fallen_angel
11-12-2006, 05:26 AM
Hi
As many of you on here know, i was diagnosed bipolar II in may this year and am fairly confident that the diagnosis is correct, as i suffer severe mood swings between hypomanic and depressive with all the classic symptoms of both. However, i am wondering if i could also have borderline personalty disorder.
Im not 100% sure of all the symptoms, but one thing i can say is i have severe problems involving become attached to people, particularly men. I am terrified of them walking away from me and feeling abandoned. However, i think a lot of this could go back to my childhood, my dad walked out when i was 7 and one of my earliest memories is him stepping over me on the floor with me hanging onto his leg and begging him to stay. He came back and left again several times right up until i was 16, so ive never have any stability from anyone male and i guess if your dad can do that to you, you feel that anyone can. I also lost my grandad who i was very close to at a young age, and every relationship ive had has gone horribly wrong. Ive been dumped more times than i can remember, and every time, it has took me a ridiculous amount of time to get over the guy, even if we werent serious. Ive been so devastated and not been able to function for sometimes as long as months afterwards. Ive felt really obsessed with them and tried to convince myself i can get them back, although i must add i have never called them, or stalked them in anyway. I just couldnt stop thinking about them and how depressed i felt. This has happened again to me recently, i hardly knew this person but they have cut me off with no explanation, and ive felt terrible for the past few days. Its sent me into a depressive episode and i feel quite desperate. I just cant get this person out of my head, surely this cant be normal? i realise this is probably about me and not about any of these men, but the thing is, i feel id be ok if they dumped me but agreed to stay in touch as friends, but its being cut dead with no future contact that i cant cope with. i feel if i had contact just one more time everything would be ok.
i also worry excessively about upsetting and losing friends, but the problem is more with men.
does it sound like i could have BPD?
As many of you on here know, i was diagnosed bipolar II in may this year and am fairly confident that the diagnosis is correct, as i suffer severe mood swings between hypomanic and depressive with all the classic symptoms of both. However, i am wondering if i could also have borderline personalty disorder.
Im not 100% sure of all the symptoms, but one thing i can say is i have severe problems involving become attached to people, particularly men. I am terrified of them walking away from me and feeling abandoned. However, i think a lot of this could go back to my childhood, my dad walked out when i was 7 and one of my earliest memories is him stepping over me on the floor with me hanging onto his leg and begging him to stay. He came back and left again several times right up until i was 16, so ive never have any stability from anyone male and i guess if your dad can do that to you, you feel that anyone can. I also lost my grandad who i was very close to at a young age, and every relationship ive had has gone horribly wrong. Ive been dumped more times than i can remember, and every time, it has took me a ridiculous amount of time to get over the guy, even if we werent serious. Ive been so devastated and not been able to function for sometimes as long as months afterwards. Ive felt really obsessed with them and tried to convince myself i can get them back, although i must add i have never called them, or stalked them in anyway. I just couldnt stop thinking about them and how depressed i felt. This has happened again to me recently, i hardly knew this person but they have cut me off with no explanation, and ive felt terrible for the past few days. Its sent me into a depressive episode and i feel quite desperate. I just cant get this person out of my head, surely this cant be normal? i realise this is probably about me and not about any of these men, but the thing is, i feel id be ok if they dumped me but agreed to stay in touch as friends, but its being cut dead with no future contact that i cant cope with. i feel if i had contact just one more time everything would be ok.
i also worry excessively about upsetting and losing friends, but the problem is more with men.
does it sound like i could have BPD?
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LAP18
11-12-2006, 05:56 AM
wow, you and I were just writing about the same thing at the same time. I wrote the post about borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder (it is just above your post). I am reading a book called "the Bipolar Child", becuase my 17 year old is bipolar. One page clearly describes her, It is the page on borderline personality disorder. (page 45)
Like the book describes, my daughetr used to cut herslf, (I don't hink she does anymore), she is irritable has a history of unstable relationships, is impulsive, oppositional, defiant, feels empty and the worse thing is she is obsssesive about men. I looked at her cellphone usage, and in a matter of 8 days she called this young man 100 times! One of those days, she called him obsssively 60 times! She called and called becuase she couldn't stand the fact that she didn't know where he was.
