Hi Girls,
I just had to post to get this off my chest. We have a friend who had a son about 3 years ago(she got pregnant right after getting married) She has blatantly said that she did not want any other children. Well, it comes to find out that she just found out that she is FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT with a little girl!!!! She did not even know it. First of all she is as skinny as a rail and how you don't know that you are 5 months pregnant is just insane to me. Then on top of it, she doesn't even want another baby...why do people who don't really want babies get to have them when there are women like us who would do anything for one???????? Now I know that her pregnancy has nothing to do with me having a baby and all that other stuff, but I just can't help but be sad (if that is even the emotion to describe my feelings??) My girlfriend(who is also going through IF) and I had ourselves a real good cry about this because this is now the 3rd friend who is pregnant in our group of friends. One is due in Mar, one in April, and one in August. Another friend just had her baby in October. I just feel like my energy to be happy for eveyrone else is wearing very thin. I don't even know when I will be able to do IVF because of all this crap with my surgery from last week. I don't meet with my RE until Jan. 4th to find out what is going to happen. After almost 3 years of trying, one m/c, and 2 surgeries, I am just tired, sad, and disgusted...and on top of it I just got AF this morning on my way to go get my beta...isn't that just ironic:) So, it is another Christmas and New Year without the one thing I want the most:( Thank you for listening, I usually am not this much of a complainer and downer, it is just not a good day I guess.
cmarie

complain all you want girl.. i love children, and they are all a blessing, but why cant one of them be my lil blessing are miracle.. i recently became an aunt, and she is just beatiful, she arrived 6 weeks early and is still in the NICU, i love her to death, and she was "wanted" (but after 1 month of trying my sil got pregnant) (and she has 2 from another marriage) as much as i love this lil girl, when i was holding her, and my mom kept talking about her i felt jealous.. and i felt bad about it, but i have a right to feel that way, i wont let it reflect my feelings towards the people i love or the babies, but i have a right to those feelings, as you do to the ones you are feeling.. i held her and felt so good about being an aunt, and then id just try, wondering why its not my turn, and keep praying that it will be one day soon.. im sorry if i didnt make you feel any better, but i just wanted you to know i really do understand the feelings, i have a women i work with who told me she was on the pill and wore a condom and now she is 8 mos pregnant, and i get so upset when i look at her.. i just dont get it!!! but please keep your hopes up, i know it is hard, but lets all try to get through this holiday together and ring in the new yr with all BFPs :) aimee

Thanks Aimee! It does make me feel better to know that I am not the only one who feels like this. Sometimes I feel guilty for having those feelings, I feel like I am not a good person anymore, almost like I am damaged because of IF. But I can't help it, all babies are blessings, and I just want one little blessing and I don't know why I can't have it!!!!! So you are right, we need to try to get through this holiday season and this new year just HAS to bring us our BFP!!!!!!!
cmarie

Cmarie,

Let it all out!!! Everything you feel something you can not help and does not make you a bad person. I have feel exactly the same way sometimes. It is just so unfair and you always wonder why is this happening and get no answers. Sometimes it is just too much to hear about one more pregnant person. Between my DH and I we have 9 friends that were pregnant and had babies this year. We are the ONLY ones who had a miscarriage and as you know about my sister, my newphew was an accident and she is having a hard time adjusting to momihood, I too get jealous and sad. But that is just on the bad days and it does go away. AF always has a way to make us feel worse emotionally that little STINKER!!!!

Sending you (((BIG HUGS))) and I hope 2007 is a better year for all of us!!!

deluka

Cmarie,

First of all, I'm truly sorry about your AF coming. I was hoping that you get bfp this month after your surgeries. Now, I can only pray for your speedy recovery and be strong again.

You have every right to be frustrated. I know how it feels like seeing people around us having babies after babies. Pretty hard to handle question - when is your little stork arriving? Well, know that you are not alone battling with IF.

Be well.

Cmarie,

I'm so sorry about AF. She is a *****. You are not alone in your feelings though. We have 9 neices/nephews and 7 babies born to our friends in the past 2 years. Like Aimee said, they are blessings and I love them all but some days I do feel sad and even jealous. Why can't we have our own little blessing?

Never feel bad about "complaining" on this bb. We have all been there at one time or another and the support of all these amazing women here get us through it. I wish you much peace and strength to get through this difficult time. May 2007 be your year to be blessed with your own little miracle!

