ImCasper2
12-24-2006, 07:41 AM
Hi all. Guess it's officially Christmas Eve now, so I hope everyone has a good Holiday. I hope I survive.
My brother Don, who was living with me and my son but left last month, decided to come home today. He's not welcome here anymore. He left on his own, and left a 3-page goodbye letter to my son. In that letter, he said he hated me, called me a whole bunch of nasty names, and made many false accusations about me. He tried to turn my son against me, but my son is one smart teenager.
When I got home from running last-minute errands, there was Don. He was asleep in his favorite chair. I went over to wake him up and he opened his eyes and said "I'm back!" I told him he didn't live here anymore :nono: , and he said "Oh yes I do." I know it's not the best thing to argue with a person when they're having an episode, but I was mad. :mad: How dare he think he can just walk back into my house whenever he feels like it after what he wrote about me and after what he did to me???!!!:blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire He left me with no money to pay rent or bills and laughed about how I'd probably get thrown out of my house because I couldn't pay the rent. :blob_fire :blob_fire
Long story short, I had to call the cops to get him out of here. He insists now that this is his house and his name is on the title, etc. He's delusional. He's NOT the homeowner, his name isn't, and never was, on the title -- he's not even on the rental agreement for the mobilehome park where I live. He told me that it was only by his good grace that I'm still living here, and showed me an old letter from Social Security with his name and this address on it. He said it was "proof" that Social Security had given him this house, and that since Social Security is a branch of the U.S. Government, this house is legally his because the Government said so.
The cops took him to the hospital. But the hospital didn't keep him. They called and said he was fine, appeared calm and "answered all the questions correctly", so they were releasing him. But they couldn't release him onto the streets, so couldn't I let him come home? I said no. A few minutes later the cops called and really laid it on thick. He said "So it's almost Christmas Eve, it's cold outside, and you want us to put your brother out on the streets?" I said he can't come here.:nono: I told the cop that my brother has a long history of doing things like this. He moves in with someone, things go fine for awhile, and then he stops taking his meds, has an episode and does something stupid. He has a long history of burning his bridges. I was the last bridge. The cop said "But he has nowhere else to go and it's cold out." So I said that's his problem, not mine. I know it sounds mean of me, but I don't have "WELCOME" stamped across my forehead, so I refuse to be a doormat anymore. I was married to an abusive alcoholic for almost 10 years, and I'm tired of being pushed around and mistreated. If my brother came back, thinking that he owns this house, he'd be telling me what to do and when to do it and using his "homeownership" to try and MAKE me do it. It would be "do this or I'll throw you out of the house," and there'd be a constant fight between us. He's already trying to have me thrown out and the cops want me to provide proof that I am indeed the homeowner. Apparently, Don was so calm and collected at the hospital that they actually believed he owns this house. Don claimed that his Disability checks come here, and I had to tell the cop that, no, he has Direct Deposit. The cop told Don that, and Don said no, he was supposed to be getting a check here every month. That doesn't surprise me, since one of the false accusations in the aforementioned letter was that I was stealing his Disability checks.
So now it's after 3 AM and I'm too wound up to sleep. Can't watch TV -- the satellite service got shut off when I couldn't pay the bill because of my brother. I don't want him back here, but there's nothing I can do legally to keep him from trying to come back. The cops say I can't get an emergency restraining order unless Don comes back here and threatens me. So in other words, I have to be in danger before I can do anything to keep myself safe. But I did finally replace the broken lock on the back door. That was how he got in, I guess. The lock didn't work. All it took to open that door -- locked or not -- was to jiggle the knob once. Now, there's a nice new lock on that door, and one on my bedroom door too just in case.
I'm not afraid of Don, although he wants me to be. The thing that makes me nervous is that if he does come back, I will not hesitate to stand my ground and defend myself. That could get ugly.
Well. maybe I'll try and watch a movie or something. Looks like I'll still be up come church time anyway. Oh well. If I'm not too tired to drive, I might just go to church. Maybe I can ask God to forgive me for the things I was thinking about doing to my brother when we were in the kitchen and he was telling me this is not my house anymore. That cast-iron skillet on the stove looked real handy all of a sudden. KA-BONG!!!!!
My brother Don, who was living with me and my son but left last month, decided to come home today. He's not welcome here anymore. He left on his own, and left a 3-page goodbye letter to my son. In that letter, he said he hated me, called me a whole bunch of nasty names, and made many false accusations about me. He tried to turn my son against me, but my son is one smart teenager.