She has ttempted suicide 3 times, becuse three diffent guys broke up with her. All of her ex boyfrineds think she is incredibly needy. And that, she is.
Her dad also left her when she was 7 years old and she hates him for it.
She claims to have been raped over and over again by differnt men, some she knows but won't tell me, other's jumped out of bushes. She is extremely "Hypersexual". Very promiscious and would go to the end of the world to keep a romantic realtionship. She smothers them. She likes for them to feel sorry for her. she lies and makes her life seem pittiful. She tells them she suspects she is pregant. The realtionships never work.
The book says that people with BPD "make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment".
I hope this helps. I am going to buy more books on BPD than BIPOLAR disorder. I think this is really the root of her unhappiness and it triggers her bipolar.
Good luck. I hope you are well.
Laura
Like the book describes, my daughetr used to cut herslf, (I don't hink she does anymore), she is irritable has a history of unstable relationships, is impulsive, oppositional, defiant, feels empty and the worse thing is she is obsssesive about men. I looked at her cellphone usage, and in a matter of 8 days she called this young man 100 times! One of those days, she called him obsssively 60 times! She called and called becuase she couldn't stand the fact that she didn't know where he was.
She has ttempted suicide 3 times, becuse three diffent guys broke up with her. All of her ex boyfrineds think she is incredibly needy. And that, she is.
Her dad also left her when she was 7 years old and she hates him for it.
She claims to have been raped over and over again by differnt men, some she knows but won't tell me, other's jumped out of bushes. She is extremely "Hypersexual". Very promiscious and would go to the end of the world to keep a romantic realtionship. She smothers them. She likes for them to feel sorry for her. she lies and makes her life seem pittiful. She tells them she suspects she is pregant. The realtionships never work.
The book says that people with BPD "make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment".
I hope this helps. I am going to buy more books on BPD than BIPOLAR disorder. I think this is really the root of her unhappiness and it triggers her bipolar.
Good luck. I hope you are well.
Laura
fallen_angel
11-12-2006, 11:34 AM
Thank you for responding, i was actually crying reading your post because a lot of what you described with your daughter sounds like me, i am emotionally needy and terrified of being left, and have tried to make people feel sorry for me.
i might mention all this to my pdoc, thank you for sharing with me and i wish you and your daughter all the best:angel:
i might mention all this to my pdoc, thank you for sharing with me and i wish you and your daughter all the best:angel:
LAP18
11-12-2006, 02:34 PM
Good luck fallen angel. I will be thinking of you. I wish my daughter was ready as you are, to face this beast.
Laura
Laura
gav_73
11-13-2006, 12:39 AM
Hey guys,
I am interested in what you are talking about here and would like to know more. I exhibited these same types of behaviors (minus the lying about being pregnant or about anything like that); but I have exhibited real desperation and obsessiveness about boyfriends in the past and would imagine the worst feelings and fears of abandonment, real or not. Like you two, my father abandoned me when I was 11, and I am still not over it. Does this mean BPD, or does it mean that we were emotionally abused and have carried those devastating feelings into adulthood concerning men, like it's our fathers leaving us all over again. Just projecting those fears and our pain onto any man who would listen (or not)?
Since I do not know anything about BPD, I was wondering how it is treated? I can't imagine there would be medications for a personality disorder, is there? I guess it would be therapy or something. Any clues? I may bring this up to my pdoc, too.
I am interested in what you are talking about here and would like to know more. I exhibited these same types of behaviors (minus the lying about being pregnant or about anything like that); but I have exhibited real desperation and obsessiveness about boyfriends in the past and would imagine the worst feelings and fears of abandonment, real or not. Like you two, my father abandoned me when I was 11, and I am still not over it. Does this mean BPD, or does it mean that we were emotionally abused and have carried those devastating feelings into adulthood concerning men, like it's our fathers leaving us all over again. Just projecting those fears and our pain onto any man who would listen (or not)?
