JustDave4now
12-31-2006, 11:40 AM
My wife is a wonderful woman, caring nurse who is my close friend and we seldom fight. Last night she decked me with a pillow in the middle of the night because I was trembling so bad and moving around so much in discomfort I was keeping her awake.
Normally I would laugh this off, but I was so fustrated, I had been laying there hours and first my leg would ache then twitch and then try to take a step, then I would move and it would be my arm. Dull throbing pain, it was horrible. I tried to stretch them out, but I don't know about you when I do I tremmor something fierce as I do it. No matter what I did it didn't help, and I was missirable.
She Said "stop it" and though I am not proud I snapped back in my frustration "What do you think I like what is happening to me? Don't you think I would control it if I could? I hate what is happening to me, I hate it and no I can't stop it.
there was silence..
I felt horrible, but I didn't say anthing, I just layed down in my quiet tears and tried to figure out a way to appologize. It is not her fault I am in discomfort, it is not her fault I am in DX hell. It is all falling apart all at once it seems and here I am taking it out on her. I will talk with her when she is awake this morning and let her know how sorry I am taking it out on her.
She just hit me with a pillow, I decked her with a shovel of pent up fustration.
I really do hate what is happening to me.. at one time I was a strong powerful health man... Now I can't pick up 25 lbs without worrying if its going to drop to the floor from tremors or if when standing up I will have the balance to stay that way or will I need a wall to lean on.
I don't usually belly ache, I will grab my boot straps in a moment..I think that pillow hurt more than I thought...
Normally I would laugh this off, but I was so fustrated, I had been laying there hours and first my leg would ache then twitch and then try to take a step, then I would move and it would be my arm. Dull throbing pain, it was horrible. I tried to stretch them out, but I don't know about you when I do I tremmor something fierce as I do it. No matter what I did it didn't help, and I was missirable.
She Said "stop it" and though I am not proud I snapped back in my frustration "What do you think I like what is happening to me? Don't you think I would control it if I could? I hate what is happening to me, I hate it and no I can't stop it.
there was silence..
I felt horrible, but I didn't say anthing, I just layed down in my quiet tears and tried to figure out a way to appologize. It is not her fault I am in discomfort, it is not her fault I am in DX hell. It is all falling apart all at once it seems and here I am taking it out on her. I will talk with her when she is awake this morning and let her know how sorry I am taking it out on her.
She just hit me with a pillow, I decked her with a shovel of pent up fustration.
I really do hate what is happening to me.. at one time I was a strong powerful health man... Now I can't pick up 25 lbs without worrying if its going to drop to the floor from tremors or if when standing up I will have the balance to stay that way or will I need a wall to lean on.
I don't usually belly ache, I will grab my boot straps in a moment..I think that pillow hurt more than I thought...
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duttin
12-31-2006, 01:03 PM
Dave,
This disease is very frustrating and it can bring the ugly side out of us all including are spouses.It all takes time to learn to adapt and understand that some symptoms can't be controlled.
Frustration can get to all of us especially at night when we are extremly tired.I think this is why my hubby works nights,he use to say he felt he was sleeping with a milk shake machine.
My tremors and muscle spasms and jerks have been lessoned by meds,it has definatly given me a better nights rest.
Being in DX hell is not only hard for you but also your wife.I'm sure she will be understanding and apologetic for hitting you with a pillow.
Keep pulling yourself up by your boot straps,you'll get a DX,don't give in keep pursuing a DX.
We are all here for you and belly-aching does all of us good every now and then
This disease is very frustrating and it can bring the ugly side out of us all including are spouses.It all takes time to learn to adapt and understand that some symptoms can't be controlled.
Frustration can get to all of us especially at night when we are extremly tired.I think this is why my hubby works nights,he use to say he felt he was sleeping with a milk shake machine.
My tremors and muscle spasms and jerks have been lessoned by meds,it has definatly given me a better nights rest.
Being in DX hell is not only hard for you but also your wife.I'm sure she will be understanding and apologetic for hitting you with a pillow.