When I got home from running last-minute errands, there was Don. He was asleep in his favorite chair. I went over to wake him up and he opened his eyes and said "I'm back!" I told him he didn't live here anymore :nono: , and he said "Oh yes I do." I know it's not the best thing to argue with a person when they're having an episode, but I was mad. :mad: How dare he think he can just walk back into my house whenever he feels like it after what he wrote about me and after what he did to me???!!!:blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire He left me with no money to pay rent or bills and laughed about how I'd probably get thrown out of my house because I couldn't pay the rent. :blob_fire :blob_fire
Long story short, I had to call the cops to get him out of here. He insists now that this is his house and his name is on the title, etc. He's delusional. He's NOT the homeowner, his name isn't, and never was, on the title -- he's not even on the rental agreement for the mobilehome park where I live. He told me that it was only by his good grace that I'm still living here, and showed me an old letter from Social Security with his name and this address on it. He said it was "proof" that Social Security had given him this house, and that since Social Security is a branch of the U.S. Government, this house is legally his because the Government said so.
The cops took him to the hospital. But the hospital didn't keep him. They called and said he was fine, appeared calm and "answered all the questions correctly", so they were releasing him. But they couldn't release him onto the streets, so couldn't I let him come home? I said no. A few minutes later the cops called and really laid it on thick. He said "So it's almost Christmas Eve, it's cold outside, and you want us to put your brother out on the streets?" I said he can't come here.:nono: I told the cop that my brother has a long history of doing things like this. He moves in with someone, things go fine for awhile, and then he stops taking his meds, has an episode and does something stupid. He has a long history of burning his bridges. I was the last bridge. The cop said "But he has nowhere else to go and it's cold out." So I said that's his problem, not mine. I know it sounds mean of me, but I don't have "WELCOME" stamped across my forehead, so I refuse to be a doormat anymore. I was married to an abusive alcoholic for almost 10 years, and I'm tired of being pushed around and mistreated. If my brother came back, thinking that he owns this house, he'd be telling me what to do and when to do it and using his "homeownership" to try and MAKE me do it. It would be "do this or I'll throw you out of the house," and there'd be a constant fight between us. He's already trying to have me thrown out and the cops want me to provide proof that I am indeed the homeowner. Apparently, Don was so calm and collected at the hospital that they actually believed he owns this house. Don claimed that his Disability checks come here, and I had to tell the cop that, no, he has Direct Deposit. The cop told Don that, and Don said no, he was supposed to be getting a check here every month. That doesn't surprise me, since one of the false accusations in the aforementioned letter was that I was stealing his Disability checks.
So now it's after 3 AM and I'm too wound up to sleep. Can't watch TV -- the satellite service got shut off when I couldn't pay the bill because of my brother. I don't want him back here, but there's nothing I can do legally to keep him from trying to come back. The cops say I can't get an emergency restraining order unless Don comes back here and threatens me. So in other words, I have to be in danger before I can do anything to keep myself safe. But I did finally replace the broken lock on the back door. That was how he got in, I guess. The lock didn't work. All it took to open that door -- locked or not -- was to jiggle the knob once. Now, there's a nice new lock on that door, and one on my bedroom door too just in case.
I'm not afraid of Don, although he wants me to be. The thing that makes me nervous is that if he does come back, I will not hesitate to stand my ground and defend myself. That could get ugly.
Well. maybe I'll try and watch a movie or something. Looks like I'll still be up come church time anyway. Oh well. If I'm not too tired to drive, I might just go to church. Maybe I can ask God to forgive me for the things I was thinking about doing to my brother when we were in the kitchen and he was telling me this is not my house anymore. That cast-iron skillet on the stove looked real handy all of a sudden. KA-BONG!!!!!
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ImCasper2
12-24-2006, 07:45 AM
Sorry about such a long post. Guess I just had a lot of venting to do. Goodnight/good morning everybody.
crazywoman77
12-24-2006, 10:07 AM
hi there casper, I am so sorry to hear your having such a hard time with your brother right now. Not meaning to sound out of turn but shame he is being a right royal pain in the *** at this time of year. I hope that you and your son manage to salvage something of the holidays. As you said at the moment not much you can do but stand your ground, but know that there are people here who are thinking of you and praying for you. Debs x
zuzu23
12-24-2006, 05:04 PM
Hey Casper,
I read every word of your post, and I think you were TOTALLY in line. I would have done at least what you did, and how dare the police call you when they don't know the whole situation and try and push their "morals" on you. What he did was so wrong, and it is posing a danger to yourself and your son. Your primary job as a Mother is to protect your son, #1, so they need to just leave you the hell alone lol. That's ridiculous, and his behavior is odd. It's funny how people can suddenly become "normal" when faced with hospitalization......wherever he ends up, I'm sure eventually he'll do something and end up there anyways.
How are you doing now? Have you heard from him at all? Please be safe, do NOT hesitate to call the cops should he show up again, and you and your son Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Hope all is well with you. Take care.
:wave:
I read every word of your post, and I think you were TOTALLY in line. I would have done at least what you did, and how dare the police call you when they don't know the whole situation and try and push their "morals" on you. What he did was so wrong, and it is posing a danger to yourself and your son. Your primary job as a Mother is to protect your son, #1, so they need to just leave you the hell alone lol. That's ridiculous, and his behavior is odd. It's funny how people can suddenly become "normal" when faced with hospitalization......wherever he ends up, I'm sure eventually he'll do something and end up there anyways.
How are you doing now? Have you heard from him at all? Please be safe, do NOT hesitate to call the cops should he show up again, and you and your son Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Hope all is well with you. Take care.
:wave:
ox_iq
12-24-2006, 05:42 PM
Merry Christmas Casper! I, like everyone else on this thread, express my sympathy especially at this time of year. As above; your son comes first and his happines is foremost but perhaps it isn't the end for your relationship with your brother.
This year i had an episode and was admitted, far from sanity i was, and i lost a few friends forever but two close friends of mine invited me out for a quiet drink and laid it on me strong(obviously i had started taking my meds already) and they told me to fix up, pointed out my weaknesses interjecting my good points; told me how i was expected to act and for 7 months it has worked for me.
Medication is the most important thing for your brother and responsibility helps(maybe a job). I'm sorry the support agencies did their usual of f***ing their responsibilities off, you need support yourself, i hope you can talk to someone about this, it helps more than anyone will ever know.
This year i had an episode and was admitted, far from sanity i was, and i lost a few friends forever but two close friends of mine invited me out for a quiet drink and laid it on me strong(obviously i had started taking my meds already) and they told me to fix up, pointed out my weaknesses interjecting my good points; told me how i was expected to act and for 7 months it has worked for me.
Medication is the most important thing for your brother and responsibility helps(maybe a job). I'm sorry the support agencies did their usual of f***ing their responsibilities off, you need support yourself, i hope you can talk to someone about this, it helps more than anyone will ever know.
makeworldgoaway
12-24-2006, 07:30 PM
I commend you for your courage. I was so glad you didn't give in before I was finished reading your post! What an ***! Yes he needs help from a HOSPITAL, but still what an ***...and the cops, what's THEIR excuse??? Unbelievable, they're supposed to be trained for all types of situations and problems, not fall for everything hook line and sinker. Good for you I say, enough is enough.
ImCasper2
12-25-2006, 02:30 AM
Hi all! Thanks for the support, I really need it right now. So far it's been a quiet Christmas Eve here, which is good. I had been braced for all sorts of chaos, since my brother kept "warning" me to "just wait until tomorrow," "you'll have some surprises tomorrow," and telling me that he'd be back, etc. He was trying to scare me, but I don't scare that easily. Really, he should know that. But I guess when a person is manic, they don't think about stuff like that. When Don is manic, he likes to think everyone is scared of him. I guess it makes him feel more powerful or something, and in turn, that feeling of power feeds his mania further. He becomes something of a perpetual firestorm. On the plus side, he's lost weight. He's really a handsome man when he's trimmed down to normal weight.
I did manage to fall asleep around 6 this morning. Woke up at 11 and figured if I hurry I can still make it to church. I needed to go be with other people and take my mind off my situation. Besides, it was just good to get out of the house and not have to worry about running into my brother (he doesn't know where my church is). Then I came home and fixed the screen door, adding a hook-and-eye latch to the inside frame, as further "reinforcement" in case of another visit from my brother.
I love Don, but I can't live with him. This is the second time I've taken him into my home only to have him act up like this. I figure the first time should have been enough, the second time was one time too many, and I'm not about to go for three. If he shows up for Christmas, I'll just call the cops again. That's all I can do. At least now they're not hassling me with comments like "So you won't even let YOUR OWN BROTHER come home for Christmas?" and "You would put YOUR OWN BROTHER out on the streets on a cold night JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS?" and "Why are you being this way to your poor brother? What did he do that wasn't directly related to his mental illness?" (as if being bipolar somehow makes him totally blameless for the things he does when he deliberately stops taking his meds. And what do these people think I am anyway? How do I know what's "directly related to his mental illness" and what isn't?).