Since I do not know anything about BPD, I was wondering how it is treated? I can't imagine there would be medications for a personality disorder, is there? I guess it would be therapy or something. Any clues? I may bring this up to my pdoc, too.
fallen_angel
11-13-2006, 06:45 AM
Hi gav
from what ive researched, BPD and bipolar are pretty similar and can go hand in hand, i think they are also treated similarly with mood stabilisers such as lithium, anti psychotics, etc.
Its certainly interesting that we have all been abandoned by our fathers, and like you said gav, it makes you wonder if that is where these problems involving men and emotional attachments stem from, or if it could be something else. maybe being abandoned can even cause BPD?
I do worry about being rejected by friends but my main problems are with men. I will do anything to stop them from walking away, i just need them to stay in my life in someway even if only as a friend. I cant handle anything final or endings. My worst experience ever was with my 1st boyfriend when i was 15, he ended things with me after just 3 months but i became totally obsessed with him and would hang around for hours in the street just to see him drive past at the time i knew he would be finishing work. i didnt want him to know i was behaving this way, i never called him again or let him know i still liked him, it was all done silently, but i remember getting a huge buzz from just seeing his car, like he was still in my life in someway. This went on for over a year, and was the most painful and compulsive behaviour ive ever experienced, i was totally consumed with him and now realise i needed serious help, but at the time, i didnt think i was doing anything wrong, just keeping him in my life. Ive never been that obsessed about a guy since, but everytime ive been rejected my behaviour has been unhealthy. The strangest thing is, i actually finished my last relationship myself and dont want any further contact, but then i never felt the same way about that guy as i have about the others.
I do believe all my problems with men, and the desperate empty feeling rejection leaves me with stem from my father, everytime it happens im back to being that 7 year old girl on the floor hanging onto his leg, begging him to stay while he stepped over me
from what ive researched, BPD and bipolar are pretty similar and can go hand in hand, i think they are also treated similarly with mood stabilisers such as lithium, anti psychotics, etc.
Its certainly interesting that we have all been abandoned by our fathers, and like you said gav, it makes you wonder if that is where these problems involving men and emotional attachments stem from, or if it could be something else. maybe being abandoned can even cause BPD?
I do worry about being rejected by friends but my main problems are with men. I will do anything to stop them from walking away, i just need them to stay in my life in someway even if only as a friend. I cant handle anything final or endings. My worst experience ever was with my 1st boyfriend when i was 15, he ended things with me after just 3 months but i became totally obsessed with him and would hang around for hours in the street just to see him drive past at the time i knew he would be finishing work. i didnt want him to know i was behaving this way, i never called him again or let him know i still liked him, it was all done silently, but i remember getting a huge buzz from just seeing his car, like he was still in my life in someway. This went on for over a year, and was the most painful and compulsive behaviour ive ever experienced, i was totally consumed with him and now realise i needed serious help, but at the time, i didnt think i was doing anything wrong, just keeping him in my life. Ive never been that obsessed about a guy since, but everytime ive been rejected my behaviour has been unhealthy. The strangest thing is, i actually finished my last relationship myself and dont want any further contact, but then i never felt the same way about that guy as i have about the others.
I do believe all my problems with men, and the desperate empty feeling rejection leaves me with stem from my father, everytime it happens im back to being that 7 year old girl on the floor hanging onto his leg, begging him to stay while he stepped over me
Tenerifedreamer
11-13-2006, 02:03 PM
Hi,
I'm posting for the first time on this forum and I'm really am unsure as to what to do or think at the moment.
I am in a long-term relationship with a man who says (I cannot get it confirmed as he has currently not told me who diagnosed him) that he was diagnosed as a manic depressive (bi polar in modern terms) some years ago.