Lori

Cmarie,

I, too, wanted to tell you that I am sorry you are going through such a tough time right now. We are strong women, but at times our strength gets a little low. I hope things are looking up for you very soon, sweetie. I understand your feelings as well. I have 2 nieces who are pregnant right now. (we are very close in age) They are like my sisters, and we are very close, but it is still hard for me to understand. Neither had any trouble getting pregant. Even though I love them more than anything, and I wouldn't want anything to go wrong with their pregnancies, I still have jealousy at times. I wouldn't really call it "jealousy", but it's more of a "hurt". I am broken hearted that after 2 years, 2 mc, 2 surgeries, and 2 failed clomid/novarel rounds, that I still have no baby. Life just isn't fair, and all we want for Christmas is a beautiful child to call our own. I just want you to know we are all here for you, and we undertand and feel your pain. Just try and keep your head up and your hopes as well. One day, hopefully soon, we will all be wonderful mothers. I wish you peace in your heart and happiness, sweetie. And never, ever, apologize for any feelings you have on this board. That is why we are here!
hugs, and a shoulder, too,
Julie:angel: :angel: :angel:

You are all the BEST!!!!! Thank you so very much for your encouragement and support, I would never be able to live through this IF without you ladies!!!!!
Love,
cmarie

Thanks suesy! Of course I want to hear from you, silly, you give me insipiration to keep going on!!!! Knowing that all your hard work paid off and you will have twins this April, it really makes me not throw in the towel. It is weird because I feel different when women who have gone through IF are pregnant...it is almost like we "earned" it????? So I don't have the sad feeling, it really makes me so happy...I know that sounds SO awful. It is just such a hard feeling to explain. I just feel like God ( or whoever is in charge) needs to level the playing field. Instead of having some people get pregnant in 2 weeks and some having to wait 2 years, it should just even out and have everyone put in a little time;)
cmarie

Didn't AF know she was supposed to pack her bags for the holidays and for the next 9 months?!?! I'm sorry she showed up -- and at such an inopportune time. That stinker.
And I'm sorry you had such an awful day. I'll echo what all the other ladies on this board have said, we've ALL felt the same thing and you shouldn't feel guilty at all. I have to admit, I am a little prejudiced myself -- I get very emotional when I read about someone on the board getting a BFP because I completely understand what a true victory it is. I'm certainly happy (OK -- and insanely jealous) for friends and family who get BFPs, too -- but it's not the same as when someone I know with IF gets one. It just feels completely different for me.
I'm blowing baby dust your way and wishing you lots and lots of luck in the new year ... XO

I, too had a friend tell me that she 'thought' she might be pregnant with her 3rd unplanned pregnancy. Yep, she was 5 mos along before she went to the doc to confirm. She's due in January.

Not to mention my SIL is due in April with her 1st 'unplanned' pregnancy.

I have a feeling that 'unplanned' is a word that will never be in my vocabulary.

Cmarie, sending BIG HUGS your way today. I hope you are feeling better. As the other ladies said, your feelings are completely natural, and I have felt those same feelings many times myself. In fact, my best friend's youngest son just turned 1 two days ago. He is an awesome child, and I love him to death, but having his birthday come was hard for me. You see, she wasn't trying to get pg, and we have been trying for so long now, we should have a child who is at least 3 by now. It's so hard to deal with all those conflicting feelings all at once, but we have them just the same. I hope today is a better day for you. Hold onto the hope that you will be a mommy some day. I believe it with all my heart.

Holly

I so know what you mean, my bil and his wife got pregnant on their honeymoon(sarcasm). I know it is not their fault and I shouldn't be mad at them but come on, I think we would be good parents, why can't this happen for us??? I am sorry your AF came. But we gotta keep our heads up and keep fighting. I hope everyone has a great holiday and a wonderful new year. This will be our year, 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D

Lots of Love,
-Jenn

cmarie

I know how you feel, I have heard of 3 friends this week who are pregnant. My sister is one of them and is over 3 months. How do these people not know that they are preg? Are they that oblivious to everything going on around them that they can't tell that their bodies are changing? I'm sort of sick of hearing about all of the ones who are "unsure", "unplanned" and "unprepared". It's just not fair!

I hope that everyone has a great holiday and can make it through without being too sad.

Big hugs to everyone.