I finally just laid it all out on the line: Both the owner and the manager of the mobilehome park where I live had warned my brother that he was one complaint away from being kicked out of here. Then they told me, in strictest confidence, that if Don left FOR ANY REASON, he would NOT be allowed back in the mobilehome park. That seems to have worked (and it's true too).
Well, I hope everyone here has a peaceful and wonderful Christmas. As for my son and I, we're going to a friend's house for Christmas Dinner. We'll just be sure to lock all the doors before we leave. I hate doing that, but that's the way it's gotta be. I'll just be one of the few people around here that actually locks their doors now.
I did manage to fall asleep around 6 this morning. Woke up at 11 and figured if I hurry I can still make it to church. I needed to go be with other people and take my mind off my situation. Besides, it was just good to get out of the house and not have to worry about running into my brother (he doesn't know where my church is). Then I came home and fixed the screen door, adding a hook-and-eye latch to the inside frame, as further "reinforcement" in case of another visit from my brother.
I love Don, but I can't live with him. This is the second time I've taken him into my home only to have him act up like this. I figure the first time should have been enough, the second time was one time too many, and I'm not about to go for three. If he shows up for Christmas, I'll just call the cops again. That's all I can do. At least now they're not hassling me with comments like "So you won't even let YOUR OWN BROTHER come home for Christmas?" and "You would put YOUR OWN BROTHER out on the streets on a cold night JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS?" and "Why are you being this way to your poor brother? What did he do that wasn't directly related to his mental illness?" (as if being bipolar somehow makes him totally blameless for the things he does when he deliberately stops taking his meds. And what do these people think I am anyway? How do I know what's "directly related to his mental illness" and what isn't?).
I finally just laid it all out on the line: Both the owner and the manager of the mobilehome park where I live had warned my brother that he was one complaint away from being kicked out of here. Then they told me, in strictest confidence, that if Don left FOR ANY REASON, he would NOT be allowed back in the mobilehome park. That seems to have worked (and it's true too).
Well, I hope everyone here has a peaceful and wonderful Christmas. As for my son and I, we're going to a friend's house for Christmas Dinner. We'll just be sure to lock all the doors before we leave. I hate doing that, but that's the way it's gotta be. I'll just be one of the few people around here that actually locks their doors now.
ImCasper2
12-25-2006, 02:57 AM
Hi Ox! What wonderful friends you have, to have stood by you like that and not be afraid to lay it all out on the line for you.
I made a new friend at church today, and she is bipolar. She says she's willing to help in any way she can, and that's nice to hear. The nearest bipolar caregiver's support group is appx. 50 miles away, and the meetings get out too late at night for it to be a good idea for me to attend. I'd be getting home around midnight.
I have two other friends who are bipolar too, so that helps a lot. And then there's this board, which is nice because I'm better at writing than I am at talking. When I write, I can go back and edit things. Can't do that when I talk.
Well, have a good Christmas!
I made a new friend at church today, and she is bipolar. She says she's willing to help in any way she can, and that's nice to hear. The nearest bipolar caregiver's support group is appx. 50 miles away, and the meetings get out too late at night for it to be a good idea for me to attend. I'd be getting home around midnight.
I have two other friends who are bipolar too, so that helps a lot. And then there's this board, which is nice because I'm better at writing than I am at talking. When I write, I can go back and edit things. Can't do that when I talk.
Well, have a good Christmas!
jasperjade
12-25-2006, 03:56 AM
hey casper, I've been married to a bi-polar sufferer for 17 years now & believe me when I say that Christmas is not a time of the year I look forward too. There's always pressure from family & friends to join in and do the christmas thing but I basically have to go without my husband and he's never happy to be left at home, prefers me not to go ( almost insanely jealous / paranoid everyone else will be talking about him ) so I'd rather not go. Last year when I was backing car out with the kids to go to my family for christmas eve, he screamed at me to not f---ing bother coming back home. So I get there sick with fear, try to enjoy for sake of kids & family then face going home, sick with fear & ready for accusations , feel like a traitor to him or is that just part of being a victim of emotional abuse? Can't we just skip christmas? Does anyone agree?
makeworldgoaway
12-25-2006, 10:56 AM
ImCasper2; He has probably lost weight because he's not taking his medication.
ImCasper2
12-26-2006, 02:44 AM
Yeah, I guess not taking his meds would contribute to the weight loss. That and the fact that he got his wish and was homeless for a few weeks. Probably didn't get much to eat. And yes, that was what he wanted. He kept telling me that he wanted to be homeless again, that he liked it when he was homeless before.
