well im now up to ten norcos a day and i feel my body breaking down. i've quit before,cold turkey, but the memories of those withdrawels are imbedded in my head and are making my heart beat faster just thinking about going through that again. but i know i have to stop. my life is falling apart. im afraid to ask for the time off from work cuz i broke down a year ago when i told my boss i needed to take time off to detox. so now if i go to her again shes gonna wonder why i just didnt stay off em for more than a month and probably fire me. and my boyfriend doesnt know, well i think hes got an idea but im not sure. he was very supportive of me the last time i got clean. i promised him that i wouldnt go back to the pills, but i did and here i am. we are supposed to be getting married soon but when he finds out that i failed, he wont be very understanding. its like the cry wolf story. after telling people enough times that you are going to quit for good, and then dont, they tend to lose faith in you. but can you blame them? i wouldnt wanna stay with me either. i drink a bottle of pepto a day and take a zantac with every dose of norco just to keep my stomach from exploding. i get dizzy constantly. last time i quit i took xanex and somas to help me sleep. and a hot bath about every hour. i had to change the sheets every couple hours from the sweat. the only way i got through it was by praying and smoking a lot of pot. it helped to take my mind off of the imaginary bugs crawling on my skin and helped get somewhat of an appetite at least to get nutrients in me. i need help. one bummer is that in the town i live in there is only one n.a. meeting a week and i dont have insurance to get in to a rehab detox program. im looking for suggestions or advice to mentally gear up for this journey i will have to face alone. im scared out of my mind. and on top of that, i suffer from major anxiety without the addiction. im on 200 mg of zoloft a day. someone, anyone, help me have the courage and strenght to take this battle on.

Hey there. Welcome to the board. This is a good place for support. A lot of us have gone through what you are experiencing right now and can totally relate. I know the depression and guilt feelings may give you the feeling that you are alone in this. Well, you aren’t. Also, you don’t have to tell everyone about your issue. If you feel that someone could help you, it might be a good idea to confide in them. Also, your b/f might be more supportive than you think. He may/ may not understand. It might be hard for him to understand because he is not sitting in your shoes. If he loves you and wants to be married to you, then he will support and help you as much as he can. If he doesn’t, well maybe you should look at that.
As for the physical w/d. Well, you know what is going to hit you if you do this c/t. Why not get into see a dr. and get short term subutex. That was a HUGE help in my detox. Let me know your thoughts.
Also..about the meetings. Any meetings in near by towns? You could start a meeting on another day. I’m sure others would come.

Hey YP,
Welcome to the boards. Your not alone in all this. I am a recovering alcoholic and glad I choose this path. Although, I am not addicted to pills, addiction is addiction.
First, I would bet my last dollar that your soon to be husband knows that your back on the pills. Second, I bet my second to last dollar that your employer knows too. Especially since they saw you come clean the first time, saw how you acted with new behaviors and then slip back to the old ones.
I think you SHOULD tell your fiance that your needing help again. I also think that you should tell your employer too. Needing and wanting help should not be a secret that you carry around yourself. You said yourself that your life is falling apart. Its time now to try to pick up those pieces that are falling. I think as addicts we project the outcome of everything. "She will fire me". "Maybe he wont want to marry me". If you want this, you need all the help you can get. I know I was suprised when I came clean to those that loved and care for me.
I would suggest Al Anon for your fiance. Even online research for him may help.
As far as the meetings, I would suggest you go to the one in town and then look for others in your surrounding area. You need to be around people that have long term sobriety. Starting your own new meeting is a lot of work. Heck, in some meetings you have to be sober for a few months before you can even chair a meeting. Anyway, I am rambling here.

I wish you the best, keep posting. At the very least the seed is planted and you have made the first step.

Your Friend,
Marilyn:wave:

Hey there. I have to disagree. Just some food for thought. You can have 1 minute clean and start a meeting. When 2 addicts/alcoholics are talking, you have a meeting. You only need 2!! You can even pick up the phone and call another addict and you are having a meeting.
Did they pass around some literature and have others put their phone numbers on the list? If you can only go to that 1 meeting each week, then call lets say 3 people on the list every day. Better yet, go down the list an call all of them.
I know its hard....When I got my list, I looked at that thing and there was NO WAY that I was going to call anyone. It was my loss really.

I only gave suggestions to YP that I learned from my sponsor. When we are young in sobriety, (like me :p ) its important to stay in the middle of the herd. Meaning, If I fall down, someone with long term sobriety is in front, back and has my sides to pick me back up. One example she uses was; What if you were to start a meeting, your the only one there and a person with no sobriety shows up? If were both unstable, could/would we talk eachother into a drink or drug?. I dont want to go there. Thats all I was meaning. But yeah, 2 people make a meeting in a sence. I just wouldnt suggest or reccomend a newbie (like myself) starting a new meeting.
The phone number thing is a great idea. It was really hard for me to pick up that list (s) and let my fingers do the walking. I figured, who the heck am I to think I am beyond calling another alcoholic? I needed help! I am sooo glad I did. They are caring people that are in the same boat as me. No hiding nothing. I now have lots of friends that care about me. When I call them now, there not "cold calls" anymore. I'm lucky in that regard. I'd also like to say what ever works, simply works.

Your Friend,
Marilyn:wave:

Edited to say, Its ok to agree to disagree!!

Edited again to apologise to YP for hyjacking the thread of sorts. I will be praying for you! Or, like they said in the Wizard of OZ; "Pay no attention to the man behind the courtain (me).

Ha ha. I just realized that maybe cause of part of your name "Yellow" and your thread topic "On that road again" made my mind some how subconciousley think about the movie The Wizard of OZ. Yellow brick road. I gotta love my twisted mind.



Your Friend,
Marilyn:wave:

Hey Marilyn, You crack me up. I hope you are able to see some humor in this also yellow. I just think that having a meeting is better than no meeting. Just my thought. I try to look on the positive and would believe that another person trying to quit would be able to relate to me. If you were to suggest or call another meeting on lets say.....every tuesday...I'm sure there would be at least 1 person show up with some good clean time. You are right about "what ever works". Hang in there yellow!!

This is just a thought not sure if even allowed. But what if we have a meeting here? Tell everyone one a time and date and we all can be on share stories and help each other. Just a thought. Kim

this suboxene stuff your talking about, can you get it from your primary doctor? cuz thats the only dr. i have. i was taking methadone to try and ween off the norco but then i found myself taking too much of that. i didnt have to go to a clinic to get the methadone so i could take as much as i want. and my personality is i dont do anything in moderation. its all or nothing. before i started taking oxycodone and norco i'de never had a pill in my life. didnt know what they were. i drank like a fish. my brother passed away a few years ago and thats when it all started for me. i drank a fifth of vodka a day plus a twelve pack, cocaine. then i quit drinking cold turkey and jumped right on to pills. traded one vice for another.

this suboxene stuff your talking about, can you get it from your primary doctor? cuz thats the only dr. i have. i was taking methadone to try and ween off the norco but then i found myself taking too much of that. i didnt have to go to a clinic to get the methadone so i could take as much as i want. and my personality is i dont do anything in moderation. its all or nothing. before i started taking oxycodone and norco i'de never had a pill in my life. didnt know what they were. i drank like a fish. my brother passed away a few years ago and thats when it all started for me. i drank a fifth of vodka a day plus a twelve pack, cocaine. then i quit drinking cold turkey and jumped right on to pills. traded one vice for another.
Hey YPer,
I have no idea about the sub cause I am an alchoholic. If I were into pills and wanted to get clean I would research it. Your in luck though, cause there are a lot of others here that are educated on this question. What I can tell you is to stay very far away from the drink. Its not even the lesser of two evils.

In order for a DR to be able to prescribe Sub he needs to be trained on it and take an 8 hour coarse. you can learn about that by going to there web site so its pretty doubtful that your Primary care Dr will be able to prescribe it to you. If you visit there site you will be able to get a list of Docs in your area that can prescribe it for you. It might be a good choice for you but coming off it is BIG TIME difficult unless you do a 3 week program on it, and a fast taper. if you use it for a long period of time its hard to come off of.

Did your primary care Doc give you the methadone? Just curious as Its not real common for a doc to just give out Methadone like that.


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