He was the "perfect man" when I first met him: generous, romantic, kind and patient, there was nothing particularly obvious that he was bi polar in the first few years we were together, so I thought his symptoms were mild and/or he had his condition well under control. I could well have been ignorant and "missed" some subtle symptoms, apart from one very obvious one: he does seem to think rather a lot of himself outwardly, and is very opinionated, which has caused a huge rift between me and my family
We have known each other for 6 years and been together for 5 years. In the last year to 18 months, he has been incrreasingly easily irritated with me. At first I put it down to my own psychological problems and poor memory after an illness (which happened just before we met), but in the last few weeks, I remembered his claim of the diagnosis and a friends comments after she visited (I've known her for 25 years and trust her implicitly) and have re-evaluated the situation and researched more into bi polar since then. I have realised that a lot of symptoms have matched a lot of what I have been experiencing with him, but not everything.....
i.e.
I always known him as "hyperactive" one example is that I went away for 2 weeks and he says he can only account for going to bed 7 times.
ANYTHING I've said which is opposite to what he thinks or has an opinion of, is a challenge and he blames me as being argumentative
He is almost always on the computer playing games when he is not working, as he says he has so many thoughts that when he's playing a game (normally a complicated adventure game), that is all he thinks about.
Just lately he has been saying that I've started arguments as he thinks I have said something, which is not true (ok I DO start some arguments, but not ALL of them, as he seems to think)
when we argue, he blames me as he says he has no appetite after the confrontations.
He doesn't always show it, but he worries excessively, hence his frequent lack of sleep and racing thoughts.
We hardly go out, but when we do I HAVE to be with him - he can be tremendously clingy but he never outwardly shows it, he just gives the over-confident act
He has limited self esteem and he stays in bed, not bothering with any personal hygiene
He can make himself headachy and even sick when he's nervous/agitated.
I have mentioned all his main symptoms, ranging from what seems like manic at the top and working my way down to the depressive symptoms nearer the bottom of the list, but the fact that he can be very clingy. He is a very intelligent man and most of the time when I get dragged into an argument, he wins, hands down because he "outdoes" me on the intelligence (I am pretty average, IQ-wise)
He doesn't seem to have manic and depressive symptoms in 2 week cycles, so maybe he has Cyclothymic disorder.
I think a lot of it has to do with his work life: when he is working he is more manic, when he is out of work, he is depressive.
However, then I looked at a borderline personality disorder website and I thought "what symptom DOESN'T apply to him"??!
I just don't know what to do. I love the guy but I'm feeling that I'm staying with hm BECAUSE he has these problems and not DESPITE them. I'm really getting to the point of leaving him, but I'm scared to, in case he hurts himself. We live on a small island abroad and we are not good with the language yet, so would currently find it hard to consult a doctor.
Lastly, another thing that has been mentioned on this thread is that one of the parents has abandoned the BPD/suspectedBPD individual: My partner had an emotionally and physically abusive mother as a child and adult. The mother divorced from my partner's father and the mother eventually abandoned him to be raised by other members of the extended family. He dislikes his mother and her actions over the years and very rarely makes contact with her and vice-versa, but at one point he heard that his mother had died and was very upset about it - I couldn't understand it!! Maybe I'm just starting to, now...
I'm posting for the first time on this forum and I'm really am unsure as to what to do or think at the moment.
I am in a long-term relationship with a man who says (I cannot get it confirmed as he has currently not told me who diagnosed him) that he was diagnosed as a manic depressive (bi polar in modern terms) some years ago.
He was the "perfect man" when I first met him: generous, romantic, kind and patient, there was nothing particularly obvious that he was bi polar in the first few years we were together, so I thought his symptoms were mild and/or he had his condition well under control. I could well have been ignorant and "missed" some subtle symptoms, apart from one very obvious one: he does seem to think rather a lot of himself outwardly, and is very opinionated, which has caused a huge rift between me and my family
We have known each other for 6 years and been together for 5 years. In the last year to 18 months, he has been incrreasingly easily irritated with me. At first I put it down to my own psychological problems and poor memory after an illness (which happened just before we met), but in the last few weeks, I remembered his claim of the diagnosis and a friends comments after she visited (I've known her for 25 years and trust her implicitly) and have re-evaluated the situation and researched more into bi polar since then. I have realised that a lot of symptoms have matched a lot of what I have been experiencing with him, but not everything.....
i.e.
