hi well i just got back from church and i `am about to fall apart. i can not stop crying and i need some one to talk to. see mom was nursery coutnater in our church and every time i go [i go in sunday nights because i am working all the time. ] i was listening to the words of the songsand started up again. and could not stop. i have got to get ahold of my self i could be so mad at mom because she could have called dr.mike and told him her leg [ ankle] was hurting her and she could have called him and told him that she had a constant cough but instead she sat in her recliner and vegatated and would get up and do the clothes or fix daddy some thing to eat. or watch t.v. instead she would wait till her 6 th month appointment and go see him and never mention about how she was feeling she and i both are anemic except i take my iron every day and she didnt . i could be mad at god because he took her from me. see i am the baby [47 wensday] i live the closest my son is married and my brother is married. they will check in with daddy then they go home to their sposes. rusty [my son] lives in the first mobile home on our land and my brother [randy lives at the end of the road. ]my dad told me today not to worry about him that was not my job he has been taking care of him self for a while and for me not to worry about him.so what do i have now that mom is gone. my cat smokey joe. . it was not time for her to go i didnt even get to say good by because of me also being in the hospital 2 floors down from her dr.mike is the one who came and told me that she was gone. daddy wont talk about his feelings. my sister lives in cail. is it going to take me changing churches for me to stop crying? i am trying so hard to be a good christen and a good person i had a drem last night i was getting married and mom was there i dont remember her saying any thing but i know she was where i was i could feel her what am i going to do now that she is gone the people at church jave been wonderful and pasient and the pople at work have been great but i hurt so much and i just can not under stand why she had to leave me i know all of the realities shes not coming back i have to get use to it bla bla bla but what am i going to do? she had all ready started buying holiday fixings like the almond bark and the choclate. daddy wants no decorations no tree nothing i hurt so much i thought i was going to be o.k. i feel like i am going to have a nervous break down. some respond when you are able please i am going to go take a shower and go to bed but i really dont understand why she had to go so soon and so sudden and that i didnt even get to say good by because i was a mess at the funeral. and dr. mike had me on something i dont remember much thanks for listening. susan kay

Your not on your own Susan, we always seem to have a million questions, if but why. It helps to be able to offload it here Susan and you are not on your own. Maybe your dream will come true and maybe your Mom will be right there with you. She went because it was her time, that doesn't help I know, I know it's hard but try to find something postivie, and you know if your Mom satrted buying things for the holiday ...she wanted to celebrate so celebrate you should and I am sure she will be there in spirit with you.

I beleive there is more to this world we are like catterpillars that shed that skin to become beautiful butterflies. Things don't just come to an abrupt stop, energy doesnt just go away, you cant stop energy it just changes form

Hope you know you are not alone
love n hugs
lois x

hi well i went to see dr. mike today i didnt intend to but i woke up for work with a terrible sore throut and sollen glands. trying to sollow was near about impossible w i went on to wirk and called his office about 10'30 a.m. and waited for them to call but they didnt so when i got off at 1'30 i went to his office and waited my turn [ they are really good about working you in] espessically since he has known us so long.i told them i would wait till he could get around to me and he did.so the stuff i brought home from camping is back for a 3rd time. only it brought mono with it.so he said it has been a while now so he had blood drawn i told him that i had not slowed down i went from camping to me in hospital to moms death to 3 days bereavement to back to work so he told me to take some time off and gave me and excuse for 2 days so i will have my 2 reg.days off then thursday and fri. and go back sat. to work.i will find out the results tomorrow after noon. then i come home and i have a water leak at my sons comode running under the house. does it sound like i need to make areservation at the funny farm? i really feel like i am at the edge of a cliff. i did tell my dad that i was agravated with him and i explained my feelings that rusty goes home to heather and my brother goes home to elizibeth and who do i go home to smokey joe . and that he wont talk about his feelings and i have noone to talk to i just can not stop crying but i know i must get my emotions together. but loseing mom has been such an upheavful in my life and my birthday is wensday and i will spend it with noone. because i am sick i am contages so i dont want any one else sick . i just feel so alone i guess thats why i am such a mess. after i explained my feelings to daddy he told me he would start letting me know when he is going to be gone. he has to get a flu shot with dr. mike tommorrow. no need in me getting one i brought it home all the way from oklahomea.thats the last camping trip ill ever do. i know that.well thanks for listining susan kay some one respond please. susan kay

I'm sorry to hear you are sick. I hope you will rest and take care of yourself. A nice hot cup of peppermint tea always makes me feel better.
I do hear a lot of guilt re:your mom, and you not forcing her to see the Dr.in your posts..... You need to remember that your mom was a grown women and if she didn't want to see the Dr .there was probably nothing you could have said or done to make her. That was her choice. Please try to let go of that guilt you are carrying around. You have enough on your plate. Sometimes things happen for a reason that we can't know.
I also understand why your dad may not want to decorate for Christmas this year. It doesn't mean he'll never want to decorate again ,but maybe this year it's just too painfull. That's okay. It doesn't mean you can't decorate and have him to your house instead. Many times we have to change the way we do our holidays after a loss. Our holidays now are totally different than when my mom was alive. Do i like it? No...I hate it ..but i've accepted that thats the way things are now and i try to make the best of it . Holidays are hard no matter how long they've been gone. Just take one day at a time....sometimes that's all we can do...take care...Kathryn
P.S Happy birthday!!!!

