i want to have a pity party, just for a few minutes. my personaity- happy, find good things in life, but the constant pain. i try so hard. its been so hard. i was fine one day, then i woke up one morning- major menigites, spent time in the hospital. and each day its a struggle. - I was the smiling idiot- no pun, for months dealing with menigietes, then to have them turn into grandmal seizures. for one day I just want to me be again. for one day- not to have to suffer from severe headaches, eyes blurring, brain not cooperating and my comprehension. my husband tells me i listen to the same cd over and over- because i forget that i listned to it already. today is valentines day, my husband deserves the moon. I still go out in public, but since my grandmals seem to be coming on , once a week or so. if it happens in public, they call 911, i get so irritated being in the hospital!!! i dont want this anymore: (

Hi - my heart goes out to you - how difficult it is not to see light at the end of your tunnel....this is what I have to offer you.....surround yourself with positive people, your hubby's love and dig deep inside yourself for more strength - it is there - this I promise..............all the best in love in life......Paula

Viola Rose

I have felt the pain you have, and as is mentioned in the post you must do only a couple things..First..keep that hubby close, if he deserves the moon, he will stay there. I personally do not bother with the 911 thing anymore, I just flop around until I stop...I then get up, regardless of the pain, make a joke, and continue on..I have managed to lower my recoup time down to only a few hours, where supposedly I should be knocked out for a day...I refuse to let it..I do not wnat it anymore, but frankly I would rather be living..so I accept it...biten touge and all....believe it or not things will get better. It turns more into coping skills that anything else...Get that depression the heck out of their..heck a grand mal, is just our way of break dancing..Some people hold grudges, I prefer to dance, and if it is on the floor so be it...

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Bilbostuff
Rock on..