For a while, I have told my mother & husband I have a problem with alcohol (generally wine). For about three months, I cut it down and went from drinking two bottles daily to about three bottles a week. Today, I was downstairs talking with both of them & having a good time & they kept encouraging me to drink beer and opening it and pouring it for me. Lately, I would drink two beers every two or three days, because at least that is less alcohol than one glass of wine and it relaxed me and helped me sleep. I just started this recently though. I had gone months with no daily drinking. Prior to me lessening my alcohol intake, my husband has said I "pounding alcohol" and my mother said it was not a good thing to drink daily. So why are they encouraging drinking now? They both live with me and I think they both know they put me under a tremendous amount of stress. They try to help, but to be honest they are not good handling their business affairs, so I do it. Lately, I've been complaining about being overwhelmed. Maybe they feel drinking will relax me, but they know how concerned (and they are) about my drinking, so I wonder why they have been encouraging it. Any ideas?
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MsMinn
11-15-2006, 09:55 AM
Hi there,
I think that when anyone makes changes in a relationship it upsets the balance of that relationship, even if it's a good thing. It's just relearning a new way to interact. More importantly though...do they drink a lot? I have gotten negative feedback from family members who drink alot when I quit drinking for a year. When I told my sister I may quit again, for good this time, she said "how boring". Anyway, I hope you can listen to yourself and do what makes you happy inside.
Minn
WhyIsThisMyLife
11-15-2006, 10:51 AM
MsMinn. Thanks for responding. No. They don't really drink a lot. My mother used to be a drinker, but stopped for years. Now she might have a few beers for a week and then go without. My husband maybe drinks twice a month, but when he drinks its a lot. I would like to stop, but does it make me happy.... that is a different story. I like the relaxing feeling. I hate the weight gain and waking up feeling blah. I just started drinking three years ago which coincides with my mother moving in. Since my marriage, it has gotten worse. I'm beginning to think its guilt, because they both know they have put a lot of strain on me. My mother is a vic addict and overdoses five times a year. Husband causes a lot of financial difficulty and is dishonest. He is like my father & they say you marry a parent to resolve that relationship. In my case, I think its true.
slipperyslope
11-15-2006, 01:13 PM
Gosh Marilyn that is really awful that they are pushing the booze your way knowing how hard you have worked to keep your sobriety and how awful you felt when you relapsed. i have no idea why they would be doing this but I would talk to them about and ask them how come they want you to drink again. I am sure they like the person that you are better " sober" ? At least I would think that would be the case, but maybe you were this outrageos, fun, loving, sweet little drunk? LOL I am kidding, keep us posted as this has stumped me to. I don't get it at all. But I am sure they have a reason behind it... maybe its to relieve your stress like you said and to " lighten" you up a bit?
SS
or Maybe they really don't think you had a problem with alchol before and miss you drinking with them?
cram315
11-15-2006, 09:37 PM
Marilyn,
They are sabatoging you. For whatever reason, they only know.
Look at it at this way, if you had an overweight friend who was on a diet and just lost 10 lbs and you invited them for a cup of coffee to celebrate and talk but then you pull out a chocolate cake, their favorite, and say go ahead have one piece it won't hurt. Would you be a friend watching out for their best interest or hoping deep down they gained that weight back and failed? Think about it.
Don't let me them encourage you to drink. Some people for their own reasons don't like to see others succeed. Whatever their reason is, they might not even be aware of what they are doing but that is no excuse. Stay on the steady course you have been on.
cram315
Thiswasyourlife
11-16-2006, 07:14 AM
Marilyn,
They are sabatoging you. For whatever reason, they only know.
Look at it at this way, if you had an overweight friend who was on a diet and just lost 10 lbs and you invited them for a cup of coffee to celebrate and talk but then you pull out a chocolate cake, their favorite, and say go ahead have one piece it won't hurt. Would you be a friend watching out for their best interest or hoping deep down they gained that weight back and failed? Think about it.
Don't let me them encourage you to drink. Some people for their own reasons don't like to see others succeed. Whatever their reason is, they might not even be aware of what they are doing but that is no excuse. Stay on the steady course you have been on.