Hi Again Susan, sorry to hear you are not too well. You haven't given yourself much time so I think a few days off work will do you good. I know after my Dad died I was kept busy then after his funeral hubby went back to work, kids were in school and i WAS HOME ALONE, BUT DO YOU KNOW I WAS GLAD OF THE TIME.... (FLAMIN CAPS LOCK!!) i was glad of the chance to be able to cry, scream, get angry, throw things, cry some more, rock myself back and forward, feel like a little child, without being worried what affect this would have on my family. It was good to have chance to get it all out. ANd Susan you don't come back to just smokey joe - you may be on a computer, but the people hear reading your posts are as real as you and we are all here supporting each other, and i feel i know lots of people on here.

I know the holdiays are going to be hard, Dad was in hospital, i spent visiting hours christmas day listening to him, wiping his tears because he had had enough of living like he was, holding my tears back telling him if he wanted to go i would cope and be strong for him, really i was breaking but i couldnt let him down. But you know i can hear him now telling me he would want us to be happy, he loved christmas, i am going to buy him a christmas present something he would like and put it in his display cabinet we have. That way it will feel like he is still a part of it. I hope that idea might help you, my sister lost her daughter of 27 two months before dad, on the day of her birthday she bought her a pendant, and my sister wears it knowing that it was her birthday gift to her daughter.
I understand you feel lonely, have you thought of joining a breavement group. But you know Susan I have my family and i still feel lonely, Dad aint here. Maybe a group would help and this board has certainly give me some strength
love n hugs lois :angel:

o.k.first thing this morning[tues.;say off] daddy calls and tells me he is going to get a big breakfast at MCDONDLDS and to i want to go be fore he goes to gert his flu shot i told him no i was still laying in bed it was 7;30 a.m. o.k. 7;30 and since he had to turn off my my water leak last night i went over there to go potty and when i came out of the rest room he tells me i need to stuck it up and that i am using my cold and sickness as an attention getter and that i needed to stp it. so i stopped in my tracks and told him let me tell you one thing one esspecilly you are going to tell me how to grive and how not to grive there are days that i am fine but there are days at work that trigger something and i keep my self together but when i get alone whether i am driving home are in my one house that i paid for my self. i will grive the way i see fit and you are no one else is going to tell me how long and when i am going top feel. and that i highley resented him thinging that he was thinking that it was o.k. for him to do so i told him that if he wants to keep moms bed room door closed then that was fine for him and if he wants to not think about mom then that was his choice this is somthing that we are not going to agree one so there is no need in discussing it i am going to be 47 years old tommorrow and i dont feel well my glands are sollen and my throut is very sore it is white and red and he has no bussiness telling that it is o.k.for him to tell me what i was to think i told him just like with the property paprs he made my brother first ex. and my sister who is the oldest but has lived incail. for 35 years the second ex. and all he did for me was list me as a sibling because i am the youngest and he even listed me with the wrong age but they have all ready been to the court house and have been signed and there is nothing i can do about that randy and i have been the ones to be here and help him with the property and then he list barbara as the second ex. and she hasnt even been here she chose to marry john there have been a number of times she could have come home for a vist and chose not to and i make decisions with customers every day in a mangement positionday in and day out and all i am is listed as a sibling and even with the wrong age what does that say about how he feels about every thing i have done on these 20ackers it tells me not a whole lot like i am not caple of making an important decision unless it has to to with walmart not to mention rasing rusty all these years now he will be married 5 years next month. i told him how dare him think he is going to tell me how to grive and for how long he can keep moms bed room door closed and not think about it but there are days that i have that are good and some that are bad i havent cryed inabout close to 2 weeks but yesterday so not a good day at work and on top of that i dont feel well so dont think you are any body else is going to tell me how to feel. so all he said was i have to take a shower and i told him i will see him this afternoon when we fix my water leak. i will graetly appricite it and this is somthing we willnot agree on son no need to keep talking about he says fine i says fine i will see him this after noon. i guess i am through thanks for listening we are fixing to fix my leak . thanks was for yall not for him i am very upset and sick and tired yall write me back.

