I am new 2 this board. I hope someone can help. I am 27 and have always relied on food to comfort me, control anxiety, depression etc. I am smart, "beautiful" have a good job, loving family and the greatest fiancee in the world. Why am I always upset? Everyone tells me I am thin, but I am sooooo obsessed with what I eat, how much and when. Meals always become a battlefield. For the last year and half, I had been bingeing and purging up 2 6 times a day. Sometimes I would break plans to isolate myself and eat. eat. eat. I have decided to change my bad habit but have a tendency to replace 1 addiction with another. In the last month I have only purged 2 times which is great! But I have been so depressed!!!! Why do I feel like this. Am I afraid to face my real emotions? Why can't I get this black cloud over my head to go away?

I was never bulimic but have suffered anorexia. I'm sure both diseases go along w/ the same distorted body image/control issues/hopelessness.
First of all........Good job!!! You are realizing you have a PROBLEM (a big one at that) and are tyring to do something about it! Way to go!!! Next you have (in your post) counted your blessings. That's great. You have love and support, which will be a BIG help thru the hard times ahead.
Does your fiance know? If he doesn't I don't suggest just coming right out and saying "I make myself throw up" People that have never had this problem doesn't fully understand it. They think we are either nuts, doing it for attention, or can stop just because they say we should. Don't take any negative comments to heart from others. I would suggest making an appt with a GOOD physican that can refer you to a GOOD psychologist/eating disorder therapist and make him go w/ you. They can explain to him everything you're going thru and probably even better than you could explain it yourself. Going to therapy is NOT shameful. Everyone could use unbiased ears to share their problems with. You also need a check up. I do know that purging does major damage to your esophagus. Don't worry about that right now. Worry about getting yourself all better. Good luck.

I am bulimic, have been for about 13 years, although now its very bad. ;-( I try to get better, but always revert back to my sad, lonley, scary ways. ;-(
Wjay exactley does it do to the esophicus?

The acidic contents of your stomach can cause your esophagus to errode.

at least your trying to get over it...ive never experienced it but i can understand its harder to deal with than people think. Congratulations to you for trying to make urself better! You will feel alot more healthy and will probably lose weight and keep it off more easy if you maintain a normal diet....

In response to the esophogus question. It errodes it but it also can in turn become cancerous. I was severly bulimic for at least 10 years. Now I am a little but it will probably be my cross to bear because of the severity of my disease when it was full force (30 or so times a day purging). Anyway, what happens is when you get the esophageal ulcers they heal and sometimes with stomach cells that are more apt to become cancerous and need to be lazered off. That happened to me recently and I am ok now but still need daily meds for the reflux.

I have a lot of physical ailments directly related to this disease and feel twice my age now and its too late to repair me so try with everything you have to be honest and upfront about this disease because it will take you life even if you are still alive.

It is a start that you are writing here but please get some help before you end up with the vast medical and dental problems I have from this.

The most important part of this is to know you can't control others which is probably why you try to control food. I too was given food to comfort me as a kid then did it on my own. There is an obvious viod needing filled and that is what you need to find out. Also, know that you will never be perfect, it is hard to accept but is necessary to recovery. You cannot do this by yourself and you cannot do it without falling. Give yourself permission to mess up and then get up and keep trying. This is especially hard because we all have to face it EVERY day when we eat so try not to be to strict with your recovery because that will only lead to relapse and the ed is just waiting for you to pressure yourself too much.

Hope this helps.