Hi guys,

I am caring for a baby girl that is 17 months old. I got her on Dec 4th. She arrived to me with dirty matted hair, yeast infection, Stinky, malnerished, and black and blue from head to toe. She is doing well adjusting to her new home but we are having some troubles. She is not sleeping well at night. She wakes up crying Oweee. At first she wouldn't let me touch her at all at night when she woke up like this. After the first few nights I could talk to her and comfort her till she was awake enough to realize it was me. She's Getting better at letting me comfort her when she awakes like this.

I rub her head and her back and talk to her till she reaches for me. I also have soothing songs on cd that I play for her at night. Tonight she's having a bad night. She hasn't slept more than 1/2 hour at a time. She's letting me caress her and seems comforted when she hears my voice but she can't seem to stay asleep. Has anyone here delt with this situation before? If so what advise can you offer that may help her?

Sorry, I can't offer much in the way of help. But I would like to say thank you for protecting a child and improving her life. We (as a society) owe you a debt of gratitude. Good luck!

I agree with Yellowrose. Thank-you for helping. My heart aches to hear of things like that.

A suggestion about sleeping - would it help if you took her to bed fully awake. Talk to her, tell her she can sleep with you, and that no one can touch her but you, and that when she wakes up it will be you who is there for her? She may be having a hard time being comforted at night because of a delay in some type of devlopment, like object permanence? She may forget you exist - out of sight out of mind. If she falls asleep with you she may be more easily comforted.

that makes me sick that people can abuse a child..there was a guy a few hrs from here who got arrested for child abuse..she was only 6 wks old and he smashed her head off a sink and table, shocked her several times with some type of gun and bent her leg back over her head until it broke..he admitted to abusing her since she was born..it made me sick to my stomach..i cried when i heard it on the news...its disgusting how people can do that....may i ask are you adopting this child or taking care of her temporarily?!..i agree with the above poster to ask her if she wants to sleep with you..shes probably scared of people if she is used to be being abused..thats all shes ever known obviously and it probably will take a bit of time for her to trust anyone..just keep on comforting her in anyway you can and be gentle and let her know you are not going to hurt her..if you are keeping her for a while, and she has a room there, maybe decorate it with comforting things and stuffed animals and make her feel safe and comfortable...ive never been in a situation like this so im not sure what advice to offer you...i would say just keep comforting her and give her a little bit of time to earn the trust...good luck to you!

The guy that Sara20 is talking about lives only 20 min from me I dont know how someone can take a baby that small and abuse it I admit everyone gets frustrated from lack of sleep with a newborn and when you cant comfort them but how you can hurt them is beyone me.. I agree with north trying sleeping with her until she gets use to her surroundings maybe she just needs to be cuddled and loved until she gets into your pattern that your not going to hurt her anymore.

wow reading you story brought tears to my eyes. I have a 19 month dd and I work with children from abused home's and just cant understand how people can do such horrible, horrible things to children. EVERY CHILD is just so amazing and wonderful. You are an amazing person and doing a great job.
For the sleeping it may take some time but keep doing what you are doing, give lots of love and attention.
The most important thing for them is security. Like the other post you can try to put her in your bed. Put soft music, sing to her, rub her head, when my daughter would not stop crying I sometimes would give her a bath. the most impotant thing is just being there for her witch you are doing an awesome job. If you have any question feel free to ask.

God Bless YOU!!

Are you fostering her? I too have been a foster parent and this type of behavior in an abused and/or neglected child is normal because they have learned not to trust anyone in their world. I cannot imagine how anyone can abuse a child like this. It is SICK! If sleeping with you works, go for it. Will she let you rock her? That may be comforting too. Does she have any type of blankie or stuffed toy she can use for a lovie? How about one of your unlaundered shirts? That might help. Do you use a nightlight? I don't remember if you mentioned that in your post. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job teaching her how to trust again. You have a long road ahead of you because it takes time, but just continue to be consistant in comforting her in whatever way seems to work best for her and she will eventually come around and learn to sleep without fear.

Nancy

Thank you guys so much for the words of encouragment. She does have a baby doll, a warm soft wubby(blanket) and night lights. I am afraid to sleep with her in the bed with me because she is so restless she tosses and turns. I dont want her getting hurt any more than she already is.

To answer a few of your questions...

Yes we are in the process of adopting her. We have guardianship of her right now. CPS has orders for no contact with the abusers etc.

She will let me rock her to sleep. I hold her for awhile then put her back to bed. She wakes right back up after 1/2 to 1 hour.

She is getting better in many areas every day. It's great to see her changing. I am really starting to think that the majority of the abuse was going on during the night.

For the foster mom...

How long does it take till they stop hitting themselves? She pulls her hair, hits herself in the head, bites herself, and pokes at her eyes when she's cranky. Mostly when she tired. It's heartbreaking.

