Hi there,

after the kind words and good advice I received last time I posted, I wonder if anyone can advise me again.

My bp boyfriend is unmedicated and refuses to entertain the idea of taking meds. As far as I know he was diagnosed about 15 years ago and took anti-depressants only for a couple of weeks before deciding that they were blunting his emotions and numbing his brain and stopped taking them.

He is a very very intelligent man and is constantly reading and studying (it's also the one thing he says helps him survive the worst of the lows). He says that on the meds he just could not focus on his studies properly.

Anyway, if anyone has read my recent post(s) you'll know that our relationship has not exactly been a bundle of laughs. He has been on a low for about the last 8 months (with one short manic stage which I am aware of, which was quite scary). I want to help him but he won't take meds and can't even go to the doc anyway because he has no medical insurance.

He says he can handle the moods now, but the way he does this is to completely shut himself off and ignore the world and engross himself in his books. He thinks this is coping but it's not - it is negatively affecting his work and life and he has also pissed off friends with this behaviour.

He has been through 3 serious relationships and a number of affairs since his diagnosis and he is in danger of ending this relationship soon because I can't take much more. (Although having said that I love him so much I'll probably hang in there until he does something really terrible and well and truly breaks my heart.) He has told me that he realizes the common denominator in his failed realtionships was him but his way of dealing with that is to refuse to have a serious relationship with me. Well, at least he won't admit that we might have a 'proper' relationship that could be long-term, and won't commit to the relationship in the slightest.

Anyway my actual question is are there any BPs out there who are unmedicated and coping well? Is it possible? And if so, how? Is there anything else I can encourage him to do to if he is so hell bent on not taking meds?

Thanks for your help. This board has been a real haven for me in the past few weeks. Thanks!!

hmmmm...

Cyclomatic BP people can often get away it for a while. These people cycle fast, often once a month or week or Days or even hours. They tend to have smaller manic and depressive episodes. Sometimes they change so fast that they don't even know they are BP, because nothing ever hangs around. Many refuse medication because they like the mini rollercoaster they live in, it ads spice.

Except..Some believe they became Cyclomatic because they were BP1 and now out of control. Others believe that they are working up the steam to become BP1, they are sprially out of control and they are about to hit bottom.

He will have ways to cope, but let's not pull punches. There is much about BP that is attractive, that's why its so hard to get people on medication. Manic eposodes often feel, well good, they make you feel alive and wonderful. Depressive episodes touches you with your deepest feelings and open up channels of thought you could never reach otherwise. If he is a poet or a writer or an artist I am sure he uses this. We BP people are a creative bunch.

The key here, untreated it gets worse. Eventually the avalanche will roll over him, its just a matter of when. As it desends he may see it coming and run for medical cover, or, he may just let him burry him and his book. There is a reason why there are all these extrememly intellegent street people, living in a purple raincoat and pushing a can cart.

Could he pull it off, Maybe. but he will suffer for his choice for sure.

My heart goes out to you friend, your in a sticky spot. You know I have a friend who swears by Serenity™ Lithium Orotate, he uses it for his son, who like your loved one aboslutely refuses medical treatment. He was willing to try this and he did well. The attraction is that supposedly side effect free, or very close and much gentler than regular Lithium. Plus you can get it without a doctor. The bad part is that there was some concern its not as gentle on the kidneys as plain lithium is. Not to mention its not approved by the FDA and some feel its a gimick.

I honestly for quite a while thought of switching when I saw his results with it, but decided against it. Lithium needs blood tests for toxcity, which is very dangerous. If I were to use it, I would creep forward, you don't have a doctor to hold your hand.

My advice, give him the name. Let him google it to death, research it, and consider it. Hey who knows, he may not like it, but that learning may send him in for proper care.

My last tidbit, Look around and see if you can find him some kind of discounted care, many doctors will offer a softer rate to those without insurance. You will have to look for it though for him, he will kind of need to set it up like dominoes, but you may be rewarded and set him off in the right direction.

Good luck, God bless..

