of hope... I am desperately looking for hope in my own situation... I can however offer commiseration. And if I ever do have shirts printed with "Hold on Loosely" printed on them, I will send you one.
Please note that I do not have the experience to justify claiming that I know anything about your situation... so take it for what it is worth, and know that there is at least one more person in your situation out there.
no matter how misery feels about company, sometimes it needs company.
twoways
11-13-2006, 09:49 AM
Kyle, Neleah, Sadflash
On behalf of us BPs I am really sorry for you having to go through this pain. It´s our disorder but you are the ones suffering. It´s just one of those things affecting everybody around. But there is light in the end of the tunnel. I personally do know many couples that are back together and living quite happily after something like youve been through. But it takes one thing: the BP must accept that he or she is BP and start recognizing the symptoms. If you deny that the hunger for life is your BP talking in side your head then it´s impossible to learn to cope with it. It took me also some time to accept it all.
But you cant always hide behind BP. We are responsible adults and if we know how to reduce our symptoms and live a happy everyday life and still refuse to take medicine, drink a lot of alcohol and too much coffee etc. there is only one person to blame. Drinking alcohol for BPs is like throwing gasoline in to the flames, at least in my case and I take no alcohol at all nowadays.
I personally think I am doing pretty good now. Five years of no need to return to the hospital, not looking around for romances, taking my med. I am happy with my everyday life and coping with my symptoms. But it took time. It took a lot of time to accept it all. Sometimes I think the best way to descripe my BP is with the words when nothing seems to be enough. Well, my life right now is enough for me.
Earlier I wrote that I wouldnt know what would happen if...I think I do now. Nothing would. I owe that to somebody.
On behalf of us BPs I am really sorry for you having to go through this pain. It´s our disorder but you are the ones suffering. It´s just one of those things affecting everybody around. But there is light in the end of the tunnel. I personally do know many couples that are back together and living quite happily after something like youve been through. But it takes one thing: the BP must accept that he or she is BP and start recognizing the symptoms. If you deny that the hunger for life is your BP talking in side your head then it´s impossible to learn to cope with it. It took me also some time to accept it all.
But you cant always hide behind BP. We are responsible adults and if we know how to reduce our symptoms and live a happy everyday life and still refuse to take medicine, drink a lot of alcohol and too much coffee etc. there is only one person to blame. Drinking alcohol for BPs is like throwing gasoline in to the flames, at least in my case and I take no alcohol at all nowadays.
I personally think I am doing pretty good now. Five years of no need to return to the hospital, not looking around for romances, taking my med. I am happy with my everyday life and coping with my symptoms. But it took time. It took a lot of time to accept it all. Sometimes I think the best way to descripe my BP is with the words when nothing seems to be enough. Well, my life right now is enough for me.
Earlier I wrote that I wouldnt know what would happen if...I think I do now. Nothing would. I owe that to somebody.
mole_hair
11-13-2006, 04:02 PM
Thanks for the kind words folks.
I think all I can really do is keep waiting it out. The only good news I have is that she called me this morning to talk for a little bit. We will most likely be spending Thanksgiving together now, so at least she still wants to be around me. I just wish we could be "together" again, or at least get a good indication that it will happen someday.
This waiting really is Limbo. Not fun at all.
-Kyle
I think all I can really do is keep waiting it out. The only good news I have is that she called me this morning to talk for a little bit. We will most likely be spending Thanksgiving together now, so at least she still wants to be around me. I just wish we could be "together" again, or at least get a good indication that it will happen someday.
This waiting really is Limbo. Not fun at all.
-Kyle
sadflash
11-13-2006, 04:47 PM
Kyle,
You are doing a good job of hanging in there. The general consensus seems to be that, the most you can do is be there for her, and try to help her get the help she needs.
just continue to be the best thing in her life, and once she is stable she will remember that you are... at least that's what i keep telling myself.
good luck.
You are doing a good job of hanging in there. The general consensus seems to be that, the most you can do is be there for her, and try to help her get the help she needs.
just continue to be the best thing in her life, and once she is stable she will remember that you are... at least that's what i keep telling myself.
good luck.
mole_hair
11-14-2006, 11:29 AM
Even with all of the pain that this has caused, I have been able to finally get her on medication and seeing a phychiatrist. Like I mentioned earlier, she has been on meds (lithium) for about 2 weeks now.
I am trying to be there for her and get her help, but there is only so much I can do. I would like to see her going to a therapist regularly now that she is on meds, but all I can really do is suggest it to her or ask her. It's not like I can control her and I wouln't want to. I am glad she has taken the steps she has on her own. She really does want to get better and knows that she can't keep going like this for much longer.
As for being the best thing in her life. I sure hope I am, but my own depression sure makes things cloudy. I think that I really am the best thing in her life, but the fact that she has a new fling tells me she may not agree. I am still her best friend and she thinks of me as family too, so who knows what is going on in her head. I don't think she knows what is going on in there, in fact she says so.
Thanks for the kind words, and for letting me vent a bit.
-Kyle
I am trying to be there for her and get her help, but there is only so much I can do. I would like to see her going to a therapist regularly now that she is on meds, but all I can really do is suggest it to her or ask her. It's not like I can control her and I wouln't want to. I am glad she has taken the steps she has on her own. She really does want to get better and knows that she can't keep going like this for much longer.
As for being the best thing in her life. I sure hope I am, but my own depression sure makes things cloudy. I think that I really am the best thing in her life, but the fact that she has a new fling tells me she may not agree. I am still her best friend and she thinks of me as family too, so who knows what is going on in her head. I don't think she knows what is going on in there, in fact she says so.
Thanks for the kind words, and for letting me vent a bit.
-Kyle
justdealing
11-15-2006, 02:39 AM
Hey there. I am new to this board but I know how you feel. My husband was diagnosed in June. We went through a seperation 2 years ago and it was hell. I couldn't deal with his mood swings, one day he wanted to work things out,the next he didn't know what he wanted. I moved to another state to give us some space. We were seperated for 2 monthes and he just showed up at my place one day in tears. We didn't know he was bp then but looking back the signs were all there.You need to do what is best for you first, if you just let thing revolve around her then you are not being fair to yourself or her. I told my husband that no matter what happened I wanted us to always be best friends and he took that to heart. There were a lot of tears and angry words but in the end things have worked out the way they were suppose to. If we had never gone through that seperation then he would never had admitted what he was feeling, this led to him getting clean and sober and getting the mental help he so badly needed. Who knows what will happen with you and your wife but have faith that whatever happens will be for the best. I truely believe that some people are put in our lives for very specific reasons, sometimes after they have served their purpose or we have served ours those peoples role change or they just fade out of our lives to become a fond memory. Your wife may need this time to get herself straight or maybe you need it to find yourself again after concentrating on her for so long. We never know what the future holds for us so just love her while you still have her in your life and love yourself and be thankful you have found someone to love even if you are struggling with that person.
mole_hair
11-15-2006, 05:26 PM
justdealing- Thank you for the very kind words. What you wrote helps give me some perspective.
I am so very glad that she is getting the help that she needs and if nothing else I am glad I was able to help her in that way. I am glad that I still have her in my life too, but I think I may be too much in love with her to be just friends. At least for now I can't.
She wanted to have luch together today, and we had a nice talk. I still have hope for us, but things are sure confusing to her. She admits that she still loves me, but doesn't know what she wants. She does not want to stop seeing this other guy right now, but she says that she wishes she could "fall back in love with me and make everything better".
She is not yet stable on her meds and is supposed to increase her dosage of lithium. Hopefully things will become clearer for her once she is stabilized on the meds.
Thanks again everyone.