It really is disturbing to think that people can do this to a little one. She's such a cute, loving little girl. Shes very smart. And gosh the way those big pretty eyes look up at you just make me melt.

It sounds like you are right about her abuse during the night. She is afraid to go to sleep and I think that is probably why she is hitting herself and poking herself in the eyes when she is tired. It sounds like something that is just going to take time as she continues to learn to trust you and it does sound like you are definately moving in the right direction. I cannot give you advise based on experience though because every child we ever fostered was with us due to drug abuse in the home, neglect and/or abandonment in the case of our adopted daughter. I know it must break your heart to think about the things that happened to your little one before she came to live with you. I am glad to hear that her abusers are allowed no contact with her. Keep me posted on the adoption. Adoption is near and dear to my heart. Our AD is one of the greatest blessings in all of our lives!

Nancy

Will do. The "Mother" is signing the placement docs. on Tuesday evening. Then it's full speed ahead. I am so excited. We already did the fingerprints and Physicals. I also have all the court documents ready to take to the clerk.

It's 10:30 right now baby went to bed at 8:30 and hasn't woke up yet. We played for a good hour before bed time(just her and I). I put her in her bed(playpen) which is at the foot of our bed so she knows we are close, then I layed on my bed and we played together. She used to be very violent with her babys. When she was I would take the baby doll and hold it and rock it and sing to it, then I would kiss the doll on the head and say no hurt baby, Love Baby. Now she mocks me and will rock her baby and kiss it. It's so cute. I also taught her to play with the baby by holding its hands and walking the baby gently instead of throwing it, so she grabs its little arm now bounces the baby and says cauck cauck cauck. We took turns playing with the doll for awhile then she held my hand and played with my fingers for awhile. Then we played tickle games and she was laughing so hard it made me laugh. So cute!
I then rubbed her little back and told her it's night night time and mommies right here, and Mommies not gonna let anything happen to her. She fell asleep and hasn't woke up yet.

She's so darn cute. She's really starting to get attached to me now and it feels great. I love her so much!

I try not to think about what she went through, it's hard not to, but even harder to spend quality time with her with those thoughts running through my head. Dh and I set alone time aside to disscuss those things so I can deal with that without it affecting her. Now that most of her bruises are gone it is easier to deal with.

Anyhow I better get to bed now. Thanks for listening everyone. It does help.

Hi
So very happy she is doing so good. I am so happy to hear that the parents have no rights at all, and she is now happy and safe the hardest thing of my job is to actually come face to face with the parents (it makes me sick to my stomach) enough with that.
Enjoy and cherish every happy day with your dd, some days might be tough but the greatest reward is to actually see how much progress they do.
Keep up the good work and keep us posted!

I've got tears in my eyes from reading this story. I'm looking at my 6 month old now and couldn't imagine causing her any harm. She is my life and my joy. God bless you for taking that precious little girl in and keeping her safe. Best of luck to you!

god bless you and your new daughter mommy. wishing you the very best christmas and new year.

i truely believe some people should never be parents to spare children the abuse they suffer. thankfully the world has wonderful people like you. you and your daughter already have the greatest crimbo gift - each other to love:)

what a beautiful post to read.... you must be so proud of yourself and for her to be growing with trust and confidence.
Its people like you that make the world a little better.
you are both very lucky to have found each other..

wishing you the perfect christmas and a joyfull 2007.

hugs to both of you

rebel x

what a beautiful post to read.... you must be so proud of yourself and for her to be growing with trust and confidence.
Its people like you that make the world a little better.
you are both very lucky to have found each other..

wishing you the perfect christmas and a joyfull 2007.

hugs to both of you

rebel x

Thanks Everyone. Baby is doing better. She's still getting up several times at night but I am starting to notice a change in her when she does get up. Alot less Owee's and a more normal cry.

During the day She is what I call sweet and sour sauce. She's taking up the habit of being quite loving. She'll give me kisses and hugs and loves to play. Then all of the sudden she gets this sour look on her face and she'll hit ya. I tell her no hit momma and she stops for a second then says sowwy and kisses me again. It's great to see her do this because I know she's starting to change. She's also taken to saying owwee and pointing to her arm or legs then she wants us to kiss the spot. It's so cute. I think she's begining to see that we fix owee's here instead of giving them.

I fall in love with her more and more every day. She's my little princess.

Tonight we got the adoption placement papers signed. Friday we go file them with the clerk. I can't wait. Then we have to start the process of getting the father to sign his paper work. One step at a time. Each step brings us closer though. The good news is the adoption center did locate the Alleged father and he is in Jail. This is good news for us.

I will do my best to keep everyone up to date as we progress. I really appreciate all your help and advice.

Please do continue to keep us updated. As an adoptive parent I know what a relief it is to have those documents in your hand! It does sound like she is doing better. Keep up the great work. She is blessed to have you!

