I am new to this forum/format but chose this as I am looking for a source of support. After being "recoverd" for 11 years from bulimia, I suffered my first relapse two weeks ago. Has anyone ever been in similar circumstances after such a long time period. Any thoughts, suggestions for me? I have gone 8 dyas now without binging and purging, but I wake up everyday scared adn once again my thoughts are occupied by food every waking moment. i learned so much when I was working through my eating disorder 11 years ago, why do I feel as if I know nothing? Please help.

How did you do it before? (By the way, 11 years recovery is amazing!) Did you go into therapy, or some sort of program? Maybe it could help you again. In the mean time, you could get any foods you might binge on out of the house. The harder it is to get, the less likely I am to binge.

I was addicted to sleeping pills and pain pills last year - It took me a while to get off. My boyfriend had some pain pills for an injury and a few nights back I snuck 2.

I don't know about you but the feeling wasn't the same. I was sorta let down in myself and realized EVEN MORE this is not something I want to fall back into.

Don't be scared. Inless you really liked it - then thats different. Whatever helped you 11 years - try again. And remember the hell and all it took to stop. You don't want to bring that all back again.

[This message has been edited by Citykittie (edited 09-25-2003).]

Thank you for your responses!! I will try your advice, thoughts, suggestions.

Thank you for your replies!! I will think about what you both said and try your thoughts, ideas, suggestions.

Here is my thoughts. I have been battling this for over 20 years. I have had good times and really bad with it but the worst is when I try too hard to control it. Have you been thinking about dieting or weight loss lately?

Anyway, 11 years is almost unheard of in our world. I consider myself doing good I only purge once a week ( I binged and purged at least 30 times daily at my worst).

I think the first step is to forgive that you slipped once in 11 years. Don't feel you have to start over just because you did this once. You have to face this monster every day and one time in a month is great let alone 11 years. You have beaten this monster for a really long time and if you let this one time get to you the guilt and feelings of inadaquacy etc.. will only make IT stronger not you.

So give yourself permission to mess up once in a while and then just keep trying but not obsessing on it, we tend to do that. We want an all or nothing situation and it is not realisitic for us or anyone but especially because we CAN'T abstain like other addictions. I have turned my addiciton over to alcohol and that was easy to get over compared to this as was smoking because I can just say no. With this you can't, you have to eat. Everyone has weaknesses, don't let yours turn your life upside down again over an occasional slip. It is not fair to yourself and the ed is just waiting for you to be unfair to yourself so it can get it's grubby little claws back into your life. Just remember it is YOUR life not the bulimia's and you will be ok and don't worry yourself into more episodes.

[This message has been edited by navy (edited 10-10-2003).]

Navy,
Thank you so much for your reply. yes, in answer to your question I am obsessing over loosing some weight I have gained. you are so insightful. I appreciate all your kind words and support. This is so hard and insidious. I know I am me and not my eating disorder but sometimes it feels so powerful. Thank you again.

Marci

I am glad I could help. I think we all (ed afflicted) are insightful and over think things and it is part of why we are in this mess. AS the old saying goes, one day at a time.

A therapist recently suggested I try something called mindfullness. Not sure exactally what it is supposed to do but sounds as if it would create peace inside. She gave me homework which consisted of taking a walk anywhere and studying a leaf or something specific for a while. I suppose it is to simplify and quit your mind. I think we all need that so I am going to try it.

Keep writing, I found it very helpful to get the thoughts out. Take care and cut yourself a break. I know I will never likely get totally free of this disease but thats ok because knowing that kind of gives me peace with it and makes it easier to (I hate to say) control it.