Hi fizz17,

I feel for you as my wife of 7.5 years has been unmedicated most of the time other than some meds for only mild depression not BP - she was dx 18 mnths ago with BP and chose to basically ignore that dx and stick with only having mild despression. Needless to say we are in the process of our 2nd divorce filing in 18 mnths and she is in a major manic episode as we speak.

(Although having said that I love him so much I'll probably hang in there until he does something really terrible and well and truly breaks my heart.)

I would not wait for that! It has happened to me multiple times and now I'm faced with having to recover from all of it. If he is unwilling to accept treatment through professionals he will be fooling himself for years to come and only hurting himself and the ones he loves. Don't sacrifice yourself as I did because you only live to regret that decision dearly. Even BP's on meds and in thearpy can still cause havoc in the lives of the ones they love.

Past performance typically indicates what the furture will bring. It was all too true in my relationship and with his affairs in the past I'm afraid this will most certainly repeat itself. I spoke many times with my wife's ex-husband and our marriages would be looking at each other in the mirror. I don't want to be negative but if someone could have saved me from all of this early on I would be in a much happier place today.

Remember you are responsible for what happens to you and your happiness.
You already know what will probably happen if he continues down this path of denial and sticking around to go through it yourself is a choice you'll have to make. My eyes have been opened completely to this disorder thanks to this board but that has only happened since I found it in the last week. A little to late for me as I truly can't take it any longer. I have 2 beautiful boys that I must now focus my energy on completely.

I wish you the best of luck as I know you situation all to well...

Hey there,

Just wanted to chime in and tell you that I know exactly where you're at. I was diagnosed BP only a few weeks ago, but before that, I was in a 7 year relationship. When I met my ex, he was very high functioning and held a great job. Then within 3 months after we moved in together, one night he told me that when he was driving home on tha highway from work that day, all he could think of is steering his truck into oncoming traffic. He said it with no emotion in his voice, he was completely numb.

Obviously, I took him to the hospital when he refused to reassure me that he was okay. They hospitalized him for the first time ever (what he told me, anyways) and in a matter or 3-4 months, he'd been transferred to a treatment center, diagnosed BP II, learned coping skills (supposedly) and was on Lithium, Gabapentin, and Celexa I think. Oh, and Zyprexa. He was taking his meds. there religiously (the staff encourage patients to take responsibility and do some things as much as possible.)

Within *maybe* two weeks of having my beloved fiance home, he'd stopped everything cold turkey, refused his diagnosis 100%, and told me it was my fault for him being hospitalized and why he wanted to kill himself. Eventually, we moved past this stuff, and were together 7 years until March of this year. He still has never had his medicines, and now, ironically enough, I have been diagnosed BP and take Lithium, too!!! Ironic, huh?

I want you to know though, what dangers I faced while with him when he was unmedicated....you saying your bf blcks reality out, well mine did SUPREMELY too. He would withdraw and spend more than 20 hours a day ON THE COMPUTER. He did this the whole last 7 years (except when he had a job.) Everytime I now know he was manic, he'd get a killer job. I'd be hopeful but within 2,3 maybe 5 months, he always *mysteriously* lost jobs......

In addition to the emotional neglect from being completely socially withdrewn, he had a helluva temper, too. I was told about it before we started dating, and of course, I made light of it, minimized it. But the lower functioning he would drop, the more I got to be his target. When his depression episodes got at their lowest, he looked like a monster. Seriously. The look in his eyes when he'd come after me was just psychotic.

So him not taking meds meant we'd have a high income for generally 3-5 months every year, and at least 6 months a year he'd be unemployed, and the rest of the time, he had low paying jobs. When I broke up with him in March, I'd had major surgery and was in rough shape. He not only beat me up more than once the first weekend home from the hospital, but he hadn't paid rent for 3 months, so we were evicted. His mania episodes would always result in online cheating (obsessively) and porn and whatnot.....always on his beloved computer.

These are all things you need to consider....not saying this is YOUR life, just telling you my experiences....don't want anyone ever suffering the way I had to for so long....Take Care, and please don't stop posting.

Kendra



Oh, and UsedandAbused is dead on right: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. It really is true. You don't want to hear it, but you need to. Don't let his problems become YOUR problems. take care :)