Apologies in advance for the length of this message, but I tend to go on a little bit.

I’m a 27 year-old guy who will be getting married this summer to my girlfriend of three years. We love each other very much, and are very happy.

With the exception of when I was in college, I’ve always lived at home. She, on the other hand always lived with a roommate until a year ago, and has since moved back home to save money for the wedding. I contribute (nominally to my parents), but the idea of spending money on rent it terrifying!

$1,110 broker fee, plus first and last month’s rent and a security deposit totals $4440. While we will be able to do it, it will leave me rather strapped for cash without tapping the wedding savings (which I don’t want to do).

I haven’t been able to sleep in 2 weeks, don’t eat much, have racing heart beats, cold sweats, crying fits and the other night had convulsions.

I talked to my girl friend and she said it’s normal to feel this way, and it’s not the fear of moving in together so much as it’s the fear of the unknown. I’ll be moving from the security of the only home I’ve ever known, and need to make it on my own.

I really let my emotions get the best of me, and the idea of spending all the money ($4,440), plus furniture, etc. has me panicked.

Does anyone think I’m crazy, or is this normal? Will I get over it eventually or am I always going to be thinking like this even after we get the apartment? I think once everything is said and done I’ll be a little more settled and calm, but for time being I really don’t know how to control myself – I’m outright petrified.

I know I need to move out of my parent’s house soon – especially with the wedding right around the corner.

Any help, guidance, word of wisdom anyone could share would be sincerely appreciated.

Good things to come man. I have been involved in a live in relationship with my gf for the past two years (24) and have honestly enjoyed every moment, although disagreements can get instense sometimes. I feel you on the rent, your place is pretty expensive- maybe something a little cheaper would lessen the stress a bit?

Yes, I can understand your concerns and anxiety. You are talking about big changes in your life. I think this is what is scaring you. I've been through many changes (I'm almost 57 now!) in my life and know I don't cope well with changes. But think of it this way - do you want to live with your parents forever? Don't you really want to marry this girl and have your own life together? The money is a scary thing, I know, but you will spend a LOT more moeny than this in the years to come. The money is not really a big dealin the grand scheme of things. Think of all the stuff that wil be changing as exciting and an adventure. It really will be cool and fun! Many many people do this sort if thing and are fine with it. You WILL be ok! And even if you are scared and there is hgih anxiety, this WILL get better. The main thing to do is to be objective and make sure you are doing what you really want to do. You really will calm down about the money thing. You will get into a routine and things will be ok. As long as you two have looked at a budget, figured out the income and outgo and it's a balanced thing, then you will be ok. Keep talking to your friends about it, your fiance, and us here. we'll all get you through it. Be open and don't feel stupid about saying anything you want to. We all understand anxiety and will be glad to help. Hang in there.

Tom

Setting up a household is an expensive thing, but there will be wedding gifts, cash from gifts, all this will help. The thing is you are marrying your life partner and together you can get thru this. It is a little scary moving out of the only home you have ever known, but take confidence from your g.f., who has been on her own for a while, even tho she moved back home to save money (smart girl). And she is right- it is normal to feel this way. It will all come together - it is a life-changing experience, but a good experience. Best of luck to you.

Thank you all very much for your advice and feedback, I don’t think you can understand how much it’s appreciated.

The whole process is scary, coupled with the shortness of breath, lack of sleep, constant worrying and pains I’m gradually starting to get better.

Is it really normal to feel this way though? I mean, I definitely want to move out of my parents’ house but I feel like a freak for feeling this way. So many thousands of people do this everyday, with far less means available to them.

I was Christmas shopping today and I’m looking at all these people wondering how the heck they make it in life? Truly a wild thought…

I guess if everyone else (literally) can get through this with no problem, so can I – just not sure why I’m so panicked by the prospect of this whole thing. I know I should be happy because this is such a great thing, but my emotions get the better of me, and I tend to think way too much.

It's a big step in your life, for one thing. But to be happy in love, knowing you are marrying the person you want to spend your life with, is a big support system. You and she together will make the life you are entitled to - happy and secure, and it will happen. When you look around at other people, you don't really know how they feel. No one knows what goes on in strangers' lives - they could be way worse off than you, but life goes on. And yours will too - a happier one than you are having now. You're just afraid to let go of your security blanket. Marriage with the right person is a new security blanket - you will love your new life. All the best to you, coming from one who has been married a very, very long time.

Also, take a good look at your parents. They started out much like you, no doubt, with little savings. You work and you build - they made a good life for you, and you will make one for your family. Some guys never find their one true love - you are a lucky man.

My advice would be to just try to do one thing at a time, make lists of what's most important. Breathe in deep through your nose for 2-3 seconds and out of your mouth for about 4-5 seconds. Talking to someone always helps me when I get overwhelmed, find someone that will just let you vent all of your feelings even if you think it sounds stupid. I had to quit caffiene and sugar to help calm me down, maybe you should try that and see if it helps. By the way, you aren't crazy. When I was planning my wedding a had quite a few breakdowns, crying or yelling and everything in between. On my wedding day I was so nervous my legs were shaking and I was standing up there doing my breathing, I don't remember hardly anything from it. I got through it though without going crazy. I hear you about seeing other people wishing you could get through things as easily as them but like the other poster said, you can never know what they are going through. Just know you aren't alone in how you feel, you have so much going on right now that's it's so understanable that you feel this way. Maybe you should try taking a couple of days of from making wedding plans, don't think about anything else, just relax and clear your head and then when you go back to everything you should be able to handle it a little better. Hope this helps.:wave:

Hi Rugger,

You are not a freak at all. Millions of people have anxiety issues and live 'normal' lives. Teachers, doctors, grocery clerks, we are everywhere. Read up on it, talk to your doctor. You will get through this.

Good luck,
EA777