susankay ..so much stuff comes up after a death sometimes ...old emotions and hurts and resentments seem to come to the surface. I have one brother left that I am not close to ..he is younger by 5yrs. There was a lot of resentment on my part about how he treated my parents ..but I always kept the peace for my moms sake...but after she died it just all came out ..and although we will never be close ..it actually did help our relationship ..and it helped me tremendously to get it out... all my anger and resentment towards him is gone, because he took responsibility for his actions ,,which is all i ever wanted.. Then there was the will, which i foolishly let him probate. It took a year, and it was a year of absolute hell,dividing her stuff ,him buying out my half of her house...So I know where you're coming from re: your sister and brother. You were right to stand up to your dad. No one can tell you to get over it.. as far as becoming sick..I think sometimes we just get so emotionally wrung out that our bodies react also. After my brother died I was in bed with pneumonia for 2 months!!! I liken it to post traumatic stress syndrone. You're strong at first because you have to be to get through the funeral ,and all that ..but then after, you let your guard down and just get hit from all sides. Getting sick is just your body's way of telling you to slow down and start taking care of yourself. My mom was very much a caregiver. Her kids were everything to her. I reallly miss that unconditional love and nurturing that only a mom can give. I've had to become a lot stronger and self sufficient since she left. That was the hardest part. not having my mom around to worry about me! ( which actually used to kind of annoy me..but now i really miss it....) Hang in there ....and it's okay to cry etc. I think sometimes it's so hard for guys ..especially ones your fathers age ..to let themselves feel their emotions, and he's probably uncomfortable seeing you so miserable. You need to do what you need to do though ,and hopefully he will figure that out..
like i said ...hang in there.... Kathryn

Hi Susan, maybe your Dads way of greiving is by shutting the bedroom door, I agree no - one can or should tell you how to greive, a month after my Dad passed by to stop thinking about it!! Not helpful, so I dealt with it alone, I write letters to Dad and talk away to him - that is a big help. And you know Susan it does sound like you are dealing with your feelings, you face them and shre them with us. Maybe your Dad isn't. And you know your age or waht was written or stated doesnt matter if it was wrong, You and your Mom and your love for each other is all that counts and as long as YOU and MOM knew that who cares about anyone elses opinion or actions
:angel: xx Lois

hi i spoke to my daughter in law and she said that like her dad in there day some one died and they just moved one and it was forgotten but it isnt like that now. and my friend kathy i work with her she lives up the street and she lost her husband 2 years ago and she and my sister in law also agree that thats how they dealet with it but i had to let him know i was so mad anupset that i was sick again adn i felt bad and for him to tell me that well it just hit me wrong. but with my dad we have always been able to disagree and then move on we dont stay mad at each other we got my water leak fixed and that has been the end of that conversation but i had to tell him how i felt and i was not going to back down. so tommorrow i have to go and get my licence renewed and then pull out my skirting from under my house and put the insolation back toghether and duck tape [gray tape for those of you who dont know what duck tape is] and fix it all back i have plants in front of my skirting so smokey joe cant get up in there when he is out side so i have to to that sick or not so it is windy and cold here and clody so i will bundle up and do it in a hurry and get back in take a shower and climb back in my jammies and house coat because i have to go back to work sat. when you have to get things like that down upper resp. invection or broncitus goes out the window for the time being it has to be done sop i will hurry and do it and get back in. thanks for listening yall dont know how much you have helped me. :p

hi well my dad took me down to minden to get my lice. renewed today they have moved and i did nt know where it was. i took a not to bad pic. this time i had my contacts in and my red turtle neck shirt and my jeans i looked pretty good for as sick as i was. then i came home took my meds. and had a 3 hour nap it makes me soooooooooooo sleepy. then i woke up and had to put my insolation back together and duck tape it all back together and daddy helped me put my skirting toghether and it is back to work tomorrow sick but back to work 7;00a.m. to 4;00 p;m. blond hair blue eyes 140 pounda [i have lost 25 ] i was rather cute if i dont so so my self. you would have never known i was as stopped up as a trash can at christmas time!!!!!!!! so i foret why i started typing part of the meds. effect i guess but im doing o.k. yall write me backo.k.? susan kay:)

o.h. now i remember daddy has ask my aunt to come get moms clothes sunday after noon i told him it will be hard but is has to be done and he started to get mad at me he said DONT THINK ABOUT PUT IT OUT OF YOUR MIND GO OVER TO YOUR HOUSE .i said daddy i will probly be at work HE SAYS GOOD . I TOLD HIM ALL I SAID WAS IT WILL BE HARD BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE I AM JUST SURPRISED YOU RE DOING IT THIS EARLY.YOUR GETTING MAD AT ME FOR NO REASON. JUST ALL OF THE SUDDEN HE STARTED YELLING AT ME IN THE CAR. so i changed the subjust and we didnt discuss it futher. why is my dad yellin at me a lot and how am i suppossed to deal with it? sick/ moms gone daddy yelling at me. why? susan kay

Well sometimes grief also opens a floodgate of other emotions too. Anger is a pretty common one. Or maybe in your dads case ,since he has a hard time showing his grief ,because as I said before,a lot of men that grew up in your dads era were taught that crying etc. was a sign of weakness,so instead your dad gets mad.I mean he has to get out all those feelings somehow. I know it's hard not to take it personally,but you need to try not to. Anyway..that's my take on it . I remember after my dad died i had a lot of anger. Take care susankay.....

hi kathryn havent talked to you in a while doing o.k.i guess still having my moments of crying but daddy is starting to have his moments to when we are at the table having a small supper last night and tonight he had a moment but i was having one to. i was starting to wash clothes tonight and he called and ask me what i was going to fix us for supper. i said i dont know so he ask me to come over and find somthing so i fixed some chicken and put some cream of chicken over it and put it in the oven and let it bake. and i made [opened a can of peas] and made some biskits. and he was happt with that. now he hasnt wanted me to do anything for him but this morning we went to brookshires and picked up a few things for christmas day. my brother and his wife / my son [rusty ]and heather [his wife] and me and daddy will have lunch together .daddy sold moms car;sunday so that was hard. so he is making progress. its just going to be hard at christmas. i went to moms grave sunday as i usually do weather permiting and there were foot prints on moms grave which i didnt like but i fixed the dirt back. i just sat at the foot of her and had some quite time i at on the side walk. i just mis her so much. i go to see dr.mike tommorrow and i am having an off balance problem with tripping over my feet a lot. and the inside of my ears hurt so i have to have that sen about. dady started that yelling at me again last night and i told him he has to stop i have ask him before. he said he wasnt yelling i told him he was then we had a moment of silence and started talking about somthing else. this whole situation is just wrong. i cant get use to it. i just cry out of no where and my dad is hurting to. i never releized how hard it would be to lose a parent .or some one close.i have lost 24 pounds. since last june but a lot of it has come off since i was sick and all of this happened.how long does it take when you can have a moment that you are not missing some one that is so close?well i am rambling again. thanks for listening who ever reads this. susan kay

Hi susan kay.

I promise you that it does get better. I was like you for the first year after my mom died. I lost 25lbs also ,and i wasn't overweight to begin with. I would also cry at the drop of a hat. Just take it one day at a time. I know you're trying to be strong for your dad and that's hard too because you need someone to lean on ,and he's not there for you right now.So i imagine you're feeling pretty alone right now. You will always miss your mom ,like I miss mine still ,but after 3yrs it has gotten easier. I guess I've realized that my reality now is life without my mom and since I don't want to be miserable for the rest of the life that I have,I have to make a conscious effort to move forward instead of living in the past. That's what my mom would have wanted . I'll tell you one of the things that made it so much harder for me was that my daughter and 2 granddaughters moved to another state not long after my mom died.They were living 10mins from me. That was devasting for me as they were the only things in my life that brought me joy,and gave me a reason for living. I had to deal with that loss also. It's been rough. But i'm a survivor,and so are you......hang in there....my thoughts and prayers are with you. Kathryn

hi kathryni was doing fine i had a good vist at the doctors today i have hit the 25 pounds lost mark dr. mike was happy with that i was having some off balance problem and he told me to get some meclezine for it daddy had to go to brookshires and he got some for me. well he had made a display with moms pic. and some baby angles in front of it and 2 angles on either side of it. i was over there waiting for a phone call for daddy while he went to brookshires and i saw the counter and started crying he came home and i told him i was going to my house i just coulnt look at it right he said he was sorry i told him thats o.k. i will get use to it. see mom took care of the babies and children at our church. so to see that was just very hard. i usually go to the grave on sundays after work before church and i have done really good tilli saw that .its pretty it was just hard to se it. and christmas i am buying 3 gift cards and weall [my son rusty and wife heather / and my brother randy and wife elizibeth nickname punkin] and me and daddy. eat together. and that will be it. im trying to be strong i know there is nothingi can do about it but some time i just cant help it no one wants to talk about it. so i keep my feelings inside as much as possible. my heart is doing good i told him remember i was of yesterday and today thats why its so calm he told me just to stay on my meds for it. so i ll be o.k.i have to be. write back susan kay

hi kathryn im so sad i went to moms grave [its sun.] and i miss her so much.yesterday was a bad day. it was so silly . one of my co/workers was in the office and the charlie brown christmas music was on. [the one were the kid are dancing around] any way mom and i would watch it every year even when we got older and i ask her if it had come on t.v. yet and she said yes last week. well i got upset and had to ask her to turn it down or off. i got up set because first i missed it then because mom isnt here to watch it .so silly. and it was just a bad day all the way around. then my sister in law called me and tried to get a rise out of me but i just didnt have any thing to give her i didnt have te strength to argue we have been very busy at work and i am worn out . she was asking me when it was going to be my brothers turn to put flowers on her grave i told her when ever he wants to she had what i call the loose mouth its caused by bending your arm to much all day. ill leave my dicription like that. but i told her your not going to get my brother to a cemetary hes not going . she just kept on i had enough so i hung up. well ill be o.k.i have to be im just so tired and sad. e/mail me back. susan kay

Susan Kay,

Please stop letting your Family get to you like that. You've got to put your foot down and be strong or they are gonna keep you feeling sad and down all the time. You don't need that right now.

