wholegrain
12-12-2006, 05:28 AM
I have extreme issues with taking drugs- usually any type of drug I try makes my anxiety and panic a million times worse, just because I can't handle feeling any different than "normal". Also before I developed really bad anxiety, I didn't believe in putting a lot of synthetic chemicals in my body, and I still don't.
That said, I have tried alternative methods like cognitive behavior therapy and it worked great, but I just couldn't stick with it. This is a strong pattern in my life. I always quit anything after a few months or years- be it school, a job, a music project, a life goal. It doesn't happen consciously, I don't wake up one morning and say "I don't want to do this anymore". It's more like I wake up one morning and realize I'm not doing it anymore and haven't done it in a long time, and I have no idea how I got to this point.
CBT taught me that it is my *decision* to quit whether or not I realize it and that the only way I can change is to CHOOSE not to quit. But here I am having quit CBT and I can't really pinpoint how or why I did it! I certainly didn't want to quit and I'd like to go back but it seems futile to just keep starting and stopping everything all over again. I feel like I can't even have a goal or aspiration because I'm just going to change my mind again in a month.
Does anyone have any advice?
That said, I have tried alternative methods like cognitive behavior therapy and it worked great, but I just couldn't stick with it. This is a strong pattern in my life. I always quit anything after a few months or years- be it school, a job, a music project, a life goal. It doesn't happen consciously, I don't wake up one morning and say "I don't want to do this anymore". It's more like I wake up one morning and realize I'm not doing it anymore and haven't done it in a long time, and I have no idea how I got to this point.
CBT taught me that it is my *decision* to quit whether or not I realize it and that the only way I can change is to CHOOSE not to quit. But here I am having quit CBT and I can't really pinpoint how or why I did it! I certainly didn't want to quit and I'd like to go back but it seems futile to just keep starting and stopping everything all over again. I feel like I can't even have a goal or aspiration because I'm just going to change my mind again in a month.
Does anyone have any advice?
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rbecca
12-12-2006, 10:34 AM
Hello,
I'm the last person to give advise regarding quitting things but I can totaly relate:dizzy:
I do have one thing to say and it is that I too also despised taking anything for my anxiety, or anything else for that matter. I would have a headache and not even take Tylenol- I hate pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However,after I finally started to seak some sort of treatment for the anxiety(including CBT) I was given a script for Ativan. I didn't fill it for a while,and then one day I was so miserable that I asked a friend to go get it for me because I couldn't eat, sleep,get my kids ready for school or even leave my bedroom,let alone the house. I took the little white pill and I can't begin to tell you how much better I felt, and quickly too:) It's your body, and if you don't want to take anything then that is that,but I just thought I'd share the fact that I felt the same way you do about pills and as annoying as it is,sometimes we do need some help. I'm the person who seems to always get the worst side effect possible and always nausea- YUCK,this one didn't make me sick at all!! Not everything works for everyone, but maybe you can give it some thought. This board is great but I hate to see that there are so many of us still suffering to the point where daily activities can't even be done.
Good luck,becca
I'm the last person to give advise regarding quitting things but I can totaly relate:dizzy:
I do have one thing to say and it is that I too also despised taking anything for my anxiety, or anything else for that matter. I would have a headache and not even take Tylenol- I hate pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However,after I finally started to seak some sort of treatment for the anxiety(including CBT) I was given a script for Ativan. I didn't fill it for a while,and then one day I was so miserable that I asked a friend to go get it for me because I couldn't eat, sleep,get my kids ready for school or even leave my bedroom,let alone the house. I took the little white pill and I can't begin to tell you how much better I felt, and quickly too:) It's your body, and if you don't want to take anything then that is that,but I just thought I'd share the fact that I felt the same way you do about pills and as annoying as it is,sometimes we do need some help. I'm the person who seems to always get the worst side effect possible and always nausea- YUCK,this one didn't make me sick at all!! Not everything works for everyone, but maybe you can give it some thought. This board is great but I hate to see that there are so many of us still suffering to the point where daily activities can't even be done.
Good luck,becca
wholegrain
12-15-2006, 03:22 PM
Thanks. With me, it's not that pills are annoying. I have an actual phobia of them. The last time I tried to take a Benadryl I ended up in the emergency room. When I feel different than normal, it's like the biggest panic attack trigger EVER. I start thinking, "What's wrong with me, why do I feel this way? What if I overdosed? What if I'm allergic to this? What if something is really wrong with my body and I won't be able to tell because of the medicine?" Then since my mental state is altered from the medication, it's all that much harder for me to control my panic attack and I end up fighting it for hours, usually going to the hospital.
