Hello everyone,
I hope all of you had a wonderful X'Mas! I did too, infact i'm in Chicago right now on vacation till the New Year.
Anyway, I had my results today and it was not the results that any of us would like to hear. After 6 attempt at IVF yet another BFN.:( I somewhat knew that it would be the case as I had spotted a few days ago. I guess it's just the story of my life. This morning I went to get my blood drawn at one of the Quest clinic here in Chicago. When the nurse called to tell me of the bad news I was fine at first but about 5 minutes later I was sobbing infact as i'm writing this thread right now I can't seem to hold back the tears. My DH was extremely caring towards my feeling I told him to let me cry my eyes out and to leave me alone for a moment. I kept telling myself why do I keep torturing myself with this treatment? Anyone in their right mind would not have gone thru 6 ivf attempt but here i am doing it cycles after cycles. Am I too stupid or just plain ignorant to think that it will eventually work? I'm so mad and angry beyond words:mad: :mad: Why me! Why do I kept believing that God will perhaps give me the miracle that I long for and now I'm not so sure if he will ever!!!. I told my DH that I don't think I can do this again and for now we will stop trying for a while even though we still have 3 embies frozen.
This year has been a huge rollercoster ride for us. It's taking a toll on my body, emotion and well being. I hope 2007 will bring all of us the good news and make us a Mommy that we dream of all the time.
I'm going to start the process of international adoption when we get home to pittsburgh and hopefully my dream of becoming a mommy in 2007 will come true. If anyone on this board or know someone who have gone thru an adoption process I would love to hear about it.
Thank you for reading this really long thread and I pray that all of you have a better news to share in future.

Tini,

I am so sorry for your news. You must be a strong person to perservere through 6 IVF attempts. We went through 7 cycles, it is so trying and I was the same after each BFN. Don't touch or talk to me until I take a nap, have my cry and feel the need to get over it. You deserve to be angry and upset. I wish I had the right words, I definitely won't preach. Nothing makes you feel better at this point but expressing your feelings. You are in my thoughts.

Amy

Oh Tini

I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. The only thing that I can do is to send you a big hug. You've been at this longer than I have so I can't give you any words of wisdom or suggestions. Maybe you need a little time off from this exercise to just rest, this is very wearing on relationships as well as our bodies.

I will keep you in my prayers.

:angel:

I am so very sorry Tini that you did not get your bfp this time!!! You are such an amazing woman for enduring 6 IVFs!!!! That in itself shows your determination and dedication to creating your miracle. You have every single right to feel angry and sad and frustrated, I can only imagine. You need to just cry and let it all out, you can't keep the feelings bottled up.

On another note, I think it is so wonderful that you will begin the adoption process when you get home!!!! May 2007 definitely be the year that you become a mommy and have your dreams come true:angel:

I hope you enjoy your vacation in Chicago, I live in a northern suburb of Chicago!!!!
{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}
cmarie

tini im so sorry of this bad news.. and everyone is right, vent, scream, cry, be angry, you have every right to feel that way!!! you are so strong to keep going, but you know what if i got pregnant one time out of those, i prob wouldnt give up either because i knew its possible.. just a question.. i always hear of women mentioning internation adoption, doesnt anyone adopt from america anymore?? im just curious :) i rad somehwere that there is thousands of children in our country that just never get adopted.. i havent looked to much into adoption, so im just trying to get a hold on the process also.. is it that its hard to adopt infants in america?? after my 2nd failed ivf i started to look online about adoption and it just felt so unreal, i knew i wasnt ready yet! GOOD LUCK TINI, and i hope your vacation brings some relaxation and fun.. i will def. keep you in my thoughts and prayers, good luck ! aimee

I'm so sorry Tini. I don't even know what to say. You are an incredibly strong & determined woman, and you certainly don't deserve what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your DH as you deal with the news of another negative result. I too am glad to hear you're going to be proceeding with adoption, and I wish you the best as you proceed. BIG HUGS coming your way.

Holly

oh Tini,

I am so sorry about your BFN. Sending you big ((((hugs)))). No one should have to endure IF, it is just so unfair. You have every right to be angry, upset, and anythinig else you are feeling. I wish you peace and strength as you get through this difficult time. May 2007 bring you your dream of being a mommy!

Lori

PS. Tini and Aimee- I have started looking into adoption too (just in case). My DH and I went to a RESOLVE famly building conference in November and it was great. I know they have them all over the country so there might be one near you. They went through all the domestic and international options and how each process works. It really helped me to know my options because I feel better now knowing one way or another I will be a mommy. Good luck to you both!

Tini,
I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the disappointment and frustration, and I can't believe how strong you are. It is clear to me that you will be a mommy someday -- either through IVF or adoption -- because your determination is incredible -- and I know it will result in your becoming a mother one way or another. And a wonderful mother you will be ...

I have a friend who went through 6 IVFs, too -- and she's now the proud mother of three children -- one adopted (domestically), one through IVF (it was either her 6th or 7th IVF attempt), and another that she had this past year (I'm not sure whether the last baby was through IVF or just coincidence -- we kind of lost touch after her second child, I was under the impression that they only wanted 2 kids, and then a couple of years later I got the birth announcement for her third!). I hope that story gives you a little lift.

I will keep you in my prayers for strength, peace and the start of your family in the new year. XOXO :angel:

Tini, so sorry for yet another BFN!:( I couldn't imagine going through 6!! I myself went through 3 (2 fresh and 1 frozen) and luckily got pg on my 2nd fresh, I'm due in April. But, I can emmpathize and understand the heartache and the endurance it takes to keep going but only to a certain extent.
I would never say that you are "out of your mind," just headstrong and determined to have your dreams come true. You haven't given up and that's a true test of character and something we can all take inspiration from. ;)

I work with a teacher whose daughter did 7 IVFs before getting pg with twins. She actually decided to switch doctors on the 7th and he approached things quite differently (can't give details because I don't really know what was changed, but just thought I'd put that out there). Not that changing doctors could be your quick fix, just that maybe there's new things you could try that a different doctor would have perspective on.

As far as adoption, I think that's a great way to go too. I myself was adopted. My twin sister and I were put into foster care first. My mother took in 42 foster children in all but only adopted my sister and I. We were in her house from 5 months old and released for adoption at 6 years old. During our years of growing up, there were several babies that came through, even on occasion, newborns. I'm telling you this because people sometimes have a misconception that it's hard to adopt babies anymore, especially from this country. With International adoptions, (although I don't know too much about it), I've heard it can drag you through a lot of "red tape." If you are interested, I would start with foster-care, it's a great way to really care for another little being that really needs it, even if it is just for a short while. You never know, adoption may be in the future for many of these precious little ones. A friend of mine had a mom who tried it after seeing and being inspired from what my mom did and ended up adopting a brother and sister (who came into her house as 2 and 4 year olds) and they were her first foster children. Anything can happen!! Good luck!! :angel: I hope 2007 is the year your dreams come true!

Tini,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know there isn't anything I can say that will help so just know you are in all of our thoughts and prayers.

Des

Thank you all for the kind words and support. This board have been amazing not only to me but to all of us. Even though I'm fairly new to this board but you guys definitely keep me going through this rough time and I really appreciate that.
To answer the question that Aimee had about local adoption, I guess DH and I are not too keen due to some bad stories that we heard. Not only that but the wait time is much longer than some of the international adoption program.
We talk about becoming a foster parents but I decided not to because I can't bear the thought of having to loose a child after spending time and bonding with them. It's like going thru failed ivf having hope and only to be crushed. I don't think I could handle that. With international adoption I know I will have the child with me in less than a year and no one can take the child away from us.
I would adopt locally if only the process is not too stringent. It seems that they purposely make it so difficult for us to adopt. Perhaps if they do change the way the adoption process works, then in future we will look into it more closely.
Thank you all again for your support.

Hi Tini,

Sorry I am a bit late I just wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am that IVF did not work. My heart broke when I read your post and I really felt your sadness. Your are so brave and strong, you will be a wonderful mother no matter how you get to become one. I really admire that you already have your plan of what to do next. Adopting a child is one of the most amazing things anyone could ever do and even if I do get a BFP one day I think I still will do it, especially after going through all of this. My best friend's sister adopted this past year in the U.S. She had to make a scrap book and the biological parents get to pick you the adopted parents will be based on the information given to them by the Adoptin facility. She had no specific request in terms of gender etc. just that the child be within a year old. Well within 9 months she had a 3 month old beautiful little girl. So ti could depend on the state I think. They live in FL. I am from hispanic decent and know that if/when DH and I decide to adopt we will likely go to his country or my parent's country to adopt as we know those children will never have the life that an american child would have regardless. So what ever you decide to do your are in my warmest thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how you are and what you decided to do when you get back from your vacation. You can always adopt and try IVF again later. But that is something for you and DH to decide. Take care and may 2007 allow you to become the mother your desearve to be!!!!

XOXO
kathy

Tini

If adoption is what your heart wants to do then I think that you should do it as well as keep trying. I was adopted by my mother's husband when I was 10 months old (as soon as they were married), I was from a previous relationship. My mother had me naturally and my 2 sisters after me but all this to say that there is noone else in the world that I would ever think of calling my father but the man who adopted me. He didn't have to and everyday I think that my life could not have been any better than it was. I feel like I've had a privileged life and I never tell people that he was my stepfather or my mother's husband but he was my one and only father. Noone ever talked about an adoption and treated me as an equal and really don't think taht it was even whispered behind my back, I did my part in the family. Any baby that you adopt is going to love you for what you did for them even if you have additional kids naturally. I would love to adopt someone and even though DH knows what happened to me, he still does not want to do it. My father and I were closer than he was to my sisters and I always felt like he did extra for me. I didn't find out until I was 21 about the adoption and I never told him that I knew. I always felt like the best thanks that I could say to him was to be a good daughter and everything that he wanted. He passed away in January and even as he was in the hospital and fading, I still couldn't tell him that I knew but I told him that I loved him.

All that counts is that you provide a good life for another human being.