Let me tell you about my sister and what she done. You know I told you after the loss of Mama I didn't even want to cook Thnksgiving Dinner but I knew that my Mama would want me to and to keep the family together and thats what I done. Well after cooking Thanksgiving Dinner, we all sat at the table and discussed that it wasn't the same anymore and never would be so we said that besides spending all the money we do on a big Holiday mean and we had just cooked Thanksgivng Dinner, we said for Christmas that all the family would get together and meet some where and eat out and then come home and exchange gifts. Well it just so happened that at the time we made the arrangments for our Christmas Dinner, my sister was out of town because her sister-in-law had had a bad stroke. Well my neice is the one that chose a place to go and everyone had said no Turkey and Dressing because we had enough of that Thanksgiving. I told mu sister last night that we had made plans for the family to go out and eat Mexican Food and girl she blew a gasket! She asked me who decided where we were going and she told me point blank she wouldn;t be there. Do you know what I told her? I said my neice and I and the rest of the family chose the place and you were out of town at the time and we thought we better make reservations because there is so many of us and I told her that was fine if she didn;t want to come that we would all go and enjoy it. I hung the phone up and I haven't heard a word back from her. I am not gonna let her upset me! You've got to do the same girl. Stand up for your self because noone else will do it for you.

Take care,
Jan:wave:

i know i talked to dady and told him and he said just hank up the phone and tell her i am going to bed and dont have time to talk i am to tired. but i know what is going to happen i am usually a very strong person i told every one at work i am 47 now and i am not taking any mess any more and i am not going to. see she calls at night and it was 6'15 ish and i was on the computer i thought it would be o.k. i am going to have to be ugly and its going to cause a problem because she is going to want to know. daddy is not a confrontanle person so he dosnt want me to be ugly but i am going to have to i just havent had it in me since mom died. and work has been very busy. i have earned every last dime i have worked. we have a week to go then the returns after christmas. i feel empty. tired worn out. im glad im off tomorrow and wendsday. christmas will be just another day. e/mail me back.

Susan,

Girl I know that you are so tired after working a day at Wal-Mart. The Wal-Mart, well should I say the closest Wal-Mart to us because we live in Kemp Texas and they do have a Wal-Mart in Gun Barrel City, Texas which is about 15 minutes from us. But thats the bigest store we have here in our hick town. You need some time off I think. You went back to work too soon after you lost your Mom I think, but I know how these companies can be. There not worried about their employers, ther worry about the money the employees are gonna bring in. I sure hope that your Christmas turns out better for you than you think it will. Susan, you've got to pull your self out of this rut or it's gonna just make you sicker and you don't need that? Try your hardest to say that tomorrow your gonna feel better, and then keep doing that. Thats what I tell my self everyday and it is hard, but honey we got to keep on going. Tell your self, you got to get better for your Daddy because he needs you too!

God Bless You,
Your ole Buddy
Jan:)

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time Susan Kay. It's bad enough that you are grieving ,but to add on the negative behavior of your sister-in-law ,on top of being exhausted from Wal -Mart...well I can see why you might be on your last nerve. Hang in there. you need to take care of yourself right now ,and if that means not talking to your sister-in-law ,well so be it. I know you are a churchgoer ,so hopefully you will find solace in your church this Christmas. Do they have a Christmas Eve service? Sounds like you could use some peace in your life right now. Well soon the Christmas rush will be over. I do feel sorry for the people in retail at this time of year. My mom worked in retail. Stay strong and take one day at a time......Kathryn

hi kathryn well i woke up tues.morn. with my side killing me and throwng up . i thought i might be really hungry but that wasnt it it was6'00a.m. and it just kept hurting. so i got dresed and and went over to daddys house and ask him if he had anything going on he was already up. i told him i need to go to the emer.rm. it kept hurting so daddy got dressed and we drove up to the fire station because if just me and him went i would have to wait but if i went in the ambulance i could go right in. so they got me there and it was a kidney stone ,can just tell you how much that hurt. they gave me 2 shots of demeral because the first one wore of i finially passed it it was the size of a grain of rice can you beleive that little thing hurt so bad. i have never had on . so i am still tired i was glad i was off today and didnt ms any work. have i had enough or what . i have to get of this train .i am tired of the ride. thanks susa kay

hi kathryn well i woke up tues.morn. with my side killing me and throwng up . i thought i might be really hungry but that wasnt it it was6'00a.m. and it just kept hurting. so i got dresed and and went over to daddys house and ask him if he had anything going on he was already up. i told him i need to go to the emer.rm. it kept hurting so daddy got dressed and we drove up to the fire station because if just me and him went i would have to wait but if i went in the ambulance i could go right in. so they got me there and it was a kidney stone ,can just tell you how much that hurt. they gave me 2 shots of demeral because the first one wore of i finially passed it it was the size of a grain of rice can you beleive that little thing hurt so bad. i have never had on . so i am still tired i was glad i was off today and didnt ms any work. have i had enough or what . i have to get of this train .i am tired of the ride. thanks susa kay