Nancy

i dont have much advice but reading this gave me chills and i got teary eyed, that poor little one, but you sound like you are doing great!

We saw a movie last semester about the Romanian "Rocker Babies"--from the 1990's. They were institutionalized from birth for long periods. Quite a large number were adopted to US families. The families were told nothing about what the lack of bonding, stimulation, love (etc) would mean to raising the children, but the effects were pretty big...lack of conscious, lack of empathy...stuff like that. The best outcomes seemed to be those where families took the children to psychologists and the like early on, to learn how to break through the barriers the children were brought up with before adoption. Many families had thought that loving their adopted child would be enough, but it was not enough to erase the effects of early instituitionalization.

Not to say your foster/adoptive child has been in this same situation, but there may be parallels. It does sound like you are making a lot of headway with her, and you are definitely to be commended for doing this. And it may be worth it for the whole family if you seek out professionals to assist you all with this large task of love.

I'm crying as I read this. To think that someone would do such a thing to something so innocent and unable to defend itself is unfathomable to me. This especially sickens me because people like this little ones parents reproduce and I may never be able to have my own children. It makes you ask God why he dealt this hand to this little girl.
I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job and I hope it'll only get better for you.
Happy Holidays and an AWESOME New Year :)
Sara

I want to say that you and your dh are wonderful to adopt! I'm adopted and could not imagine loving any other person like i love my parents. (well my dh and ds of course :) )
It sounds like your dd is starting to feel secure and what you are doing may seem small but in her world it's HUGE...she's probably realizing that you and your dh are kind and caring and love her with your whole heart!
I'm sickened to hear what her abusers must have done to her :mad:
But, Thank goodness she's finally out of that situation and is with you and your dh!
I wish you and your family a happy holiday and a wonderful healthy new year!
Keep us updated on her sleeping situation..it will get better
S :)

Just wanted to give you guys an update. My baby went to the doctor. She's malnurished to the point that she's back on formula. She is eatting foods now with out too much trouble, she even tells us when she wants something now. She had 4 shot because shes so far behind we gotta get her caught up now. She also has slow speech development. Otherwise, all bruises are now gone. ALL GONE. She has color in her face again. She's 23lbs. Wearing size 3 diapers and 12 month clothes that are starting to get a bit small. She's in a size 5 baby shoe.

She's still gets up a few times a night(2-3) but she crys like a normal baby now. She no longer does the owee thing at night, and she reaches right out for me. We had a wonderful christmas for her. She got lots of toys that she really loves including a new baby that she now takes everywhere with her. She is calling me "ommie" now. And Dad is now "Poppa-dadda". She's going through some testing phases to see what she can get away with now. I love it because it tells me she's comfortable enough to push the limits.

She's such a sweet little girl. Love's to give kisses now, and you should see the way she folds her little hands together and trys to prey at dinner time. It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. She loves to help clean the house now too. She was scared to death of the mean old vac. so I started holding her when I'd vac. and eventually she wanted to help push it. Now she'll let me put her down and she'll follow behind it pushin it. Her favorite cleaning is the dusting. She has her own cleaning rag now and helps me dust everything.

She says several new words now. If someone sneezes she will say ess-u(Bless-you). She says Uve-you(love-you). Baby, cuppie, baba, thank-you, walk, side(outside), doggie, birdie, nose, eyes, bath, toes. She's really becoming a chatter box. She was only saying three or four words before we got her. She loves peek-a-boo and this little piggy games. But her favorite is when mom hides behind the couch. She'll sneek around the corner far enough to see me then take off running to poppa giggling. It's too cute.

As far as the adoption goes. All the papers are now filed. We have a case number and everything. Now they should start getting the father to sign his papers. Her doctor gave her a Happy Adoption gift. It's a little blue whale.

The only real problems she still has is nutrtional and the aggression when she gets mad and tired. She is getting better. When she hits herself I just say no hit mommies baby, love mommies baby and she'll stop for a sec like she's thinking about it then she'll kiss herself. I am trying to get her into a behavior health program for infants to see if we can work through those things. As far as the nutrition goes, she just needs a bit more time for her body to heal. I will continue to update you guys as we progress. Thanks again for all the warm and wonderful posts.:D

So glad to hear things are going well for her and for you as well. You are doing such a wonderful thing for that little girl. God bless you!

Sounds like she is doing great!! I am thankful for your little girl to have found you. I believe some people really don't understand what blessing thay have. I also believe that you do understand and you are doing great job taking care of her keep it up. Happy holidays!!

The progress she is making brought me to tears when I read your post. The fact that she is starting to test the limits with you and DH is a very good sign. Keep up the great work! You may be blessed to have this baby, but she is certainly blessed to have you as well!

