Hi all,

I have pretty severe health anxiety. Rightfully so... I was diagnosed
with high blood pressure when I was 19, and thereafter, saw
Cardiologists, Nephrologists, Neurologists, and specialist after
specialist while my college buddies were out partying.

I've always had sweaty hands and an irritable stomach. I am a somewhat
anxious person, but always happy. Never ever really sad. Sometimes
just frustrated by my increased pulse and increased blood pressure.

As far as medical tests go, I have a slight thickening of my heart at
23. My walls are 1.1 and 1.3, and they should be 1.1 or less.

My doctor told me I have severe health anxiety and put me on lexapro.
The second I started taking it, within 5 hours I noticed decreased
sweating and a more "relaxed" feeling. At the same time, my blood
pressure dropped slightly overall. However, I don't feel myself on it.
I feel medicated: I THRIVE off of the fact that I can make myself happy
just by listening to music, or playing the piano, or dancing. I
exercise a lot, and exercising actually makes me 10 times better anxiety
wise.

This medicine is making me drowsy, slightly dizzy, and not feeling like
myself: there are no ups or downs. The music doesn't make me extra
happy like it used to, but it doesn't make me sad. I just feel like
"blah". I also can't have any kind of sexual activity of ANY kind in
the slightest.. I'm completely dead in that zone.

Since I don't have depression (no where NEAR and my doctor knows this),
I'm considering not taking lexapro anymore. I'm seeing a
psychologist for the health anxiety, and I am moving out of my parents'
house next week, which my doctor thinks is at least 50% of my health
anxiety (my mom is a wreck and INCREDIBLY INCREDIBLY anxious of a
person).

I want to be able to have sex, and I want to be able to feel myself.
Granted, I am still losing weight (down to 220 from 270) and I am 5'
9", so I am well over my desired "body weight". I am a big guy bone
wise, but I do have a lot of extra fat on me, which I think is part of
the reason I have a fast pulse all the time and slightly high blood
pressure.I do get panic attacks though. When I'm doing things, like
meeting up with women on a first date, I get really nervous and my
pulse can jumpto 120-130 just while driving there. I think this is what
my doctor was mainly trying to control with the lexapro.

I like who I am. I like that I was always a bit "anxious". I like that I am type A and always feel like i need to be everywhere at any time. I didn't like the fast pulse that I got. But I have severe paranoia about "altering" a person --- I don't want to take lexapro for weeks or months, then try to come off of it, realize I can't, and then be dependent on a drug for the rest of my life. The only reason I am on BP medicine is because I hope, once I lose this last bit of weight, I will be much better and can come off of them.

Any comments or suggestions? I originally wanted to try the lexapro
for 6 weeks or so, which would give me time to move, give me six
sessions with my psychologist, and see how I feel, but I'm afraid of
being dependent on medication and I really don't like how I am on this
medicine: I'm not happy, and I'm not myself. It almost makes me
depressed!

-Matt