-Kyle
I am so very glad that she is getting the help that she needs and if nothing else I am glad I was able to help her in that way. I am glad that I still have her in my life too, but I think I may be too much in love with her to be just friends. At least for now I can't.
She wanted to have luch together today, and we had a nice talk. I still have hope for us, but things are sure confusing to her. She admits that she still loves me, but doesn't know what she wants. She does not want to stop seeing this other guy right now, but she says that she wishes she could "fall back in love with me and make everything better".
She is not yet stable on her meds and is supposed to increase her dosage of lithium. Hopefully things will become clearer for her once she is stabilized on the meds.
Thanks again everyone.
-Kyle
mcdreamy
11-15-2006, 11:27 PM
I am separated from my husband who is bi-polar. He just got in his car and drove away. I have heard from him and he is in thearpy and on meds but I dont know what will happen. There is so much water under the bridge between us . I need one of those shirts if you make them!!! Hang in there.
sadflash
11-16-2006, 10:11 AM
McDreamy...
I'll get right on it. ;)
I'll get right on it. ;)
mcdreamy
11-16-2006, 05:37 PM
ha, you are funny! the check is in the mail!!
sadflash
11-17-2006, 01:39 PM
ok McDreamy... as promised, here they are.
http://www.cafepress.com/holdonshrits
Enjoy.
http://www.cafepress.com/holdonshrits
Enjoy.
hd4c883
11-24-2006, 05:06 PM
I am looking for some sdvice regarding my BP wife.
We have been together for 5 years now, and she has been diagnosed for almost 1 year. She is a wonderfull woman that has had mood problems since before we met. She was being treated for the first 3 years we were together for depression.
She got off meds almost 2 years ago due to insurance issues. Soon after we started fighting and she started to become distant. She started going out more, and drinking quite a bit more. She began flirting with other people, when prior to this she never even looked at anyone but me. Our sexual relationship was greatly diminished during this time.
We both knew that we were having problems and started to work on things. We saw a therapist for a while and that is when she was diagnosed as Bipolar. Things started to get more back to normal. We were not fighting, our sex life was great again, and we were just generaly happy again.
Out of the blue this summer she told me that she was not happy and wanted to try a seperation. We talked about this for a while and decided to try it. She said that she was not sure if she was in love with me anymore, but she definitley loved me. That confused me quite a bit. She also said that she had a crush on a female friend of ours. She had never had feelings towards a woman before, so this was confusing to both of us.
We have been seperated for 5 months now, and she has been dating someone else for a little while. She says that she does not want a divorce and that she is trying to figure out what she wants. We have stayed in close contact during the entire separation, but when I found out she was dating I got upset and we both said that we wanted a divorce. This was puerly out of anger though. She is always saying that I am her best friend and she loves me, but she is confused. There are lots of things that she does that make me think she is still in love with me.
I almost forgot to mention that she has been on meds again for almost 2 weeks now. She finally decided that she needed treatment after I asked for a divorce. (I have since admitted that I only said that out of anger.)
I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is still a great friend, but I do not know how long I can go on like this. I want her back as my wife, and being a friend to her is very hard right now.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what to do at this point. Has anyone else been in a similiar situation? Is it common for bipolar people to be this confused about their feelings for someone?
-Kyle
Kyle, My wife is also bi-polar she was diagnosed when she was 14 her mother grandmother great grandmother etc.. has it as well I met my wife 5.5 years ago I found out 2 years ago from her mother I havn't been doing a good job at it I didn't found anyone to talk to about it I found out what it was but left it at that. I went out of the country for two weeks and didn't get to call home but twice when I got back in the country I called from the hotel and found out that she had drained my bank account to lease a house and other expenses she was in the process of moving out. A support group might be the right step talking to other people about it. I wasn't very understanding. Years of being lied to and told that I never was affectionate to her just caused more turmoil because I knew I did show affection but bipolar people apparently need way more affection than anyone else. I just learning I hope it's not to late. My advice try to do what they ask for if they say you never show affection don't get defensive show them more than you were. If they say your smothering them give them some space. But be prepared for you never show affection back and forth it never ends. It will be one of the roughest roads of your life. If you don't talk to people who really know you will end up where I am. Don't let constant mental abuse get to you it did me. You have to try really, really hard. good luck I wish you the best. (Duane)
We have been together for 5 years now, and she has been diagnosed for almost 1 year. She is a wonderfull woman that has had mood problems since before we met. She was being treated for the first 3 years we were together for depression.
