toomanyquestons
12-26-2006, 06:17 AM
hey i hope someone here can give me some insight or point me to somewhere. on christmas eve i was on a date with a guy i met clubbing, problem is we never got out of the car we pulled up in the car park and he proceeded to make me give him head, i didnt fight much because i was just so scared but i was crying and saying i dont want to do this i cant do this but he wouldnt let me stop he told me he was going to do more but he stopped finally. im not going to report it just coz its so hard to talk about but i need to know how to move on form this i feel so numb atm but i cant eat coz i just feel so sick i just want someone to talk to that can understand what im going through
Sponsor
Sannah
12-26-2006, 12:18 PM
Toomanyquestions, I am so sorry that this happened to you. Is there a rape crisis center that you can contact?
Therag
12-26-2006, 04:36 PM
Hi I'm really sorry to hear of your appaling ordeal. I know it's probably easier said than done but you need to go to the police, because this creep should be banged up and the key thrown away!
Lanugo
12-26-2006, 08:33 PM
I agree that creeps like that should be locked up but right now is the time to do what's best for you - not to try to be a saviour to all of womankind. You need to find a number of a rape crisis line. These people know what they're dealing with because unfortunately they see it all too often. I do hope you know there's nothing wrong with how you handled yourself - fear is such an immobilising thing. You weren't to know who this person really was - we've all been on dates with someone we've just met. It is possible to come to terms with these things and at least you're still around to tell the tale.
Take care of yourself and try your best to eat something, you're probably a lot stronger than you know - I think I would've cracked up by now.
Lots of love and all the best wishes.
SJ x
Take care of yourself and try your best to eat something, you're probably a lot stronger than you know - I think I would've cracked up by now.
Lots of love and all the best wishes.
SJ x
Lanugo
12-26-2006, 08:36 PM
1800-424-017 is your local counselling line. It's the 1st thing that comes up on Google if you type in "rape crisis sydney". Go there for their full information.
toomanyquestons
12-27-2006, 04:59 AM
thanks for the support everyone i really appreciate it, i saw my ex today which was really good as although w ehave our problems i was able to have someone listen and support me, im not quite ready to call the rape crisis centre yet as its going to be quite full on i think. i can already see it changing me though, its like im almost trying to make myself unnapealing to guys, i wont wear make up and in the middle of summer theres nothing more i want to wear than jeans and a jacket. i keep on looking at men with disgust and dont want to be alone with anyone it just horrible, thanks for the comments and support i really appreciate
babydiva
12-28-2006, 10:52 AM
Have you thought about councelling? It's hard to get over something like that just in a few days....it's going to take time. Councelling might help ease the pain your going through.
keyboardplaya
01-15-2007, 04:01 PM
First of all, even though I understand that you were way too traumatic to contact any authorities, it was definitely in your best interest. You should know from now on, should this happen again, that the most important thing is to get help. I have a friend who was raped and she received no help with her situation because she destroyed the evidence. Again, I am not criticizing you, because you were in a severe state of panic, as anyone would be. But at the same time, it is best to get help as soon as possible in this kind of situation.
As for what you can do now, I don't think anyone needs to tell you to be careful. You knew that even before this happened. But you seem to have trouble being around guys, which is completely understandable. Yes, I'm a guy, but I completely understand that you're not going to be comfortable around my gender. By the sound of it, I would definitely spend more time around your ex. I'm not saying to get back together with him (I won't make that relationship any of my business), but my point is that you're comfortable around him. And if there's any way you can have him agree to protect you when he can, then that's a step in the right direction. I would try to find as many trustworthy guys in your social circle as possible. Of course, female friends are needed too, and for now you should find strength in numbers (go to the club in a group, and stay with them), but spending time with males that you trust will also help you cope with the insecurity issue.
I am very sorry that you had to go through this and, even though I don't have the personal responsiblity or guilt that goes with this crime, I always feel that I should at least try to help people that are manipulated by other males. I hope you believe me when I say that most guys are not this violent, but I do realize that you need some time to heal.