Hi Susan,

This is not Kathryn it's Jan! I've been wondering why I haven't seen many post on here from you. Girl, you've had me worried about you because I felt like something might be wrong with you or your Dad.

So you had to go to the ER? I sure hate to hear that you were sick but at least they got you fixed up now. Are you feeling better? Remember how you been on me to take care of myself over my blood pressure because of the surgery I am gonnna have for the blockage in my legs? Well now I get to tell you the same to take care of your self and don't be worrying about anything. Did you actually go back to work today and if so how did you do? How is your Dad doing also?

Well we don't have a lot of days left before the Holidays will be over and I know that will take alot of stress off of us all. We can start the New Year out and things will be better next year at this time.It won't ever be the same, but it will get easier as time goes by! Take care of your self.

Jan:D

WOW...so sorry you had to go through that. Do you have any sick days left at Wallmart? Sounds like you could use a couple of days off to recover. Take care......Kathryn

hi thanks yes i am better. i am just glad it happened on my days off. i do not want to miss any of my holiday pay. and i have vacation on january 16-26 so i havent gotten the results on the thing that they put you thriugh the open air exray machine. i hope to find out tomorrow. to see if i have any more stones. i was laying there they ask me ;what is your level of pain i said oh i dont know 10/12/14 you pick one all i know is it hurts i would cry but i hurt to much. she says ill put down 10 i sid what ever. they gave me a shot of demeral [ boy will that stuff relax you ] they put me through that open air exray machine and the tech. says scoot over to the bed here i just looked at it i told him i cant even hold my head up and you want me to scoot over? you are going to help me if you want me to do any thing. i hope i dont have any more stones. then this is the topper they came in and ask my dad how i was going to pay for my 50.00 deposit . daddy said she has insurance they [ the lady ] yes we know but we need a 50.00 deposit. i told daddy i have the money in my purse. i mean what else were we to do. i was at a nice hospital at willis knighton im sure they are all over the country.but i think this year has really tested my strenth and i am still here. if i can get through the next 3 days i hope that next year will be better. i see pennys in the parking lot or on the floor at work and i say thanks mom . when i was in the ambulance i ask kevin [ i worked with him at wal mart while he was going to school to do what he does now. ] i ask him if we had past the cemetary yet he said we just did i said hi mom love you. i feel as though i am getting better. we will see christmas eve/ and day. daddy is better i think he says he has decided to think of it as mom is somewhere doing somthing that she enjoys doing . and thats how he is acepting it in his mind. i still think about her and miss her but i think i am getting better. i thank every one of yall for listening to me and my ramblings and i hope that next year will be a whole lot better. so every body have a good holiday the best you can i my dad and i and my son and wife [heather ] and my brother and i guess his wife to [ she still bends her arm to much and gets the loose mouth] we will be together for a short bit. god bless us all. [o.h. and to the moderaters yall have a merry christmas to] please dont get mad at me. thanks susan kay.:wave:

Susan I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better and so is your Dad! It will get easier as the time goes by. Remember the old saying as goes, "The Good Lord is not gonna put no more on us than we can stand". I believe that too and keep that in mind. Merry Christmas Susan and try and stay way from that hospital too. Hope you passed all your stones. I know that had to of hurt.

God Bless You!
Jan:)

yes i know he will never put on us more than we can stand but good grieve do we have to be tested so hard? lord be with all of us as we face the holidays with out our loved ones. mom i love you and miss you. and i will pass on to rusty and heathers children every thing you taught me . [p.s. when they have children.] thanks yall have a happy holiday the best you can. susan kay:wave:

hi coyotye and kathryn i find out tomorrow if i have any more stones i hope not that was something i just do not want a repeat of. i am on some meds. so i hope it helps. to mom we had a good christmas together we eat together and visted and it was nice. we miss you but know you are taking care of the babies up there . and i know you are watching over me when i ask you you to help me with that frustating can opener this morning remember you made it work after i had struggled with it. i stop and ask you to make it work and you did and i said thanks mom i know you heard me. you know how that thing always aggravated me. hope every one got through christmas o.k. we have a new year to face i think we can do it together. thanks every one susan kay

