My 14 yr old son is failing 3 classes in 9th grade. He has always struggled in school. In elementary it was mainly behavioral, talking disrupting etc. but good grades. Of course, his teachers and us were constantly on top of his work! Got As and Bs...

Middle school was a nitemare. He would get at least 2 Ds each semester. Due to the fact he could make up work he managed to salvage his grades.


We tried everything. He went to 2 therapists, 2 psychologists, 2 psychiatrists.
All we got out of them was that he was very Oppositional! Well I know that!
He has never done what I asked of him the first time without a debate! Never!

The one psychiatrist said he Might have a Little Add , but put him on Straterra for 3mos for the oppositional behavior. Ritalin didnt work.
His grades were better this quarter up to when he knew he was passing everything. He was to get a big reward. Once he knew it was his, the grades went right back down and he was still taking Straterra!!!


Anyway, we have tried rewards- these usually result in him thinking he can do anything he wants and it gets worse. As a result, the last 10 yrs have been mostly removing priveleges from him. I guess it works for a while. He managed to earn them back last semester.

Sorry this is so long. Just to let you know, I dont feel we ask a lot! C's at school! He is smart, but thats OK.

My son is now very angry, blames his Dad because Dad is much better at disciplining and follow thru than I am. Christmas is a disaster AGAIN! 3 Fs and Dad told him no computer, no x box, no gifts other than clothes you need. Anyway, it breaks my heart, but what can we do. He is manipulative, lies, cant be trusted. Few friends. We just moved and my husbands is in poor health, we both are older and just retired. Anyway, any feedback would be appreciated.

[B]Hi, I have a child w/ ADHD, I can relate to how you feel somewhat. Also, I am in RN school and we just went over Oppositional Defiant Disorder:here is the definition:
Recurrent pattern of negativistic, disobedient, hostile, defiant behavior toward authority figures without serious violations of the basic rights of others. Child is stubborn, argumentative, defiant, vindictive, resentful, tests limits, is unwilling to give in, loses temper frequently, refuses to accept blame and blames others, and deliberately annoys others.

The main intervention that was noted to do for your son was outpatient Therapy, also, family therapy,(and I read you have tried this) it seems with this disorder, the child feels as if they are being asked or told to do something that is unreasonable to them. Also, focusing more on correcting his ego developemnt, behavioral therapy, also teaching him problem solving, conflict resolution, empathy, and social interaction skills.

Another thing we are taught is don't say Why?, that is a automatic word for them to get on the defense, ask him how he feels about things and leave it open, tell him it must be frustrating to feel angry and upset so much. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help. Have him write in a journal, or if he does not want to talk to you about a situation or anything, ask him if he will write you a letter, and answer him in a letter. It is non-confrontational.

Also, I read about what you said on the rewards, it states that daily rewards was better than at the end of week and so on. Not necessarily money or large items, but, if your son has a good day at school and completes his work, or just at home has a good day with no outbursts or excessive bad behavior, then say lets go get a movie or whatnot? Just you and him or your husband and him get in the car and drive. These are only suggestions I am not a Doc. However, I am specializing in Psychology, I am working on a minor in it right now.

By the way, my sisters daughter is similar to your son, very defiant, very hi IQ, she can paint, draw, write poems,direct plays, she wins tons of awards, she also has depression & ADD. She is now 16 is driving and has a job, it has helped, she has grown out of a lot of the behavior, however, she does still say awful things to her mother and they still have disagreements, whether that is the ODD or just teenager, who knows.

One thing that has helped her is to be in extra curricular activities, find out what he is interested in and get him into it, drawing classes, hobbies, sports anything that is a proven help without drugs or jail. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, if I can answer any questions I will be glad to post. Good luck.

Thanks for the info. My son is in marching band at the high school and does really well, we also have him taking industrial tech. since he is excellent with his hands. He enjoys this also. I guess it is just so hard because it causes a lot of friction between my husband and myself and my son plays us against each other.

I have ADD and i failed my entire 9th grade year last year, but all the medicine really does is make it possible for the patient to pay attention, what it sounds like is your son is able to but for some reason doesn't have the motivation...I failed 10/12 classes (overall) and the only 2 i passed were both semesters of P.E. but now i have an A or a B in every class i'm in...what really got me was that my entire family knew i could do it and so did i but i didn't know what reason there was to why i couldn't do it until i was diagnosed with ADD, at that point i never wanted anyone to be disappointed in me again, nor did i want to be disappointed in myself...what your describing, it wouldn't seem like it's a matter of lack of attention, but a matter of lack of motivation, which i know thats supposed to be the big reward for good grades, but for some teens it can actually be a better motivater to just hear their parents saying how good their doing and that their proud of you for giving it your best.

Have you had psycho-eduational testing performed on your son? That testing looks for learning disabilities, intelligence testing, etc.

You might want to look into it, sometimes a learning disability masks itself in various ways.

OC9