Good luck!
As for what you can do now, I don't think anyone needs to tell you to be careful. You knew that even before this happened. But you seem to have trouble being around guys, which is completely understandable. Yes, I'm a guy, but I completely understand that you're not going to be comfortable around my gender. By the sound of it, I would definitely spend more time around your ex. I'm not saying to get back together with him (I won't make that relationship any of my business), but my point is that you're comfortable around him. And if there's any way you can have him agree to protect you when he can, then that's a step in the right direction. I would try to find as many trustworthy guys in your social circle as possible. Of course, female friends are needed too, and for now you should find strength in numbers (go to the club in a group, and stay with them), but spending time with males that you trust will also help you cope with the insecurity issue.
I am very sorry that you had to go through this and, even though I don't have the personal responsiblity or guilt that goes with this crime, I always feel that I should at least try to help people that are manipulated by other males. I hope you believe me when I say that most guys are not this violent, but I do realize that you need some time to heal.
Good luck!
sadaunt1130
03-26-2007, 09:29 AM
It will take a while before you want to be noticed by the oppisite sex, you think the way you dressed or acted in some way made this fault, you will if only............. yourself to death. If you love you bf and he loves you, I think he will be a great help to your healing. Take each memory as it comes and fight it, don't give in to the terror that holds you. Also, new (safe) settings might help. Like, instead of clubbing with your friends-go bowling, take a self defence class, I know it sounds trite, but it will build up your confidence, and confidence is a scarce commodity.
jkitty
03-26-2007, 01:12 PM
It's hard to recover so much as to just cope and move on. I was raped as a virgin when I was 15 and molested after for several months before I sought counseling. I made it to a counselor when I found out I was pregnant. I had an abortion and had to skip school and see a lawyer in order to waive my parent's right to know. It was an awful secret that I kept but I am no longer ashamed. I have had problems all of my life relating sex into a normal healthy relationship. Sometimes I can feel a physical show of affection is actually my boyfriend trying to punish me (although that has never been the case).
I've been through some counseling but basically it just comes to trust. You will probably no longer trust being alone with men that you don't already intend to have sex with like a serious boyfriend. (well that's what I did) I had guy friends that I always went out with that would keep other men away from me. That was nice. For me it's all just been about trusting the person that I am with to never harm me and I've had to change my thought pattern to believe that sex is an enjoyable act between two people and not just for the man's pleasure and the female's duty.
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I want to tell you also that if you tell someone and they act as if you could have done something to stop it and you could have done this or that or you shouldn't have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, they DON'T understand. Just drop it and know that you were never in the wrong. The RAPIST was. It's frustrating and degrating arguing with people that don't understand. (a few of my ex's acted as if why didn't I just tell someone or walk away or why did I hang out with that type of person to begin with etc... The criminal is him, don't ever let anyone put you on trial for your reaction to his horrendous torture. Just a few thoughts in case you ever have to deal with small minded people somewhere down the road.
Take care of yourself.
jkitty
I've been through some counseling but basically it just comes to trust. You will probably no longer trust being alone with men that you don't already intend to have sex with like a serious boyfriend. (well that's what I did) I had guy friends that I always went out with that would keep other men away from me. That was nice. For me it's all just been about trusting the person that I am with to never harm me and I've had to change my thought pattern to believe that sex is an enjoyable act between two people and not just for the man's pleasure and the female's duty.
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I want to tell you also that if you tell someone and they act as if you could have done something to stop it and you could have done this or that or you shouldn't have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, they DON'T understand. Just drop it and know that you were never in the wrong. The RAPIST was. It's frustrating and degrating arguing with people that don't understand. (a few of my ex's acted as if why didn't I just tell someone or walk away or why did I hang out with that type of person to begin with etc... The criminal is him, don't ever let anyone put you on trial for your reaction to his horrendous torture. Just a few thoughts in case you ever have to deal with small minded people somewhere down the road.
Take care of yourself.
jkitty