Susan Kay,

You made me have a good laugh when you said how aggravated you got with the can opener and how easy your Mom could make it work. I do the samething girl.:) See that just goes to show you that your Mom and my Mom had us spoiled huh?:D Glad to hear that you had a good Dinner with the Family and everything went okay for you. Girl, you have been on my mind so much yesterday and today also. Ain't that crazy how you can get on a message board and just by talking to someone like we all do and you just become close to one another and that is exactly whats helped me after the loss of my Mama. I would like to tell everyone on here, THANKS to EVERYONE because you all have been so helpful, kind and just listening to me vent and talking to me has helped me make it through this. I have talked more to everyone on this board more than I have my own family and I don't know what I would of done with out each and everyone of you. You all have been some good friends to me and you will never know how much I really appreciate what you all have helped me through.

Thanks to EVERYONE!
Jan from Kemp Texas

Susan Kay,

Sorry I forgot, I got to talking so much I meant to tell you to let us know what the Doctor has to say about you alight? I sure hope you don't have anymore of them stones. I remember my sons step-brother, it hit him all at once and I was at my brothers and he was at my house alone and he was down in the floor rolling around and he said he couldn't take the pain any longer so he called for an ambulance and they came and took him to the hospital and when they finally got a hold of me and I got up there, they had him in lala land but he didn't pass them while he was at the hospital. They sent him home and he was so sceared that he wouldn't sleep in the bed that night, he slept on my couch and I sat up in a chair right by his side all night because he sceared that it was gonna hit him again. But to this day, it's never hit him again and he said the same thing, he hoped it didn't either.

Hug's,
Jan:)

hi yes they say that kidney stones are the closest thing to having a baby a man can have. but i am here to tell you i think it was worse than when i had rusty. but when they gave me that demeral i didnt care about nothing. but they had to give me another shot before it was passed. i hope when dr.mike sends me to that uralogest he finds 2 clean kidneys. dady fixed up my aunts dressing alright i told him now that taste like dressing he says stay with me girl and i will teach you lots of stuff. my dad is a hoot. my son and heather [his wife] are about to build their fisrt house they have started delivering the materials for about a wek now i think they pour the foundation this week. proui came onin the been married 5 years now he will graduate from the electrions program in may and he will have his licences. and then after they get in there house then babies. heather works hard at lifeshare blood center[ can i name her employment? sorry if i cant] they both are doing very well i told him last week when i came home from work he was standing in the middle of the materials and i stopped and said watca got there my grown boy he says house stuff. i said i see that i told him im so proud of you you have done so well. fixing to graduate and building your first home i did a good job rasing you [mom and daddy helped daddy was his father figure in his life since his biological thing didnt want any thing to do with him]i could be ugly but i have all ready been in trouble once with the moderaters so i will be semi/nice]any way i looked at him and relized hes a grown man he is 26 and i am so very proud of him. mom was proud to. its cold here i think it is going to be in the 30's tonight.bur cold when i go to work in the morning. you are right i have talked to every one on this board more than any body else and i think it has really helped me get through all of this i dont know how many times i have said thank you to everybody.so thanks susan kay

I have always heard that when you pass stones that it feels like stickers so you know that has got to hurt. I wish you luck when you do go see the other Doctor. Hope they give you a clean bill of health.

Girl, you have every right to be proud of your son. There isn't many I would say that is 26 and building a house. Sounds like he has got a good head on his shoulders. After the house is built, do they plan on having children? That would make you a Grandma like me. My grand-daughter just turned 10 years old in November and I am so proud of her. She is my little Angel!:)

Your Dad making remarks to you saying stick around and he will teach you something sounds just like what my Daddy would of said if he was still here. One time I made Potato Salad and we cooked meat on the grill and we invited my Mom and Dad over to eat. My Daddy sit down and he started eating that Potato Salad and he looked at me and he said, "Kid when you can make Potato Salad like this, then you can say you can cook." He thought that my Mama had made it after they got to my house and I had already made it and my Mom told him that she didn't have one thing to do with making it and we finally conviced him that I had made it. But thats how my Daddy would talk too.

Well it was good to hear from you. Don't work too hard and take care.

Jan:wave:

my dad says ;keep up the good work thats how i got my start' i will walk by a member of mangement and pat them on the back and tell them that it cracks me up and they say o.k. susan i just snicker and keep walking it makes them shake their head at me. to funny. and he will say this is not my first day at the rodeo you know. i told daddy today that i felt as though i was geting use to mom being gone not that i dont miss her i am just kind of geting use to it. i ask him about a wind chime i wanted to put one on moms grave up aginst the head stone and daddy said that the people at hillcrest dont want that stuff there i told him [it is raining really hard here] they said it was o.k. and then he said besides it will keep your moma up and she wont like it. i kind of laughed at him.he come up with stuff sometimes. he;s a mess. my daddy. yes i'm rotten and i dont what i would do with out him. o.h.. gues what he gave me MY VERY ON ELEC. [WITH A BATTERY I CAN CHARGE] DRILL . he had misplaced one so he went and bought another one so when he found the one he had misplaced he gave it to me. he said i bought me a drill i said you did and he says but i had bought one . i said o.k. i ask him i might know some one who just might be interested in it that had ask for one for christmas . all she needs it to do it small jobs. do you think you might be able to part with it? he says well maybe. then he went and got it for me. so i used it last night moms pic. had fallen of the wall on to my tile floor [didnt break] i told daddy goes to show her stamana.] he snickered. and i hung it back up.well talk to you later.;a.m. now thats early !!!!!!. :) :wave:

