Well i dont ever talk about this but since i put my famly through hell since this has happened i guess its time now. I met my husband in highschool and we married when i was in 11th grade and he was in the military he was 2 years ahead of me. We married in may 2004. In july he deployed after being the the reserves for only a few months. He died on his way to iraq which i never thought would in a million years happen to me i am not good at dealing with this kind of things. Ever since then i have been falling apart and making the wrong decisions. I dont know what to do

I don't know how much help I can give you but what I can tell you is that you are still young. Losing your husband is a horrible thing but I don't think he would want you to suffer the way you are now. You have to take the time you had with him and remeber all the good that came out of that so when the bad times hit you have something to hold on to. When my 12 year old son died in our house fire I truely wanted to crawl in a hole and there are still days that I do especially around Christmas, but I remember what he brought to our family and the good times we had with him and it helps. Your husband was doing something that he thought was right and that should make you proud. Just don't be to hard on yourself because no one is expected to bounce back after losing a spouse and you are still young which means your not making mistakes you are finding your way after a horrible tragedy and you have that right.