But then when he came back the other day, he said he'd been through hell the past few weeks. I felt bad for him really, but I can't keep taking responsibility for his actions when he has an episode. I have a 16-year-old son to think about.
Really, you'd think I wouldn't look forward to Christmas as much as I do, with a history of bipolar disorder in my family. My mom had it, my sister has it, and 2 of my 3 brothers have it. When I was my son's age, it just seemed like every Christmas somebody in my family had an episode. Then I married an alcoholic who beat me up all the time. But I still looked forward to Christmas for some reason. Maybe it was because for a few hours at least, I had something pleasant to think about. I could think about the pretty lights on the tree, or how happy Uncle Bob would be with the gift I picked out so carefully for him. Or how much my sister-in-law loved the storage containers I bought her last year.
But this year, I spent most of the day alone, except for the few hours I spent with my son at his friends' house with their family for dinner. What hurt was that my son didn't want to spend Christmas here with me, so an hour or so after we got home, he went back over there. I can't say I blame him, though. He says Christmas is just another day as far as he's concerned. My son, who used to look forward to Christmas so much. That hurts. I've cried so much this evening that my eyes hurt. I never wanted to spend Christmas all alone. :( :( This used to be my most favorite day of the year. Oh well. :( :(
But then when he came back the other day, he said he'd been through hell the past few weeks. I felt bad for him really, but I can't keep taking responsibility for his actions when he has an episode. I have a 16-year-old son to think about.
Really, you'd think I wouldn't look forward to Christmas as much as I do, with a history of bipolar disorder in my family. My mom had it, my sister has it, and 2 of my 3 brothers have it. When I was my son's age, it just seemed like every Christmas somebody in my family had an episode. Then I married an alcoholic who beat me up all the time. But I still looked forward to Christmas for some reason. Maybe it was because for a few hours at least, I had something pleasant to think about. I could think about the pretty lights on the tree, or how happy Uncle Bob would be with the gift I picked out so carefully for him. Or how much my sister-in-law loved the storage containers I bought her last year.
But this year, I spent most of the day alone, except for the few hours I spent with my son at his friends' house with their family for dinner. What hurt was that my son didn't want to spend Christmas here with me, so an hour or so after we got home, he went back over there. I can't say I blame him, though. He says Christmas is just another day as far as he's concerned. My son, who used to look forward to Christmas so much. That hurts. I've cried so much this evening that my eyes hurt. I never wanted to spend Christmas all alone. :( :( This used to be my most favorite day of the year. Oh well. :( :(
ImCasper2
12-26-2006, 03:09 AM
Hey Jasper -- I went through that same sorta deal with my late ex-husband.
When we were married, he never wanted to do anything with my family, especially at Christmas. So if I went to dinner at my parents' house, I usually had to go alone. Then when I got home, "hubby dearest" would often be drunk and violent. I never looked forward to going home. I never knew what I was going to have to face when I got there.
My ex was also extremely jealous and possesive. I was supposed to look at only one man -- HIM. If I spent too much time with my dad, "hubby dearest" went into a tirade.
So I can understand wanting to skip Christmas. I don't agree with it, but I understand the feeling completely. But for all the bad things that I've seen at Christmas time over the years, I still find things to like about it.
When we were married, he never wanted to do anything with my family, especially at Christmas. So if I went to dinner at my parents' house, I usually had to go alone. Then when I got home, "hubby dearest" would often be drunk and violent. I never looked forward to going home. I never knew what I was going to have to face when I got there.
My ex was also extremely jealous and possesive. I was supposed to look at only one man -- HIM. If I spent too much time with my dad, "hubby dearest" went into a tirade.
So I can understand wanting to skip Christmas. I don't agree with it, but I understand the feeling completely. But for all the bad things that I've seen at Christmas time over the years, I still find things to like about it.
ImCasper2
12-27-2006, 04:31 AM
Well, after a quiet Christmas, the brother from Hell is up to more tricks today. Woke me up with a phone call this morning. He decided to go to his bank and try to re-open his accounts. I guess they got closed again, for the third time in less than 6 months. The teller called me to confirm his home address, and I said no, he doesn't live here. So he asked to talk to me, and she handed him the phone.
