I have read several messages on the board speaking of not being able to get married because they have epilepsy. Why not?

hi there, i'm only 18 so i can't really relate to the marriage thing but i can tell you one thing. I'm just getting out of high school now. I went through high school without a boyfriend or anything and i do partially blame that on the fact that i have epilepsy. i had brain surgury in the middle of grade 10. i would not consider myself an outcast or anything, i have plenty of friends but i was very open about my epilepsy problems mainly cause i wanted to educate my fellow students. I think it scared them off. boys would wonder if i would have a seizure if they kissed me and all that stuff. so i don't know if that relates back to the marriage issues but i think alot of people are scared about epilepsy.

that's just my personal experience though

I got married at 18 to my high school sweetheart. I am now 34. I had epilepsy my whole life but was not diagnosed with it until I was 21. I thought it was normal when I was little. when I got older I was to scared to say anything. Then once when I was an adult and after my first pregnancy (I had twins) at age 19 I started to have seizures all the time. The kind where you stare and very little if any shaking. The only thing that changed my HS is the frequency. My husband and girlfriends would say they had conversations with me and tell me things and I would have no recolection of it. I thought I was loosing my mind and went to see a shrink. Luckily she had epilepsy and sent me to a neurologist who did a work up and gee. I have epilepsy. So, my husband didn't have a choice in the matter but it was very hard on our marriage. My seizures were uncontroled for all the years. I had up to 30 a day then started having grand mal. I couldn't work, drive, etc. I had the babies. I was not suppose to bath alone, much less bath the babies alone or take care of the babies alone. They were afraid I would drop them. I had another son. So I have 3 children total. The medicines are not good to take if you want to get pregnent either. So as for family life: Are you going to work? Are you going to get pregnant? If so, Are you prepared to stop taking meds and suffer seizures (which may harm the baby also)? who is going to take care of the baby and children?

When we would go out with friends to relax and play cards I would have a seizure and then I would sleep. He knows it isn't my fault but yet the stress is there and men don't always relate and deal well with illnesses. Alot of times he would act like i did it on pupose even though he knew I didn't .

I guess what I am trying to say is marriage is not impossible if you have epilepsy. You just need to make sure that your partner understands your epilepsy at its best and worst. How it could effect your marriage at its best and worst. Make sure they are willing to live with it on your terms and love you "in sickness and health"

Originally posted by Johnna:
I have read several messages on the board speaking of not being able to get married because they have epilepsy. Why not?

megster-
Thank you for your input. I agree that epilepsy scares people. My experience with co workers is very positive. They help in any way they can. They would even pick me up if I needed a ride. I didn't have epilepsy in high school, it started as an adult. Therefore I could't tell what my peers would have thought. I just know that they can be cruel!I have been married for 12 years and have a beautiful daughter. I went through the surgery in 1994. (It was not successful)It was tough on my marriage but he stayed by my side. You mentioned you had surgery. How did it go for you? I am finally (after trying so many without success) on a medication that works! I have been siezure free for over a year! And the best thing is that I can drive!I wish you the best! Johnna

Originally posted by Johnna:
I have read several messages on the board speaking of not being able to get married because they have epilepsy. Why not?

megster-
Thank you for your input. I agree that epilepsy scares people. My experience with co workers is very positive. They help in any way they can. They would even pick me up if I needed a ride. I didn't have epilepsy in high school, it started as an adult. Therefore I could't tell what my peers would have thought. I just know that they can be cruel!I have been married for 12 years and have a beautiful daughter. I went through the surgery in 1994. (It was not successful)It was tough on my marriage but he stayed by my side. You mentioned you had surgery. How did it go for you? I am finally (after trying so many without success) on a medication that works! I have been siezure free for over a year! And the best thing is that I can drive!I wish you the best! Johnna