I always known him as "hyperactive" one example is that I went away for 2 weeks and he says he can only account for going to bed 7 times.
ANYTHING I've said which is opposite to what he thinks or has an opinion of, is a challenge and he blames me as being argumentative
He is almost always on the computer playing games when he is not working, as he says he has so many thoughts that when he's playing a game (normally a complicated adventure game), that is all he thinks about.
Just lately he has been saying that I've started arguments as he thinks I have said something, which is not true (ok I DO start some arguments, but not ALL of them, as he seems to think)
when we argue, he blames me as he says he has no appetite after the confrontations.
He doesn't always show it, but he worries excessively, hence his frequent lack of sleep and racing thoughts.
We hardly go out, but when we do I HAVE to be with him - he can be tremendously clingy but he never outwardly shows it, he just gives the over-confident act
He has limited self esteem and he stays in bed, not bothering with any personal hygiene
He can make himself headachy and even sick when he's nervous/agitated.
I have mentioned all his main symptoms, ranging from what seems like manic at the top and working my way down to the depressive symptoms nearer the bottom of the list, but the fact that he can be very clingy. He is a very intelligent man and most of the time when I get dragged into an argument, he wins, hands down because he "outdoes" me on the intelligence (I am pretty average, IQ-wise)
He doesn't seem to have manic and depressive symptoms in 2 week cycles, so maybe he has Cyclothymic disorder.
I think a lot of it has to do with his work life: when he is working he is more manic, when he is out of work, he is depressive.
However, then I looked at a borderline personality disorder website and I thought "what symptom DOESN'T apply to him"??!
I just don't know what to do. I love the guy but I'm feeling that I'm staying with hm BECAUSE he has these problems and not DESPITE them. I'm really getting to the point of leaving him, but I'm scared to, in case he hurts himself. We live on a small island abroad and we are not good with the language yet, so would currently find it hard to consult a doctor.
Lastly, another thing that has been mentioned on this thread is that one of the parents has abandoned the BPD/suspectedBPD individual: My partner had an emotionally and physically abusive mother as a child and adult. The mother divorced from my partner's father and the mother eventually abandoned him to be raised by other members of the extended family. He dislikes his mother and her actions over the years and very rarely makes contact with her and vice-versa, but at one point he heard that his mother had died and was very upset about it - I couldn't understand it!! Maybe I'm just starting to, now...
rosequartz
11-13-2006, 02:12 PM
FA - I'm no expert, although I have some experience with BPD because my last boyfriend had/has it......one things that stands out in your post that makes me think that you don't have BPD is although you have a fear of being abandoned.....you don't do anything to stop it......and what I mean by that is you feel bad about it to youself, but you don't call, beg, plead, and stalk them. BPD's try to FRANTICALLY avoid abandonment......although you don't like being abandoned (who does?) you don't seem frantic about it......clawing to hang on with all your might......
also I didn't hear you mention anything about "splitting".....that's when you either love something/someone or hate them......there is no inbetween.
also I didn't hear you mention anything about "splitting".....that's when you either love something/someone or hate them......there is no inbetween.
rosequartz
11-13-2006, 02:19 PM
Hi,
I love the guy but I'm feeling that I'm staying with hm BECAUSE he has these problems and not DESPITE them. I'm really getting to the point of leaving him, but I'm scared to, in case he hurts himself. We live on a small island abroad and we are not good with the language yet, so would currently find it hard to consult a doctor.
please don't stay with him because you feel sorry for him or you're afraid of what he MIGHT do......you're not responsible for that.....only he is.
Don't live your life unhappily because of someone elses instability......
I love the guy but I'm feeling that I'm staying with hm BECAUSE he has these problems and not DESPITE them. I'm really getting to the point of leaving him, but I'm scared to, in case he hurts himself. We live on a small island abroad and we are not good with the language yet, so would currently find it hard to consult a doctor.
please don't stay with him because you feel sorry for him or you're afraid of what he MIGHT do......you're not responsible for that.....only he is.