He started threatening me, saying things like "I'm coming home whether you want me to or not," and saying he was gonna bring a surprise that I wouldn't like. He asked if I'd be home today, and where my son was (my son is a teenager). When I said my son was at his friend's house, Don asked how long my son had been there. I don't know why he wanted to know all this stuff, so I was very vague in my replies. Then I asked Don what the surprise was. He said he was gonna bring the military when he came home tonight, and have me put in the brig. Don't know why, since he was never in the military and neither was I. He laughed and said he'd see me tonight and that I wasn't gonna like what he did to me. All of this was said in front of the teller, who apparently heard every word. I called the bank later because I got an email saying his account had been updated anyway. I got the same teller, who said she could see there was something wrong with Don so she had refused to do anything for him. She guessed he went to another branch and made the updates there. Why nobody from that other branch called to confirm the "update" is beyond me.
So here it is after midnight already, and so far Don hasn't showed up. Of course, it's been raining cats and dogs. That might be stopping him. Or maybe one of the neighbors saw him and called 911. They've been asked to do that. Tomorrow I'll go see what I can do about getting a restraining order. Couldn't do it today -- everything's closed for the Christmas break.
I'll be so glad when this whole mess is over.
He started threatening me, saying things like "I'm coming home whether you want me to or not," and saying he was gonna bring a surprise that I wouldn't like. He asked if I'd be home today, and where my son was (my son is a teenager). When I said my son was at his friend's house, Don asked how long my son had been there. I don't know why he wanted to know all this stuff, so I was very vague in my replies. Then I asked Don what the surprise was. He said he was gonna bring the military when he came home tonight, and have me put in the brig. Don't know why, since he was never in the military and neither was I. He laughed and said he'd see me tonight and that I wasn't gonna like what he did to me. All of this was said in front of the teller, who apparently heard every word. I called the bank later because I got an email saying his account had been updated anyway. I got the same teller, who said she could see there was something wrong with Don so she had refused to do anything for him. She guessed he went to another branch and made the updates there. Why nobody from that other branch called to confirm the "update" is beyond me.
So here it is after midnight already, and so far Don hasn't showed up. Of course, it's been raining cats and dogs. That might be stopping him. Or maybe one of the neighbors saw him and called 911. They've been asked to do that. Tomorrow I'll go see what I can do about getting a restraining order. Couldn't do it today -- everything's closed for the Christmas break.
I'll be so glad when this whole mess is over.
rosequartz
12-27-2006, 02:48 PM
your brother sounds scary and dangerous......I'd change the locks and call the police, and don't even entertain any of his discussions......just hang up.
crazywoman77
12-27-2006, 06:05 PM
hi casper, Just a quickey to let you know still here and checking up on how things are going am so sorry things have got worse for you i agree with rose in that your brother sounds very dangerous and please please make sure you and your son are as secure as possible untill he has got the help he needs. Do not ever let people like police hospital personell or anyone else for that matter make you feel like you have let him down, you have tried your best to help but your son and yourself must come first they have a duty by job to help your brother and to listen to what your saying .
ImCasper2
12-28-2006, 02:47 AM
--Thanks rosequartz and crazywoman77 and everyone else for your supporting words. It helps to be reminded that I'm not the "original wicked b-tch of the west" that my brother has made me look to be. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing.
--Don and I had already talked about him moving out on his own, but that was to happen in February. My son and I were going to help him find a place and get things set up with In-Home Support and everything. We had that discussion last month, three days before Thanksgiving. When we went to bed that night, it was after hugging and saying we loved each other. At the time, I didn't know that he hadn't taken his meds for over 2 months (our agreement, when he moved in, was that he could stay only as long as he took his meds and followed doctor's orders. If he ever stopped, he'd have to leave. So when he did stop, he just didn't tell me).
--When I woke up the next morning, my brother was gone. Next thing I knew, I had a call from my aunt, asking if I had really thrown Don out in the middle of the night, and was he really in a wheelchair. He DID have a wheelchair, but it was because he WANTED one, not because he needed it. He can walk just fine. But he wanted people to feel sorry for "the poor helpless crippled guy" (as he called himself). So he'd go downtown in his wheelchair, with his legs tucked under his butt to look like he was an amputee.
--Strange thing is, dangerous as Don sounds, I'm not afraid of him. Actually, that's kinda what worries me. I'm not scared of him and if he tries to hurt me, I WILL defend myself. Also, everyone here seems to agree that he sounds dangerous, and yet the cops seem to think he's perfectly normal. The only "civilian" that acknowledged there's something wrong with Don (other than people here) was the bank teller who heard his threats to me yesterday morning. Btw, he never did show up yesterday, unless he was the one who let my neighbor's dog off her dog run last night. And he would do that too.
--Btw, I put a new lock on the back door and a latch on the front one. Can't afford to change both locks. But a hook-and-eye latch on the screen door where Don can't see it makes it extra secure. The two windows that would give access from the porch are now secured with sticks so they won't open. I feel like I'm in jail, but it's what I gotta do for now. Don will be back here around the 2nd because he's expecting his Disability check and thinks his mail is still coming here (it's been stopped). He's broke right now, and the bank closed his accounts, so no more Direct Deposit. So tomorrow I'll be getting a restraining order. I don't know where he's staying now, so I'll call the cops when he gets here and they'll serve the papers then.
--Don and I had already talked about him moving out on his own, but that was to happen in February. My son and I were going to help him find a place and get things set up with In-Home Support and everything. We had that discussion last month, three days before Thanksgiving. When we went to bed that night, it was after hugging and saying we loved each other. At the time, I didn't know that he hadn't taken his meds for over 2 months (our agreement, when he moved in, was that he could stay only as long as he took his meds and followed doctor's orders. If he ever stopped, he'd have to leave. So when he did stop, he just didn't tell me).
--When I woke up the next morning, my brother was gone. Next thing I knew, I had a call from my aunt, asking if I had really thrown Don out in the middle of the night, and was he really in a wheelchair. He DID have a wheelchair, but it was because he WANTED one, not because he needed it. He can walk just fine. But he wanted people to feel sorry for "the poor helpless crippled guy" (as he called himself). So he'd go downtown in his wheelchair, with his legs tucked under his butt to look like he was an amputee.
--Strange thing is, dangerous as Don sounds, I'm not afraid of him. Actually, that's kinda what worries me. I'm not scared of him and if he tries to hurt me, I WILL defend myself. Also, everyone here seems to agree that he sounds dangerous, and yet the cops seem to think he's perfectly normal. The only "civilian" that acknowledged there's something wrong with Don (other than people here) was the bank teller who heard his threats to me yesterday morning. Btw, he never did show up yesterday, unless he was the one who let my neighbor's dog off her dog run last night. And he would do that too.
--Btw, I put a new lock on the back door and a latch on the front one. Can't afford to change both locks. But a hook-and-eye latch on the screen door where Don can't see it makes it extra secure. The two windows that would give access from the porch are now secured with sticks so they won't open. I feel like I'm in jail, but it's what I gotta do for now. Don will be back here around the 2nd because he's expecting his Disability check and thinks his mail is still coming here (it's been stopped). He's broke right now, and the bank closed his accounts, so no more Direct Deposit. So tomorrow I'll be getting a restraining order. I don't know where he's staying now, so I'll call the cops when he gets here and they'll serve the papers then.
rosequartz
12-28-2006, 10:59 AM
Good for you....it sounds like you've got a plan.....
It's too bad you have to deal with this, but I think you've thought it through, etc.....
Good luck to you and I hope your brother will someday get the help that he so desperately needs.
:angel:
It's too bad you have to deal with this, but I think you've thought it through, etc.....
Good luck to you and I hope your brother will someday get the help that he so desperately needs.
:angel:
rosalinddawn
12-29-2006, 05:56 AM
Hi ox_iq
It sounds like you have some very good friends there. I was admitted 3 years ago and thankfully do take my meds but there have been difficult times.I don't know anyone with bipolar and thought I would join this chat room to share experiences and see how other people get on with it. I am now working full time as a manager and it's going quite well. I do have problems with my parents though!
RosalindDawn
It sounds like you have some very good friends there. I was admitted 3 years ago and thankfully do take my meds but there have been difficult times.I don't know anyone with bipolar and thought I would join this chat room to share experiences and see how other people get on with it. I am now working full time as a manager and it's going quite well. I do have problems with my parents though!
RosalindDawn
ImCasper2
12-30-2006, 01:28 AM
Good for you....it sounds like you've got a plan.....
It's too bad you have to deal with this, but I think you've thought it through, etc.....
Good luck to you and I hope your brother will someday get the help that he so desperately needs.
:angel:
--Well, I got the temporary restraining order today. Have to go to court Jan. 16th to get the permanent one. According to the lady at the Victim Witness Center, the restraining orders are usually valid up to 5 years, but I can ask the judge for a lifetime order, which is what I plan to do. I've tried to help my brother out, letting him live with me twice before, and each time I've had some sort of trouble from him.
--Now, he's trying to get my house away from me. He claims he's the homeowner, which is totally NOT true. He's delusional and also very smart, which is a dangerous combination. He knows how to manipulate people and get what he wants. So it's not surprising to me to be getting calls from all sorts of people asking for Don. He still thinks he lives here and he wants to come home. He left last month because he wanted to be homeless (he was homeless before and said he enjoyed it and wanted to go back on the streets again). But now it's getting cold out at night, so of course he wants to come home. Unfortunately, this is the third time he's caused major trouble for me -- so this is not his home anymore. He was causing disturbances with the neighbors and even picked a fight with a teenager that he knew ran with a gang and carried a loaded gun (the kid even showed him the gun). He put my son and I in danger, and I just can't have that. He deliberately stopped taking his meds, and this is the result of that decision. He thinks that being bipolar gives him liberty to do whatever he wants. He says he's not responsible for his actions because he's bipolar. But if he deliberately quits taking his meds when he knows what will happen if he quits, then I think he SHOULD be held responsible for his actions. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I just don't believe bipolar disorder is a license to do whatever you want and get away with it. It's not a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.
--OK, that's my rant for today. Sorry if I hurt or offended anyone. It's just been a very stressful week. Lots of stuff going on. I have a part-time job that takes me to different locations and I keep thinking I'll see Don and he'll cause a scene. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking coffee right now.........:eek: :eek: :eek:
It's too bad you have to deal with this, but I think you've thought it through, etc.....
Good luck to you and I hope your brother will someday get the help that he so desperately needs.
:angel:
--Well, I got the temporary restraining order today. Have to go to court Jan. 16th to get the permanent one. According to the lady at the Victim Witness Center, the restraining orders are usually valid up to 5 years, but I can ask the judge for a lifetime order, which is what I plan to do. I've tried to help my brother out, letting him live with me twice before, and each time I've had some sort of trouble from him.
--Now, he's trying to get my house away from me. He claims he's the homeowner, which is totally NOT true. He's delusional and also very smart, which is a dangerous combination. He knows how to manipulate people and get what he wants. So it's not surprising to me to be getting calls from all sorts of people asking for Don. He still thinks he lives here and he wants to come home. He left last month because he wanted to be homeless (he was homeless before and said he enjoyed it and wanted to go back on the streets again). But now it's getting cold out at night, so of course he wants to come home. Unfortunately, this is the third time he's caused major trouble for me -- so this is not his home anymore. He was causing disturbances with the neighbors and even picked a fight with a teenager that he knew ran with a gang and carried a loaded gun (the kid even showed him the gun). He put my son and I in danger, and I just can't have that. He deliberately stopped taking his meds, and this is the result of that decision. He thinks that being bipolar gives him liberty to do whatever he wants. He says he's not responsible for his actions because he's bipolar. But if he deliberately quits taking his meds when he knows what will happen if he quits, then I think he SHOULD be held responsible for his actions. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I just don't believe bipolar disorder is a license to do whatever you want and get away with it. It's not a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.
--OK, that's my rant for today. Sorry if I hurt or offended anyone. It's just been a very stressful week. Lots of stuff going on. I have a part-time job that takes me to different locations and I keep thinking I'll see Don and he'll cause a scene. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking coffee right now.........:eek: :eek: :eek:
jules3
12-30-2006, 11:01 AM
I feel for you..Don is trying to control your life. While his bi-polar is real, it is not an excuse to do what hes been doing. Are you in a small town? im sure the police are aware of Don and his antics? Since you have a restraining order, do not hesitate a minute to call them if he shows up at your door. Did you think about having your phone number changed to an unlisted one?
ImCasper2
12-31-2006, 05:54 AM
--Funny you should mention the small town. Yep, I live in one. When Don came to my house a couple days before Christmas, I called the cops. All I had to do was mention his name and they knew the address and everything. They know who he is because of all the times they had to come out here when he lived with me before.
--I've thought about having my phone number changed, but I think in this case it's not a good idea just yet. If he doesn't have my phone number, he can't call and warn me that he's coming over. He'll just show up un-announced. I'd rather have him call and tell me he'll be here and then not show up than have him not call and just show up. Besides, if I change the phone number, he'll just take it as a sign that I'm scared of him (I'm not), and that might just make things worse. He likes scaring people --or at least thinking they're scared of him. Changing the number would just give him incentive.
--So for now, the phone number will stay the same. I might change it later on though, if his calls get too annoying.
--I've thought about having my phone number changed, but I think in this case it's not a good idea just yet. If he doesn't have my phone number, he can't call and warn me that he's coming over. He'll just show up un-announced. I'd rather have him call and tell me he'll be here and then not show up than have him not call and just show up. Besides, if I change the phone number, he'll just take it as a sign that I'm scared of him (I'm not), and that might just make things worse. He likes scaring people --or at least thinking they're scared of him. Changing the number would just give him incentive.
--So for now, the phone number will stay the same. I might change it later on though, if his calls get too annoying.