Originally posted by Johnna:
megster-
Thank you for your input. I agree that epilepsy scares people. My experience with co workers is very positive. They help in any way they can. They would even pick me up if I needed a ride. I didn't have epilepsy in high school, it started as an adult. Therefore I could't tell what my peers would have thought. I just know that they can be cruel!I have been married for 12 years and have a beautiful daughter. I went through the surgery in 1994. (It was not successful)It was tough on my marriage but he stayed by my side. You mentioned you had surgery. How did it go for you? I am finally (after trying so many without success) on a medication that works! I have been siezure free for over a year! And the best thing is that I can drive!I wish you the best! Johnna

guys,this is tough for me to talk about.cuz i don't know how to word it right somehow but i'll try.
i have been dating a man over a year.
i love him, but we are encountering problems due to the moodswings he has from his ep meds.
he seems hot/cold,and can be very sarcastic sometimes.
can anyone elaborate either on their experience and/or opinion on this?
he's twice my age,i'm in my 30's.
i'm wondering,can the meds cause this type of problem and problems emotionally in a relationship or marriage?
Please tell me anything you can or know about the issue.
Also i'd like to speak w/someone who knows anything about male potency and sex drive/etc
relating to this condition.


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:)

I remember when I was still having seizures, I was always having problems with dating and finding a woman willing to accept my epilepsy. Immediately after I had the brain surgery in Feb. of 1998, things started to turn around and got better for me. I am now married for 4 happy months.

Originally posted by njgabbai:
I remember when I was still having seizures, I was always having problems with dating and finding a woman willing to accept my epilepsy. Immediately after I had the brain surgery in Feb. of 1998, things started to turn around and got better for me. I am now married for 4 happy months.

wut type of brain surgery?

my friend never spoke of thi

They removed the left temporal lobe and some of the hippocampus. That is where the seizures were located.

Pert:

From my experience, medications do cause moodswings, especially if you need them upped, are taking too many, or are trying out an new med. If your boyfriend is hot or cold to you, it's probably the meds. I know my husband has a really hard time understanding that my lack of energy, my moodswings have nothing to do with him and are completely normal. But you're right, living it and living with an epileptic are completely different. We're used to the moodswings and probably don't notice them as much as our partners would. And like you it has caused some problems in our marriage. I don't think he'll ever understand completely how the meds make me feel, but once he realizes that it's not me but the meds talking, everything is fine. My husband discussed this same topic with my neuro; it definitely helped him understand me better. Hang in there, it's worth it.

Originally posted by terrib:

Pert:

From my experience, medications do cause moodswings, especially if you need them upped, are taking too many, or are trying out an new med. If your boyfriend is hot or cold to you, it's probably the meds. I know my husband has a really hard time understanding that my lack of energy, my moodswings have nothing to do with him and are completely normal. But you're right, living it and living with an epileptic are completely different. We're used to the moodswings and probably don't notice them as much as our partners would. And like you it has caused some problems in our marriage. I don't think he'll ever understand completely how the meds make me feel, but once he realizes that it's not me but the meds talking, everything is fine. My husband discussed this same topic with my neuro; it definitely helped him understand me better. Hang in there, it's worth it.

thank you much .........
i will try.
he's a caring man.
i do have to ask something else.
what about genetic risk in kids?

Originally posted by pert:
guys,this is tough for me to talk about.cuz i don't know how to word it right somehow but i'll try.
i have been dating a man over a year.
i love him, but we are encountering problems due to the moodswings he has from his ep meds.
he seems hot/cold,and can be very sarcastic sometimes.
can anyone elaborate either on their experience and/or opinion on this?
he's twice my age,i'm in my 30's.
i'm wondering,can the meds cause this type of problem and problems emotionally in a relationship or marriage?
Please tell me anything you can or know about the issue.
Also i'd like to speak w/someone who knows anything about male potency and sex drive/etc
relating to this condition.


Irritability is one of the symptoms of a magnesium deficiency. What medications he is taking? You left that part out.



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Mark Yannone
mjyannone@aol.com

i do not know the medication he takes but probably would recognize it if mentioned.
i do know that he seems contrary to me at times.
i try and try to communicate.
sometimes there's even illwill on his part as far as trusting me.
its been hard for me to understand.