Nancy

Good for you is all i can say to you! i have a cranky newborn and she's only slept about half an hour total today!

I thank you for taking care and protecting this little innocent baby! Wonderful!

Hi guys just another quik update. Our Baby is doing really well. She takes the formula dr put her on really well. We're doing 1/2 2% milk and 1/2 enfamil formula. She's eatting 3 meals a day along with snacks. And She's gaining weight now. She's sleeping way better and adjusting really well. The agression is way better and she's talking up a storm now.

Parental rights will be terminated on the 18th of this month. We have our home study done on the 17th. Things are starting to pull together nicely. Anyway I have alot to do today but just wanted to update everyone. Thanks again for everything. We appreciate everyone of you!

Wow! TPR on the 18th! That is wonderful news! Please continue to keep us updated.

Nancy

Wow! I just saw this. Can you ask here? You might also want to do a search for foster parent websites. There are a lot of them out there with lots of foster and adoptive parents who have tons of experience.

Nancy

I also wanted to emphasize that I would be happy to answer your question right here if you want to post it, and IF I can!

Nancy

if you have any childrens books with lot's of bright pictures. i know when my son was that age and didn't feel good i used to read him his favorite books sometimes if they can get interested enough it can take their minds off of the pain sometimes. or sometimes they have those strobe light pictures that light up in the dark at her cribside to watch. any of those things might work to keep her little mind occupied. but first and foremost i would make sure a doctor checked her to make sure she doesn't have any internal injuries, if she was black and blue chances are she could have internal injuries.

I wasn't sure this was ok to post here cause this is a health board. Any how, Mom's parental rights are terminated now. Dad on the other hand has decided not to co-operate any more. He's refusing to sign anything. He won't admit to peternity because mom was 15 he was 21 at time of conception. Our attorney is putting in a petition to involuntary terminate his rights.

Here's the facts as I know them...

Father was charged with Unlawful sexual intercourse for another case. No charges have been filed for this one. He is currently incarserated on Felony Theft charges. He has no contact with this baby and refuses to support her. Untill now. Now he wants to take custody of her.

Based on this information what are the chances that the court would terminate?? I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that we may have to turn her over to him. The fact that he's got an extensive rap sheet for theft charges and the Sexual charges really worries me. She's been through so much already.

I am scared for her. I will be heartbroken if we lose her, but I am an adult. She on the other hand can't protect herself.

Do you know how long it takes to go through this? Or anywhere I can find similar case info at?

I have looked for adoption boards but didn't think to search for foster boards. I'll do that now.

On a happier note my baby is doing great.

Just got the papers in the mail. TPR date is Feb 12th. I am so nervous.

I am so glad to hear that TPR is set and it will be soon! I totally understand the nervousness. Court dates when our little one was still our foster child were the most stressful days of my life, even after going through a serious illness with and death of my dad. I know that feeling well and I know it is not pleasant. Now, on the 12th are they going to request TPR or have they actually set that up as the trial date? If they are going to request it on that date they will then have to set up a pre-trial and then a trial. If they are going to TPR the decision may be handed down that day, the trial may go on for a couple of days and be handed down then or the judge may hand his or her decision down several days to several weeks later. The waiting is so frustrating, but it does sound like in the end things will work out for you and the baby. You are in my prayers. Please let me know how things are going.
I love my fosterparents/adoption board. There is a lot of helpful advice and support there for these specific types of things.

Nancy

This will be the first court date so I'm not sure. Baby is doing really well, She's so happy now. She's gaining weight and growing fast. I think she's catching up now that her nutritional needs are being met. She's talking up a storm and can name all her body parts. We play the " what does say game" and she can mimick several amimal now. What does the cow say? MOOOOOO. I was doing this with her one day and said what does Poppa say? (She calls my Dh Poppa) and she said Wuv YOU. It was so darn cute DH just cried. She's still very hyper but That we can deal with. We just keep her entertained by including her in Everything we do. Mom folds laundry baby unfold laundry. LOL

She loves story times. We also got her a night time glow worm that she just loves. She knows how to turn it on at night. She calls him bo-bo and makes sure that bo-bo is in her bed with her before she'll lay down. The music at night is a big part of her bedtime routine now. She gives everyone kisses then heads for the bedroom and says music. We turn it on and she sways back and forth for a minute then cuddles me for awhile before she lays down for the night. She still wakes up at night but it's a routine now. Alway around 12:30 and she just wants some formula.

I really want to start weaning her off the bottle but My heart tells me to wait a bit longer. We introduced her to sippy cups and at first she hated it but now she'll take it in place of a bottle during the day but at night she won't have anything to do with it. Giving what she's been through I think it's better to take that away slow.

She is very loved and has brought with her a spark to all our lives. I will keep you updated as to our progress with the TPR. Thanks for listening AGAIN!