I abuse my adderall to restrict my food intake for as long as possible, I go days without sleeping (no naps, nothing), and I am incredibly depressed, sort of. It is really satisfying to lose weight and it is something I've been doing for a few years now, off and on for awhile. However, my friends are really starting to pester me about it, one of them tried to spoon feed me pasta that other night in our cafeteria. I love my friends and don't want to hurt them, but how do I get them to realize that I will never change and when they bring it up it only makes it worse, I'm very stubborn. I don't want them to get mad but I do want to be able to determine what and when I eat for myself.

Your friends are trying to help you and you could probably use it. You think not eating helps you, but in reality (and I know this from experience) it only makes you more depressed and probably makes your ADD much worse than it already is. I can remember not eating enough and feeling like I couldn't keep a straight thought in my head. I am bulimic and suffer from ADD. My bulimia started with anorexia. I am now beginning to finally recover, but believe me, what you are doing to yourself is a self inflicting wound. You deserve to eat, sleep and be happy. Trust me. I've been through it all. You've talked to your doctor about ADD. Have you talked to your doctor about your eating disorder? Have you ever thought about how happy it would make you if food didn't control your life? Good luck. Sending BIG HUGS your way!

seriously, thank you for your concern and advice, I appreciate it. But i just weighed myself and i never want to eat again...

Being thin isn't what makes you special or the only thing that you have to offer. It doesn't have anything to do with why your friends like you or why the people who love you, love you. Your weight seems to have control over your feelings and how you feel about yourself. I empathize. You'll never be skinny enough and never have enough control to make you happy. Don't you wish a number on a scale didn't have control over your feelings? Wanting to recover and live is wanting to not have food control you or your weight control you. It shouldn't be something you think about that much. Do you like this kind of anxiety? This is a recovery board. The people here want to have full healthy lives. Eating disorders are a disease. I hope you realize that, because there is a whole lot more to life. I'm recovering myself, and it isn't easy but I know that it is the road to my happiness and having healthy children and being someone that I respect. Best of luck on your journey. There is a whole lot of support and people who understand how hard it is to cope with a negative body image.

[This message has been edited by spaniellove (edited 10-06-2003).]

at least your friends care...some dont! there just trying to help you and what it looks like to me, you need it. They know whats best for you and it would prolly hurt them alot if anything happened to you...seems like they care about ya so feel special! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif