Ocallaghan212
12-29-2006, 08:36 PM
My daughter is 10 yrs old and is so aggressive with me. Especially when its that time of the month. SHe punches, kicks, scratches, pulls my hair and bites me. She can be giving me a major beat down and my husband will come in and he takes over and she doesnt touch him. I dont understand it. Im so stressed out right now because he is due to leave on 01-02-2007 for 2 months and then its just me. SHe does have a couple of aides that comes out to help me with her. She also has an ABA therapist that comes out 5 hours a week to teach her to shower herself and get herself dressed. She is stumped as what to do. She is such a good kid most of the time but now that puberty has started she can be aweful. It wouldnt be bad but she is 5'5 and weighs 120 lbs. Im scared that if Im forceful with her just to hold her back I may hurt her cuz she gets stronger the madder she gets. any suggestions are greatly appreciated~!!! Thank you
Rachel
Rachel
Sponsor
firenice
12-30-2006, 12:55 AM
Try this...
when she starts to get aggressive towards you, sit down and start crying. It may be play acting on your part, but the idea is to show her (not tell her) that you are hurt. See what happens.
when she starts to get aggressive towards you, sit down and start crying. It may be play acting on your part, but the idea is to show her (not tell her) that you are hurt. See what happens.
Laenini
12-30-2006, 02:15 AM
Did I understand correctly that she menstruating already at age 10? And that you have you noticed she is more aggressive right before her period? If that is the case, maybe she has some PMS? There are medications to help with PMS, so maybe you might want to check with your doctor? A little Prozac might go a long way in this case.
Also, sometimes these kids are more physical with the people in their lives who they feel safer expressing their frustrations with physically. I agree that letting her know she is hurting you is a good idea. I think too it might help for you to try to restrain her hands with your own hands and tell her very firmly "you may NOT hit (bite, scratch, etc...) me!" when she is starting to get physical. Even with the autism, I think at 10 she is old enough to learn that unsafe behavior has consequences. You may want to place a condition of safe behavior on certain social or community activities for her to participate. If she acts out with unsafe physical behavior, those activities could be withheld until she can prove she has her behavior under better control. The fact that she stops the behavior when her dad is around shows that she does have some control over it. You need to give her logical incentives to control it all the time. Consequences for unsafe behavior and then a small reward or recognition when you catch her controlling her temper could work wonders. Be careful not to dangle the reward like a carrot though. You want to reward good behavior, but not bribe or buy good behavior from her. That could open up a whole other can of worms!
Good luck!
Also, sometimes these kids are more physical with the people in their lives who they feel safer expressing their frustrations with physically. I agree that letting her know she is hurting you is a good idea. I think too it might help for you to try to restrain her hands with your own hands and tell her very firmly "you may NOT hit (bite, scratch, etc...) me!" when she is starting to get physical. Even with the autism, I think at 10 she is old enough to learn that unsafe behavior has consequences. You may want to place a condition of safe behavior on certain social or community activities for her to participate. If she acts out with unsafe physical behavior, those activities could be withheld until she can prove she has her behavior under better control. The fact that she stops the behavior when her dad is around shows that she does have some control over it. You need to give her logical incentives to control it all the time. Consequences for unsafe behavior and then a small reward or recognition when you catch her controlling her temper could work wonders. Be careful not to dangle the reward like a carrot though. You want to reward good behavior, but not bribe or buy good behavior from her. That could open up a whole other can of worms!
Good luck!
Ocallaghan212
12-30-2006, 01:36 PM
Oh yes she turned 10 in MAy got her 1st period in August ( it lasted over a week) and she just got her 2nd period on Christmas and this one is major. I have never seen it flow so much befor. We bought the overnight pads and she has to be changed every hour. Now we are using depends diapers at this point. This period is so heavy. I siad to my husbad ( who is a saint because I had to work this week and theres no school and no respite becuase of the holidays, he has had to deal with her and she doesnt have the skills to do for herself) Back to what I said to muy husabnd. This must have been building up for 4 months and now the folod gates are open. LOL~! I am definatley going to the DR to get her on the pill, I am so not going thru this ever again. Its aweful. But as you all know you deal with what you are given, hopefully it will end soon. And as for the aggression advice it was really good and I am most definatly going to try it. Thank you so much and Happy new year~!!!!
Laenini
12-30-2006, 09:21 PM
To have such a heavy period at such a young age might be something that requires medical attention. I know I have always read that soaking though more than 1 pad or tampon per hour merits an immediate call to the doctor. It sounds like she is even exceeding that! It may be a holiday weekend, but I think you should call someone tonight if its still going on. It is possible to lose too much blood that way. Post back and let us know how she is?
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
JoJoLEE
12-31-2006, 11:32 AM
Maybe you can try a totem poll with her. When ever she does good things she reaches a new notch (whatever you two decide on) and when she reaches the top of the totem she will get to do or receive a special something. When she misbehaves she has to take a step down for each thing she chooses to do wrong. Talk talk talk and give warnings as well. ALWAYS reward good behavior.
I know these kiddos have a hard time with social emotion but I think it would be a good idea to break down and cry so she can see your feelings. Let us know and good luck.
I know these kiddos have a hard time with social emotion but I think it would be a good idea to break down and cry so she can see your feelings. Let us know and good luck.
Ocallaghan212
01-01-2007, 09:25 AM
I have cried and screamed and she laughs at me. Or if its my older daughter and she is crying she laughs. I know she doesnt understand. But I think Im going to try the reward system. I think they use stickers on a chart and if she is good she gets to chose something from the reward box. Im going to do something like that here. Thanks so much~!!!