I know I could conquer the phobia through therapy, but that's just it- I can't stick with any therapy. :(
I know I could conquer the phobia through therapy, but that's just it- I can't stick with any therapy. :(
ChronicallyFatigued
12-15-2006, 04:05 PM
Wholegrain, I wanted to suggest a couple of things to you. First, about your problem with taking medicines, could it be possible that what your experiencing is an actual adverse reaction rather than just being afraid of feeling different? What I mean is, perhaps you are having an overtly strong reaction to the drugs and that is what is making you panic. The reason I ask is because I have severe medication intolerances and when I take antidepressants, I also feel extremely anxious and panicked for several days following only 1 pill.
Second, about your inability to stick with things like CBT, perhaps you have some sort of underlying, undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. I think what may be happening is that you lose interest rather quickly because you cannot keep your attention on it long enough.
Just curious what you think about these ideas.
Second, about your inability to stick with things like CBT, perhaps you have some sort of underlying, undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. I think what may be happening is that you lose interest rather quickly because you cannot keep your attention on it long enough.
Just curious what you think about these ideas.
firenice
12-15-2006, 09:57 PM
Consider this....
There is a part of you that wants to pursue CBT (or anything else) and then there is a part of you that does not. There is conflict. When there is no conflict, decision and follow through is easy. For example, take a person who says they want to stop smoking - but they can't (or won't). There is a part of them that actually wants to smoke and a part of them that actually does not. The key is to find out the positive needs for smoking and then try to meet those needs some other way. For example, perhaps a person smokes as a need for "protection" or "relaxation" then the trick is to find alternative ways to feel protected or relaxed. If you are having difficulty staying with anything (or anyone) you have to find out what needs are being met by not continuing, determine whether or not they are legitimate needs and then see if you can satisfy those needs in other ways, besides not following through with therapy. If, for example, you have a need to be in control and may believe that therapy will take that control away, then you would naturally avoid therapy. But, if you could find ways to maintain your control or prove to yourself that you don't lose it with therapy, then there would no longer be any motivation to avoid it. Just something to consider...
There is a part of you that wants to pursue CBT (or anything else) and then there is a part of you that does not. There is conflict. When there is no conflict, decision and follow through is easy. For example, take a person who says they want to stop smoking - but they can't (or won't). There is a part of them that actually wants to smoke and a part of them that actually does not. The key is to find out the positive needs for smoking and then try to meet those needs some other way. For example, perhaps a person smokes as a need for "protection" or "relaxation" then the trick is to find alternative ways to feel protected or relaxed. If you are having difficulty staying with anything (or anyone) you have to find out what needs are being met by not continuing, determine whether or not they are legitimate needs and then see if you can satisfy those needs in other ways, besides not following through with therapy. If, for example, you have a need to be in control and may believe that therapy will take that control away, then you would naturally avoid therapy. But, if you could find ways to maintain your control or prove to yourself that you don't lose it with therapy, then there would no longer be any motivation to avoid it. Just something to consider...
wholegrain
12-17-2006, 12:42 AM
Lamotta77- Actually, when I told her about this problem, my therapist told me that in some people, medications have the exact opposite effect of what they're supposed to...that this is somewhat common. I also think your theory about having an overly intense reaction is very likely. I have an *extreme* sensitivity to mind-altering substances. It takes about 2 drinks to get me completely wasted, and I can take literally one drop of Nyquil and my fingers and toes go numb. How you described feeling is identical to how I feel sometimes too. I'll start a new medication and after just one or two pills I am out of control, even though the doctor says it'll take 3 weeks before I can feel anything at all. So maybe you're right about that.
Do you have anxiety? If so, how do you treat it? Are you intolerant of just some medications or all?
Concerning ADD- actually, I have been diagnosed with it. But when I started seeing a therapist, she disagreed with that diagnosis. She thought the "ADD" symptoms were really just depression and anxiety symptoms in disguise. She said that I am capable of paying attention and succeeding, I just choose not to because I am invested in my depression and panic disorder. Maybe she was wrong, because here I am having dropped out of her therapy months later. :(
Hmmm Kenwae, very interesting point. My therapist is really big on how I am "invested" in my problems. I agree with her somewhat. It is really uncomfortable for me to be happy or positive- maybe there's some kind of subconscious reason why I don't want to get better.
Thank you sincerely everyone for your responses. They are extremely helpful and have given me a lot to think about.
Do you have anxiety? If so, how do you treat it? Are you intolerant of just some medications or all?
Concerning ADD- actually, I have been diagnosed with it. But when I started seeing a therapist, she disagreed with that diagnosis. She thought the "ADD" symptoms were really just depression and anxiety symptoms in disguise. She said that I am capable of paying attention and succeeding, I just choose not to because I am invested in my depression and panic disorder. Maybe she was wrong, because here I am having dropped out of her therapy months later. :(
Hmmm Kenwae, very interesting point. My therapist is really big on how I am "invested" in my problems. I agree with her somewhat. It is really uncomfortable for me to be happy or positive- maybe there's some kind of subconscious reason why I don't want to get better.
Thank you sincerely everyone for your responses. They are extremely helpful and have given me a lot to think about.