Don't live your life unhappily because of someone elses instability......
fallen_angel
11-13-2006, 02:23 PM
Tenerifedreamer- i would say you definitely need to seek some sort of modern, second opinion as regards your partner's diagnosis. Bipolar and BPD are very similar from what ive discovered, and can also be present together. I can understand what you mean with the language barrier with where you are living but im sure there is someone who could help in someway, as both conditions can be devastating if untreated. Good luck
Rose- thank you for your good input as always. I think a lot of what you said was true, while im terrified of being abandoned i have never stalked or bothered these guys as ive not wanted to push them further away or make them hate me, although i have told them lies to try and keep them closer to me in different ways. Im upset over a guy at the moment and have made the decision to just leave everything as it is, as he doesnt want to know me and i know i cant change that, although i am very cut up over it. i guess i deal with most of my pain inwardly
Rose- thank you for your good input as always. I think a lot of what you said was true, while im terrified of being abandoned i have never stalked or bothered these guys as ive not wanted to push them further away or make them hate me, although i have told them lies to try and keep them closer to me in different ways. Im upset over a guy at the moment and have made the decision to just leave everything as it is, as he doesnt want to know me and i know i cant change that, although i am very cut up over it. i guess i deal with most of my pain inwardly
rosequartz
11-13-2006, 02:46 PM
Rose- thank you for your good input as always. I think a lot of what you said was true, while im terrified of being abandoned i have never stalked or bothered these guys as ive not wanted to push them further away or make them hate me, although i have told them lies to try and keep them closer to me in different ways. Im upset over a guy at the moment and have made the decision to just leave everything as it is, as he doesnt want to know me and i know i cant change that, although i am very cut up over it. i guess i deal with most of my pain inwardly
FA - please don't give another moments thought to this goofy internet clown. I know you thought there was something there, and believe me.....I"VE BEEN THERE......
you are not losing anything, and IMO are much better off, although his behavior seemed rather "abrupt", and has left you wondering......I'd just look at it as karma......he wasn't the guy for you, and getting tangled up with him will just prevent you from meeting a decent guy who HAS something to offer you.....
you will be OK! You were OK before you started chatting with him.......don't give him enough credit to make you miserable......
:angel:
FA - please don't give another moments thought to this goofy internet clown. I know you thought there was something there, and believe me.....I"VE BEEN THERE......
you are not losing anything, and IMO are much better off, although his behavior seemed rather "abrupt", and has left you wondering......I'd just look at it as karma......he wasn't the guy for you, and getting tangled up with him will just prevent you from meeting a decent guy who HAS something to offer you.....
you will be OK! You were OK before you started chatting with him.......don't give him enough credit to make you miserable......
:angel:
Tenerifedreamer
11-13-2006, 03:27 PM
Tenerifedreamer- i would say you definitely need to seek some sort of modern, second opinion as regards your partner's diagnosis. Bipolar and BPD are very similar from what ive discovered, and can also be present together. I can understand what you mean with the language barrier with where you are living but im sure there is someone who could help in someway, as both conditions can be devastating if untreated. Good luck
Rose- thank you for your good input as always. I think a lot of what you said was true, while im terrified of being abandoned i have never stalked or bothered these guys as ive not wanted to push them further away or make them hate me, although i have told them lies to try and keep them closer to me in different ways. Im upset over a guy at the moment and have made the decision to just leave everything as it is, as he doesnt want to know me and i know i cant change that, although i am very cut up over it. i guess i deal with most of my pain inwardly
There is so much I needed to put in my first post, but I didn't want it to look like "War and Peace"!
We got together as he and his then wife were divorcing. He was very bitter about it and kept saying that his wife had been planning it from the days before they married. He painted a very bad picture of her and said some very nasty things about her, so, fallen angel, I guess you could say that he does possess a lot of inward pain himself, but seeing as he would never come across her again he outwardly slated her (maybe in an effort for him to try and feel better about himself, get lots of sympathetic attention, perhaps?). I have been threatening to leave for some months now - I guess his main reactions will be if/when I ACTUALLY leave. because I'm existing, not living, when I'm with him. I still care, but the option I've considered about staying friends is probably not all that realistic, as much as I would like it to be.