Keep pulling yourself up by your boot straps,you'll get a DX,don't give in keep pursuing a DX.
We are all here for you and belly-aching does all of us good every now and then
MSNik
12-31-2006, 02:57 PM
Dave, I wanted to say I agree with Nuff. We all have bad days and nights, some are "badder" than others. You said your wife is a caring, compasionate nurse, and your best friend. All you need to do is understand that SHE probably understands a whole lot more than you realize about what you are going thru. Hey, you are ahead of the game- at least you have a spouse in the medical profession who understands pain and the unknown. Most of us, dont have that!
You had a bad night...your under a whole lot of stress over the upcoming LP...and you need more than ever to cut yourself some slack. Go do something, anything that makes you smile....if you arent up to "doing" something, rent a movie which makes you laugh....read a book? Play with the dog? Go dog shopping? I dont know what it is that relieves stress for you, but you need to find it....you really need to know that ALL OF US HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE and it DOES PASS. For now, just try to relax. You also might want to talk to your doc about putting you on Xanax. Im not saying that to be funny. I HATE drugs. HATE THEM. But, a few weeks ago, I was in relapse mode, the pain was intolerable, my mood swings were scaring me, and I was really ready to freak. He suggested (the doc) Xanax, told me to only take them "as needed" and no more than 2 a day at any given time...he only wrote me for 10 pills. To date, a month later, I have only taken 4 of them, and usually breaking them in half, 1/2 at a time...they do nothing more than take the edge off, allowing me a few hours to get MYSELF under control and help me think straight. I can see why people who are additive would get addicted to them, they really help....however, I have a strong will NOT to be addicted to anything, therefore for me, AS NEEDED is a safe bet for saying "when you are totally freaking out and hate yourself". Its just a thought Dave, but I wanted to suggest it.
We all feel your pain...but you are in a good place, believe it or not. Keep reminding yourself that diagnostic limbo is not the end of the world....also remember you dont die from MS...its not going to kill you...but in the meantime, if you want your best friend to be there, you have to treat her like your best friend.....I have to tell myself this about my husband at least once or twice a week, I can be a real Bi*&( when I want to be!!! Sometimes, he is the only person in the world Im not upset with, but because he is the closest, I take it out on him..
here for you pal..
hang in there..you are NOT alone.
Nikki
You had a bad night...your under a whole lot of stress over the upcoming LP...and you need more than ever to cut yourself some slack. Go do something, anything that makes you smile....if you arent up to "doing" something, rent a movie which makes you laugh....read a book? Play with the dog? Go dog shopping? I dont know what it is that relieves stress for you, but you need to find it....you really need to know that ALL OF US HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE and it DOES PASS. For now, just try to relax. You also might want to talk to your doc about putting you on Xanax. Im not saying that to be funny. I HATE drugs. HATE THEM. But, a few weeks ago, I was in relapse mode, the pain was intolerable, my mood swings were scaring me, and I was really ready to freak. He suggested (the doc) Xanax, told me to only take them "as needed" and no more than 2 a day at any given time...he only wrote me for 10 pills. To date, a month later, I have only taken 4 of them, and usually breaking them in half, 1/2 at a time...they do nothing more than take the edge off, allowing me a few hours to get MYSELF under control and help me think straight. I can see why people who are additive would get addicted to them, they really help....however, I have a strong will NOT to be addicted to anything, therefore for me, AS NEEDED is a safe bet for saying "when you are totally freaking out and hate yourself". Its just a thought Dave, but I wanted to suggest it.
We all feel your pain...but you are in a good place, believe it or not. Keep reminding yourself that diagnostic limbo is not the end of the world....also remember you dont die from MS...its not going to kill you...but in the meantime, if you want your best friend to be there, you have to treat her like your best friend.....I have to tell myself this about my husband at least once or twice a week, I can be a real Bi*&( when I want to be!!! Sometimes, he is the only person in the world Im not upset with, but because he is the closest, I take it out on him..
here for you pal..
hang in there..you are NOT alone.
Nikki