She got off meds almost 2 years ago due to insurance issues. Soon after we started fighting and she started to become distant. She started going out more, and drinking quite a bit more. She began flirting with other people, when prior to this she never even looked at anyone but me. Our sexual relationship was greatly diminished during this time.
We both knew that we were having problems and started to work on things. We saw a therapist for a while and that is when she was diagnosed as Bipolar. Things started to get more back to normal. We were not fighting, our sex life was great again, and we were just generaly happy again.
Out of the blue this summer she told me that she was not happy and wanted to try a seperation. We talked about this for a while and decided to try it. She said that she was not sure if she was in love with me anymore, but she definitley loved me. That confused me quite a bit. She also said that she had a crush on a female friend of ours. She had never had feelings towards a woman before, so this was confusing to both of us.
We have been seperated for 5 months now, and she has been dating someone else for a little while. She says that she does not want a divorce and that she is trying to figure out what she wants. We have stayed in close contact during the entire separation, but when I found out she was dating I got upset and we both said that we wanted a divorce. This was puerly out of anger though. She is always saying that I am her best friend and she loves me, but she is confused. There are lots of things that she does that make me think she is still in love with me.
I almost forgot to mention that she has been on meds again for almost 2 weeks now. She finally decided that she needed treatment after I asked for a divorce. (I have since admitted that I only said that out of anger.)
I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is still a great friend, but I do not know how long I can go on like this. I want her back as my wife, and being a friend to her is very hard right now.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what to do at this point. Has anyone else been in a similiar situation? Is it common for bipolar people to be this confused about their feelings for someone?
-Kyle
Kyle, My wife is also bi-polar she was diagnosed when she was 14 her mother grandmother great grandmother etc.. has it as well I met my wife 5.5 years ago I found out 2 years ago from her mother I havn't been doing a good job at it I didn't found anyone to talk to about it I found out what it was but left it at that. I went out of the country for two weeks and didn't get to call home but twice when I got back in the country I called from the hotel and found out that she had drained my bank account to lease a house and other expenses she was in the process of moving out. A support group might be the right step talking to other people about it. I wasn't very understanding. Years of being lied to and told that I never was affectionate to her just caused more turmoil because I knew I did show affection but bipolar people apparently need way more affection than anyone else. I just learning I hope it's not to late. My advice try to do what they ask for if they say you never show affection don't get defensive show them more than you were. If they say your smothering them give them some space. But be prepared for you never show affection back and forth it never ends. It will be one of the roughest roads of your life. If you don't talk to people who really know you will end up where I am. Don't let constant mental abuse get to you it did me. You have to try really, really hard. good luck I wish you the best. (Duane)
mcdreamy
11-28-2006, 11:25 PM
Wow you were not kidding!!! Thanks for the info on the shirts. How are you doing?
Gram4
11-29-2006, 07:37 PM
My daughter is bi-polar & the same way, what medicine are you taking? She has tried so many thru the yrs.
sadflash
12-04-2006, 06:02 PM
Wow you were not kidding!!! Thanks for the info on the shirts. How are you doing?
Not great mcDreamy... I posted an update today in a new thread. I don't know how to link to it from here (or if that is even possible.)
Thanks for asking though.
Not great mcDreamy... I posted an update today in a new thread. I don't know how to link to it from here (or if that is even possible.)
Thanks for asking though.