Just reading back through all the old posts has been wonderful. For all the years I've been trying to hide as much of this illness (and many of these things I didn't realize were related to the others), it turns out there are others that are experiencing very similar things.

I was so afraid of people thinking I was crazy. The weird feelings, the fear...

But I have a real question here. I have always been afraid that I was going to go into one of my "freak outs" and get stuck there. Trapped inside that thing in my head. That I would end up as some thing left in some hospital room drooling on myself and my husband would come visit me as often as he could even though I wouldn't know he was there.

During my episodes, I sometimes try to reach out to my husband, hoping he will be able to keep me "here". I place alot of faith in him, he's my Superman.

But how real or unreal is this fear of mine? Does anyone else worry about something like this?

Anxiety seems to make mine worse, so if I could put some kind of rational thought to this, it might help.

You are not alone. Epilepsy can cause an anxiety. Confide in your "Superman". Time has a way of healing this pain, if it is comforted by the confidance of a husband, wife, or another human being. Sometimes, for a period of time, when you start a new medication, or change it's dose, intense emotional changes take place. What medications are you taking?

For awhile a couple of years ago, I was on Tegratol. But I decided to quit taking it. And I decided to quit seeing a doctor. I hate medecines. And I distrust doctors in general. I think they are out to make a name for themselves and/or money. Very few have any interest in the patients they treat. I decided that I could just "handle" it on my own. It's my brain, so I should know what's best, right.

Well, that didn't work so well. So I'm back with a new doctor. He's starting me out slow. We went over some medication options and their side effects (which I'm pretty picky about) and decided on Topamax for now.

By the way, has anyone else noticed that for seizures they will give you meds with liver failure as a side effect and for liver problems, you get meds with seizures as a side effect. The medical world is bizarre... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

ashnan i agree with you i think that most of the drs are out to prove something to their colleges and to make money and i feel thats about it.maybe that is wrong of me to think so but since being diagnosed with epilepsy in 97 i have seen my share of drs and have been put through a ringer of tests and i have been on every med there is available in my state and for what? nothing!!!!!! i am still no closer to seizure control and with all the meds i have been on i have some permanate side effects.i am now seeing a so called "epilepsy specialist" who is no different in my eyes than any of my other drs it takes her about 2 weeks to call me back if i need something and phone her office she has now taken me off all of my meds so i am currently on nothing for seizures however she does have me taking lexapro (an anti depressant)and as most of you know anti depressents can trigger seizures after she told me to stop taking my topamax but to continue the lexapro i thought to myself what in the hell kind of dr am i really dealing with here? i have had grandmal seizures since i was 15 i am now 22 a married mother of 3 small children and she is taking me off of my aed what is she thinking? i wonder and worry everyday now that i am going to have a seizure while at home with my children while my husband is at work and no one will know what am i to do ??????? any one with any ideas?

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mother of 3
ages 4,3,and 1
my pride and joy

live life to its fullest you never know when it may be to late to do all the things you would have done tomorrow