Susan if your Daddy gave you an electric drill, then he might be telling you to get another job!;) j/k...Them things are nice to have. We have several of them here at the house but when I go to hammer something I forget about them and pull out the old hammer. Hey, guess what? I have been telling my husband for the last 5 years now that I wanted my own tool box because every time I go to do something, what I need is no where near. It's always in his toolbox in the back of the car. Well what do you think one of my gifts was for Christmas? A brand new tool box filled with tools. I told him I sure did thank him but if he thought he was putting me to work he was WRONG!:) Girl, there is every kind of tool in there you could need, and some in there that I don't know what the heck to do with so I will just let it sit there huh?

Hows the weather your way? It has rained here all day long and we have been under Tornado Watches all day until 8:00PM. Now I like the rain but them tornados needs to hang out some where else.:D

Take care,
Jan:)

hi i know i had 2 screwdrivers and every time daddy comes over its like i have to frisk him before i let him get out the door . and now i i can only find one of them phillips . the pointy one, now i have my on drill. that was a good present my brother gave my sister inlaw one to a few years ago. yes i dont like tornados i am heavly insured but i would prefer not to have my unmentionables scattered all over the paster you know. i would be o.k. here i go gathering my socks and my you know my other stuff. oh and there are my jeans and o.h. there is my work uniform whay up in the tree no i think we can do with out the wind tunnels. right now its not raining it was sprinkling when i came home but now i think it is just wet. i think i am trying to get a headache its just cause im tired long day. o.h. while i am thinking about it make sure they know that you if you are anisteiasa [they stuff that puts you out ] if it makes you sick that they put some phenagren in your i.v. to help with nausa. you dont want to wake up throwing up o.k.? make sure you tell them or have your hubby tell them. please. thurs day will be here soon so i hae you on my mind . i got a fever blister from that kidney attack. but its going away slowley. with lyzine tab. and carmex.talk to later love talking to you.susan kay

Well I have told everybody to leave MY toolbox alone!:) Well the rain has stopped here too. But we got plenty of it yesterday. Now I can just see you out there in the pasture pulling personal things out of the trees. I have been through one tornado when I worked at Dairy Queen years and years ago and I hope and pray that I don't ever get around another one of them. Now that will shake you up. We were working at the DQ and all of a sudden we looked up and we could see the sky. It took the roof right off the building. But would you believe that the Soda Cups that was stacked by the Soda machine was still standing just as pretty. Never blew a cup over at all. It's funny how a tornado can destroy things all around you and then one little thing won't be touched.

I will sure mention it to the Doctor about the medicine and I know exactly what your talking about. It makes you real sleepy, or it does me.

Talk to you soon.

Say a Prayer for me 01-04-06

Jan:D

How are you feeling tofay Susan? Oh yeah, Happy New Year and to everybody else on this message board. I feel like 2007 has got to be a better year for all of us. I am cooking a Meatloaf, the usual black eye peas, cabbage, mashed potaos and some corn bread and I am gonna bake a cake for New Years. I am gonna invite all my family over here to eat so maybe things will be better for us all. Susan, each day that goes by, I am getting a little bit more nervous about the surgery I've got to have. I don't have many more days left until I have to go in the hospital. I just hope and pray that the bloackage isn't the stent that was put in me in 1993 becaue they out a filter in there to catch blood clots and they say that them stents normally don't last but 10 years. That would be my luck that they will have to go in and replace that beause I have been having pain coming fom that area for some time now and if they have to go back and put anpther one in, then I will be in the hospital longer. I don't like hospitals!:eek: You know you said you were gonna brighten up my room, well I got to thinkong about something. If you will please have them to put your addy on the card so I can at least send you a card because I like to show my appreciation when it comes to something like that. I don't mind going in on the 3rd because they will get all the blood work done and the EKG and thinks like that and then they will send us uo stairs to the hotel that they are putting us in. It is too long of a drive for us to go back and forth to the hosptial so thats why they are doing it that way. It is a good 75 miles to the hospital from where we live.

Well you take care of your self and I sure hope that your feeling much better now than you were. How is your Dad doing? Tell him your fiend said hello and to take good care of him self o.k.

Jan:)