I was warned that he was controlling, and he rang an inordinate amount of times when he was out/at work, - even now - but in the "early days" I thought he wasn't that bad or I could handle it. Now as I look back, I see how much I have changed to accommodate him and his life - I'm flexible, but hell - I bend so far backwards I nearly break my spine, if you know what I mean!!
I was so loyal, loving and giving, but he doesn't seem to see what good I do with/for him any more....maybe it IS time to leave. It REALLY hurts me to type this, but I know it has to happen. I have to get some money together (we are both broke at the moment, but my partner has started some work in the last week, and I am due to start one in the next week). I just don't know whether to come back to the UK (but where? My family doesn't want to know!), or to stay where I am and try and start afresh, as I love it here so much.
MY mind is racing so much, I'm getting dizzy! :dizzy:
Rose- thank you for your good input as always. I think a lot of what you said was true, while im terrified of being abandoned i have never stalked or bothered these guys as ive not wanted to push them further away or make them hate me, although i have told them lies to try and keep them closer to me in different ways. Im upset over a guy at the moment and have made the decision to just leave everything as it is, as he doesnt want to know me and i know i cant change that, although i am very cut up over it. i guess i deal with most of my pain inwardly
There is so much I needed to put in my first post, but I didn't want it to look like "War and Peace"!
We got together as he and his then wife were divorcing. He was very bitter about it and kept saying that his wife had been planning it from the days before they married. He painted a very bad picture of her and said some very nasty things about her, so, fallen angel, I guess you could say that he does possess a lot of inward pain himself, but seeing as he would never come across her again he outwardly slated her (maybe in an effort for him to try and feel better about himself, get lots of sympathetic attention, perhaps?). I have been threatening to leave for some months now - I guess his main reactions will be if/when I ACTUALLY leave. because I'm existing, not living, when I'm with him. I still care, but the option I've considered about staying friends is probably not all that realistic, as much as I would like it to be.
I was warned that he was controlling, and he rang an inordinate amount of times when he was out/at work, - even now - but in the "early days" I thought he wasn't that bad or I could handle it. Now as I look back, I see how much I have changed to accommodate him and his life - I'm flexible, but hell - I bend so far backwards I nearly break my spine, if you know what I mean!!
I was so loyal, loving and giving, but he doesn't seem to see what good I do with/for him any more....maybe it IS time to leave. It REALLY hurts me to type this, but I know it has to happen. I have to get some money together (we are both broke at the moment, but my partner has started some work in the last week, and I am due to start one in the next week). I just don't know whether to come back to the UK (but where? My family doesn't want to know!), or to stay where I am and try and start afresh, as I love it here so much.
MY mind is racing so much, I'm getting dizzy! :dizzy:
fallen_angel
11-13-2006, 06:51 PM
Rose- thank you for helping me be strong:angel:
Tenerife- I feel for you as i know how much pain i have brought my own family, and admit i can sometimes be very self centered as far as my illness is concerned, so i can understand from a partner's point of view that it cant be easy, and i admire you for supporting your partner this far. However, if things arent getting any better and you cant see a way out, then i agree you must put yourself first. Dont be afraid to go it alone, be it where you are or if you come back to the UK. you sound a special person, so do what is right for you. You have made the biggest step so far by realising you cant carry on like this
Tenerife- I feel for you as i know how much pain i have brought my own family, and admit i can sometimes be very self centered as far as my illness is concerned, so i can understand from a partner's point of view that it cant be easy, and i admire you for supporting your partner this far. However, if things arent getting any better and you cant see a way out, then i agree you must put yourself first. Dont be afraid to go it alone, be it where you are or if you come back to the UK. you sound a special person, so do what is right for you. You have made the biggest step so far by realising you cant carry on like this
LAP18
11-13-2006, 10:37 PM
I agree 100% with Rose. My daughter is obsessive when it comes to avoiding a potential "break up". She smothers them. She litterally begs them not to leave her. She calls (no exageration) 100 times in a matter of few days. The men report that they just can't stand her. That really puts her in a slump and still she continues to hold on and to plead.
It is so sad to see her this way. She would also cut herself when she was in her early teens. She says that she is always "empty" inside.
From I have read, Bipolar disorder and BPD are closely related (Becuase BPD people also suffer the manias and the depressions) therefore treated the same way. I did some research on Lamictal, and that seems to be the drug of choice for poeple with BPD.
I also read, that BPD is one of the most serious of mental illnesses and that it affects women more than men.
Laura
It is so sad to see her this way. She would also cut herself when she was in her early teens. She says that she is always "empty" inside.
From I have read, Bipolar disorder and BPD are closely related (Becuase BPD people also suffer the manias and the depressions) therefore treated the same way. I did some research on Lamictal, and that seems to be the drug of choice for poeple with BPD.
I also read, that BPD is one of the most serious of mental illnesses and that it affects women more than men.
Laura
LAP18
11-13-2006, 10:55 PM
I agree with Rose. I am raising a 17 year old daughter who is Has BPD and Bipolar. I feel that I am living in a horror movie. I am so unhappy and so depressed. My body hurts. My tears burn my cheaks. It is difficult to smile sometimes. My life is a big secret. When people ask me, how are you? I just want to cry again. I have (without wanting to) left all of my friends becuase I am not in the mood to be with them. My family has been very critical of me becuase they don't understand these disorders. Their judgement of me as a mom, has made me distance myself from them. In other words, my daughters illness has caused me to lose my friends, my family and worse of all, myself.
tenerrifedreamer, I have no choice. She is my daughter. I have been told by many that I have to let her go. That she is slowing sucking the life out of me. I refuse, becuase I love her and she needs me. But you, like Rose said, "don't live unhappily because of someone else's instability".
I wish I could live by those words.
Laura
tenerrifedreamer, I have no choice. She is my daughter. I have been told by many that I have to let her go. That she is slowing sucking the life out of me. I refuse, becuase I love her and she needs me. But you, like Rose said, "don't live unhappily because of someone else's instability".
I wish I could live by those words.
Laura
Tenerifedreamer
11-14-2006, 06:58 AM
tenerrifedreamer, I have no choice. She is my daughter. I have been told by many that I have to let her go. That she is slowing sucking the life out of me. I refuse, becuase I love her and she needs me. But you, like Rose said, "don't live unhappily because of someone else's instability".
I wish I could live by those words.
Laura
Oh Laura, I really feel for you, I can imagine your pain - my partner is probably not causing even half the problems (well he probably is, but I've not coped with things for as long or as admirably as you), but when you think of the phrase "love has no boundaries and if you love someone, love will find a way to achieve or solve problems" that's how I've lived my life since I've been with him - but you can't solve problems that are unsolveable....and they ARE unsolveable with him as he won't see a doctor, even for something trivial.
I agree that your daughter is a difficult one. Family relationships are not as "escapable" as romantic ones. It causes me a great deal of sadness to admit that I don't speak to my mother any more (but I felt that she and other members were also very controlling too...that's another story!)
He is working at home today and so will not be able to post further today. My thoughts are with you all.
I wish I could live by those words.
Laura
Oh Laura, I really feel for you, I can imagine your pain - my partner is probably not causing even half the problems (well he probably is, but I've not coped with things for as long or as admirably as you), but when you think of the phrase "love has no boundaries and if you love someone, love will find a way to achieve or solve problems" that's how I've lived my life since I've been with him - but you can't solve problems that are unsolveable....and they ARE unsolveable with him as he won't see a doctor, even for something trivial.
I agree that your daughter is a difficult one. Family relationships are not as "escapable" as romantic ones. It causes me a great deal of sadness to admit that I don't speak to my mother any more (but I felt that she and other members were also very controlling too...that's another story!)
He is working at home today and so will not be able to post further today. My thoughts are with you all.