Every time the dr.s office calls or sends a letter to try to get me to make an appointment my husband despairs or starts little argument about nothing with every one. At the time of the call or letter I need some support or even acknowledgment that this is happening, but he seams to act as if he wants it to just go away. Its not. Can any one tell me how their spouse handled it?

It sounds like he is stressed about it and doesn't know how to handle his fears and worries about you. Have you had a heart to heart talk with him about how this makes things more difficult for you? That might be a good place to start. He may not even realize how he is responding and what it is doing to you.

Nancy

Hi sorry to hear about your hubby and the way he is handling things. Just be glad he is still with you, mine dumped me three days after diagnoses. Just be patient with him i know its hard but men deal with things differently to us women.

Good luck to you both

Floss

He's probably scared to death. I agree you need to sit down and have a heart to heart. He may not realize how serious the matter can be. Most men aren't as well educated about breast cancer.

I know I am scared. My wife was just diagnosed with breast cancer in late November. She had her 1st chemo on the 15th of December. She's particpating in a clinical trial. It all seems to be moving really fast. Her nurses and docs are keeping me informed and it helps. I have a lot of confidence in her doctors and nurses.

Make sure he's kept informed. Sometimes the arguments are a result of feeling left out or uninformed.

I don't know anything about you or your husband but you may consider having your medical info available to him (ie let him be able to talk to the docs and nurses. There was a release my wife signed.)

If he's like any other typical male he won't agree to see a therapist to talk about his concerns. You may have to use your connections and spend time with other cancer survivors (and their husbands). He may be more willing to talk to another survivor's husband. He probably feels like the only one out there. I didn't really know how many there were out there. If you can't find anyone try attending your local Relay for Life, Cancer Society and similar events.

Remember most men just want to fix a problem or forget about it. Let him feel useful. give him small jobs, Pharmacy runs, My wife let me read her clinical trial application (I think it was about 20 govt written pages) and let him come to the clinic when he's ready.

Keep him informed, give him love, give/get him support and he'll be there for you.

But then again I'm a newbie here as well. So treat this as just a grain of sand from the beach.

DEAR LIILIAN,
WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. SOMETIMES FRIENDS CAN BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN FAMILY. MY MAMO CAME BACK SUPICIOUS AND I AM AWAITING AN ULTRASOUND. MY SPOUSE TOLD ME IF I WERE NOT SO FAT AND DID NOT EAT THE WRONG FOOD AND EXERCISED LIKE HE "TELLS" ME TO DO, I WOULD NOT BE IN THIS SITUATION. I GET NO SUPPORT FROM HIM. THAT IS WHY I TURN TO ALL OF YOU AND MY FRIENDS. I DONT EVEN BOTHER TO TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT CANCER CAN HIT ANYONE, ANY AGE, ANY RACE. I AM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED TO TALK AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.
REDZIE:angel: